The New Face of Failure

I thought I understood it, that I could grasp it. But I didn't, not really. Only the smudgeness of it; the pink-slippered, all-containered, semi-precious eagerness of it. I didn't realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. Because it's the halves that halve you in half. I didn't know, don't know, about the in-between bits; the gory bits of you, and the gory bits of me. – Like Crazy

Patrick’s father was not around when they returned to his apartment. Patrick had mentioned that he had a show that night, which meant he would be home late. The other guys liked this and as soon as they were all settled in, Andy looked up a pizza place and ordered some for everyone, and Joe passed out some of the beer bottles to the guys. Harper had slipped into the room she was sharing with Patrick and hid.

She wanted to talk to Patrick about what happened earlier, but she was never good with conflict and was better at ignoring it than tackling it head on. She slipped out of her jeans and t-shirt and threw on her yoga pants and a sweatshirt. She was beginning to think that she should stay in the room the rest of the night even though her stomach was growling when there was a small knock on the door. She sat up straight on the bed.

“Um, come in,” she called out quietly.

The door opened slowly and Patrick poked his head through. He gave her a look of uncertainty, his brows furrowed together. “Can I come in?” he asked her.

She just nodded, unable to speak. He slipped into the room and shut the door behind him. She watched him as he paused, glancing around the room. She could see the wheels turning in his head as he was trying figure out where to sit, if he should sit and what to say. Silently, she moved her legs up to her chest, giving him space to sit near her. He saw her gesture and slinked over to the bed, sitting down.

“Harper, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about the tour,” he said, rubbing his hands over and over again on his thighs. “We had just found out, like a few days ago, and I was trying to think of a way to tell you…”

Harper kept her eyes trained on her knees. “I don’t know why you couldn’t have just told me. I felt stupid when your new manager asked me about it,” she could feel a sob catch in her throat. “I felt like a dumb little girl. I felt like that the entire day.”

“Harper, you are not a dumb little girl, you are far from it,” Patrick murmured, resting his hand on her foot. “I was scared to tell you. I was afraid that you… that you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.”

She looked up at him. “Patrick, why would you think that?”

He shook his head. “Pete had a girl... It doesn’t matter. It was stupid. I was stupid.” He inched closer to her. “And what those guys said, about the girls…”

“Patrick,”

“No, I want you to know that I would never do that to you. I would never cheat on you.” She looked up into his eyes and she could see that he was telling the truth. “Harper, I love you… and it scares the shit out of me because I have never had these feelings. I don’t know what I’m doing, but all I know is that I want you, I want to be with you all of the time.”

“But you say that now, but you don’t know what will happen when you guys are out there and you’re lonely… and what if we get into a fight…” she trailed off.

“I didn’t say it was going to be easy,” Patrick remarked and she felt herself smiling inside at the ridiculousness of their situation. “But, Harper, I mean, this is what my life will be like, if we succeed, that is.”

“I know, I guess I didn’t realize it would all happen so quickly,” she replied. “And I am okay with it, the touring, it’s fine. It’s what you have to do. I just didn’t really think about, you know, the temptations and stuff. It’s not like I’ve done any of this, including dating, before.” She sighed. “Cassidy keeps telling me that I am naïve, and I keep proving her right.”

Patrick scooted beside her and leaned against her shoulder. “I like that you’re naive, I don’t want you to change that. That’s what will keep our relationship going.”

She laughed. “Me being naïve?”

“Well, no, I mean, okay, I’ve seen these other guys in relationships and they all end badly and, I think it’s because there is no trust and everyone thinks the other person is out to get them or hurt them. Everyone seems to think they know everything about relationships and how this crap is supposed to work, and it makes them cynical because, I think deep down they don’t see any of their relationships working.”

“Well, Sigmund Freud, I think you’ve answered the big riddle,” Harper teased leaning her head against his.

He laughed. “Yeah, whatever.”

