The New Face of Failure

Love is too weak a word for what I feel — I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes I have to invent, of course I do, don’t you think I do? – Annie Hall

Marcus pulled up to the hotel and let them out of the SUV. Harper hung back, waiting for the rest of the guys and Cassidy to get out of the truck and then turned to Patrick.

“So, um, I feel like we have a lot of catching up to do…” she trailed off, wondering if he would catch her hint. She chewed on her lip nervously, waiting for him to say something.

“I agree,” he said, with a sly grin. “And I think we should catch up in your room. Pete and Joe are on either side of me.”

“Hey, what are you two still doing in there!?” Pete said, poking his head into the SUV.

Harper turned and felt herself getting red.

“We’re talking Pete, privately,” Patrick spoke up, glancing around Harper and giving Pete a glare.

Pete smirked. “Oh, I see. Well, hurry up, the valet wants to take the car.”

Harper glanced at Patrick who motioned for her to get out of the truck. She scooted out and Patrick followed. They joined the rest of his band and started making their way inside the hotel. Patrick clutched Harper’s hand, his thumb rubbing against hers. It made her whole body burn up with excitement. All she wanted was for them to get away from his band mates as soon as possible. IT had been so long since she and Patrick were alone together and now that he was touching her, that was the only thing she wanted.

She laughed along with the rest of the guys as Joe made a joke, leaning against Patrick’s arm. He kissed the top of her head, and it gave her shivers. How does he do it? She thought. She had kissed Nicholas before and he had held her hand before, but she never reacted the same way as when Patrick did. It felt so good being with him, she wondered why she had ever imagined that she could stop.

“Harper!” She heard the voice before she saw him.

He looked haggard, his dark hair wild and messy, his eyes bloodshot. Desperation screamed from every inch of him. He approached the group, cautiously, glancing at each of the guys, his eyes finally landing on Patrick. He glowered at him with a despise that would have crushed Patrick if it were a hammer.
Patrick stopped in his tracks and pulled Harper back.

“What’s he doing here?”

Harper looked at Patrick and shrugged. “I don’t know. After last night, I was pretty sure he wouldn’t try to see me again….” She realized she hadn’t told Patrick what had transpired between her and Nicholas in the cab and how she almost lost it all.

Nicholas walked up to them, his hands running through his hair. “Well, looks like you’re back together then,” he said pointedly.

Patrick started to move toward him, but Harper stopped him. “It’s okay, he can’t do anything,” she whispered to him, stepping in front of Patrick. “Nicholas, what are you doing here?” she said coldly.

He reached for her hand, but she recoiled. “I need to talk to you ,” he glanced at Patrick and the others, “alone,” he added.

Harper shook her head. “You’ll excuse me if I prefer not to be alone with you anywhere.” She crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrow at him.

Nicholas laughed haughtily. “Oh, I see. So you’re back together and now you have a spine suddenly,” he said.

Harper flinched. “Nicholas, just leave okay? There’s nothing that you can say to me right now to make anything better. You lied to me about Patrick being there last night and then you tried to force yourself on me…”

“What?” Patrick blurted out.

“You wanted it, don’t even deny that!” Nicholas exclaimed loudly.

“Oh is that what the word ‘no’ means? I want it?” Harper could feel her heartbeat start to quicken in anger. She felt Patrick’s hand on her shoulder.

Nicholas roared with irritation, turning the attention of some of the other hotel patrons onto them. “I wasn’t going to ra… I wasn’t going to do that okay? And you have to tell Harold that.”

Harper looked at him with confusion. “Harold, as in the senior editor of the young adult publishing division, Harold? Why on earth would I have to do that?”

“I got fired today Harper! Someone told him that I attacked you and he fired me!”

Diane, Harper thought, a smile slowly coming to her face. “Well, gosh, isn’t that such a shame?” she said sarcastically. “Honestly, Nick, I don’t know what I can do to fix it. Once Harold’s made up his mind, he’s made up his mind.”

Nicholas glowered at her. “You little smug bitch.”

“Hey!” Patrick exclaimed. Harper squeezed his hand.

“It’s okay Patrick. Nicholas, I’m not doing you any favors. You got what you deserved.”

“No! I don’t! This is your fault, Harper, you have to fix it. This is my future!”

“I’m sure you can find another job easily. If not, your parents have plenty of money to help you for awhile.”

“My parents… Gah, you stupid little brat! I can’t find another job. You don’t understand the influence Harold has in the publishing world! And I am pretty sure Diane is the one who told him and she is even more influential.”

Harper glanced back at Patrick, who was holding a smile back. “Nicholas, I’m really sorry…. And I’m sorry that we didn’t work out. I know how much you wanted it to.”

