The New Face of Failure

But you know, the thing about romance is...people only get together right at the very end. ~ Love Actually

Harper pushed her way through the crowd of teenagers as far to the front as she could. She figured there must have been at least a thousand people there, which was double what the guys usually had at their shows in Philly. So many of them were wearing Fall Out Boy shirts, taking pictures of each other and texting and tweeting the pictures on their phones. Once Harper found a comfortable spot near the front, she crossed her arms and tried to focus on anything else but the stage.

All she wanted to do was get it out of her system. She wanted to see him one more time to convince herself that her decision to let him go was the right one. As she stood there, she couldn’t help but listen to the conversations around her.

“If I actually got to meet Pete Wentz, I think I would literally fall over and die, right there in front of him,” one girl said with a streak of purple in her otherwise brown hair.

“He’s so hot. I hear he’s a player though,” another girl said.

Harper rolled her eyes. He’s a little more complicated than that, she thought.

“I don’t care what he is, I just want to get all up in that.”

“Do you know if any of them have girlfriends or anything?” another girl asked them.

“I think Joe does. Someone had posted pictures of him and this really cute blond girl on Tumblr. I haven’t seen the other guys with any one though.”

“I heard that Pete and Patrick are like in love or something.”

Harper burst out laughing. She couldn’t help it. The three girls looked at her, irked at her disruption. “Sorry,” she muttered, quieting down.

“Um, what do you think is so funny?” the girl with the purple streak asked her.

“Nothing, but um, I don’t think Pete and Patrick are gay, if that was what you were implying,” Harper said innocently.

“What are you against gay people or something?” said the other girl, who was dressed in an oversized flannel shirt and leggings.

“Oh no, I just know they aren’t gay and aren’t in love with each other, that’s all,” Harper said, turning away from them.

“And how would you know that?”

“I, um, kind of know them, that’s why,” Harper replied.

The girls all looked at her skeptically. “You know Fall Out Boy?”

“Yeah, I, uh, go to college with Joe and Patrick,” she said. “Cassidy is my roommate.”

“Cassidy?” one of the girls asked.

“That’s the name of Joe’s girlfriend,” the flannel shirt girl said. “So if you know them, then why are you out here and not like backstage?”

You got me there, Harper thought sarcastically. “Long story.”

The girl with the flannel shirt snorted. “Yeah right. You’re just making that shit up.”

Harper didn’t want to fight with the girl, nor did she really want to talk to her so she just shrugged and turned her attention back to the stage where the lights were starting to dim to get ready for the opening act.

Once the opening act was over, the lights went up and the shouting went down to a dull roar as people went off to go to the bathroom, grab beers or just prepare themselves for Fall Out Boy. Five minutes before the guys were supposed to go onstage, a plump sweaty man in a Brooklyn Dodgers jersey and cargo shorts sauntered out onstage amid screams from the fans.

“Yeah that’s fucking right y’all!” he shouted, turning his baseball cap backwards. “How are you all fucking doing tonight!?” The crowd started screaming.

Who is this guy? Harper thought, staring at him in awe.

“Are you guys ready for some fucking Fall Out Boy!?” The crowd screamed again in response. “I don’t think that was fucking loud enough. I said, are you mother fuckers ready for some Fall Out Boy!” The screams grew louder. Harper’s heart started thumping wildly. She could feel herself getting excited by the energy of the crowd and this strange dirty man on stage. “Let’s get a chant started y’all, when I say Fall Out you say Boy, Fall Out,”

“Boy!” the crowd echoed.

“Fall Out,”

“Boy!”

Harper felt giddy and smiled wide. She felt so happy for Patrick in that moment. Seeing all of these kids ecstatic over seeing them, it made her realize that he was living his dream. She only wished she was a part of it.

“All right, give it up guys, for the Kings of Punk Rock, Fall Out Boy!” The lights brightened on the stage and the four guys walked out, taking their places by their respective mics, Andy climbing up the stage to his drum set.

She held her breath as she watched Patrick adjust his mic and get his fingers into the position for their first song. He looked amazing up there in his fedora and skinny jeans with his leather jacket, so confident. Harper had never felt so attracted to him. As soon as Andy was ready, Pete walked up to his mic and said, “Hey New York City, you ready to fucking party tonight?!”