They sat there silently for a second, Patrick starting to stroke her hair, and then Harper asked, “So, who was she?”

Patrick’s hand stopped. “Who are you talking about?”

Harper lifted her head up and looked at him. “The girl who made you get into playing in bands and stuff.”

Patrick’s face reddened. “Oh, her. Um, do you really want to know?”

She smiled. “Patrick, I’m not THAT naïve to think that you didn’t have other crushes or girlfriends before me.”

“I know, I just… I want you to know that I have never felt the way I feel about you about her, okay?”

“Noted,” she said with a soft smile.

“Good… Okay, so her name was Annie and she was a year older than I was. Dyed her hair black and swept it over her eyes, trying to keep herself looking dangerous and mysterious I guess. Um, well she was just the coolest girl to me back then. We had a few classes together, and she was really into like hardcore punk rock music, and I was a little bit at the time and we started hanging out. I would go over to her house and help her write songs and stuff, and I don’t know it got me hooked.” He seemed to become wistful when he spoke about her, as if the memory conjured up feelings of regret and missed opportunities.

Harper could feel this pang in her stomach that she had never felt before when he talked about this girl, and realized that she was a little jealous of the memory of a girl that she had never even met. “So, um, what happened with her?”

Patrick scratched at his arm. “Well, nothing really. She eventually graduated and went to some college, I don’t remember where. We never hooked up or anything, though looking back, I think she gave me plenty of opportunities. But, I was a chubby short kid with low self-esteem. I didn’t think she’d ever go for me anyway.”

Harper wished that she had never asked. It just made her feel worse. She just stuck out her lower lip and muttered, “I’ve never written music before.”

She heard him let out a low chuckle, which made her eyes widened. “What?” he asked, his smile wide. “Oh come on Harper, I don’t care if you’ve written music or not. I like you for you, not some weird idea of what you could be or anything like that. That’s the difference between you and all of the other girls that I have had crushes on. I could never really see who they really were. You, I know who you are and I love who you are. Plus, she could never be able to create imaginary worlds with such real characters like you can,” he paused and kissed her forehead, “She wasn’t as nice as you are,” he placed a kiss on her nose, “ and she also didn’t have your body either,”

“Oh shut up,” she giggled, and he covered her giggles with his warm mouth.

That pang of jealousy started fade away slowly, replaced by a rising feeling of pleasure. She inched slowly onto her back, letting Patrick climb on top her of, his hips pressing against her hips, his erection rubbing against her thigh. Her breath came out in haggard gasps as Patrick pulled her sweatshirt off and kissed every inch of her chest and torso, his soft, moist lips acting as a trigger that set off a wave of electricity throughout her body every time they grazed her skin.

“I love you Patrick,” she whispered, as he pulled her yoga pants off, exposing her black thong underneath. She felt his lips move lower, pressing lightly against her inner thighs.

“I love you, Harper,” he murmured, pushing her thong aside. Her heart pounded deep within her chest, making it hard to breath normally and she squirmed as she felt his tongue move in a circular motion in between her legs. She had never let his lips go that low before, but her body was aching so bad for it that she didn’t stop him. She moaned softly and ran her hands through his hair, her legs starting to shake.

“Patrick,” she gasped his name, begging for him to continue. She had never felt this type of sensation before, unable to control her body. She was at the mercy of Patrick’s tongue and he was not relenting. Suddenly, she hit her peak and couldn’t help but cry out loudly, sounding almost like a sob. She instinctively grabbed his head, holding him there as her legs quaked, her orgasm running throughout her body. She realized only too late that she should have been quiet and bit her lip to stop her cries of pleasure. Her body was numb and Patrick lifted his head, his eyes wide from shock and desire. He wiped his mouth with his shirt, and she reached for his jeans, undoing the top button and pulling down the zipper.

