Against God's Design

I made my way into the back of the classroom to Cole, my boyfriend, and past the girl who saved my life. She kept eying me until I reached my seat. She was decently pretty. Short brown hair, that I had noticed she cut, and pale blue eyes to go right along with em. She was a bit shorter than me, but seemed older some how.

I sat my book on my desk and Cole's Carmel brown eyes widened at my neck. I noticed his long stare, and I whispered, "It's nothing." I say it so soft that I can barely even hear myself. Cole heard though. I know he'd heard.

I bit my lip "Well, nothing leaves a bruise on you like that, Jamie" he hisses at me. I flinch at him using my real name and I bit my lip harder. Jamie...Jamie...Jamie. That's who I was to him. Not James. Just Jamie.

The teacher begins to speak, but I don't hear her. I'm too busy being self conscience due to the markings around my throat. I looked over to her, the girl who saved me. If it wasn't for her, I might have ended up in the ER again. I'm sorta really mad at myself for running off like that without a thank you or something. It's just...when she tried to move my bangs I instantly felt insecure. My eyes...I'm very insecure about my eyes. Along with everything else in and on my body.

Before I knew it, my name was called suddenly and I tensed up. Why'd she say my name? Why? I hate my voice! Please don't make me speak! "James, did you hear me?" Ms. Brick, yes Brick I know, asked me.

I nodded hesitantly in lying. Then she continued, "I paired you up into partners. I want you to study, research, and write an essay about your partner. Their personal back grounds and every day feeling. Along with the demons they have to face. This essay is due in three weeks"

I actually paid attention this time, so who'd she pair me with? Please be Cole. No one but Cole. If it was anyone else I'd have to spill so many things to get a good grade!

People started to switch seats, I guess to sit with their partners, and Cole began to get up "Ill talk to you after class, Jamie" he stated. I nod and bite my lip harder once again. I want partners with Cole. No fucking way. So who's my partner then!

Making my way was the girl who shares a locker next to me. She makes her way to Cole's chair and sits next to me. "I'm Rich-Racheal" she said, "I'm your essay partner."

I look at her curiously. Did she just say she was 'Rich'? I don't know, maybe I heard wrong. This girl isn't like me. She's too perfect and girly for that. I gulped as I stared at my desk "James" I whisper.

She reached over and touched my neck gently. I tensed up. "Are you ok? That seems to really hurt" Racheal said.

I nodded slowly "Yea...thanks" I whispered again, but loud enough for her to hear me, "Ya know for...for stopping Troy"

I looked up to see her expression and surprisingly she was smiling at me "Anytime...so what's his problem against you anyway?" Racheal asked, taking her hand off of me.

"Just...doesn't like me" I stated simply.

This girl was English partner? I think I could deal. She wasn't all bad, but I don't know if I can trust her. The only one I can trust is Cole, and only because he's been with me this whole time. Through thick and thin. Plus, he feels too bad for me to leave me.

Yea, I'm in a pity relationship. I have a lot of those actually. My parents and Cole. I don't want other people to see it that way. That I need to be pitied.

After that, Racheal doesn't ask anymore questions and leaves me be. I start reading my book, The Complete Tales and Poems by Edgar Allen Poe. I find his poetry very...me. Though he does have a thing for dead women. Seriously, are they that attractive? How many times can this guy be in love?

###########£############

After class, I head straight over to Cole and he pulls me out of the class room. He's leading me to God knows where and I'm just going along with him. Cole pulls me into an empty class room and closes the door "Troy again?" Cole asks, getting to the point.

I gulp the lump in my throat down and nod slowly. Cole touches my bruisings. He's a bit rougher than Racheal and presses down on them. I hissed in pain, and Cole looks me in the eyes with worrieness. "Jamie, why do this to yourself? If-if you dressed how you're suppose to...none of this will happen. You won't get beat up anymore, Jamie" He said, his voice shaking with no control.

I bite my lip. I didn't choose to be this way! I didn't choose to be biologically a female! Why can't he see that?! With tears falling down my face, that I know he can't see due to my long bangs, I say "O-okay" in such a light whisper.

Cole looked me right in the eyes "You're going to ignore me just like last time, aren't you Jamie? You're not going to take my advice?" He asked sternly.

I nodded as I sniffled. Cole takes all hands off of me and backs away "I hate seeing my...MY girlfriend get beat up for this. Why can't you just see that dressing the way you should might make things better?" Cole growls "Why?"

I then see the disappointment on his face. He really felt that way? Why? Why? Why? Why couldn't I just be like all the other girls? Pretty in make up. Cheer after school. Dresses that show off my curves and my hair out of my face? Why couldn't I be what everyone wanted me to be? Cole's right. All it is, is hurting me.

I push past him and walk out of the class room. I slide into the boys' bathroom without anyone noticing and I sat my book down on the counter. I hear my sobs uncontrollably from my lips and feel my hot burning tears running down my cheeks. Why wasn't I normal?

Before I can stop crying, I hear the bathroom door fly open, and in comes Troy. I cringed as I knew what was going to happen. "Hello, Jamie. Aren't you in the wrong bathroom dear?" His voice echoes and makes me shiver in fright.

He struts over pulls my hair. I yelp in pain and Troy covers my mouth in mid scream. I hear him laughing as he's suffocating me and I can't breathe. I slowly feel dizzy and start seeing black. Everything was getting blurry.

Why...why must I be me?, I asked myself just right before I blacked out.