And then they started playing the first song off their new album and Harper just stared at Patrick as he sang.

“Brothers and sisters, put this record down, take my advice, ‘cause we are bad news,” He sang, with Joe and Pete coming in.

It felt surreal standing there watching him sing from the crowd and not backstage as she had for so many months ago. She wondered if he could see her, she wondered if he even cared that she was in the crowd, if he had known. He seemed so focused on the performance, fooling around with Pete on stage in between songs, making cute remarks that elicited screams from the girls in the audience.

It wouldn’t matter if he knew if you were there or not, she thought. You aren’t here to make him see you. You’re here to just see him one last time.

Yet, whenever he looked out into the crowd and smiled wide, Harper was hoping that maybe he saw her. She was sure that there was a time he even looked her way, and it made her hand reach for her throat. Her fingers clutched the small silver pic that had hung around her neck unnoticed by her for so long. The only token she had of Patrick that reminded her that he did love her once. She didn’t even realize she was still wearing it. She held it up and looked at the inscription on the back. It made her wish that Patrick was looking at her right then, with that look he gave her when he was in love with her. She wanted him to look at her like that again. She rubbed the pic almost fervently, her eyes trying to meet his. She thought at one point he did but then,

“Oh my God, I think Patrick looked at me!” a girl exclaimed a few feet from Harper.

Great, now I’m just like one of those fans, she thought and the idea made her feel dispirited. She was reminded then of an Avril Lavigne song from her middle school years and she nearly turned away and started walking out. the concert was over and everyone started hustling toward the door. Harper froze, staring at the empty stage. He was gone. He was gone, and now all she wanted was to see him again.
Well, this was a smart idea, she thought, as she watched all of the fans move around her. She thought this was a good idea, but now all she realized was that it made her even more upset that he hurt her. The floor of the venue started clearing out and Harper’s eyes darted to the side of the stage where several security guards were stationed. It looked as if it was the way to the backstage area.

Harper started moving toward them. What are you doing? Her mind exclaimed.

I’m going to talk to him, Harper replied.

Are you crazy? That wasn’t what was supposed to happen!

But is has to.

She took a deep breath and stepped up to the security guards. They didn’t look as scary and intimidating as the other guy that was hanging around them at the hotel, but then Harper figured that they were probably hired by the venue, not by the guys. One was tall, thin and had graying hair, while another was shorter, stouter with a balding head. They looked at her warily.

“Um, excuse me Miss, this isn’t an exit,” the tall gray-haired one said.

Harper glanced around them. She could see a bunch of guys in t-shirts and jeans piling up their music equipment. “Oh, actually, I was trying to see Patrick? I am, a, um, old friend of his and…”

“Sorry hun, no fans allowed back stage,” the shorter one said, stepping forward, hoping to intimidate her.

“Oh no, I’m not a fan. Well I mean, I like their music, but see Patrick and I,”

“Honey, we got it. You felt some connection to Patrick when he was onstage and you think that he wants you. Unfortunately, without a pass, you aren’t getting past us,” he said, puffing out his chest.

Harper moved forward, trying to push past him, but he grabbed her shoulders. “No, please, it’s not like that. You don’t understand,”

“No, we do, trust us. Get going honey.”

Harper shook her head. “No, no, I can’t, I have to… PATRICK!” She shouted, trying to push past him again.

“Okay, he can’t hear you okay?” the shorter guy glanced at the tall, thin one and motioned to his radio.
“PATRICK!” Harper shouted again. She could feel herself started to tear up. She wasn’t done with him, she wanted to see him one last time. The venue was almost completely cleared out except the wait staff and bar tenders. They all were glancing in her direction, looking at her as if she’d lost her mind. She started wondering if she had. “PATRICK!”

“Okay, you’re going to have to stop screaming,” the short one said, grabbing her by the arms and trying to pull her away. Harper resisted. She glanced at the tall one who had radioed to someone else. She couldn’t hear what he was saying.

“No, No, I need to speak to Patrick, please, just let me go!” She exclaimed. She rubbed the pic again between her fingers. Suddenly, an idea came to her. “I won’t leave here until you let me see him,” she said as firmly as possible.

