The Poison in Your Blood

I’m lying in one of the new lounge chairs in the back yard, letting myself tan and feel the warm sun on my skin. The pool has been finished for about a week and I have to say I’ve enjoyed having it. I’m lying in my American flag bikini I bought for the fourth of July, and I took advantage of the bar and made myself a blender of margaritas. We spent the fourth of July at the beach a couple weeks ago, but I’m already planning how next year it is going to be held at my beautiful new swimming pool.

I hear the sliding door open and footsteps on the cement behind me. I close my eyes and enjoy the sun. I’m pretty sure nobody is coming outside to kill me, considering I have a fiancé who’s better than a guard dog. A few seconds later I feel him lift me up and sit under me. It all happens so quickly it’s as if he was there all along.

“You are turning brown,” he says.

“That’s the point.”

“You won’t think so when you’ve got skin cancer,” he says.

“Shut up,” I say.

He laughs and kisses me on my jaw. “The kids are gone for the day. I gave them a couple hundred bucks and told them to beat it,” he says.

“You wanted to come out here and take advantage of me,” I say.

“Basically,” he agrees.

I laugh and rest my head on his shoulder. I push some of his hair out of his eyes and take a breath. I still sometimes wonder if he isn’t going to burst into flames or something sitting in the sunlight. If I ever said that he’d probably burst out laughing.

“It’s too bad dogs hate you,” I say.

“It is too bad,” he says after a second of thought. “When I was a human I must preferred dogs to cats.”

“I’ve always loved all animals,” I say. “Cats just understand me.”

“You’re insane,” he says and kisses my neck.

“I’m surprised Piggy doesn’t hate you.”

“Cats love me,” he says. “Ever since it happened. It’s probably the scent thing.”

“Or cats know what it’s like to be a vicious predator and think maybe you need love too,” I say and stick my tongue out.

He laughs and gives a little nod, as if that’s a perfectly acceptable explanation. I snuggle against him and close my eyes for a minute. He smells perfect as always and I want nothing more than to melt into him.

“Why don’t we get in the pool for a minute?” I ask after a few seconds.

“I’m not really dressed in swimwear,” he says.

“So?” I say with a dirty grin. “You have hedges.” I stand up and untie the strings on my bikini top and let it fall onto the ground.

“We have an appointment this evening with Doug,” he says. “Special time, just for us.”

“Are we taking Josh?”

“Yea,” he says, staring at my now totally exposed breasts. “You should come out here and do some naked sun bathing. Get rid of the tan lines.”

“Don’t my tan lines turn you on?” I ask in a dirty voice.

“That isn’t what I said,” he says. He stands up and pulls his shirt off. His skin is white. It never changes color, which makes me wonder about being a vampire. I don’t know how I’ll feel if I can’t tan anymore. “Where else have you got tan lines?” he asks and pulls me against him by my hips. He pulls the strings on my bikini bottoms and runs his hand down my ass.

“Why don’t you find them?” I ask. I pull out of his grip and strut over to the pool before walking in on the steps. The water feels wonderful against my skin. I sink in to my chest and blow him a little kiss.

He laughs and gets out of his clothes before joining me in the water. I float on my back for a while, letting the sun bathe my entire body. I feel his finger tips on my back, running down my spine in a straight line. I’m thankful for the big hedges we had put in with with pool. I insisted on them because I knew well that I would want to spend some time in this pool without any clothes on and I didn’t feel like the neighbors needed to watch it happen. I suppose it’s possible the 14 year old boy that lives next door could be watching through his upstairs window and jacking off, but I don’t think I’ll harbor that thought for long.

It doesn’t take long for the swimming to be over and the other fun activities to be started, and at a certain point he has to put his hand over my mouth to keep the neighbors from knowing what’s going on regardless of the hedges.

When we’ve finished and are both lying on the lounge chair again I take a moment to enjoy alone time. I love my sister and I love that she has Josh and she can be happy despite all the bad shit she’s had to go through in the last several months. But bringing them into our house put a big wrench in our romantic together time.

So I enjoy lying on the lounge chair, covered in a towel, lying on my naked fiancé, letting our skin press against each others for a while. He runs his hand down my back again and I sigh contently.

“You want to go upstairs?” he asks.

“Of course,” I say with a smile.

