The New Face of Failure

I know who you are, Sam. I know I'm quiet... and, and I should speak more. But if you knew the things that were in my head most of the time, you'd know what I really meant. How, how much we're alike and, and how we've been through things... and you're not small. You're beautiful. – Perks of Being a Wallflower

They were at the hospital for two hours and all Pete came back with was a bottle of heavy duty pain pills.

“No broken bones, can you believe that?!” Pete exclaimed as they headed back to Patrick’s father’s apartment. “Guess that pussy doesn’t know how to hit worth a damn.”

“Yeah, you got lucky,” Andy remarked, his hand wrapped up in a bandage.

Pete’s mood seemed to have swung back, and everyone seemed relieved. Harper still dwelled on their conversation that they had in the hospital room and wondered if Pete would ever let his mind get over the girl that broke his heart. She also wondered if the same fate would fall on her and Patrick. She remembered telling Patrick that they would be together forever, and he agreed. Now she wondered if she was being naïve again.

“Harper,” Patrick whispered to her.

She looked away from the window and over to Patrick. He was smiling at her. “What?” she whispered back.

“Thank you,”

“For what?”

“For putting Pete in a good mood again,” he said.

“Me?” she was a little surprised by his comment. “But all I did was talk to him.”

Patrick nodded. “I know, but whatever you guys talked about seemed to calm him down. So, thank you.” He kissed her head, and she rested it on his shoulder.

“Your welcome,” she replied, letting out a small yawn. “It’ so late,” she marveled, looking at the clock on the dashboard. She took her phone out of her purse and tried to open it up, but it remained on a blank screen. “Oh crap,” she muttered.

“What’s wrong?” Patrick asked her.

“I forgot to charge my phone before we left and it’s dead,” she said, stuffing the now useless electronic back into her purse. She was getting in a habit of checking it multiple times a day, texting Cassidy to see if anyone was asking about her and checking in with her parents and Charley to see if any of them were suspicious about her whereabouts.

“Do you need to use mine?” Patrick asked her, pulling his out of his pocket.

“No, it’s cool. I don’t have any numbers memorized anyway. Curse technology!” she sarcastically lambasted. “Plus, I don’t have anyone I need to get a hold of. The only person I need to talk to is right here.”

“Oh man, here it comes, its coming up,” Joe butt in, making gagging noises.

“I don’t know why, I was talking about you,” Harper retorted, giving him a deadpanned look.

Joe narrowed his eyes at her as he gave her a wolfish grin. “Ha, I knew you had a thing for the hair.”

Patrick threw his hat at Joe and he ducked. “Yeah she wants to wash it.”

Harper giggled and curled up closer to Patrick. Her eyes traveled over to Pete, who was watching them with a satisfied expression. She blushed as they shared equal expressions of amusement and understanding.

When they got back to the apartment, they tiptoed through the darkness, Patrick not wanting to turn on any lights that might have woken up his dad.

“Dammit, I can’t see anything,” Joe whined quietly as they traipsed through the apartment, trying not to make any noises.

As they came around the corner toward the kitchen, Andy nearly collided with a figure coming out of it. The figure let out a high pitched feminine squeal and the crew all jumped.

Patrick flicked on the light nearest him and it dimly illuminated a tall, thin blonde woman in a silk robe. Although her body would have indicated that she was younger, the slight lines etched into her face and the few gray hairs peeking out spoke her true age.

“P..Patrick, my you guys scared me,” the woman said, holding her hand up to her chest.

Patrick just blinked at her, looking stupefied.

She looked awkwardly around at the guys and at Harper. “You guys must be Patrick’s band mates. How are you guys, I’m Rebecca.”

Harper watched her extend her hand to each of the guys, and as she moved her robe shifted and Harper realized she wasn’t wearing any clothes underneath it. Harper quickly looked away, but Joe, Andy and Pete couldn’t.

“And you must be Harper, Patrick’s girlfriend,” Rebecca shook her hand. “It is so lovely to meet you.”

“Um, you too,” Harper replied.

“Goodness, you guys were out late, is everything okay?” she looked at Pete’s black and blue face, slightly alarmed.

