Carry You Home.

warning: mature content.

McKinley woke up to Josh holding onto her tightly around the middle, her back pressed up against his chest, his lips and hot breath still on McKinley's neck. She hated that she enjoyed this feeling; being held. But it was unnerving. How was she supposed to drop Josh off at the airport with just a final goodbye then drive off to the hospital to tell her team of doctors that she doesn't want to proceed with treatments and she's ready to sign the 'Do Not Resuscitate' papers?

"Josh, you need to wake up," McKinley nudges him awake.

"What time is your appointment?" Josh asks with sleep in his voice.

"Noon."

"McKinley," Josh whispers into her ear, pulling her impossibly closer to him. "I know that you won't want me to stay with you, but I do. I want to stay with you until—you— until you stop breathing."

"I won't do that to you Josh. I won't allow you to sit beside my bed and watch me die. It'll be too painful for the both of us," she whispered back.

"No, it'll be more painful going back to California and convince myself that everything is okay when it's not. I'd rather be here with you, let me be here with you."

“Josh—“

"The moment it gets too hard for either of us, I'll leave. I promise, Just be selfish this one time and let me take care of you."

McKinley lay there, next to Josh. She allowed herself to close her eyes and paint that picture. The one where he is taking care of her once she can no longer do things for herself. When her body becomes so riddled with sickness and her body is no longer able to fight off the smallest cold. McKinley shuddered and opened her eyes again, shaking her head.

"I stand by my decision, Josh. I can't let you be there when I start to flat line. I can't let you be there as the doctors stand by and watch me take my last breath because I've signed some stupid NDR telling them not to. You won't be able to handle it."

"I can't handle leaving; it'll ruin me even more. Let me stay for a few more days. Let me stay until I have to go back to work, okay?"

"When do you go back to work?"

"Too soon."

McKinley didn't reply but Josh knew that she agreed to it. He was happy that he would be able to spend a few extra days with him but it hurt his heart knowing that things weren't going to be the same. She wasn't going to remain the fun, and laid back girl that he fell in love with. She'd be tired and weak, her body would betray her, and it is betraying her now.

They took a shower together. Josh could see the large bruises on the inside of her elbow where the doctors and nurses stuck her with needles to draw blood and pump her full of God knows what. He bent down to kiss her slowly; wanting to take her sadness away, and he knew that once she became sicker, even the smallest peck on the lips wouldn't be able to happen. McKinley wouldn't allow it, but she was allowing it now. She allowed Josh to wrap his arms around her, pulling her against the length of him.

Josh picked McKinley up with ease, pushing her back against the cool tile and wrapping her legs around his hips. His kisses became manic and lusty. He needed to show McKinley that he loved her because she refused to listen each time he told her. Josh dragged his lips from her to kiss down her wet neck, finding her pulse point and feeling it quicken underneath his tongue.

"Josh," McKinley breathed out with her eyes fluttering shut as he worked his lips further down her body until they came into contact with one of her erect nipples.

Josh paid attention to each nipple in turn; making McKinley gasp out each time he used his teeth to worry them. Pressure began to build in between McKinley's legs, pressure that she begged to be relieved. Josh chuckled finding his ways back up to her lips while his hand slipped in between their wet bodies and passed her slick folds, where two fingers entered her slowly, pumping in and out.

"Please, Josh. I need you," McKinley begged again.

Josh removed his fingers from her, grabbing his erection and positioning it before dropping McKinley's body slowly onto him until their hips met. "Oh fuck," he breathed out.

Josh pumped in and out of McKinley slowly, building each of them up, higher and higher. He listened for the signs of McKinley coming undone. He's become very familiar with those sounds; they've become some of his favorite sound in the world. McKinley takes a sharp inhale of breath, her moans and gasps become broken and unfinished as he feels her contract around him, signaling to him that he could finish.

Josh waited until the last second, wanting to savor the feeling, before spilling his release on McKinley's hip and part of her stomach, but the water quickly washed him away down the drain. Josh sighed as he kissed McKinley's wet hair, her head lolled on his shoulder.

"I love you," he whispers close to her ear. McKinley kissed the top of his shoulder, she'd allow it; for now.

McKinley's parents were in the same spot she left them in the night before; sitting at the island, drinking coffee, talking in a hushed whisper.

"Morning," McKinley said happily. Shower sex had improved her mood drastically.

"Good morning Kin, where is your guest?" her mother asks with a questioning smile.

"Josh is talking to his manager. He'll be down soon."

"Manager?" her dad asked, brow raised.

"Yeah, he's in movies," McKinley said simply, grabbing apple juice out of the fridge.

"You're cutting it kind of close if you plan on taking him to the airport, don't you think?" her mom asked another question.

"Actually, he's going to stay, just until he has to start filming. He's going to the hospital with us then we're going to go to a late lunch with Olivia, so we'll have to drive separately."

"Oh well, that's nice," her mom says when she doesn't know what else to say just as Josh enters the kitchen.

"Sorry, I had to call Andre too. He agreed to bring Driver when I meet him in Atlanta. He's pissed, saying he didn't agree to cart a dog around when he agreed to be my assistant," Josh explained to McKinley.

"So," McKinley's father began. "My daughter tells me that you'll be staying with us until you leave for Atlanta, I'm guessing?"

