It Never Ends

Oli's POV:

Weird.

For lack of a better word, I felt really weird after the conversation with Austin yesterday. I knew I had done the right thing, that wasn't the problem. I didn't regret becoming friends with him; I knew it would only help us both in the end. We had a lot in common and I think we both understand that helping each other through the depressing times will be a big help.

Why exactly I felt weird? I wanted to see him again. I wanted to be near him, to see his beautiful chocolate eyes and his adorable smile. I wanted to be curled up in his arms in my bunk again. I wanted to say that I was lying to myself, that I still hated him, but I knew I didn't. I liked being near him now, hating him wasn't even an option anymore.

I just hoped I wouldn't make an ass of myself. This was going to be an interesting friendship…

---

I slipped on a black jacket and looked myself over in the mirror once again. I looked decent; a grey beanie was placed on the back of my head, matching my loose grey tank top, with black jeans and black toms complimenting it. We were heading out to an after part of sorts with all of the other bands at warped tour. I had a feeling that things were going to get really crazy; there are over 100 bands here this year.

“Oli, have a shirt I can borrow?” Nicholls called out to me from in front of his bunk. “All of mine smell really weird.” He let out a small chuckle before turning to me.

“Course mate, give me a second.” I threw him a drop dead t-shirt and told him to hurry up before running out of the bus to catch up with Jordan and Lee, who I saw walking already. “Hey guys.” I called out to them before settling in between them and continuing on the way to the party. I already saw a lot of other bands on their way, but nobody I really knew. Lee was talking about some girl he liked and Jordan was telling him to get with her. They both sounded drunk already, which didn't surprise me. I kind of wanted to stay sober tonight; we did have another show tomorrow.

We arrived at the gathering; there was a large white tent in the center with people standing and dancing under it. Music was playing rather loudly and there was a huge bonfire on the other side of the tent. Chairs were littered all around, and I was really grateful that this was outside. Who knows when you need to escape for a few minutes?

Lee and Jordan had already disappeared into the crowd, probably to find more drinks, so I went off by myself. We were in a field of sorts, with trees surrounding one side. I walked over there, ignoring all of the yelling or drunk people behind me. The night was beautiful, the stars bright. I couldn't remember what state we were in, but it was a nice one. The crowds had been nice today; I loved the tour so far. I settled down in the grass and looked up at the stars. My hands instinctively ran through the grass, feeling the coolness on my hands.

This is why I always get piss drunk at parties. I can forget all of these feelings that run through my head when I’m sober, and then I don’t have to remember anything the next day. I contemplated going back to get a few drinks but decided to stay where I was. I guess I needed time to think, and now was as good a time as ever. I wondered if there was somebody else looking up at the stars right now, thinking about how lonely they were too. Sure, I had my band mates but that wasn't the same. We were always together, but they didn't understand a thing about my personal life or my depression. Tom and now Austin are the only ones who know anything about it.

“You know, this isn't the point of a party.” A familiar voice says quietly behind me. “We’re supposed to socialize,” He laughs a bit. A laugh I’d recognize anywhere as Austin’s. He settles down next to me and turns his head slightly to look at me. “But I’d rather be out here too. Hope you don’t mind me joining you.” He smiles weakly at me.

“Not at all.” My voice comes off hoarse and cracks a bit at the end. “I've just been doing a lot of thinking.” I smile back at him before looking down at the grass.

“If you don’t mind me asking, about what?” Austin questions.

“A lot of things.” I sigh and pull some off the grass with my fingers. “It just gets lonely. Nobody seems to understand me these days.”

I feel a hand snake itself around my neck and warm breathing on the side of my face. I look up, surprised, to see Austin leaning really close to my face. My eyes widen but I don’t move. “I understand you, Oli.” He whispers to me before leaning in and pressing his lips to mine. I hesitate to kiss back, and before I can even register what’s going on, it’s over. He pulls back, his eyes looking directly into mine. “I’m sorry.” He looks frightened and scrambles to stand up. “I’m sorry Oliver.” He turns and runs back to the party. He’s disappeared into the crowd before I can say what I wanted to.

“But that's what I wanted…” I whisper, still looking at the place he just disappeared into.