“You think I care about you!?” he growled. “I just needed someone to get me an in, to help me advance. You’re the one naïve enough to think I may have actually cared about you!”

Harper’s eyes widened. “Wow. That’s… okay, I guess I should have seen that coming.” She turned around. “Let’s go,” she said to Patrick.

He nodded, glaring at Nicholas over her shoulder, and started pulling her away.

“You think you’re so clever don’t you!?” he shouted after them. “You’re nothing but a dumb little girl, Harper, and a terrible writer! You may have gotten lucky, but eventually everyone’s luck will run out and then everyone will see you for what you truly are and you will be forgotten. You’re nothing!”

Harper paused, her anger swelling up insdie of her.

“Harper, let’s go, he’s not worth it,” Patrick murmured, tugging her hand.

She pulled away from Patrick and stalked back over to Nicholas. He was grinning maliciously. “I am not nothing, nor am I a dumb little girl.”

He started to retort, but Harper didn’t let him. She reeled back her fist and swung through, hitting him right in the nose. She heard Cassidy gasp dramatically behind her and the guys all exclaim in surprise. Nicholas buckled at the knees, clutching his now bleeding nose.

“You little cunt!” he shouted.

Harper shook out her fist, which was in a lot of pain. She saw a few of the security guards in the hotel make their way over to her, and Patrick raced over to her and grabbed her hand. “Babe, that was freakin’ awesome. But I think you’re about to be arrested, so maybe we should run…”

“No need for that Patrick,” Diane said, walking up to them, the manager of the hotel behind her. She whispered to him and he rushed over to the security guards who turned toward Nicholas. Nicholas cried out in objection as they grabbed him by the arms. “Yes, he’s the one you want, disturbing the peace and all!” Diane called out. Nicholas looked up at her shocked, blood running down his face.

Diane winked at him and then turned to Patrick and Harper. Harper looked at her in awe. “How do you always seem to be where I need you to be?”

Diane laughed. “Perhaps I am your fairy godmother, Harper,” Harper’s eyes widened. “Or perhaps, I was just over there at the restaurant, enjoying dinner with Mae when I noticed you’re little ‘interaction,’” she pointed to the table just inside the Italian restaurant housed in the hotel where Mae was sitting. Mae waved at her enthusiastically.

“Well, thank you,” Harper said gratefully. Patrick slipped his hand into hers, which Diane noticed.

“So you found her then?” Diane asked him, grinning.

“Actually, she found me,” Patrick replied, looking at Harper lovingly. Harper blushed.

“Well, I’m very happy for you. I imagine you both have a lot to catch up on, I won’t keep you. But, I did want to say congratulations to you Harper.”

“For what?”

“For finding your strength, of course,” Diane exclaimed. “I knew you just didn’t write a strong female protagonist; you are one yourself.” She nodded at both of them and then walked back into the restaurant where Mae was waving.

“Okay, so is the drama finally over?” Joe called out, making both Harper and Patrick blush.

“Yeah, I think so,” Harper said, as they made their way back to the band. Cassidy wrapped her arms around Harper.

“I am so proud of you babe. You totally kicked his ass!”

“Yeah, and my hand hurts really bad,” Harper moaned, flexing her fingers.

“Eh, after a few punches, you’ll get used to it, right guys?” Pete laughed.

Harper rolled her eyes. “I’m hoping I don’t have to punch anyone else.”

“Well, definitely not any of us because that was a lot of blood,” Andy commented.

They headed into the elevator, and Harper watched Patrick slyly hit the number 5 after Pete had hit the number 9. She shot Patrick a furtive glance and he just squeezed her hand.

“So what, we have five more stops and then we’re back home for a few weeks, that’s not so bad is it?” Joe was saying to Cassidy.

“No, but I bet you guys will have interviews and appearances and stuff while you’re on your “break,”” Cassidy retorted.

Suddenly, the elevator stopped. “What the hell?” Joe exclaimed.

Patrick cleared his throat. “Um, we’re gonna go ahead and get off here,” he said quietly, pushing his way between his band mates.

“Well, you better get some sleep, buddy! We have a 7AM wakeup call!” Pete exclaimed just as Patrick and Harper exited the elevator.

She turned around and Cassidy gave her a warm smile, while the guys were all smirking. “Night guys,” she said, waving.

“Night, Harper, Patrick, you two have a GREAT night,” Andy laughed, and the elevator doors closed.