“Harper,” he whispered anxiously. She knew what he was thinking, and she didn’t want to think anymore about it. She reached over to the nightstand and opened the drawer, pulling out a condom. Patrick stared at it bashfully. “How did you…”

She smirked. “Patrick, that’s where you keep them in your dorm room.”

He grinned and took it from her, ripping open the package. She watched him, studying how he slipped the rubber condom onto his erection. It was so different than in the movies. He kicked off his jeans and then pushed her legs open wider. “Are you sure you want to…”

She nodded. “Yes.” She bit down hard on her lip, anticipating the pain that her friends and sister had warned her about. Slowly, Patrick pushed himself inside her, his eyes closing and a sigh escaping his lips. She inhaled sharply. It felt as if he was ripping her insides apart. She closed her eyes, a few tears escaping.

“Harper, are you okay?” He suddenly whispered, his eyes opening and looking at her.

She nodded emphatically, and readied herself for him to push all the way in. When he did, she clenched her fingernails into the skin of his back. Then he slowly started moving in a rhythmic fashion, moving in and out of her. The pain eventually ceased and was replaced by a numbing feeling. She could feel that pleasurable sensation she felt before. She looked up into Patrick’s eyes, which were full of concern and pleasure. She bit her lip and smiled and he smiled back, bringing his lips to hers once more. It didn’t take long after that for Patrick to climax, and when he was finished, he rested his head against her chest. She moved her hand up to his head, pushing his sweaty hair out of his face.

He propped himself up on his hands and looked down at her. “Harper, that was…” he was at a loss for words.

“Yeah, I know. It was pretty amazing,” she said. “And what you did, down there, was… I mean, if you could do it again at some point…”

Patrick laughed. “Yeah, I can do that.” He kissed her lips again. “So, we should probably…”

Harper nodded. “Yeah, the guys are probably wondering what we are doing.”

Patrick pulled out of her and, naked, grabbed a tissue from the top of the dresser and cleaned himself up. They both got dressed again, and Patrick took her hand and led her out of the bedroom. They walked into the living room and the guys were there, Pete and Andy sipping on some beer, Andy on a bottle of water, sitting on the couch.

As soon as they felt Patrick and Harper’s presence, the three of them turned and grinned devilishly. Harper could feel the heat rising in her face.

“Jesus Christ, Patrick what did you do to her in there?” Pete asked.

“Dude, were you guys seriously listening?” Patrick exclaimed, his cheeks flushed.

“Oh yeah, buddy, we heard everything,” Joe replied. “So can we officially take both of your v-cards away?”

Patrick rolled his eyes. “I’m getting us some pizza.” He quickly turned and headed to the kitchen, leaving Harper staring at his three band mates, who were waiting for an answer.

Joe raised his eyebrows in question and she just bit her lip and looked down at the floor. “Oh my God you did!” Joe exclaimed.

They all stood up and started clapping. “Oh stop it,” Harper said, grabbing one of the throw pillows off the arm chair and throwing it at them.

Patrick walked in with two plates full of pizza and grimaced. “You guys can be assholes sometimes, you know that?”

“Patrick, I need a hug, come here,” Pete said, walking over to him, beckoning him with open arms. “Come here, come here, careful now don’t poke me or anything,”

“Oh come on!” Patrick cried out as Pete pulled him into a hug.

“Gentlemen, today our young Patrick has finally become a man,” He turned to Harper, “And Harper, you are finally a woman…”

“Oh god this is so embarrassing,” she muttered, grabbing one of the plates from Patrick and settling in the arm chair.

“I had a speech prepared for this special day,” Pete started and Patrick slapped him with his free hand.

“No speeches! No, okay? Yes, Harper and I had sex, just now. And I’m sorry that you had to hear it,”

“Don’t be, it sounded really hot,” Andy commented.

“Whatever. But we aren’t going to talk about it anymore.” Harper gave him a grateful look.

Joe started to protest, but Pete cut in, “ Okay, okay, no more words. We’re just beyond stoked for you two love birds.”

