You Had My Heart At Least for the Most Part

I plopped down on the couch as I opened a bottle of Jack Daniels. The rim of the bottle found its way to my lips and I took a sip, swallowing the burning sensation. I stared up at the TV as a horror flick played on the screen. I slouched in the couch and took a few more sips of the Jack Daniels before deciding I had enough. I set it on the table and rest my hands on my stomach. We just finished playing a show almost an hour ago. I went out to meet the fans, then came back on the bus. Everyone else was out there with Danny and Thor. I loved being alone.

“Zacky?” a girl’s voice called just as I was closing my eyes.

Instantly my eyes shot open. “Who is it?” I asked walking towards the door. Before they could answer, I pulled open the door. It was Vanessa. “What are you doing here?” I sighed and looked past her gorgeous, pleading face.

“I wanted to talk to you,” she started to explain, “about what happened a few nights ago.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I sighed. Even though I disagreed with her, I let her in. Stupid testosterone was getting the best of me at this point.

“The show was amazing.” she smiled at me.

“Thanks,” I mumbled as I sat back down on the couch, soon to be joined by Vanessa. She sat facing me and she took a deep breath.

“I miss being with you guys,” she said sadly.

I just crossed my arms and stared up at the TV, listening to her. I didn’t know what to say to that. “I didn’t want to leave like that,” she admitted.

“Neither did I.” I sighed. I wanted her to leave, just for her to come back with all her things so she can be with me every step of the way on this tour. But no. She left for good.

“Zach, I am really sorry about what happened.” her hand brushed my knee. “I was just too scared to start something with you after the whole Brian thing. I don’t want you to get too attached, only for me to only be attracted to you in that sense.” she sighed.

“You shouldn’t have let it get that far then,” I told her as I stared out the window straight ahead.

“I didn’t want it to,” she sighed, “but I couldn’t help myself.” she laughed a little. “I don’t think you realize how attracted to you I am.”

“Vanessa, is that the only reason you’re here? To tell me you’re attracted to me, but you don’t want a relationship?” I lashed out. I couldn’t take this anymore. It’s like she was taunting me. “Cause if it is, just-”

Her lips pressed hard against mine and she sat up on her knees. I put my hand on the back of her neck and kissed her back. She straddled me in my lap and deepened the kiss as I ran my hands up and down her back. Her hands slid down my chest and she let them rest on my lower stomach. My hands were searching her body. They slid up her shirt and across her back then to her sides.

I pulled away once everything registered in my mind. “Vanessa,” I said breathlessly. “what are you doing?”

“I want you.” she said before she pressed her lips back against mine.

I tried to pull away, but she shoved her tongue in my mouth. Wanting her too, I didn’t try to stop it again. I felt her hands start to pull at my 6661 belt buckle. She pulled it apart from the belt and slid my belt out of the loops. I grabbed her under her thighs and got up, making my way back to my bunk. I laid her down on her back and I crawled on top of her, spreading her legs. My hands lifted her shirt up and I pulled it off. She did the same to me and threw it behind me. She pulled my jeans down to my knees, and I unzipped her jeans. I wasn’t in the right mind set. I never did this. But apparently there was an exception tonight.

I collapsed next to Vanessa, trying to steady my breathing. Her chest was bouncing up and down with every uneven breath she took. I looked at her as she stared up at the ceiling, taking in what had just happened. I put my hand on her cheek and turned her face to me. I smiled and kissed her. She pulled away with a smile on her face. “That was amazing.” she smiled.

“What will it take for you to want me?” I asked quietly, stroking her cheek. I didn’t want to just sleep with her. I wanted this to mean something to her also. It meant a hell of a lot to me.

“Zach,” she sighed and rolled on to her back, “you already know I want you.”

“Not the same way I want you though,” I said still looking at her. “I want to be with you. I don’t just want to sleep with you. I’m not Brian.”

“I know you’re not Brian.” she turned her head to look at me.

“Do you?” I asked in a nasty tone.

She sighed and sat up, holding the sheet to her chest. “I need to leave.”

I sighed and watched her as she gathered her clothes and pulled them all back on. I’m turning into Brian. I’m sleeping with a girl when she isn’t even mine. This can’t be right. As Vanessa hopped down from the bunk, I sighed and laid on my back. “Fuck,” I mumbled and ran my hands down my face.