From Under the Cork Tree

My mom had seen me and mentioned I was glowing. I almost spilled my guts, but I caught myself, saying, "I'm just happy having John around."

"How long are you staying again, hun?" My mom asked him.

"A few more days, Mrs. Rush," he looked at me, then back at her, "I'll be back though."

"How long is this tour?" My dad asked next.

"Uh, 3 months, but I'll be in California at the beginning of November. We're doing a few shows on the east coast, then we're going overseas for a week, then right back here."

"When does it start?"

"October 5th," he said, "I'm gonna spend the next two weeks with my family, my brother Bobby's birthday is coming up."

My stomach began to roll after they finished talking about John leaving. I was now sad and sick of the thought of him leaving me. There was something that was tugging at my insides, making the thought of him leaving more unbearable with each minute.

I kept telling myself how dumb I was being. John was coming back, I kept saying to my aching head and belly, he and I would be back and we would start our lives together properly. We're married, remember that, I kept saying, there was nothing to worry about.

After dinner, I was feeling a lot better; I think I finally made my head and stomach, and Baby, understand that everything would be okay while John was away. We stayed and talked a bit with my parents before they retreated to bed, and we went back out and up to our apartment. John and I sat on the couch, turned on Saturday Night Live reruns, and watched quietly, laughing occasionally, truly enjoying our time together.

John and I lay on the couch, his body close behind me, his arms around my torso, his face against my neck; his breathing was slow and soft, so I knew he was still awake. He was a little tense, I knew that meant he was uncomfortable or he wanted to say something. So, I rolled around, kissing his lips, "What's up? Why are you tense?"

He chuckled, his forehead pressed against mine, "Why don't you come to Albany with me?"

"I have to work on Monday," I murmured.

"How about you fly in on Friday then? You'll be free, right?"

I shrugged, "Maybe, I haven't talked to Dora yet."

"If you're free," he started, "fly out for the week, we can tell my family together...maybe mom will go easier on us."

I scoffed at the thought, "She's gonna murder me."

John pulled me closer and tighter against him, "Nah, mom won't do anything. I'll protect you and baby Ramona."

I smiled, "So, you're sure baby is a girl?"

He hummed, "Yep. She's a beautiful little blue eyed girl."

"You sure she'll have blue eyes like you?"

"Sure am," he affirmed positively, "she'll look exactly like you, but she'll have my eyes and my wonderful curly hair."

I kissed him again, "I hope so. But, what if you're wrong, Beatz? What if baby is a boy?"

"Then you're in for an ugly baby, cuz I was ugly."

"No you weren't," I giggled. "I've seen baby pictures, you were adorable! You had those big bright eyes that looked like big shiny diamonds, and the little button nose, and your cute little tushy!" I gushed, causing him to laugh, "You were a cute baby that grew into a handsome man, my handsome husband."

He kissed me, my lips turned up against his, and my fingers rolled up into his hair, tugging at the thick curls. He groaned, muffling a laugh; it didn't take long before we were stripping our clothes off, but fought to keep from letting each other go.


John stayed just outside the room while Dr. Gwen examined me. After, John was allowed in for the ultrasound. I was so excited and nervous, Dr. Gwen had said I was just over the two month mark; we had conceived our baby in the middle of July. John held my hand as he sat in a stool beside me, listening to Dr. Gwen explain what she was set to do and what we were going to see.

My heart was thumping crazily as she placed the gel across my pelvis, then turned on the ultrasound screen. John's grip on my hand tightened as the ultrasound screen flickered,
"We're gonna see our baby."

Dr. Gwen hummed, "I'll just press this wand over your pelvis and we'll get a little look see at your baby."

There was lava like blobs on the screen as Dr. Gwen moved the wand. I couldn't tell what was what, I actually expected a full size baby to appear. I was definitely naive about that; Dr. Gwen had said our baby would be the size of my fist, to which John held up and kissed. The gesture brought tears to my eyes, and then more when Dr. Gwen pointed out our baby.

