Sweet Like Sugar

Finn shows up to my house the next Wednesday, almost a week and a half after what I refer to as the porch incident happened. I expect him to be angry or…some kind of noticeable emotion but he just acts as if I didn’t reject him in the very same spot we were standing.

“You're a liar.”

“What?” I ask confused still wipping the sleep out of my eyes.

“You said Wednesday mornings were our thing…I waited for you.”

“Oh.” I sink back. “Sorry…I don’t think you would’ve wanted to see me.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. If he was playing dumb then so was I.

“Well…what are you up to today?” He changes the subject fast.

“I don’t know…nothing probably.” I fidget uncomfortably in my doorway only just realizing I was still in my pajamas.

“So...do you want to come to my place?”

--

For a few minutes the only thing I can hear is my heart though my ears and the satisfying sound of dried up leaves crunching and twigs snapping beneath our feet. Every few seconds I swatted at a mosquito trying to feed off my blood and every once in a while a squirrel would run past us on the ground and up into a tree and scare the crap out of me. I was reminded of two thing while following him up the small hill in the woods that surrounded the lake. 1) Mosquitoes are insects made from the Satan himself and 2) Nature was definitely not my thing. But the whole being alone with Finn thing wasn’t so bad. I was glad he wasn’t upset with me. I was glad we could still be normal. Whatever that was.

“I thought you said we were going to your place.”

“I did.”

“So why are we at the lake?”

“I said we were going to my place, not my house.”

“You know, if you wanted to murder me you could have just asked…or done it in a place where my body would be easily found.”

I can hear him snort a little. “We’re almost there.”

“Did you have to take me on a hike on the hottest day of the summer? I’m going to die.”

“Is complaining like…your coping mechanism or something?”

“Yeah it is actually. So is crying and making things painfully awkward. It all comes with the package of my friendship, Finn.”

He laughs off my comment and come to a halt. “Welcome,” He pauses giving me a second to take it all in. “…to my place.”

We arrive at a clearing in the middle of the trees and it’s the only place where sunlight reaches so it makes the small opening look like a magical wonderland. It could have just been an old abandoned camp site though. Pine needles and cones covered the ground and Finn takes a few more steps inside before turning to me for a reaction.

“Whoa.” I drop my bag onto the leaves covering ground and take a better look around.

The entire area is about the size of a small bedroom. Actually his bedroom was much bigger. There were a few stumps where trees had died to make the opening, and to the far right side of us there’s a huge bolder that Finn goes to stand on.

“Come here.” He holds out his hand out for me and when I reach the huge rock, he pulls me up until we’re standing shoulder to shoulder. From the rock we can see a pretty decent view of the lake. The sun reflecting off the water makes it look full of diamonds. Even though I’ve lived in this town my entire life, I had never seen the lake look so beautiful.

The view sort of hypnotizes me and I try not to notice Finn watching me as I watch the water. A smile appears on his face.

“See…I told you.” He says softly. “I knew you’d like it...I’ve never brought anyone else here before.”

“Are we still in Timbercreek?”

“Mhmm.”

“This is….” I’m unable to find the words but Finn still nods understanding. “You found this place?”

“Yep. A few years ago by accident.”

“So what is it?”

“Just my place.” He shrugs again.

“You come here a lot?”

“All the time.”

“So…what do you do out here all by yourself?”

“Uh…” He thinks hard about the question. “Not much…think mostly.”

“Think about what?”

“Just…stuff.”

“Ok but what—“

“Albie…just…you’re thinking too much into it.” He sort of laughs and places his hand on my shoulder to turn me back towards the view of the lake. “Just be here….and react to it.”

The view has slightly changed in the last few seconds. A cloud had rolled in front of the sun and the diamonds that rested on top of the water had disappeared. There was now a more sobering image of the lake. Constantly moving yet never quite going anywhere. Okay. This was it. I was reacting. I could feel it.

Finn pulls his shirt off and hops off the rock and I silently watch as he walks toward the water that rose high enough to kiss the sand before retreating back. He stops before his feet get wet and then slide his shorts off before continuing into the water. It’s all one fluid motion. He doesn’t even stop to think about it. I can tell he’s done this maybe hundreds of times before. He walks in until the water is to his torso and the sinks down and stays under for exactly ten seconds. I hold my breath too.

We he finally emerges again, his mouth is open and his eyes are closed as the water rushes off, he shakes his head and the pushes the hair form his eyes. We look at each other and I feel it, so I take my shirt off too.

“Cold.” I say easing into the water. “Very cold.”

“It feels nice.” He circles around me in the water.

“Define nice.”