Slowly, Harper and Patrick made their way down the hall to her bedroom. They were both silent as they walked to her room. Although they had made love plenty of times before, she was scared as she slipped her hotel key into the slot and opened the door. It had been four months. Although it didn’t seem like four months should have been a long time, it felt like a century to her. She walked forward into her room and heard Patrick shut the door and lock the deadbolt. She gulped.

“Oh, look see, my phone,” she said, picking up the broken piece of technology off the dresser in the room. She grinned at Patrick as she held it up and then her grin was replaced with a nervous look as Patrick took his hat off, setting it on the dresser.

“Man, Harper, you really decimated that thing,” he acknowledged, slipping his arms around her waist and pulling her close to him.

“Yeah, you know me, I’m kind of clutzy,” she giggled. Patrick nodded and started nibbling on her neck. “Oh!” she exclaimed. He looked at her his eyes full of desire for her. She missed that look. It made her smash her lips against his in a passionate kiss, her hands grasping at the hair on the back of his head. He walked them over to the bed, not breaking the kiss once, and then forced her down on it. She sighed with pleasure as he lifted her shirt up and pressed his soft lips against her skin.

“Harper, I have missed you so much,” he murmured, pulling her leggings off and spreading her legs.
Harper closed her eyes, soaking in Patrick’s kisses and his touches. For the last few months, this only happened in her dreams. Is this even real right now? she thought, and gasped as she felt his tongue press against her clit. Yeah, it’s real. Her breath came out in heaving gasps, her hands reaching for his head, grabbing tufts of his dirty blonde hair, her body warming up. “Patrick,” she moaned, squirming as she felt herself nearing an orgasm. Her knees tightened around his shoulders and she felt herself letting go, crying out, tears coming to her eyes.

Patrick lifted his head and wiped his mouth with his hand. “My turn,” he whispered, climbing on top of her and unbuttoning his jeans. He pressed his lips against hers, his tongue slipping into her mouth, exploring her. She felt him push his member inside her and he held her close as thrusted inside her, his body shaking, his breath getting shorter and faster, as his orgasm built up inside of him. He pulled back slightly to look at her full on, and she pulled her shirt up over her head and undid her bra, letting him see her at her most vulnerable. He was the only person she wanted to see her like this. Patrick bit his lip and cried out as he came, his hands gripping her hips as he bucked inside her one last time. Then he fell, limp, on top of her, breathing heavily.

“That was…” He couldn’t even finish it. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. “I wish we weren’t leaving tomorrow.”

Harper felt a wash of disappointment come over her. “Me either. We just found each other, and now…” No, she thought. She wasn’t going to get upset. They found each other again and that was more important than the fact that he was leaving. “It’s going to be okay.”

Patrick smiled. “You seem very sure about that.”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be? We’ve already been apart and went through some bad stuff, so what’s the worst that could happen?”

Patrick frowned. “Harper, if I could take back what happened, I would in an instant, I want you to know that. Nothing good came from that.”

He rolled off of her and slipped his t-shirt and boxers back on. Harper sat up and reached into her dresser for her nightgown.

“Patrick, it’s over now. Let’s just move on from it. Our future is too crazy for us to focus on the past,” She crawled into the bed and Patrick followed suit.

“Harper, you’ve changed,” he said looking at her with enlightened eyes.

“How so?”

“I don’t know, you just seem so much more… self-assured. You’re not the same girl I met back in August.”

“I still feel like her sometimes,” Harper snorted as she nuzzled against Patrick’s chest. “One thing hasn’t changed though.”

“What’s that?”

“I still need you in my life.”

Patrick smiled. “Good. Because I still need you in mine. I don’t want to do this alone.”

“Me either,” she replied. Then after a beat she asked him, “So does this mean we’re officially together again?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “It does.”

“Okay, then we need to talk about you and Pete’s apparent love affair…” she joked.

“What!? Oh no, what have you heard?” he asked her, and they spent the rest of the night filling each other in on what had been going on with each other for the past four months.

It wasn’t until two in the morning when they finally drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.

The next day, Patrick and the boys headed off to finish their tour and Harper and Cassidy headed back to Philadelphia. Harper spent her time looking over all of her course materials for her finals .

“I don’t know how you can even think about school after all you’ve been through,” Cassidy had said as they were holed up in the library, going over their biology textbook.

“I dunno, I guess it’s a nice distraction,” Harper shrugged, highlighting an important piece of information in her book. Well, she thought it was important anyway. She wasn’t very good at science. Damn liberal arts college, she muttered to herself.

“Oh from missing Patrick? Geez, must suck, you guys just getting back together and you had to leave each other so soon,” Cassidy commented.

Harper gave her a disparaging look. “No, it’s simply wonderful. Couldn’t imagine a better scenario.”