"There baby Holohan is," she said, then she giggled, "little fist. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"

"Yes," John said without hesitation.

I smiled, biting my lip in between; after a few moments of silence, there was this swooshing sound. Dr. Gwen smiled back at me as the sound of our baby's heart beating filled the air. Tears rolled down my cheeks, my eyes shut as I listened intently. I couldn't believe I was having a baby, and I was listening to them living inside of me. John had leaned in and kissed my hand again, his free hand came up and wiped my tears away, causing me to look at him.

"I love you, Angel," he said softly.

"I love you too," I kissed his cheek, exhaling.

After we watched and listened to our baby, Dr. Gwen printed up stills from the ultrasound and gave them to us. I made future appointments with her, and then I dressed, heading out of the building with John.

Driving home, we talked about what we would tell my parents. I was nervous about telling them, again, wondering how disappointed they'd be in me. John already knew what he was going to tell his family, I envied him for how easily it would be for him to tell his parents. I couldn't gage how my parents would take it; they're old fashioned, but have modernized their thinking in the last decade. Still, I was worried.

Arriving, I was hesitant to get out the car. John held my hand, "Babe, they won't be disappointed."

"How do you know?" I asked meekly.

"I just do," he smiled, "they love you, they'll be happy for you."

I exhaled, thinking deeply; I'm 24, have a good job that I enjoy. I'm now married to the love of my life, and suddenly pregnant, after believing I'd never bear a child. The entire thought process was like a roller coaster.

"Okay," I sighed, "let's go tell 'em."

Climbing out of the car, I quickly made my way around it to meet up with John. He held my hand again, securely, then he kissed the top of my head, "It's gonna be okay."

I inhaled and then exhaled before I got the nerve to move forward through the front gate. We surpassed the way to the stairs to our apartment and found my dad just outside watering the grass. The dogs were all laying in the pavement, watching him, and then they looked over at John and I.

"Hey honey," my dad greeted, "where did you two go?"

"Uh," I inhaled sharply, "that's--that's what I need to talk to you about, dad. Is mom inside?"

My dad didn't seem to pick up on my nervousness, "Yep. Head in, I'll be there in a second."

I led the way into the house, finding my mom tidying up the living room. The house smelt so clean and like fresh flowers; I smiled at the memories that filled my head, hoping my child would have a happy little childhood like I had. The memories stopped when my mom called my name; I was brought back to earth with nervousness filling my gut.

"You look sick, Angel," my mom fussed over me before I could respond, "come sit, what's wrong?"

John followed me to the couch, his hand slipped from mine, "We just need to talk to you guys."

My mom looked worried, "Are you breaking up?"

"No," I said quickly, "not that."

My dad entered just then, adding to my panic thoughts. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, scatter brained about everything around me. John ran his hand up and down my back, comforting me, so my brain started to sort out and calm down.

"What's going on?" My dad asked as he sat in his recliner across from us three on the couch. "You okay, Angelus?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm okay. I--John 'n' me needa talk--tell you guys something."

My dad looked between he and I, "Everything okay?"

"Yes," I answered, "it's...its a...um, it's huge news."

"Is the wedding off?" My mom asked sorrowfully.

"No," John murmured, "it's all good news, Mrs. Rush."

My parents looked baffled. I felt like the air was cutting off my breathing. It was constricting, so I decided to just spit it out.

"Yesterday, John 'n' me went to the courthouse," I spat it out, "we got married."

My dad's brows shot up and my mom's jaw slacked, her eyes grew glossy. In an instant, they both looked very sad and disappointed.

"Oh," my dad mumbled.

"It's not because we wanted to do it without you," John began to explain quickly, "we're still having that huge wedding in January."

Their attitude picked up, but only a bit.

"Why did you get married then?" My mom asked.

"Well," my lips turned up, "we found out that...I'm pregnant."

My parents looked at each other, both dumbfounded.