About ten seconds later he drops me on our bed and crawls on top of me, kissing my neck and collar bone. We spend a fair amount of our afternoon in bed making love and cuddling and kissing and shit. I’m actually pretty happy he gave the kids some money and sent them away. The sex is good, but the alone time together is better. It seems like something to strange to just lie in bed and snuggle and shit all day.

It’s around 4 in the afternoon when the kids pull up in the drive way. I sigh and roll onto my back, taking some of the white sheets with me. I’m going to have to get dressed and get out of bed in a minute and that sucks. I look at Austin with a pout, and he gives me a sleepy smile.

“We don’t have to let them ruin our fun,” he says in a soft voice.

“They won’t let us lie up here forever,” I say.

“They won’t be able to stop us,” he says and pulls me back onto his chest. He uses his finger tips to gently graze my ass and I close my eyes and savor the feeling. I can’t wait until our honeymoon so that I can just be like this with him for a couple weeks.

I wrap my leg over his and I take a breath of his smell and I let it intoxicate me for a few minutes. “I love you,” I say.

“I love you,” he says back and kisses my forehead. “I’ve put some thought into your idea of having our wedding in the Caribbean.”

“Yea?” I ask.

“It could be interesting,” he says. “But…what I’m thinking about is if it’s really necessary to wait until December to get married.”

“When would you rather get married?”

“Now,” he says.

“Austin, I can’t just tell all my friends I’m getting married now and lets all take off to the Caribbean.”

“We could have the big wedding in December,” he says. “We’d just get married now.”

“How would we just get married now?” I ask.

“Easy,” he says. “We go to the courthouse and get married.”

He makes it out like its nothing to just up and sign the papers. Yet at the same time I’m feeling like it would be a beautiful idea. To just marry him tomorrow and be his wife. The whole thing is kind of romantic.

“I don’t know,” I say after a minute.

“I love you,” he says. He kisses me on the mouth, hard and passionately. “There is no reason not to; we are living like we are married anyways.”

“I know…but it’s kind of short notice,” I say. “Besides, I want a honeymoon.”

“We could have a honeymoon,” he says. “We could get married tomorrow morning and be in Jamaica by tomorrow night.”

“How could…”

“I would say Italy, but I’ve already paid for that trip to be at the end of December. That will have to be our second honeymoon.” He kind of laughs then and looks at me.

“But why?” I ask.

He pauses for a minute. “I did the big wedding once,” he says. “Don’t get me wrong, it was nice and it was a good time or whatever. I know you want a wedding, I know you have a dress and cake and shit. I’m not going to take that away from you, because you deserve everything. But it seems like our whole relationship, with the exception of the first couple months, has been shared with the fucking world. The idea of getting married, privately, just me and you, kind of seems nice.”

I feel my heart flutter a little. It just makes it even more romantic sounding when he puts it that way. The thought that all he wants is one thing that’s really ours alone is incredible. I trace a couple circles on his chest with my finger tips.

“We wouldn’t tell anybody?”

“No,” he says. “It would be me and you.”

“Who would be a witness?”

“I don’t know,” he says. “Somebody would do it.”

“I don’t know,” I say.

He runs his hand up my back and I shiver slightly at the feeling. He runs his fingers up into my hair and I close my eyes and think about this for a minute. We’ve been together for 8 months about. I’m basically completely happy and content with him and our relationship. I love him whole heartedly in spite of all his flaws. In the end I can’t think of many reasons to say no. He promised I’d still get the wedding I wanted, and because I want to have the wedding in a different country I’d have to have a courthouse kind of wedding first anyways so all our legal paperwork could be in the United States.

“Fine,” I say. “We can get married now.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Can we wait a couple days? So I can find a dress?” I ask and give him a smile. “Just a simple dress, but I want a picture of our real wedding and I want to have a dress on.”

He laughs lightly and nods his head once. “Alright, I’ll give you a couple days to find a dress.”

After a little while longer we get out of bed and get dressed, because it’s time for our appointment with Doug. I spend some time in the closet looking for something to wear. I finally decide just to put on some cut off shorts and a tank top, because it’s fucking hot still. I brush my hair up into its little pony tail and apply a little bit of liner and mascara and lipstick. No real reason to get dressed up so somebody can stick me with needles.