Cassidy rolled her eyes. “Okay Miss Sarcasm. I was just saying.” She turned her phone on and started scrolling through her Tumblr. “Uh oh, looks like the cat’s out of the bag.”

Harper glanced at her phone. “What are you talking about?”

“You and Patrick, as a couple. A picture of you two kissing at the Knitting Factory surfaced on the Internet.”

Harper sighed. “Good or bad?”

“Mostly good. Some people seem a little upset… something about Patrick and Pete?” Cassidy looked at Harper in puzzlement and Harper laughed.

“Excellent. I am now going to be known as Pete’s official cock blocker.”

“Could be worse titles,” Cassidy replied.

“True… Okay, Cass, we have to really study. I don’t understand this stuff and you’ve been to more lectures than I have.”

“Okay, yes, physically, I’ve attended more lectures… but I can’t say that I was there mentally.” She pulled her notebook out and opened her pages. Scrawled on all of the margins were hearts and Joe’s name.

“Oh my God, you’re in love,” Harper said, grabbing the notebook from her hands.

“Love? I don’t know, Joe and I haven’t said the words yet.” Harper started to comment, but Cassidy stopped her. “And that’s the way I like it. You and Patrick are the romantic ones. I just want to have fun. I don’t know where this is heading with Joe, but I do know I like spending time with him. We aren’t by any means an epic love story.”

“Fair enough,” Harper replied. “Okay, well, then I guess we’re going to have to start from scratch on some of these concepts, huh?”

“Lead the way, Einstein.”

When she wasn’t focusing on finals, Harper was at Mae’s office, going over the final touches to the contract for her next three books. The sum of money the offered her up front was larger than any student loan that she had taken out, but then she had already seen what profits her first book was able to produce and she wondered how the other three books would fare as well.

“So, they want the next book by September to go into first revisions?”

Mae nodded and leaned across her desk, pointing out the stipulation on the long contract paper. “Yes, the idea is to have the next book out by January of next year.”

Harper nodded. “Well, summer vacation should give me plenty of time to finish what I’ve already started.”

“Yes, it is. I also showed Harold the outline of what you proposed the next three books focus on. They seem to be content with the basic premise and where the stories are headed. I know they definitely want to see the romance between Ada and Cross continue.” Mae smiled when she said this.

“Well, I can tell you that it definitely will,” Harper said, with a small smile. “Although I think there might be complications along the way.”

“Harper, relationships have complications all of the time. They are never perfect because people aren’t perfect,” Mae said, and Harper realized that they weren’t talking about Ada and Cross anymore.

“Yeah, I’ve come to realize that. I think I’ve read so many stories like that, and I would like to write a story that tells it like it is… set in a dystopian future of course,” Harper replied.

“Yes, of course,” Mae handed her the contract. “All right, go ahead and sign that so I can get it up to Harold and the team and get you paid.”

Harper signed the contract.

“Excellent. So, with all of that money, what are your summer plans? You could take a trip to Europe and write in the beautiful city of Paris, or take some time and explore the wonders of Seoul. The world is your oyster, my dear girl.”

Harper thought for a moment, and suddenly an idea struck her. “Actually, I think I know exactly how I am going to spend my summer.”

Patrick returned to Philadelphia the week before finals. Harper was waiting on his doorstep with his mom, Robert and his sister, Megan, as a large white van pulled up to the curb. Patrick stepped out of the van, and Marcus had gotten out to help him with his other luggage. Harper waved at him and then at the other guys who were all still in the van.

Patrick walked up to them. “Hey guys, I’m back.” His mother squealed with delight, running to him and hugging him tightly. Megan was next, begging him to tell her all about the MTV studios, and then Robert shook his hand.

“Proud of you Patrick,” he said gruffly, but lovingly. Patrick and his step-father shared a look of mutual understanding just then. Harper was last. She was anxiously rubbing her hands, eager to wrap them around Patrick.

He walked up to her and dropped his luggage. “Well?”

She giggled and ran into his arms, taking him in. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

“Me too, even if it’s for a short while,” he said, his fingers digging into her shirt. “We have to head back out to LA to start our stadium tour. Can you believe it? A stadium tour!? I mean, I think Joe threw up twice when he heard. And half of the venues are already sold out.”

Harper smiled. “Yeah, that’s so amazing, babe.”

“I wish you could come with me, we could explore some of the cities around the country and spend more time together. It would be really awesome,” he said, as they walked into his parents’ house.

“Well actually, that was kind of what I wanted to talk to you about…” Patrick looked at her suddenly attentive and she just smiled playfully.