Status: Complete
Why Can't We Make This Darkness Feel Like Home?
Vier
“Jessica you are like a little sister to us. We would do anything for you!” Georg told me.
“Thank you Georg and Gustav, I'm glad we're friends... And I’m so sorry Tom; I got eyeliner all over your new shirt!” I laughed looking at Tom's shirt.
“It's okay."
“I don’t think I could have made it through the day without you all!”
“Hey you guys, let’s give Bill and Jessica sometime to talk alone,” Ashley suggested looking at Tom, Georg, and Gustav. When I looked over at Ashley, Bill nodded at her to accept the fact that her and the boys are leaving me to face my doom. As I looked up from the picnic table I saw Bill looking at me like he did not know what to say.
“Jessica you could have trusted me enough to tell me about your past. I may not be able to relate or understand how you feel. But I promise you I will never, ever put you in danger or hurt you!” Bill exclaimed with a grave face.
“I would have told you, but I’m trying to erase that part of my life... Most importantly I didn’t want it to ruin our relationship like I fear how it is now!” I told him, frowning again. My ex's face was in my mind again, I hated him. I wish he would go away.
“Now that I know what's going on we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want too,” Bill said as he leaned in and gave me a reassuring hug. Now that Bill knows maybe he will not ask me to explain further. I really want to forget.
“Good, I don’t want to talk about it." I got up from the picnic table and I took Bill’s hand, we went inside for the day. Going back to the living room alone I laid down and looked up at the ceiling. When I was alone I heard Bill and Ashley talk, I could not help it. I eavesdropped.
“How did it go with Jessica?” Ashley asked Bill, sounding curious.
“Okay, I didn’t force her to tell me anything she wasn't comfortable with,” Bill confessed sounding like he let Ashley and himself down. I could not let myself keep listening to their conversation, so I decided to take a nap. Sleeping, I dreamed of my ex again and a retake of the conversation with Bill. But my dream was way different; Bill actually hit me and yelled loudly. Then something poked me, I opened my eyes seeing Bill standing above me.
“What's wrong Jessica? You were screaming!”
“Bad dream, very bad dream!"
“Do you want to talk about it?” Bill asked me again. I honestly did not want to continue talking about my ex, but I also wanted Bill to stop asking. I just wanted everything to go away.
“Fine, we can talk about it.” Bill sat down on the couch facing me, ready to listen. "In the eleventh grade I had a crush on this twelfth grade boy. We were together for three years. However, it went all downhill from there. It was as if a whole different guy came out of him," I explained as tears began to form in the corners of my eyes. They began to roll down my face as I continued, "he became physically and emotionally abusive. I was beaten and insulted repeatedly, honestly I thought he would eventually stop but he never did. It wasn't until I was put into the hospital with broken ribs and a wrist that people found out. My parents made me file charges against him, he went to prison. He still has 10 more years left."
“Thank you Georg and Gustav, I'm glad we're friends... And I’m so sorry Tom; I got eyeliner all over your new shirt!” I laughed looking at Tom's shirt.
“It's okay."
“I don’t think I could have made it through the day without you all!”
“Hey you guys, let’s give Bill and Jessica sometime to talk alone,” Ashley suggested looking at Tom, Georg, and Gustav. When I looked over at Ashley, Bill nodded at her to accept the fact that her and the boys are leaving me to face my doom. As I looked up from the picnic table I saw Bill looking at me like he did not know what to say.
“Jessica you could have trusted me enough to tell me about your past. I may not be able to relate or understand how you feel. But I promise you I will never, ever put you in danger or hurt you!” Bill exclaimed with a grave face.
“I would have told you, but I’m trying to erase that part of my life... Most importantly I didn’t want it to ruin our relationship like I fear how it is now!” I told him, frowning again. My ex's face was in my mind again, I hated him. I wish he would go away.
“Now that I know what's going on we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want too,” Bill said as he leaned in and gave me a reassuring hug. Now that Bill knows maybe he will not ask me to explain further. I really want to forget.
“Good, I don’t want to talk about it." I got up from the picnic table and I took Bill’s hand, we went inside for the day. Going back to the living room alone I laid down and looked up at the ceiling. When I was alone I heard Bill and Ashley talk, I could not help it. I eavesdropped.
“How did it go with Jessica?” Ashley asked Bill, sounding curious.
“Okay, I didn’t force her to tell me anything she wasn't comfortable with,” Bill confessed sounding like he let Ashley and himself down. I could not let myself keep listening to their conversation, so I decided to take a nap. Sleeping, I dreamed of my ex again and a retake of the conversation with Bill. But my dream was way different; Bill actually hit me and yelled loudly. Then something poked me, I opened my eyes seeing Bill standing above me.
“What's wrong Jessica? You were screaming!”
“Bad dream, very bad dream!"
“Do you want to talk about it?” Bill asked me again. I honestly did not want to continue talking about my ex, but I also wanted Bill to stop asking. I just wanted everything to go away.
“Fine, we can talk about it.” Bill sat down on the couch facing me, ready to listen. "In the eleventh grade I had a crush on this twelfth grade boy. We were together for three years. However, it went all downhill from there. It was as if a whole different guy came out of him," I explained as tears began to form in the corners of my eyes. They began to roll down my face as I continued, "he became physically and emotionally abusive. I was beaten and insulted repeatedly, honestly I thought he would eventually stop but he never did. It wasn't until I was put into the hospital with broken ribs and a wrist that people found out. My parents made me file charges against him, he went to prison. He still has 10 more years left."