Almost Said It

Matt picked me up and we met up with James and Shayna. As we all sat down, it was actually quite nice. We were all chatting and laughing, having a few drinks and we were all pretty civil towards each other. I had no anger towards Shayna, because I knew she was a nice girl and she seemed very nice towards me, and from what I knew, she knew that we had been together before.

Then it got later, and I found myself inching closer to Matt, flirting, arm touching and even slight hand touching under the table. I was beginning to really like him, and the fact that James was across the table was the farthest thing from my mind.

“You guys are so cute!” I heard Shayna say as she scooted closer to James, “Don’t you think so James?”

He stared at me for a moment and then looked at Shayna, “They certainly do”

She smiled and then leaned into him a bit. We all kept talking for a few more minutes and then, like girls tend to do, Shayna and I accompanied each other to the washroom.

“You guys seem great together” she said as she pushed the door open.

I shrugged, “We haven’t been hanging out long, but I am in the crush stage you know? I like hanging out with him, talking to him. He’s a great guy”

She nodded, “I’ve always heard great things about him from Tanner since he started with Pittsburgh. I know him and James are close” I fished through my purse for my lipstick and touched it up, leaning into the mirror, “Yah, ever since Dallas. I had known Matt a bit there through James, but we never really got that close. I don’t know what was different this time”

“Sometimes it’s just timing” she replied, “Maybe there was more going on then. For one or both of you”

I thought back, and remembered that I was totally enraptured with James. There was no other guy that even came close, or even caught my attention. It was him. It was always him.

“Yah. Maybe”

“Either way” she said, washing her hands, “I wish you guys the best”

“I wish you and James the best!” I said, “You guys seem great”

She nodded, “We are. I think he’s a bit preoccupied right now though. I don’t know, maybe the hockey is getting to him. Either way, I really adore him. I hope he feels the same way”

I sighed and smiled with slight compassion, “I hope so too”

We went back out and sat down next to our respective dates, who were both fairly quiet, and I was curious as to why.

“You ready to go?” James asked Shayna, “I think it’s time we head back, get you back to Tanner’s”

She shrugged, “Okay, any time is as good as any”

We all said bye as they grabbed their bill and left the table. I looked at Matt, who stayed quiet and then I got really curious.

“What’s going on?”

He shook his head, “It’s fine. We should go too”

I sighed, “What did he say Matt?”

“He’s way too protective of you and I don’t like it. He can be happy but he doesn’t think you should be happy”

“Did he say that?”

He shook his head again, “No, he just said that he doesn’t think you’re in a good place to be in a relationship and that he’s just being a friend to both of us”

“And you think there’s more to it than that?”

“Just after coming back after the party, asking to come out with us tonight, and then saying that. I don’t understand what he’s doing”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter, because it hasn’t swayed my decision about you”

He looked over at me and smiled, “That’s good, because I like you”

I felt the butterflies in my stomach come out in bursts, “I like you too” I replied, “So I hope we can move past all of that”

He nodded, “I think we can”

I smiled, “Good, how about you take me home?”

“I think I can do that, after I pay”

“Good, I was hoping you would” I gave him a wink, which got a laugh out of him before I stood up and followed him to pay.

He opened the car door for me, let me in and then went around to the other side and climbed in. It was a somewhat quiet ride back to my apartment, but my thoughts were certainly not quiet. I was really angry with James, I can’t understand what it is that is making him act this way. I had boyfriends before we dated, and he never acted like this.

“You okay?” we had stopped in front of my apartment, but I was too much into my thoughts to notice. I shook my head, “I’m good” I replied, “I’m great” I smiled a bit which made him smile.

“I’m really glad I’m getting to know you” he said, “I wish I had done it sooner”

I shrugged, “Things happen. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time. Maybe now it is the right time”

He nodded, “I think you’re right”

I kept my eyes on him for a moment but then turned away, “I think I should get inside. It’s late”

“Sure thing” he replied, “Even after everything, did you still want to try this again? Just us?”

My head was turned away, but I smiled before meeting his gaze, “Can you cook?” I asked.

“Um, a bit” he shrugged.

“How about you cook dinner, we’ll have a night in, watch a movie or something. It will be fun. It’s hard to be interrupted that way”

He cleared his throat, “Uh, yah, sure, I’ll see what I can do.”

“If you don’t want to, feel free to order in” I gave him a wink, “I’d just like to spend some time with you”

He smiled again, and I found myself getting attached to his smile, the brightness in his eyes, “That’s perfect”

“How about this weekend? I’ve got a long week of schoolwork”

“Can’t wait”

“Awesome. It was great seeing you again Matt. See you soon” I leaned across the console and kissed his cheek before climbing out of the car. I didn’t stay to see his reaction.

It was nice to finally be moving somewhere with someone else, instead of being stuck on James. I didn’t know if Matt and I would last, or if he could be exactly what I’m looking for. But it was easy and drama-free with him. I still love James, but I’ve made peace with the fact that him and I will never be together. I just really hope that he has too.