“Oh yeah, we’re good,” Patrick said quickly.

“Okay then, well, I was just,” she held up a small glass of water in her one hand. “Have a good night.”

The other guys all watched her walk into David’s room and as soon as the door was shut, Joe whispered excitedly, “Damn, for an old lady, she’s still got it.”

“Gross, Joe, that’s my dad’s girlfriend,” Patrick muttered. “I’m tired guys, I think I’m going to go to bed.”

Harper followed him into his room, waving to the other guys as she went. She closed the door behind them and leaned against it. “You okay?”

He kicked off his boots, pulled off his jeans and unbuttoned his shirt, letting it fall to the floor. All that was left on him were his striped boxer briefs. He fell back onto the bed. “It’s weird, you know? My mom always tells me that it was the music that my dad left her for, but I know deep down it was her.” He laughed bitterly. “I think my mom is in denial.”

Harper walked over and sat down next to him on the bed. “I don’t blame her. It’s probably easier to say that your husband left you for his career than to admit that he didn’t actually love you but another woman.” She gently started to caress his chest and stomach. “I know that’s what I would do if you ever left me.”

Patrick propped himself up with his elbows. “I wouldn’t do that though. Who would I leave you for, Pete?” Harper giggled.

“I wouldn’t fight you two on that. If it was meant to be, it was meant to be,” she replied, leaning down and kissing his bare skin. “But I don’t think that’s the case.”

He smirked. “Why’s that?”

She smiled up at him. “Because I just think you’re into me a little bit more.”

“What gave that away?” he teased.

She rested her hand on his boxer briefs, lightly rubbing his growing erection. Patrick closed his eyes and sighed. “That’s why.”

She climbed the rest of the way onto the bed and pulled his boxer briefs down. “Patrick, I’ve never done this before,” she said.

“What?”

Harper took him into her hands and she slowly opened her mouth. As her mouth closed around his member, Patrick gasped. “Harper!”

Cassidy had given her some tips if she had ever decided to give Patrick a blow job, and all of them were running through her head as she slowly ran her tongue along the length, wrapping it around the head. She could hear Patrick’s breath quickening, his lips murmuring her name. It was nothing like she had imagined it would be, except that she had to be careful how far she put him into her mouth because she nearly gagged herself a couple of times. She kept one hand stroking him as she sucked on his member. She could tell from Patrick’s moans that he was getting close to climaxing, and a part of her was terrified of what was coming next.

“Harper,” he whispered, pulling on her hair and pulling her off of him. “I want to do it inside you.”

She nodded, her eyes wide with anticipation. She rolled over onto her back and Patrick shook his head.

“Turn around,” he whispered.

She slowly turned over onto her stomach, unsure of what Patrick wanted. “Is this…”

She felt his lips press against her back and he asked her, “Um, can you get on your hands and knees?”

She hesitantly got on all fours. Patrick rested a hand on her back, and she felt him push inside her. It felt different than when they had sex in what she knew as the missionary position. Every thrust was deeper, every nerve electrified as Patrick’s fingers dug into her hips. She felt provocative and dangerous, which was thrilling. When he came, he grabbed at her hair and pulled, which terrified and excited her.

“Was that okay?” he asked her, as he was calming down.

“Yes,” she said.

“Okay, because I wasn’t sure…”

“It was good, Patrick, I just hope that what I did…”

“Oh yeah, that was incredible!” Patrick said brightly. “I mean, you didn’t have to, I’ve heard girls don’t really like it,”

“It’s a little slobbery,” she admitted and Patrick laughed. “But if you want it, I mean,”

“Yeah, no, I,” he stopped himself. “I’m sorry, Harper, I’ve never talked about this stuff with a girl before.”

She threw on a sleep shirt and a pair of Patrick’s boxers. “I know this,” she replied, grinning. “And I’ve never talked about it with a boy before. Or a girl for that matter, no wait, Cassidy brings it up a lot, so yeah, never mind.”

They both crawled under the covers and Patrick turned the small lamp on his nightstand off. “Do you like it?” he asked her.