“I just did…it’s this. Being here in my place…with you.” He floats away.

I feel it…but another feeling starts coming back as well. My old friend anxiety. I didn’t know. Was it okay to be feeling this? Was it okay to be here? Was it okay to be thinking what I was thinking. Maybe I was crazy. It just doesn’t make any sense.

I feel water splash my face and it brings me out of my head and back with Finn.

“Hey!” I snap trying to splash him back but he sink back under the water only to pop back up behind me.

“Are you a fish?...You’re name is Finn.”

“Ha ha…I haven’t heard that one before.” He sarcastically laughs and splashes me again.

I lunge for him but he’s too fast, sinking back under and swimming away.

“Finn.” I groan.

“What’s wrong?” He says after popping up again. “I’m not too fast for you am I?” He disappears under the water again.

I laugh but it sort of fades when he doesn’t come back up. I start to count to ten before actually getting worried but by the time I reach seven I hear the water ripple behind me.

I turn around and he’s closer that I thought, looking at me with the same eyes he had that night on my porch. I wasn’t going to mess it up this time. I wasn’t missing my change again.
So I don’t move and notice the smirk on his face as he gets closer and closer but before I can close my eyes, water squirts out of his mouth and onto my face.
I stay there mouth wide open…completely fooled. “I can’t believe…I just feel for that.” He laughs so loud you can hear his echo in the trees. Some birds even fly away in fear.

“I’m sorry.” He says still laughing. I….” He can barely get his words out. “Sorry…Albie….I’m sorry. That was just…too easy.”

“You suck.” I say wiping my face dry with a free hand.

“Sorry.”

“Nope…not enough.” He wanted games…I was the champion of games….you know… just the wimpy, emotional kind. I didn’t want to have to bring out the big guns…but this was war.

“Oh…kay. I’m really sorry?”

I shake my head still fake upset. But he didn’t have to know that.

“Alright…I won’t play tricks anymore…just…don’t be angry for real.” His brows furrow.

I turn around to pretend like I was swimming back towards the beach.

“Albie…”

I swim back to where I can stand again, water to my waist. He reaches me before I can get any further away and grabs my arm to make me face him again.

“Okay, what’s going on…I thought we were having fu—“
Before he can finish I scoop a huge gulp of water into his face and break out in laughter.

He wipes his face off and chuckles a bit…”Ok. You got me.”

“You know it’s not as fun when you’re the one getting splash—“ I squirt him just like he did me and now I’m almost in tears.

“Oh…you…are a dirty player.”

“Don’t ever underestimate my skill, Ferguson.”

“I shalln’t.”

“That’s not a word.”

“You’re not a word.”

We’re still close and since I can see his lips moving I know he isn’t trying to trick me.
Unless…all of this is a trick. A trick to make me like him. A trick that the entire soccer team in is on. Maybe they’re watching right now, snickering to themselves. Laughing at me for falling for a another boy.

Finn is holding my hand underwater and I feel my anxiety get worse.

What was this? How do I control it? How I do stay safe? How do I protect my heart. This was too much…Too much. It had to be a trick. I don’t want to be humiliated. I don’t want to be hurt by this.

“Albie….relax.”

No. I don’t want to. I can’t. Not with him. Not like this.

“Just…react.”

It happens fast. All in one swift and fluid motion. He touches my face and closes the space between us completely. I feel his skin on my skin and his nose brushing against mine...and his lips…I feel it. I feel it all.

I don’t know which is his breath and which is mine but it kind of feels like they merge and become one with each other. It didn’t feel like this with Lia or Peeps. This must be what it was. What it felt like to kiss someone you loved.

I tried to control it but I started to laugh and he pulled away laughing too.

“What?” His face a tad pink and I laughed some more because I had never seen this side of him and wow…it was amazing. And it was mine. This entire moment belonged to me and he was offering this image of his blushing face for me to hold on to forever.

“Am I doing it wrong?”

“No…it’s just…nothing.” I smile.

“So…”

“So…now what?”

“I don’t know….I didn’t plan that far ahead.”

“So this was all a part of your plan.” I raise my eyebrow.

“Not exactly.”

“You like me.” I wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement but he smirks.

“I mean…you’re okay.”

“Shut up.” I hit his shoulder.

“And you?”

“Me what?”

“Do you like me?”

“Uh….like is a very strong word.”

He rolls his eyes and interlocks our hands again.

“I guess I tolerate you…maybe?” I continue. "A little....like three fourth's of a half of a mill--"

“Will you just…stop talking.” He pulls me in closer and it scares me how normal this feels. It scares me how I go along with it without hesitation. And I feel fluid…just like him.