You Had My Heart At Least for the Most Part

“What are you staring at?” Matt asked confused, waving his hand in front of my face.

“Nothing.” I shook my head and looked out the doors.

“Staring at Vanessa?” Matt smirked.

“How do you know her?” I looked at him.

“Well she is Zina’s friend, Zach.” He laughed. “They have been friends for a few years.”

Oh my god. I could not believe this. Vanessa was friends with my sister? Did she know I was related to Zina? What if she told Zina all that happened between us? Jesus Christ, I am never going to hear the end of this!

I was at a loss of words. I just looked down at the ground. My stomach was in my throat and my hands were starting to get clammy. I was praying I didn’t have to walk down the aisle with her linked on my arm. Please let it be Elyse, Jennifer, or Chloe. I was hoping Vanessa wasn’t Zina’s maid of honor.

My wishes or prayers didn’t seem to work. Vanessa went to the front of the line hesitantly. She looked at me, shocked too. “Hey.” She said in almost a whisper.

I nodded and smiled a little, wanting to loosen the tie on my neck. It was all of a sudden getting hard to breathe. My clothes seemed to suffocate me in my desperation for oxygen. “Ready?” my Mom asked as she walked in front of us all. Everyone nodded. “Okay, so Vanessa and Zacky go first.” she looked at both of us. Neither of us moved. I was focusing on breathing and from how uneven her breaths were, she was too. “Well go ahead! Get out there!” Mom yelled, shooing us out the door.

I took a deep breath and held out my arm for Vanessa to take. She did and we both strode down the aisle. It was so hard on me. A few months ago I would have enjoyed this. But the last time I saw Vanessa we slept together then she got up and left. Things went way too far. I will never forgive myself for doing that. I wasn’t like that. I’m not that kind of guy. I have more class than that. I tried to shake off my thoughts. I was at my big sister’s wedding. I had to be happy.

I heard Vanessa inhaling the crisp air as we got closer and closer to the alter. I wanted to know what she was thinking. Was she as nervous as I was? She had the guts to say hi to me, so she must be a little more calm than I was. My hands were shaking and my vision was getting blurry due to my light hoodedness. This was way too hard on me. I just had to suck it up. Vanessa was probably thinking the same.

Finally, we reached the alter. Almost immediately I dropped Vanessa’s arm and made my way to Mike’s side. I was Mike’s Best Man so I stood next to him. He smiled at me and looked back down the aisle, watching everyone else walk down. Soon everyone was at their place. I glanced over and saw Vanessa red in the face, staring at me. I looked away and thank god my sister and my father emerged from the doors. I had an excuse to look away.

She looked so beautiful. I was so happy for my sister. She was finally marrying her fiance who has been so good to her these past few years. They were so happy together and so perfect for one another. I smiled at her as she glanced at Matt and I underneath her veil. I could tell she had tears in her eyes. My father stopped to let her walk up the last few steps. She stood in front of the Minister along with Mike. After a few minutes, they were married.

We were all having fun at the reception. Yes, including myself. I was laughing with Matt and his fiance. I had yet to see Vanessa again. I was actually quite glad about that. I didn’t even see the guys. Matt, Brian, Jimmy and Johnny were all invited since they were friends of Zina. At one point Jimmy had a crush on her. It was quite awkward.

Wrapping up a conversation with some old family friends, I walked to the bar to get another drink. The guy took my order and handed me my drink. I turned to walk back to a table, but ran into someone. “Sorry!” I laughed.

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” She laughed and looked up at me after checking her dress to see if I accidentally spilled my drink all over it. Luckily I didn’t.

“Claire?” I smiled, recognizing her face.

“Yep.” She smiled sweetly, her eyes sparkling in the light captured in them.

“I haven’t seen you since high school.” I laughed and sat down on a stool at the bar with her.

“It’s been a while.” She laughed and ordered a drink.

“You look great." I examined her fast enough so she didn’t notice my eyes lingered at certain places.

“Thanks.” She blushed. “You do too.”

“So how have you been?” I wanted to catch up on old times with her. I used to have the biggest crush on her in high school. For a while we were together, but she had to transfer high schools.

“I’ve been good.” She smiled at me. “How about you?” She sipped her beer as she awaited my response.

“Busy.” I laughed. “I just finished my tour with the guys.”

“You guys are huge now.” Claire’s laugh made me grin. “I remember watching TV and then I saw your face. I couldn’t believe you guys made it.”

“Trust me, we can’t either.” I laughed.

Claire and I talked for hours. I noticed in the corner of my eye some girl walk towards me. She was wearing a color of the Bride’s maid dresses. I could only guess who it was. I acted like I didn’t see her. I was more interested in Claire, honestly. She was so beautiful and funny. I forgot how much I really liked her.

The wedding reception was slowly coming to an end. It was about one in the morning and groups of people were leaving. “Can I call you some time?” I asked as I walked with Claire to her car outside.

“Sure,” she smiled and opened her purse, “here’s my card.” She laughed.

I took her card and looked down at it. “You own a salon?” I asked smiling.

“For about two years now.” She smiled.

“I’ll stop by some time,” I promised.

“Good." She grinned. “Don’t forget to call me.” She brushed her hand over my arm.

“I will. Tomorrow. I promise.” I smiled at her as she got in her car. I closed the door for her and leaned down in the window. “It was nice seeing you again.”

She blushed and looked into my eyes smiling. “You too.”

After a while I stood back up. She started her car then drove off waving out her window. I smiled and watched her leave the parking lot and speed off down the street. “So you’re going after Claire?” I heard a voice ask.

I turned and saw Matt. “What are you doing out here?” I asked as he walked over to me.

“It’s too crowded in there,” he laughed, “and Tara won’t stop talking to every one about our engagement.”

“Girls do that.” I laughed and looked up at the sky, thinking about Claire.

“So you never answered my question.” Matt reminded me.

“Oh,” I said looking back down, “well I just ran into her today. I forgot how much I like her.”

“She is very pretty.” he nodded.

“Why did you ask?” I raised an eye brow and looked at him.

“I just assumed you had your eyes set on another girl.” He shrugged.

I gulped. “Who?”

Matt’s eyes shifted to his left. I looked over and saw Vanessa sitting on a swing outside of the hotel smoking a cigarette. “Vanessa?” I asked pretending to be shocked.

“I know you like her, or well, did like her,” he told me.

“It’s complicated.” I sighed and leaned against my car, crossing my arms. Matt followed and leaned next to me, obviously wanting to know what happened. “I saw her at some restaurant when the guys and I were there. Then Brian saw her and hooked up with her. They were always fooling around and I really liked her. She found out Brian was sleeping with other girls and ran off the bus. I went after her which was a big mistake,” I rolled my eyes. “We ended up kissing. Then I saw her again and we, well.” I sighed and looked at the ground ashamed. “We slept together. But it meant more to me than it did to her. So I was done with her after that.”

“Damn,” Matt laughed, “that’s messed up.”

“I know.” I sighed and looked over at Vanessa. “I really did like her. She was all I thought about. And right when I finally had her out of my mind, she showed up today. I had no idea her and Zina were friends.”

“I’m sorry.” He rubbed my back. “I can tell she still likes you though.”

“She never did.” I pushed myself off the car glancing at Vanessa again. “She never cared.”