Harper rolled over and rested her head on his chest. “It’s nothing I’ve ever experienced before,” she whispered. “Akemi told me that it wasn’t that great and to just do it to get it over with, but I really like it… especially with you.” She turned her face up to him. “What about you?”

Patrick squeezed her tight. “Harper, it’s better than what I had ever imagined.”

Harper listened to the sound of Patrick’s heartbeat go from a quick two-step to a steady waltz. The calm rhythm of his heart slowly soothed her mind and she escaped into a peaceful sleep.

It was around 10 AM when there came loud knock on Patrick’s door. Harper groaned and lifted her head up slowly. Her head was throbbing, and she assumed it was from the copious amounts of alcohol she had the night before and the lack of proper sleep.

“Hey guys, get up!” she heard Andy shouting.

She looked over at Patrick and lightly nibbled on his earlobe. “Patrick, it’s time to get up,” she murmured.

Patrick squirmed. “Do I have to?” he whined.

“ ‘Fraid so,” she rubbed his back gently. “Come on, another day, another song.”

“But I want to lay here with you all day,” he said, turning onto his back and pulling her close to him.

“I can’t say I don’t want to hear that,” she said, smiling.

“Hey fuckers! Breakfast time, let’s go!” Pete’s voice called out from the other side of the door, banging against the door with his fist.

“We’re coming!” Patrick shouted at them. He sighed. “Okay, let’s get up.”

They trudged out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where Andy, Joe and Pete were sitting at the table, munching on bowls of cereal.

Harper sat down next to Pete as Patrick grabbed two bowls and filled them up with cereal and milk.

“How’s the eye and nose?” she asked him.

Pete turned his full face toward her, grinning proudly. His left eye was slightly open now, but still fairly purple in color. His nose faired a bit better, just a scratch across the bridge that was yellowing already.

“I feel like all of Ali’s opponents the day after the match,” he said.

“Dude, if you were fighting Ali last night, you’d still be in the hospital,” Andy remarked.

“How’s your hand?” Harper asked Andy.

“Hurts, but I’ll live.” Andy shrugged. “The other guy got it worse than me.”

“Harper you never want to cross Andy, here, he’s got a mean right hook.” Pete said. “You should have finished that dick.”

“Mercy is the mark of a great man,” Andy replied.

“That’s very poetic of you,” Patrick commented, handing Harper her bowl.

Harper narrowed her eyes at Andy. “Or very plagiaristic of you. Doesn’t Mal say that in Firefly?”

Andy winked. “Ah so you really are a true Joss Whedon fan then.” He smiled at Patrick. “I knew there was a reason I liked her so much.”

“Good to know that I am not the only one who worships the master,” Harper joked.

“Okay, let’s lock Harper and Andy away so they can finish geeking out,” Pete laughed.

“Oh whatever, you’re all a bunch of geeks,” Harper retorted.

“Not me, I’m a cool wild stallion baby,” Joe piped up.

“Joe, I’ve seen how excited you get when Always Sunny in Philadelphia comes on. You’re a geek,” she bit back.

“Dammit, this is what I get for letting you spend so much time in our room! You know what, I’m just gonna suggest this: Harper, you move in with Patrick and I’ll just take your room with Cassidy.” Joe grinned at his own brilliance. “Yeah, I like that plan a lot.”

“Not sure if Cassidy’s rugby boyfriend would like that too much,” Patrick laughed.

“Or Cassidy,” Harper added, exchanging a look with Patrick.

“Just you wait, when I get back, I am making it my mission to get her to fall in love with me.”

“Joe, I think you have to get the girl to actually acknowledge you first,” Patrick said.

“Well if Harper would help me…”

“What! What can I do?” Harper exclaimed.

“Convince her to be with me.”

“Joe, this is weird talk coming from you,” Andy commented.

“Yeah man, thought you just wanted to fuck a different chick every night,” Pete added.

Joe stabbed his spoon in his bowl of cereal, making waves of milk . “I don’t know, maybe it’s getting old… or maybe watching these two make me want something more.”

Harper and Patrick looked at each other and smiled.

“Oh stop it, don’t you two get all smug or start making out now,” Joe muttered.

Suddenly, the doorbell chimed. They all looked at each other.