"Pregnant?" My mom looked at me with a skeptical look. "Are you sure? Did you take a home test? Honey, don't you remember--"

I cut her off, "No, mom, we went to the clinic. I was feeling sick, John was worried and..." I shrugged with a smile, "Congrats, mom and dad, you're gonna be grandparents."

John pulled out the ultrasound photos from my bag that was still on my shoulder. I had forgotten all the things around me from being so worried. My mom actually cried out when she saw the gray photos, and my dad got up and looked at them over her shoulder. I was grinning so hard my cheeks hurt; John pulled me close to his side, kissing my temple, "Told ya everything would be okay."

I kissed him back, nodding, letting the tears flow.

My parents gushed, even started to cry as well. My mom nearly tackled me into a hug, sobbing about how happy she was. It was a blur after; tears, laughter and tight hugs were shared. My mom didn't let me go until I had to go to the bathroom, even after, she hugged me, kissing my cheeks, "I'm so happy, baby."

"Me too, mom," I breathed. "I never thought this would happen."

"I'm so proud," she beamed, "you're gonna be a mommy, 'nd," she swallowed, her tears flowed like streams down her cheeks, "you're married! My little girl is married and going to be a mama!"

I started to cry happily and hugged my mom. I never felt so happy in my entire life.


My parents were more present with each passing day. They wanted to make sure I was comfortable and taken care of. My dad spent a lot of the day talking to John, making sure he was going to do all of the right things.

My life was filled with so much joy.

I was thrown through a loop when Rae stopped by and was confused by my mom talking to my stomach. She stopped at the doorway of my apartment, her brow cocked, "Am I missing something here?"

My mom looked over at Rae, "I'm talking to my future grand baby."

"Baby?" Rae tilted her head like a curious animal.

"I'm pregnant," I said.

"What?" She came in and set her bag on the couch, "How?"

"Long story short," I began with a joyous laugh, "1 in 750,000, I should play the lotto."

Rae giggled, "Holy hell, congrats! Why didn't you call me?"

"It's been a whirlwind week, sorry," I went over and hugged her, "how's Hurley?"

"Missing me of course," she teased. "Where's John?"

"With my dad," I answered, "mom is cooking for me."

My mom had disappeared into my kitchen, humming a lullaby.

Rae smiled and sat on the couch, I followed her lead, "Anything else I missed?"

"We got married," I chuckled.

"Geez!" She exclaimed, "You didn't invite me?"

"Let me start from the beginning," I started, "we went to the clinic..."

I told Rae the events following the waves of nausea. I smiled throughout, feeling excited and happy, speaking with the excitement I felt. Rae had laughed and smiled, congratulating me again on my baby and sudden marriage.

"I hope you don't feel bad that we didn't invite you," I added quickly, "it was just me 'n' Beatz."

"She didn't even invite her own mother!" My mom called from the kitchen.

Rae and I shared a laugh; Rae shook her head, "It's okay, I was with Andy, and I was in heaven."

"Even on a tour bus?"

She hummed, "Mm-hm. I really think I'm in love with him."

I smiled, "That's awesome, I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks," she blushed, then flipped her hair back, "I can't wait to see him. Pete says he's gonna throw a Halloween party here once tour is over."

I scoffed mockingly, "I bet he is."

"Did you manage to tell him you're off the market?"

I nodded, "I had to. He called and I was really excited. I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet."

"I'm surprised he isn't heartbroken."

"Ah, Pete's just a friend, we've established that."

"I hope so," she chuckled, "that boy is like a big ball of energy and sugar."

"24/7?"

She hummed, nodding her head, "24/7 indeed. Even in his sleep."

I laughed as Rae went on, telling me of her little vacation with Andy and the band. You could see the happiness radiating through her body, the way her eyes lit up when she talked about Andy. I was ecstatic that she found happiness and that she was with him; she needed it, our lives weren't going to be so dull and empty anymore.