“Seriously? No, you have to leave. The staff has to clean up, and if you don’t leave,”

Harper backed away slowly. “No, I won’t leave until you let me see him!” And as if taken over by some strange sensation, she started running, in a wide circle around the empty venue. She heard curious voices and laughter coming from the wait staff and angry shouts coming from the security guards. Oh my God, I’ve gone crazy, she thought to herself, glancing behind her as two more security guards started chasing her. “Tell Patrick I want to see him!” she shouted once more, hoping that her night wouldn’t end with her getting arrested.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Charlie handed him a towel and he exchanged it with his guitar. It felt refreshing to wipe the salty sweat off of his face because it was starting to sting his eyes. Cassidy had ran over to Joe and was making out with him rather obtrusively in front of everyone else. Pete and Dirty had already opened up a bottle of tequila and were pouring the rest of them shots.

“To one hell of a show, dudes!” Pete exclaimed, handing Patrick a red plastic Solo cup with a small sip of tequila. He gave Pete a less than enthused smile. Pete paused and looked at him concerned. “You all right?”

“Yeah, just… I think I’m going crazy, man,” he said. “I swear I saw Harper in the crowd.”

“Dude, it’s your mind playing tricks on you,” Joe spoke up, taking a cup from Pete. Andy just sipped on his water.

“Yeah, Patrick, Harper doesn’t even know where you guys are playing, I don’t think she would have been out there,” Cassidy added.

Patrick nodded. “Oh, yeah, I know. It’s just, man, my mind is a little out there tonight.”

“Don’t worry, when we get back to the hotel, we’ll find her, promise,” Pete said. “Okay, cheers mother fuckers!”

They all raised their cups and took their swig of tequila.

“Ooh, that burns,” Joe gasped.

“So, what is it about this Harper girl, what’s so special about her? If she dumped you, why do you still want to be with her?” Dirty asked as they all made their way to the dressing room.

Cassidy stood outside while the guys changed into new clothes that wasn’t drenched in sweat. “Dirty, Harper and Patrick are like the Romeo and Juliet of our time,” Pete joked.

Patrick made a face as he pulled a new t-shirt over his head. “No we’re not, that’s ridiculous. I don’t plan on killing myself and I’m pretty sure she isn’t either.” He pulled up another pair of skinny jeans and slipped on a pair of black Converse sneakers. “Dirty, Harper and I just belong together. I’ve never met a girl like her.”

“That’s because you’re like a young dude. You ain’t met a lot of girls I bet,” Dirty retorted.

“Dirty, don’t bash the boy’s dreams. I agree with Patrick. He and Harper belong together and we’re going to help him out,” Pete said.

Just then the door opened to the dressing room and Charlie stepped in with Marcus and Cassidy at his heels. The walkie-talkie in his hand was going off.

“Um, this girl won’t leave, Charlie, she’s running around here like a crazy person,” said the person over the walkie-talkie.

“What’s going on, Charlie?” Andy asked him, as the boys all looked in his direction.

“Oh, some crazy fan,” Charlie sighed.

“Should we call the cops?” the security guard said in the walkie-talkie.

“Let’s hold off on the cops, guys. She’s just one fan,” Charlie said into it. He looked at the guys. “There’s a girl who is running around the venue, refusing to leave.”

“Why?” Patrick asked him.

“Good question,” Charlie hit the button on his walkie again. “Hey Bob, why is she doing that?”

“She said she needs to speak to Patrick,” Bob, the security guard answered.

“And I thought I only got the crazy ones,” Pete laughed.

Patrick blushed. “Wow, um, okay….”

“Hey, Charlie, you sure we can’t call the cops? She’s making up some crazy stuff,” Bob crackled into the walkie.

Patrick slipped on his sneakers and walked over to Charlie. “What’s she saying?”

“Patrick, you’re not indulging this girl. She’s clearly delusional,” Charlie said.

“Oh come on, it’s fun! It’ll give us something to annoy Patrick about later on,” Joe said with a grin.

Charlie rolled his eyes. “What does she want Bob?”

“She says she wants to know why he broke his promise or some shit.”

Patrick froze. “Wait, hold up, what? What does she look like?”

Pete walked up to him. “Patrick, do you…”

“What does she look like, Bob?” Charlie sighed. “You know we have a really early start tomorrow guys, this is really unnecessary.”

“Uh, long brown hair, short.”

“That could be anyone,” Pete said to Patrick.