“Who the hell is here?” Patrick wondered aloud.

“Is it your dad? Or Rebecca?” Harper asked him.

The bell chimed again…. And again…

“Boy they are sure fucking persistent,” Pete commented.

Patrick got out of his chair. “I’ll be right back.” He made his way over to the front door.

“It’s probably just Jehovah’s witnesses,” Joe guessed.

“Or the UPS guy,” Andy said.

“Or someone trying to get them to register to vote,” Pete added.

Harper was about to put her answer in when a tall older man with a black wool coat and slicked back graying hair and a smaller, more petite blonde woman dressed in a similar coat, but red burst into the room. Harper made eye contact with them and froze. Behind them came Patrick who looked at them shocked.

“Oh my goodness, there you are!” the woman exclaimed.

Harper jumped out of her seat and approached them. “Mom! Dad! W…wh..what are you doing here?” she stammered.

Her mother pulled her into a hug, squeezing her tight. When she released her, Harper stepped back reluctantly.

“We should be asking you the same question Harper,” Her father replied in a dangerously low voice.

She glanced at Patrick who pushed his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose and looked at her anxiously. “Dad, I can explain,” she started.

“Yes, please do Harper. Please explain why you lied to us!” he shouted and she winced.

“Howard,” her mother started.

“No, Nancy, I want an answer from her,” he turned to Harper. “You had your mother worried sick, do you know that?! We thought you were back at school and here we find out you decided to run off with a bunch of boys we don’t even know over 1,000 miles away? What the hell were you thinking?”

“How did you find me?” she said, wondering who had ratted her out.

“How did we,” he snorted, “How did we find you? You can thank Akemi for that. Your mother ran into her at the grocery store and she said there wasn’t a homecoming committee. Then we tried to call you and your phone went straight to voicemail so we had to call your roommate. She is a terrible liar by the way. She gave us this address and we took the first flight out here.”

“My phone died,” she said lamely.

“I don’t care what the fuck happened to your phone Harper. I want to know why you lied to your parents!”

“Daddy,” Harper begged in a childlike voice, “Please stop yelling.” Her face grew hot with embarrassment, her heart beating rapidly, pumping so much blood through her, she could barely hear much else.

“No, I will not until you answer me!”

“Okay!” she cried out. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d say no,” she said lamely.

“Damn right we’d say no! You’re 18 years old Harper! You may think you’re an adult now, but you are far from it!” He looked at Patrick. “This is your fault,” he said pointing a finger at Patrick, who’s eyes went wide.

“No, Daddy, no, Patrick didn’t know that I didn’t tell you. He thought you knew,” Harper said quickly. She glanced at him. He was frozen still from shock. Her eyes furtively looked in the direction of the other guys who were all watching their expressions unreadable.

“But you wouldn’t have gone at all if it wasn’t for him.” He shook his head. “Harper, I expected this kind of boy crazy attitude from Charley, but not from you. I thought you had a much more level head than that.”

“Daddy,”

“No, Harper, get your things. You are coming home with us.”

“No, Dad, I don’t want to!” Harper exclaimed. She looked at her mother for support. “Please mom, I don’t want to go home.”

“Don’t you dare try to turn your mother against me, young lady. Why do you want to stay here? So you can whore yourself out to these boys?”

“Daddy!” she gasped, tears coming to her eyes. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I don’t know who you are anymore! You certainly aren’t the daughter I raised. The daughter I raised wouldn’t lie to us and scare us half to death so that she can tag along on some road trip with a boy that she has only known for, what, three months!?”

“Dad, I love him and he loves me!” Harper exclaimed, realizing too late that it was a mistake.

Her mother gave her a sympathetic look, while her father’s face looked as if it was boiling on the inside. “Love?” He narrowed his eyes at Patrick. “Did he give you that line before or after you spread your legs for him?”

Harper let out a gasping sob and fell to her knees. She could feel her chest tightening again, blocking her airwaves, tears streaming down her face.

Patrick moved toward her, looking at her father. “Mr. Williams, it’s not like that,” he said, kneeling down to Harper’s level. He rested a hand on her back.

