My Paper Heart Will Bleed

Ashleys heart raced as he listened to Andy sit in the swing next to him. He remained silent, staring at the ground.

"So... How are you?" Andy spoke again.

Ashley closed his eyes and exhaled shakily before looking to Andy with a fake smile that had been practiced thousands of times before.

"Good." He said simply.

Andy sighed and shook his head, looking up at the glowing orb in the sky. "You're lying."

Ashley scowled. They hadn't talked in forever and he thinks he can come out of nowhere just to accuse him of lying?? "Oh really?"

"I can see it in your eyes. You haven't been okay in a long time." He said calmly. "I just- I'm worried."

"It's none of your concern." Ashley said tightly.

"I want to help." Andy protested. "Ashley, just tell-"

"You can't help, Andy! God damn it! The sound of your voice makes me fucking sick, the look in your eyes when you're with Scout makes me remember when you used to look at me like that, and then I have to remind myself that's over! We're over! We're fucking done because I was a pathetic coward, so it's my fault I'm fucked up! No one can help!" Ashley had stood from his swing at this point, face red and eyes glazed over with fresh tears. His chest was rising and falling as he caught his breath from his outburst and looked away from Andy, trembling. "No one can save me, Andy. Not from a Hell that I created." He whispered.

Andy sat still, wide eyed at what he just witnessed. The color drained from his face as it dawned on him. This was his fault. If he hadn't been such a douchebag and abandoned Ashley, then he wouldn't be in this mess. "I'm sorry. I am- I am so, so sorry.." He rose slowly and carefully reached out for Ashley. Ashley hugged himself tightly, singing quietly to himself as he lowered himself into a tight ball on the ground. "Say something, I'm giving up on you.." He sang brokenly, hiccuping. "Anywhere I would have fo- followed y- you..."

Andy didnt know what to do. He stared at the broken boy beneath him, body shaking with heaved sobs. Andy slowly knelt down, placing a hand on his back.

"Ashley, I'm sorry." He whispered, his own tears beginning to sting his eyes. Without warning, Ashley whirled and threw himself into Andy's arms to cry into his shoulder. The strong scent of cigarette smoke and cologne overwhelmingly calmed Ashleys senses, his breathing slowing as he eventually quieted down.

Andy had been holding onto Ashley for a total of 20 minutes, singing quietly in his ear to calm him down. He had to admit, he missed Ashley like hell. It hurt to see him so broken... His fragile little angel was shattered and fallen... Because of the demon he fell for.

"Andy-"

"I told you I was a demon, sweetheart." Andy whispered, stroking his cheek gently. "Why didn't you listen... You should have avoided me. Why didn't you save yourself, angel." Andy closed his eyes and pulled him to his lap.

Ashley closed his eyes and remained quiet, face buried in the crook of Andys neck.

"Why did you come tonight..."

Ashley turned his head a little. "Because I missed you." He said softly.

Andy closed his eyes. He missed Ashley too, he knew that much...

"Why did you want to see me?" Ashley asked.

There was a moment that unbearable silence hung in the air. It was going to drive Ashley crazy if he had to endure another minute of going without answers. As soon as Ashley was about ready to completely take back the question, he was given an answer that made his heart stop in it's tracks.

"Because I love you."

I love you.

I love you?

Did Andy just say... I love you?

The words and the thoughts echoed endlessly in Ashleys mind, leaving him in awe of his former boyfriends words.

"You- but-"

"I broke up with Scout." Andy sighed. "I realized that... I can't quit you, Ashley. You're my favorite drug..." He whispered and nuzzled his lips against his.

"You love me?" Ashleys voice faltered.

"More than you could ever know."

"I love you too." He whispered and kissed him softly. Andy smiled and kissed back, enjoying the feeling of his soft lips.

"Give me another chance?" Ashley asked quietly.

"Only if you give me another chance." Andy smiled.

"Of course." Ashley laughed and hugged him happily. When they broke apart, Ashley pinched his arm quickly. Andy blinked, giving him an odd look. "I- I was making sure this wasn't all a dream..." He blushed shyly. Andy smiled warmly and kissed his rosy cheeks.

"It's not a dream, babe." He whispered. "This is as real as it gets."

Ashley giggled and snuggled into his arms, the goofy smile on his face growing as time went on. Nothing else seemed to matter now that he was back in Andys arms.

"Ash?" Andy murmured after a while longer.

"Hm?" He hummed back in response.

"You can't tell anybody about us. Okay?" He sighed. Ashley frowned.

"Okay but... Why? Not even Hayley?"

Andy grimaced. "Nobody, Ash. We can't risk you parents finding out again. I don't trust anybody... Maybe after a while we can tell people but not right now."

Ashley looked at the grass, silent.

"Ash?"

"Okay." He said quietly.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Andy held out his pinky, linking it with Ashleys. "Pinkies don't swear." He smiled faintly and linked their middle fingers, shaking before letting go. Ashley forced a small smile and laid back against his chest.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

The remainder of the time the two spent together consisted of sweet kisses and cuddles, the occasional 'I love you' slipping in between the small pecks on the lips. Before the sun began making its presence known, Andy walked Ashley home hand in hand. It was like the last year or so never happened, they were okay again. Only this time it had to be a complete secret. No one could know...

"Goodnight, baby." Andy murmured and kissed him softly before letting him go back inside.

No one can know... Ashley kept mentally reminding himself.

He crept into his room and laid down, plugging his phone into his charger and snuggling under the blankets.

No one can know.

He laid his head on the pillow. He closed his eyes and smiled as thoughts of Andy flashed through his head.

No one can know.

Ashley eventually fell asleep, setting all his worries aside as his dreams overflowed with the thoughts of what life would be like if he and Andy managed to stay together longer.

No one can know...

The only way that would happen is if he kept his mouth shut this time around. He couldn't breathe a word of this to anyone, he couldn't tell any living soul.

No one can know.