“Thanks,” Patrick replied and he sat down on the floor in front of Harper. She looked down at him and ruffled his hair lovingly.

“I think you two deserve a couple of these,” Andy said, handing them each a bottle of beer.

“So now that that show is over, what do you guys want to watch?” Pete asked them, making Harper blush once more.

The next couple of days went better than that first one. She figured that someone, probably Pete, had said something to the producers about messing around with Patrick with Harper around, because they toned down their groupie talk and tried to interact with her more. Once that happened, she actually felt a little more comfortable in the studio and started opening up to them. She loved watching Patrick in the studio singing against the music playback, seeing everyone else reacting the same way that she was inside.

“Dude, the way he sings these lyrics, fuck, man it’s sweet as shit,” Martin exclaimed, watching him.

“I know, that’s why I told him to fucking sing,” Pete replied, crossing his arms smugly across his chest. “He wanted to play the drums. Can you believe that? And I said, no man, you got some fucking pipes and we need something like that.”

“Glad you did that, or else I wouldn’t be here,” Andy commented, and he and Joe bumped fists.

“Nah, I would have gotten you eventually. You’re too good man, Patrick would’ve eventually backed down,” Pete replied.

“I love this,” Rich commented. “All the love here. Don’t ever lose that guys. It’s a fucking crazy world out there, but as long as you have each other, dude. That’s what a band is, you know what I’m saying?”

“Yeah, that’s as long as Pete here doesn’t grow an ego the size of Russia,” Joe retorted, the three band members exchanging grins.

“Well, if I start to, I bet Harper here will keep me in check,” Pete said, gesturing toward her.

She looked up from her book she had brought with her. “One punch to the gonads should do the trick,” she replied easily, and all the guys in the room laughed.

“Ouch,” Pete said, “they hurt just thinking about it!”

The music ended and Sean clicked on the intercom to the sound booth that Patrick was in. “That was tight Patrick. Can we go back to the bridge though, I have a couple of ideas there.”

Patrick nodded and Sean started skipping back to the bridge. Patrick met Harper’s eyes and he gave her two thumbs up. She blew him a kiss and he pretended to catch it. She saw Joe roll his eyes and stick a finger down his throat and she stuck her middle finger up at him. Pete and Andy started laughing again.

“Okay, okay, so tonight, you guys got to come over to Sean’s house. We’re going to have a fucking blow out in honor of you guys,” Martin said enthusiastically.

“But what about our session tomorrow?” Andy asked them.

“I figured we could get started at one tomorrow,” Sean said, drifting into the conversation.

The guys looked completely stoked by this. Harper was a little leery about a party with these producer guys. Even though they seemed to be nicer to her over the past couple of days, she was still worried about exactly what kind of party they were going to be throwing.

“We’re totally in. That’s awesome man,” Pete said, giving Sean a half hug.

“Yeah, man, no problem. You guys deserve it. Hey Rich, give them the address, will ya?” he then turned around and started listening to Patrick again.

After the recording session was over, the five of them headed back to the apartment to get ready. Patrick’s dad was there, making spaghetti.

“Hey crew, what’s going on!?” he greeted them as they walked into the apartment. He was wearing a “Kiss the Cook” apron that made Harper grin.

“Hey dad, whats up?” Patrick said, walking over to him and giving him a hug.

“Just finishing making you guys dinner. How was the session today?”

“Fucking long,” Joe sighed, dropping into one of the kitchen chairs. “I’m so done with hearing Patrick sing right now.”

“I remember Megan complaining about that when they were really young. She used to tell Patrick he was interrupting her play time,” David said, winking at his son.

“Well, lucky for you, you won’t have to hear me open my mouth for at least another sixteen hours,” Patrick stated, taking his fedora off and setting it on the top of the couch. “Dad, you going to eat with us?”

David was actually taking off his apron as Patrick asked him. “Well, I actually need to, uh, head out, I am meeting Rebecca for dinner.”

