It Never Ends

Austin’s POV:

Ignoring Alan’s calling for me; I didn't stop running until I reached the lot where the buses were. Tears streaming down my face, my breathing labored and coming out in short gasps, I collapsed to the ground. “Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.” I closed my eyes and wrapped my hands around the back of my head. Why the fuck did I kiss him? I finally find somebody who understands me, understands everything I've been through and literally offered to help me through everything and I fuck it up by kissing him. He didn't kiss back, he didn't want it. He was probably as straight as it gets. Which by the way, I thought I was too. I've been married before, to a female. Not sure where this whole “let’s go kiss guys!” mindset came from, but it was definitely a mistake.

How am I supposed to fix this? I could blame it on being drunk, but I think he’ll know it’s a lie. He seems to be able to read my emotions pretty well. Plus I don't feel right lying to him. I sit on the ground for a little while, trying to catch my breath and stop crying. “Austin?” A voice calls from behind me. For a second, my breath gets caught and my heart stops. It must be Oli, it has to be Oli. Oh my god i'm not ready to see him, he's going to tell me how much he hates me and that he never wants to see me again. “Austin?” The voice calls again. No, it’s not Oli. There’s no cute British accent in that voice. I whip my head around and see a very confused looking Alan standing behind me, a drink in his hand. “Austin, what’s up? I called you back there but you ran so fast. I swear I've never seen somebody run so fast.” He laughs loudly before he realizes that I’m crying. “Oh god, what’s wrong?” He kneels down next to me and throws his arm up over my shoulder. Alan and I have always been pretty close, so I lean my head on him and cry a little bit more.

“I f-fucked it up Alan.” My voice cracks and it’s barely above a whisper.

“What did you fuck up?” He inquires, looking down at me and running his hand through my hair.

“O-Oliver! H-ates me now! K-kiss” Is all I manage to get out before bursting into another fit of tears. Alan doesn't question me further, he just holds me while I cry. I can still hear the music in the background, and I can’t help but wonder what Oli's doing right now.

I wipe my tears finally, and realize that I shouldn't be crying so much. It’s not worth it. Oli hates me again, okay; it’s something I can get over really quickly. There’s no reason to cry so much… “Thank you Alan. I’m okay now; you can go back to the party. Don’t worry about me.” I smile at the ginger next to me before he stands up, says goodbye, and turns to go back to the party.

I put my face in my hands and start to hum a little bit, something I normally do when I’m nervous or sad, and look back up at the sky. I wonder if Oli's still looking up at the sky right now, and I wonder what’s going through his mind after that stupid kiss.

I hear footsteps behind me and sigh. “I told you I’m fine Alan. I won’t cry anymore, just go back to the party.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want me to do?” A familiar British accent fills my ears. Oli.

“Oli? Are you here to tell me how much you hate me?” I look sideways at him as he settles himself next to me. I move my hands to my sides and continue. “Because I already know how much you hate me, you don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry about that and you don’t have to worry about me bothering you anymore. I’ll stay away from you. Just-“ I’m cut off by soft lips pressing into mine. Oli wraps his hands around the back of my head and I press my lips back into his, enjoying the sweet kiss. Its short lived, but I enjoy every second of it. He pulls away, his hands still on the back of my head and looks directly into my eyes.

“I don’t hate you, I quite like you actually.” He states before pressing his lips back into mine.