I find it hard to keep up conversation while we are driving. My mind is still stuck at getting married now and where I find it to be a romantic and fun idea; I also wonder if it’s really what I want. It’s really honestly a bigger step then I’d thought about until the idea of doing it now came up.

We get to the shop and I take in a breath of the smells. All the ink and ointment and sanitizer smells and for a minute I enjoy it fully. I only have a couple tattoos, but I for some reason have always enjoyed being in the shops and hearing the guns and smelling the smells and watching people get their tattoos. If I was artistically talented, which I’m not, I’d be a tattoo artist.

There is only one person in the shop with Doug. It’s a man who is getting a Monster energy tattoo, for reasons unknown to me. The tattoo is finished and Doug is wrapping him up. Doug looks up when he sees us and gives a smile.

“Hey, guys, I should have known you’d keep your appointment,” he says and laughs a little. He’s dressed in shorts and a black ribbed tank top. He looks like he’s been here for a little while and like he’s in his truly happy place. It’s like when Madison starts working on new makeup. I feel like the two of them would make an excellent couple, both of them are so business oriented and motivated. The problem with that is I know Madison well enough to know she’s too focused on her business and it would damage any kind of personal relationship with a man.

After I contemplate this for a minute I wonder why I can’t be passionate about anything. Once, when I was about 20, I was going to start a dog grooming business. I got a couple customers, and I visited them regularly for about three months, then I started canceling appointments and I lost my customers. A few years later I was going to open a restaurant. I worked and worked and worked to save money for about six months. Then I decided maybe a restaurant wasn’t actually for me. When I was 6 I was going to be a ballerina. I whined my parents into lessons and expensive shit. By the time I was 9 the thought of putting on a ballet slipper made my stomach turn. That is one of the longest lasting passions I ever had. I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher once, until I realized I couldn’t stand five year olds. Now I’m a house wife to a vampire, and by the way I don’t cook and I’ve been known to put off cleaning. Why the hell does he want to marry me at all?

The man with the energy drink tattoo pays and leaves and Doug strolls over to where we are standing. Anna is holding onto Josh’s arm and looking all in love and shit, and I’m standing on the other side of her, not as close to Austin as I should be considering I agreed to get married in a couple days. Doug gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and he gives Anna a hug before doing the bro handshake thing with the men.

“So, what are we doing today?” Doug asks.

Josh produces the portrait of Anna he drew. “Can you out this on my calf?”

“I can do anything,” Doug says in a dramatic cocky tone. He takes the picture from Josh and looks it over. “It’s gonna take a long fucking time though. Think you can handle it?”

“I think so,” Josh says and nods before pushing some of his jet black hair out of his eyes.

“Alright, what about you, Lana?” Doug asks me and gives me a wide grin. “My face over your heart?”

“Oh lord,” I say and laugh.

“Hey, just remember I can take you,” Austin says with a grin.

“I’m going to go ahead and say I don’t want to go there….” Doug says after a second of thought. “I enjoy being alive.”

“Good idea,” Austin says.

We laugh and I scratch at my wrist for a minute. I wanted to get some work done, but now I’m not sure of what I want. After fifteen minutes I decide on a series of butterflies, the first being a chrysalis, and the last being the butter fly with its wings spread and full of color, with swirls and little stars and shit on my rib case. Doug seems excited at the idea of the work and we go over some quick sketches for a second before agreeing on a basic design.

“This is gonna hurt,” he warns after we’ve got it all worked out.

“I know,” I say and shrug. “That’s okay.”

“If after we start you need a break or something let me know. Don’t pass out. I had a girl come in and get a big ass tattoo on her ribs and she was in so much pain she threw up and passed out. I was scared to death she was gonna sue me,” he laughs. “I know you wouldn’t sue me, but you know I gotta kinda wonder if your body guard over there wouldn’t eat me if I hurt you.” He gives me a dark laugh and I can’t help but laugh with him.

“He’s surprisingly harmless,” I say and wink.

“How about you man, you getting some fresh ink?” Doug asks Austin and moves away from me.

“I originally was planning on observation,” he says, “but I like the idea of Lana’s.”

“Kinda feminine, honey,” I say and stick my tongue out.