Harper glanced at Patrick, who looked flustered. She didn’t know who Rebecca was, but judging from the awkwardness between them, she figured she must have been some girlfriend of David’s or something.

David walked over to his coat rack and grabbed a black pea coat off of it. He kissed Patrick on the forehead and then squeezed Harper’s arm. “I’ll see you kids later. Have fun!” with that he had left.
Patrick had told Harper that his dad would probably not be around a lot and he was right. He always seemed to have something to do, never allowing himself more than maybe an hour with them so that he and Patrick could actually talked.

The other guys had already started divvying up the spaghetti, and Harper rested a hand on Patrick’s shoulder. “Who’s Rebecca?”

Patrick glanced at Harper. “She’s the woman that my dad kind of left my mom for.”

Harper was confused. “Wait, I thought he left to pursue music?”

“He did, and Rebecca. She’s in my dad’s group.”

“Oh,” Harper squeezed his shoulder. “I’m sorry Patrick.”

“It’s okay. It’s been a long time now, but it’s still a touchy subject.” He started for the kitchen table, but Harper grabbed his arm to stop him. He turned around and looked at her curiously.

“I want to go get changed,” she said in a low voice. She looked toward the door to his bedroom and he smiled.

“Do you need some help with that?” he teased, taking her into his arms.

“Yes please,” she whispered. He nodded and grabbed her hand, pulling her toward the door to his bedroom.

“Can you guys be quick about it? We have a party in our honor to get to!” Joe shouted at them from the kitchen table.

They both winced and Patrick gave Joe a thumbs up before shutting them both in his room.

Soon, they were heading over to the address that Rich had given them. They ended up pulling up to a two story yellow brick house on the outskirts of the city. It looked older on the outside, but Harper had a feeling that the inside was a bit more updated. Even in the van, she could hear the music blaring from the house and through the windows, she could see that the house was packed with people.

“Holy shit, this is awesome,” Andy said, jumping out of the van first with everyone else following.

Harper had only brought one outfit that Cassidy had helped her pick out, but she was instantly regretting it because of how chilly it had gotten outside. She stepped out of the van and pulled down on the edge of her skirt and wrapped her arms around her bare stomach.

“Cropped corsets are totally in right now Harper,” Cassidy had said, handing her the shirt.

“Um, Cassidy, I’m going to Chicago and it’s like the beginning of November?” Harper had replied, skeptically looking at the shirt.

“Whatever, you want to make sure Patrick’s eyes stay on you. You have the stomach to pull it off. Wear it with this cute little high waisted skirt too.”

“Cassidy! Wind chills, frost on the ground, why are you not getting this?”

“Okay fine, put this sweater over it.”

So she did, which helped a little, but not a whole lot. She shivered and suddenly she felt Patrick drape his leather jacket over her shoulders. She looked over at him graciously. “Thank you.”

“Of course, now let’s get in the house, I’m freezing,” He said, grabbing her around the waist and leading her up the steps and into the house after the other guys.

They were greeted by the sounds of Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake and people who all looked like they had at least ten years on Harper. She felt small again, but with Patrick’s arm around her, she at least felt safe.

“Hey fuckers what is up!” Martin shouted, coming toward them all. He gave each of the guys a bro hug and gave Harper a kiss on the cheek. “Look at you!” he exclaimed, grabbing Harper’s hand and twirling her around. “Damn, did not know this was hiding underneath those t-shirts.”

“Hey now, that’s Patrick’s territory, man,” Pete said.

Martin let go of her hand. “I know, I know. Well done Patrick.”

Harper straightened out her skirt again. “Hey now, I am right here and I am a human!”

Martin laughed. “You’re adorable. Okay guys, let’s get you some drinks!”

“None for me, thanks,” Andy said.

“Oh right, you’re straight edge,” Martin replied, making a face.

“Damn straight,” Andy replied.

“Okay, so for the rest of you who aren’t pussies, let’s get drunk!”