“Anything distinguishing? That’s not entirely helpful, there Bob,” Charlie called into the walkie.

“Why do you want to know, Patrick?” Cassidy asked him.

“He thinks it’s Harper,” Pete answered.

Cassidy laughed. “That’s impossible.”

“I thought I saw her in the crowd. What if I’m not crazy?” Patrick said looking around at them. “Is it that impossible for her to find her way here? Did we not end up in the same city at the same time by chance? That’s got to count for something right?”

Just then, Bob’s voice came in from the walkie. “Uh, she’s wearing those tight black leggings girls wear these days and a flannel shirt. Um, and, oh, a necklace with a silver pic on it.”

Patrick’s heartbeat quickened. “I don’t believe it.” He pushed past Charlie and Marcus.

“Patrick, no don’t do that!” Charlie exclaimed.

Patrick raced down the hall toward the stage. He could hear his band mates calling for him as they were closing in. It has to be, he thought, and weaved around the last remnants of their equipment and onto the stage where he skidded to a stop. He viewed the scene in front of him in shock. Harper was racing around the empty venue, dodging three security guards, while the wait staff was cheering her on. “Harper!” he shouted, and she halted and turned to face him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harper’s mouth was dry, her face flushed, her armpits getting sweaty. She couldn’t believe she was pretty much committing some sort of misdemeanor, but she had to see him. She had to know. She could hear the older security guard shouting to some guy named Charlie into his walkie-talkie and she kept shouting, “I need to speak to Patrick. I’m not leaving until I know why he broke his promise.”

Meanwhile, two other guards, the shorter one and some kid who looked like he just wanted to go home, chased her around. She was glad she liked to run.

Then, suddenly, she heard his voice. “Harper!”

She froze. “Patrick,” she said under her breath. She turned around and looked up at him. He looked shocked that she was there, and she couldn’t blame him. How was he supposed to know she’d be there tonight? She bit her lip and took a step forward, when the short guard grabbed her arms.

“Ha, gotcha!” he exclaimed, grabbing her wrists.

She gasped. “What, no,” She could feel him try to wrestle some twist ties on her.

“Hey, no stop that!” Patrick exclaimed, jumping off of the stage and racing over to them. “Stop, no she’s fine, she’s okay, stop.” He stopped about a foot away from her. He had changed into new clothes, she noticed.

“Seriously? Fuck this shit,” the guard muttered, letting her wrists go. Harper pulled them away and rubbed them.

Well, here’s your moment, she thought.

“Harper,” Patrick said her name again. It sounded so nice when he said it. He smiled with relief. “What are you doing here?”

She frowned and took two steps forward and slapped him hard across the face.

“Holy smokes!” Patrick exclaimed, nursing his cheek with his hands.

“Damn, that looked like it hurt!” She looked from Patrick and saw his band mates and Cassidy staring at them from the stage. There was also that fat guy from the beginning of their show, some tall, pale buff man in all black and their body guard she had met earlier.

What is Cassidy doing here? She thought. She looked back at Patrick. “Why?” she exclaimed. He looked at her confused. “Why didn’t you come last night? I waited for your all night. I thought you wanted to be there, you promised you’d be there and I got all dressed up and…” she trailed off, her words catching in her throat.

Patrick frowned. “Harper how did you get here?” he gestured to the venue, ignoring her question.

“I asked around. I thought I’d come and see you one last time before…. But then I saw you and I remembered… and I… I couldn’t ever speak to you without knowing why.”

Patrick grabbed her hands. “Harper, I did come last night, we all did,”

“Is anyone else trying hard to see that word in a sexual way?” Dirty piped up. Pete slapped him on the shoulder and told him to be quiet.

Harper shook her head. “No, Nicholas said he didn’t see you…”

“Well, he’s a liar!” Pete called out. Harper glanced at him. “Nicholas did see us, he was the one who told us to leave.”

Harper looked at Patrick, her turn to be confused. “Wait, what?”

“We got there and the security guard at the front said our names weren’t on the list. Then Nicholas came out and told me you didn’t want to see me after all, but were too afraid to tell me. He also threatened us, so we kind of had no choice to leave. I tried calling you…”

“And my phone is broken,” she said sadly.

“I know, we ran into Dr. Woodall this morning. She told us that. She also told us that Nicholas lied to you.”