He comes and looks over my design for a few seconds. “I wasn’t planning on getting the same thing, dear,” he says in an equally teasing tone. “Doug, let’s see what we can come up with on this last one.”

Doug joins us and pulls out another sheet of sketch paper and the two of them take my last butterfly, the big spread winged colorful butterfly, and warp it a little, remove most of the color but for a few red spots, make it look almost evil, and yet completely beautiful and masculine all at the same time. Doug puts their final sketch against mine and it matches in a way I can’t explain. Now I know why I have no passions. Doug has a talent beyond anything I could ever dream of having. He’s managed to make a somehow almost demonic looking butterfly that is compellingly beautiful and yet so closely related to the normal butterfly I chose that you can still call them matching tattoos. As I look at them a little longer, it occurs to me the two things represent my relationship quite well. I’ve always thought myself quite average, maybe beautiful on the outside, but normal as a whole, and now I’ve paired with Austin. He’s so much like the drawing of the darker butterfly. Compellingly beautiful, made to draw you to him, and yet the underlying danger is there, shining through just enough.

“I love them,” I say. “You are amazing,” I say to Doug.

“I know,” he says and grins. “Alright, let’s get started. We’ll start with Austin, since it’s the simplest of the three. Inside of the wrist…should be fun when he starts bleeding that nasty black shit.”

“Fuck you,” Austin says and gives a playful kind of shove.

“Let’s get this started! I’d offer you all a drink, but all I’ve got in here is coffee and energy drinks. Strict rule of no alcohol while working in here.”

“Good rule,” I say.

Doug grins. “When I first opened shop, we’d sit in here and drink beer all night. Then a couple clients ended up with some totally botched work and we’d have to give them their money back and attempt to fix it up. Not always that easy to do. After a while, I started losing money, my dreams were being crushed, and I decided I needed to set up some new rules.”

“Well I’m glad you got it figured out,” I say.

I sit next to Austin behind the counter and watch as Doug perfectly transfers the dark butterfly onto his wrist and works on the tattoo. As I sit and watch it my mind travels back to the idea of getting married. I take hold of Austin’s free hand and give it a squeeze and he smiles at me.

Two hours later I’m a half hour into my own tattoo and it hurts like a bitch. I’m bleeding a lot so I unfortunately lost my fiancé, who was holding my hand until he couldn’t stand the smell of fresh blood anymore. He went outside to smoke a cigarette instead.

“You okay Lana?” Doug asks as he wipes down the tattoo.

“Doing great,” I say. I grind my teeth as he returns the needles to my ribs and continues.

“Promise you’ll let me know if you need a break?”

“I promise,” I say. “Have you seen Madison lately?” I ask, hoping to take my mind away from the pain of the tattoo needles.

“I spent the night with her last night,” he says. “She’s something else,” he adds and laughs.

“She’s always been a little on the wild side,” I say and laugh softly.

“She’s a great girl,” he says and stretches out his shoulders a little. “She’s gonna hold the whole world in her hand.”

“That’s her goal,” I say and take a breath. It seems like maybe Doug is a little more into her than he should be.

“Don’t worry about me, Lana,” he says as if he could read my mind. “I was where she is once. Just starting to get it off the ground, your whole life and world is about that business. That business is like your child and you have to care for it. What we have is what she needs and it works for me. I’ll be sticking around…so when and if she’s ever ready I’ll be there.”

“You’re too sweet,” I say and give him a smile.

He returns the smile. “I wasn’t always.”

“But you are now, and that’s what matters.”

All the tattoos aren’t finished until nearly three in the morning. Doug looks exhausted, and I know I’m ready for bed. We decide to make a late night stop at Denny’s before going home and buy Doug some dinner since he didn’t eat so he could do our tattoos late and private.

After we leave Denny’s and get home I take off my dressings on my tattoo and spread some stuff on it to keep it moist and crawl into bed with Austin. I put my head on his chest and close my eyes for a minute.

“I’m going to buy a dress tomorrow,” I say. “So find us a place to have a honeymoon.”

“Okay,” he says and rubs my hair.

“I love you,” I say.

“I love you,” he says back.

I stretch up and kiss him. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“You won’t have to wait anymore,” he says. I fall asleep soon after, with my head still on his chest, feeling completely content and perfectly comfortable in my decision. It’s the only natural decision really; this is where I’ve always belonged.