They all pushed their way into the kitchen, with Martin stopping every five feet to introduce the guys to some person or another. Harper clutched Patrick’s hand, trying not to get lost in the crowd of bodies. She could feel the leering eyes of the older men on her as she passed them, and when she would catch their eyes, they would lick their lips and wink at her. She wasn’t sure if she started getting hot because of body heat from crowd or because of all the eyes staring at her.

“So, this punch is a little creation of Rich’s,” Martin said, grabbing the ladle out of a large plastic bowl filled with a red liquid.

“What’s in it?” Harper asked, looking at it oddly.

All of the guys exchanged glances. “Um, you probably don’t want to know,” Joe said.

Harper’s eyes widened. “Oh, okay…”

Martin started ladling the liquid into cups and handing them to everyone, except Andy who had moseyed on over to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water out of it.

Harper looked at the drink, wondering if she should take a sip. She looked at Patrick who was already drinking it. “Is it okay?” she asked him.

He turned to her and smiled. “It tastes like Kool-Aid with alcohol. You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want to.”

She shrugged. “No, I will.” She took a sip and was surprised that she could barely taste the alcohol and whatever else they had put in there. It actually tasted pretty good and she started drinking it with gusto.

Three cups later, and she could feel all of her nerves and all of her anxiety starting to leave her body. Every time she turned her head, her vision blurred a little bit, and her body felt buoyant. The guys had eventually dispersed and she and Patrick had gotten caught in a conversation with a group about the band Rise Against a punk rock band that had originated from Chicago. Harper listened to Patrick arguing with a couple of the guys in the group about their change in sound over the last few years, watching how animated he got, the drunker he got.

Meanwhile, Harper started listening to the music that was resounding throughout the house and she couldn’t help but start to move to it. She was losing herself in the moment and felt herself drifting closer to the crowd of dancing hipsters. She felt so alive and so free in that moment.

“Harper!” She whirled around and saw Patrick standing there smirking at her. “What are you doing?” he shouted at her over the music.

“I wanted to dance,” she shouted back, moving her hips seductively. “What, you get bored trying to convince that guy that there are still elements of Rise Against’s old sound in their new?”

“So you were listening,” he replied pleased.

“Baby, I listen to everything you have to say because I think you’re smart,” she exclaimed.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him. “Why can I not get enough of you?” he murmured in her ear.

She giggled. “Because you love me!” she said in a sing song voice. “Patrick, we’re going to be together forever!” She threw her hands up in the air excitedly because she truly believed it even if she was sober.

Patrick kissed her lips. “Forever and ever,” he replied. “Come here,” he started pulling her away from the crowd toward the stairs to the second floor. “I want you right now.”

She kept giggling as he pulled her up the stairs. Then suddenly, she heard someone shouting Patrick’s name urgently. She paused. “Patrick,” she said.

“What is it?” he looked back at her. “Come on, the guys said…”

“No, I think someone is trying to find you.” She heard it again, louder this time. She recognized it as Joe’s voice. Patrick’s face perked up. “Told you,” she said, and she pulled him back down the stairs.

They then nearly collided with Joe, who seemed to have been running through the house, distraught. “Patrick! Jesus, there you are.”

Patrick looked at him worriedly. “Joe, what’s wrong?”

“Pete, he’s beat up pretty bad. We gotta take him to the hospital,” Joe said breathlessly.

Patrick looked at Harper and she could see distress there. “Where is he?”

“Outside. He’s pretty out of it. I think he took one too many of his Ativan’s, and I am pretty sure there was some messed up shit in that punch,” Joe said, leading them out the front door.

As they walked outside, Harper saw the van running and Andy in the driver’s seat. She was grateful in that moment that he chose to live straight edge because she could barely see straight as they clamored down the stairs.

Joe jumped in the passenger seat and Patrick opened the side door and gasped. “Pete, shit man.” He climbed in and Harper followed, pausing when she got her first sight of the state of Pete. He was bleeding from his nose, which looked broken, and his one eye looked nearly swollen shut.