“Wait, you did? How’d you see her?”

“Cassidy was trying to convince the hotel clerk to give her a key to your room. We were worried, I was worried, and I wanted to know why you didn’t want me there. Dr. Woodall cleared it all up though and then we kinda went on a manhunt all day trying to find you in the city.”

“You did?” she couldn’t help but smile at that. “Well, it’s a pretty big city then.”

“Don’t remind us. Joe was getting cranky toward the end.” They both laughed at that.

Then, came the awkward silence. Harper didn’t know what to say next. She wanted to say she was sorry, she wanted to kiss him, she wanted everything to be back to normal. “Patrick, I…”

“No, Harper, I need to tell you something first,” he said. “Harper, I love you so much. Ever since you left, you are all I ever think about. Actually you have always been what I’ve thought about. I’m sorry for the mistake I made. I regret it every day. You’re the only girl I want to be with. And, okay, I know we’re young and are probably crazy for thinking this thing is a lifetime thing, but Harper, I really believe in us. I want to be with you.” His hands were squeezing hers tight. “I just want to know what you want.”

Harper looked down at their hands, intertwined, exactly how they should have been. “I never should have left,” she whispered. “Everything that has happened doesn’t matter if you’re not here with me. I tried to forget about you, but I couldn’t. I wanted to get over you, but that’s impossible. I know things can’t really go back to the way they were before, but I want to start fresh. I love you too Patrick.”

He lifted her chin so that her eyes met his. “Well then, that’s that isn’t it?” he smirked and kissed her lips softly. She melted into his arms, all of the pain she had been feeling the past few months falling away from her.

They broke apart at the obscene cheering coming from the stage. Patrick kept a hand around her waist.
“It’s about damn time!” Pete whooped, jumping off the stage to join them, the others at his heels. One by one, they all hugged Harper.

“So, that was a pretty crazy thing you did to get Patrick’s attention,” Andy commented.

Harper chuckled. “I think I was definitely not in my right mind. I feel bad for those guys though.”

“Eh, that short one could stand to lose a few pounds,” Cassidy said, hugging her tightly.

“What are you doing here Cass?” Harper asked her then.

“They called me. Said I could talk some sense into you. But, it looks like you were able to do that all by yourself… for the most part,” she winked at Harper and she blushed.

“Wait, so are you guys back together then?” Joe asked.

Harper looked over at Patrick, who was grinning at her goofily. “Yeah, we are.”

“Thank God,” Pete sighed happily.

“So this is Harper then?” She looked at the broad chested pale man who was standing next to them.

“Yeah, oh, Charlie, this is Harper, Harper this is our tour manager, Charlie,” Patrick said excitedly. “And that guy there is Dirty.”

“Howdy, sexy lady. I can see why Patrick’s been keeping himself out of trouble. You’re pretty cute,” the chubby guy from the beginning of their set said.

“Is your actual name Dirty?” Harper asked him, looking at him dubiously.

“For all intents and purposes, yes,” Pete cut in, laughing.

“Let’s introduce you to the rest of the crew,” Patrick exclaimed, grabbing her hand and pulling her toward the backstage area.

“Whoa, hold your horses buddy,” Charlie said. “You will have time to do that later, I suspect. You guys need to get your asses back to the hotel and get some rest. We have to be in Connecticut in the early AM.”

Patrick looked downtrodden, but Harper rested her head on his shoulder. “It’s okay, I’d rather go back to the hotel to catch up.”

Patrick looked at her with a raised eyebrow and a mischievous look.

“Oh no, I am so glad that I do not have the room next to yours,” Joe muttered, grabbing Cassidy’s hand.
Patrick kissed her forehead as they all made their way to the SUV that would take them back to the hotel.

Harper held his hand tightly as they drove back to the hotel, not wanting to let go for the fear that she might lose him again. He must have sensed her worry because he kissed her lips softly again and said, “Don’t worry, this won’t happen again. I promise you.” She rested her head on his shoulder, and glanced around the SUV.

Cassidy and Joe were snuggling (well, Joe was actually just sleeping on top of Cassidy), while Pete and Andy were having a conversation about JJ Abrams directing the next Star Wars movie. Everything suddenly felt as it should be. She finally started to feel like herself and it was an amazing feeling.