“Harper, get up,” her father demanded.

Harper’s body started trembling and she started feeling light-headed. Her breath was coming out in short spurts. “Patrick,” she heaved. “I can’t..” she started to feel disoriented as if she couldn’t make sense of where she was or who was around her.

“Harper?” Pete suddenly jumped up and ran over to them. “Patrick she’ s having a panic attack,” he said, and Patrick looked at him confused. “Trust me.”

“She’s not having a panic attack. She’s being dramatic like she always is when she is upset,” her father yelled.

Pete gave him a dirty look. “No, you’re daughter is having a panic attack, I know I’ve had one before.” He looked at Patrick. “You need to calm her down.”

Patrick grabbed Harper’s face and said calmly. “Harper, look at me. Everything is going to be all right, okay? I promise you.” He stroked the side of her face. “Harper, please, it’ll be okay,” he whispered.

Harper could feel everything start to come back into focus as she stared into Patrick’s eyes. She started taking in deeper breaths, trying to slow her heartbeat down. “I’m sorry, Patrick. I’m sorry I lied to you,” she whispered. Patrick just smiled at her, a sad smile.

“You apologize to him, but not to us!” her father shouted. “Where are your things?”

Harper pointed a shaky finger toward Patrick’s bedroom.

“Nancy, grab her stuff,” he ordered her mom, who hurried into Patrick’s bedroom.

“I have to get dressed,” Harper said in a low voice.

“Oh no you don’t you will be fine in that. We are taking you home right now. You’ve made a fool of yourself enough already.” He shook his head. “Harper, get your head out of your fantasy worlds! You are not going to become some famous writer and you’re not going to travel the world with this boy and his band. Start living in the real world like the rest of us Harper.”

Her mother returned with Harper’s bag. “I think I got everything,” she said.

Her father walked over to her. “Get up Harper. We are going.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her up and away from Patrick.

“No, please,” Harper pleaded, fresh tears coming to her eyes. She looked back at Patrick who stared at them helplessly. “No, Patrick…”

Suddenly she felt the sharp sting of her father’s hand across her cheek. “Harper enough!” he growled.

The shame and embarrassment Harper felt was immense as she clutched her aching cheek. She looked back at Patrick, who was now joined by Pete, Andy and Joe. She could see the anger and shock in their faces, but most of all the sadness in Patrick’s eyes, that made her heart ache. She quickly looked away and let herself get pulled out of the apartment by her father, her mother right behind her with her bag.

As they walked outside toward the rental car that her parents had, her mother came up behind her and whispered, “I’m sorry Harper, he seemed like a very nice boy.”

The way her mother said it, made Harper believe her mother didn’t think that her and Patrick’s relationship was already over. She glanced back at the building right as she climbed into the backseat and wondered if it really was.

The drive to the airport was silent for the majority of the way until Harper’s father finally spoke. “Look, Harper,” he began, his voice calmer than it was minutes ago. “I’m, uh, I’m sorry about raising my temper back there,” he said. “You just scared us so much, and you’re our little girl.”

Harper tried to ignore him, fixing her gaze on the outside.

“I know you’re mad at me, but I promise you that this is for the best. You need to focus on your schoolwork honey, not boys.”

“I have A’s in all my classes, dad,” she spat out, crossing her arms over her chest.

“That’s great honey, it really is. But that’s right now. What happens down the road when this boy drops out to pursue this band of his. Are you going to follow him? What happens then? You’ll have no degree and be at the mercy of this boy who may or may not decide to keep you around once he gets a taste of the other women that are out there.”

“Patrick isn’t like that, dad. He would never hurt me like that. And I wouldn’t just drop out of college. We already talked about this stuff.”

“Honey, he’s only 18. Just like you. I was 18 once too, trust me, boys his age cannot be trusted. They are only thinking about one thing and if you already gave it to him then there’s not much else he wants from you.”

Harper buried her face in her hands. “Dad, I don’t want to talk about this okay?” she mumbled into her hands, fighting back sobs.

“Okay, but you’ll thank me later, honey, I just know it.” With that he turned on the radio, drowning out the awkward silence that had permeated throughout the car.