“Hey Harper!” he said incoherently.

“Pete, are you okay?” she asked him, leaning over Patrick to take his hand.

“If you think this is bad, you should see the other fucker. Andy came and fucked him up!”

Harper glanced at Andy who was flexing his right hand. She saw blood on his knuckles.

“We need to get you to the hospital,” Patrick said. He rested a hand on Pete’s thigh, and Harper watched Pete’s happy demeanor change quickly and he started to cry.

Harper had never seen a man cry before. Her father was the type to just bellow if he was upset and slam doors. And Patrick hadn’t cried in front of her, yet. She had a feeling though that he might.

“Hey Pete, buddy, it’s gonna be okay,” Patrick said, pulling Pete into his arms.

Pete’s body shook with silent sobs, but he didn’t make a sound. Harper kept her eyes focused on the houses they passed as they drove to the nearest hospital. Joe’s phone started ringing and he answered it. It was Rich or Martin, Harper didn’t know which one, but they were asking Joe where they went. He explained the situation to them and told them that they’d see them tomorrow. Harper could quickly feel her sense of disorientation leaving her as the reality set in.

When Andy pulled up to the emergency room doors, Joe jumped out of the passenger seat and after Harper climbed out, he helped Patrick get Pete out of the van. In the harsh glare of the hospital lights, Pete’s bruises looked darker, the blood on his shirt and face thicker. It made her worried.

“I’m going to find parking,” Andy called out to them, and they nodded as they started helping Pete into the hospital.

The waiting room was busy, but Pete’s condition helped to get him into a room faster. Harper offered to stay with him while Patrick and Joe sorted through Pete’s wallet for his insurance information.

Pete was silent holding some ice up to his eye as the nurse examined his nose and eye for broken bones.

“Hmm, I don’t feel anything loose, but we will get you set up for some x-rays to be sure,” the nurse said. She looked at Harper. “Are you his girlfriend?”

“Oh no, I’m his friend,” Harper explained.

“Okay, well, I’m going to go get him put in for an x-ray, I’ll be right back.” She left the room.

Pete was staring up at the ceiling, his good eye blinking repetitiously. “Sorry for ruining your fun, Harper,” he said sullenly.

She looked over at him surprised. “Pete, it’s okay. You didn’t ruin anything,” she said trying to be positive and reassuring.

He laughed. “Patrick told you about me didn’t he?” he said, as if the tone of her voice gave away how much she knew.

“Um, just bits and pieces,” she admitted.

Pete sat up and looked over at her. “They say these meds are supposed to make it all feel better, but it only numbs them for a while. It’s a bunch of bullshit.”

Harper glanced down at her hands. “So, what happened?”

“She did.” Pete pulled his phone out of his pants and handed it to her. She clicked it open and the screen opened up a picture message from a girl who looked like a model. She had dark hair like Harper, except she made her dark hair look mysterious and sexy, while Harper’s just made her look lonely and sad. She was smoking a cigarette and was hanging all over some beefy looking guy in a button down shirt.

“Who is she?” Harper asked him.

“The bane of my fucking existence,” Pete muttered. “She used to be my girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Harper looked at her picture. “So, the guy is…”

“Her way of making me break,” he replied.

“Oh,” Harper said again. She wasn’t sure what to say next, but she didn’t need to because Pete just started talking.

“We met when I was going to Drexel a couple of years back when I thought I’d give college a try. She went to UPenn, well probably still does, or is about to graduate, who the fuck knows anymore?”

“Where did you meet?”

“A party. She played hard to get, but when I want something, I usually get it and I got her in the end,” he smiled at the memory. “She was a philosophy major, so we used to sit around smoking pot have discussions about Plato and Nietsche and shit.”

Harper raised an eyebrow. “Wow, that does not seem like you at all.”