"If that's okay if you, Sir," Josh nods. "But I can easily stay in a hotel."

"Oh nonsense. You can stay here, if that is what McKinley wants," her mother chimes in.

McKinley nods, keeping her eyes down and her hands busy with the hem of her sweater.

*

McKinley had told Dr. Barnes what she wanted to do, which was nothing, but he and her parents urged her not to sign anything until she thought about it for the night. Her answer remained the same though. She was choosing not to go through the chemotherapy, or the radiation, and any sort of blood or marrow transplants.

"Are you sure about this McKinley?" Dr. Barnes asked her from behind his desk as he handed her a few pieces of paper for her to sign.

McKinley doesn't look back when she hears her mother stifle a cry and rush out of the small office leaving only her dad and Josh. She simply nods and skims over the words that make sentences that turns into paragraphs that disables the doctors from doing their jobs.

"You know ALL is fast and without proper medication it'll spread quickly. But it's uncertain how much time you'll have exactly. It could be weeks or months. But when you become unable to do everyday tasks, we can ease the pain so you can enjoy the rest of your time without pain."

"I know," she whispered as she began to sign her life away on the dotted line. "That's it."

McKinley put on a brave face for her parents and for Josh as they walked out to the elevators. Her mom was still crying silently, her dad's face was white and he seemed to be on the verge of throwing up. McKinley stole a glance up at Josh. His face was hard to read; he was trying his best not to make this situation harder for McKinley. He wanted to be her rock and Josh couldn't do that if he was trying.

McKinley and Josh parted ways from her parents in the parking garage. Josh drove for McKinley with her giving him directions from the passenger’s seat until they pulled into the parking lot of a local restaurant.

McKinley spotted her friend Olivia immediately. She wasn't hard to miss. Josh saw her too, once McKinley and her friend made eye contact. Josh noticed that she was attractive, but nothing compared to the small girl walking up to greet her. Blonde, tan with blue eyes. Olivia was taller than him by a couple inches and the well-defined muscles in her biceps made him think that she could easily knock him out with one punch.

"Liv!" McKinley squealed, wrapping her arms around her friends waist.

"You leave me for a year and come back with cancer and a famous boyfriend, what the fuck?" Olivia laughs. "Hi, I'm Olivia. It's really nice to meet you, I'm a fan," she tells Josh, extending her left hand for Josh to shake.

But McKinley pulls her hand away before he can grip it. "What is this?" She asks about the diamond ring sitting on her ring finger.

"Colton proposed! We just came back from Afghanistan when he popped the questions," she answered.

They took a seat, McKinley and Josh sat opposite of Olivia. McKinley clued Josh in to who Colton was; a guy that Olivia met while on her first deployment. They only knew each other for a few months before Colton popped the big question. It had been love at first sight, much like how he felt with McKinley.

"So you signed the papers?" Olivia asked nonchalantly while taking a sip of her lemonade.

"Yup," McKinley said popping the 'p'.

"You going to follow me around and haunt me?"

"Yup."

"You better not watch Colton and I have sex or I'll the smudge the shit out of my house," Olivia laughed.

"Damn, I was really looking forward to that."

Josh loved this side of McKinley. The side of her that he fell in love with. The side of her that doesn't have a terminal illness. She's happy and carefree at the moment.

*

But moments like that become short lived as McKinley contracts the flu and her body isn't able to fight it off like most bodies can. She spends three nights in the hospital, only awake long enough to drink some water or nibble on a cracker, or throw up the acid in her stomach before frowning weakly at Josh who hasn't left her side.

His time to leave is drawing nearer, and McKinley is getting worse. The time that she's going to need him the most, she'll make him leave. Push Josh from her life completely.

"I love you," he whispers to her one night.

McKinley smiled up at him from her spot in the bathtub. She was no longer sick, sick with the flu, but the doctors want to keep her, she doesn't have much longer. "I'm sorry I didn't fight. It's not because I don't love you or my parents."

Josh shakes his head, resting his chin on his knee. "It's okay; I know that this was hard for you."

"It was, but this choice is easier. I'm weak and I'm foggy but it'll be over soon and I won't hurt anymore."

Josh had to grit his teeth together in order not to cry. He's been doing it a lot lately. While McKinley sleeps he would sneak away into the adjoining bathroom and dial his mom' phone number and cry to her about how this wasn't fair. He wasn't ready to say goodbye.

"I do love you, you know?"

"Do you?" Josh fights to keep his voice even, remaining to stare at one of the tiles on the floor.

"Yeah. I loved you the first time I held your hands. You kept fiddling with your fingers and it was so annoying, but it was cute. You didn't seem to be the guy to get nervous, but there you were."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought that if I kept fighting you, you'd leave."

"That didn't work, I'm still here."

"I'm glad."

Josh drifted his gaze to McKinley. She was staring at him with a large smile on her pale face. He loved that smile. "I'm only going to spend a day or two in Atlanta then I'm coming back okay?"

McKinley nodded as she craned her neck to meet her lips to his. Originally she didn't want him here for this. McKinley didn't want Josh seeing her this weak, she thought that he might think less of her or even find her gross. But Josh didn't, if anything he loved her more. Not because she was sick and dying, but because despite everything she still managed to make his heart flutter with a simple smile.