He shrugged. “I liked it. But I hated college. I wanted to do music. We were about a year into our relationship when Joe met Patrick and we pulled Andy into the band. Then everything on that end came together and everything between me and her fell apart.”

“Why?”

“She thought doing a band was childish. When I told her I was dropping out of college to focus on it full time, she called me a lazy shithead.”

“So you broke up?” he nodded. “Did you love her?”

Pete laughed a small, hollow sound coming out of his mouth. “I would have done anything for her. But she wanted out. She said I wasn’t conducive to her lifestyle.”

Harper looked baffled. “Oh.”

“Yeah, I spiraled a bit after that. Patrick could probably tell you more than I could about that time because I was fucking barely lucid during that period.”

“So why did she send you that picture?”

“I was sending her some text messages, telling her all about this place and how we’ve finally made it. She decided that she wanted to drive the point home that I was no longer hers I guess.”

Harper looked back down at the picture, now noticing the way the girl was sitting, her legs draped across the guy’s lap and his hands resting possessively over her body. “That’s a real shitty thing to do.”

He laughed. “Oh Harper. I hope you stay this pure.” She looked back at him.

“Do you miss her?”

“Yes,” Pete said quietly. “I’ve tried to forget about her, God knows I’ve tried fucking my feelings away for her. She’s my heroine. I can’t give her up.” They were both silent for a second. “When we were together, I didn’t feel so sad and depressed all of the time either. She made me feel alive.”

“I know what you mean,” she said quietly.

“What?”

“About being with someone and them making you feel alive. That’s how I feel with Patrick.” She started picking at her nails. “I started having panic attacks when I was fourteen,” she started to explain. “I… I freeze up at the thought of doing anything social. I would have rather slipped away into my stories, instead of being with people. Then I met Patrick.”

Pete smiled. “I could tell that you might have had some anxiety problems,” he said. “You kind of froze up at that first party that you were at, at our house.”

“Yeah, there’s a night that I always want to remember,” she said sarcastically. He laughed.

“Patrick is a good guy,” Pete said. “He’s the best guy I know.”

“He is, and that scares me. I’m scared that he will realize that I’m just a sad, scared little girl and he won’t want anything to do with me anymore.” She grimaced as she pulled at her cuticles too hard. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, Pete, but being with him makes me do things that I never thought I could do.”

“Like taking a road trip with a bunch of guys across the country?” Pete asked her.

“Yeah,” she laughed. “That is definitely not something that I would have never done before meeting him. But it’s not just that. It’s like… my stories. The fact that he supports me so much he helped me get it into the school’s magazine. I don’t know anyone who would have done that for me.”

Pete smirked. “That’s what makes Patrick so great.” He glanced at the door. “Harper, you and Patrick have something fucking special. I know you guys are young and all, but sometimes you just know when you see it. You don’t have to worry about Patrick this spring. I promise that nothing is going to happen. And if anyone tries anything, well I guess I’ll just have to try and beat some more people up then.”

Harper chuckled. “God, aren’t we just a bunch of crazies. Patrick has his work cut out to keep us both on track, huh?”

Pete laughed. “Yeah, but if there’s anyone who can do it, it’s Patrick.”

There was a knock on the door and it slowly opened. Patrick popped his head in. “Hey, we got the insurance stuff knocked out.” He walked into the room and looked at both of them. “What’s up?”

“Oh you know, I’m just regaling Harper with some stories of your most embarrassing moments,” Pete replied nonchalantly.

Patrick’s eyes widened. “What?!”

“He’s kidding,” Harper replied, reaching for his hand. Patrick walked over to her and took her hand, squeezing it.

“Phew good. Well, I’m glad to see that the blow to your head didn’t mess with your sense of humor,” he said to Pete.

“Nope, just my common sense,” Pete replied, grinning like a fool. Then the nurse came in to escort Pete to the x-ray machine, leaving Patrick and Harper alone in the examining room.