Crash

I woke up the following morning with a major headache and overall feeling like shit but my memory on everything was clear as day.

Doing shots and Jason feeling me up before disappearing, doing more shots Braydon outside confessing to him that I needed to feel normal, I'd never said that to anyone else. The feeling of his warm calloused hand enveloping mine and the heat that radiated through my entire body at his touch. The complete calm of lying in the back of his ute and a peak at the tattoo hidden on his hip. Fuck I was screwed. I was also a moron what made me leave with him?

I spent the day sulking in Emily's room playing with her; She still wasn't talking so I pretended to be all the voices of her dolls, which seemed to amuse her. Deciding I needed tea and a big piece of chocolate cake as comfort food against both my headache and my entire life I set up a tea party with her dolls and stuffed toys and even conned mum into joining us for all of 5 minutes while she ate her cake and then promptly left us alone again. And eventually I crawled into her little single bed with her and fell asleep for a couple hours. I didn't want to do anything or see anyone I ignored calls from April and Jason. I wondered if this was what my mum felt like I wasn't even sure she had left the house since the funeral.

The next week went on pretty much the same as the previous I was withdrawn held little to no conversations and pretended like everything was fine.
I saw Braydon in the hallways and in a few classes but avoided him as best as possible.

Wednesday Em and I did another round of grocery shopping and I got mad at her, and told her if she wasn't going to speak to me and tell me what she wanted me to buy she didn't get to pick anything. Instead she secretly put stuff in the trolley while she thought I wasn't looking.

Thursday night after dinner I’d had enough of mum she was still as unresponsive and immobile as the first day and she was supposed to go back to work the coming Monday.

“You going back to work on Monday mum?” I asked she shrugged and made a humming sound that could have meant anything “you have to go back to work on Monday we can't afford to have no income.” I tried to explain.

“I'll worry about that not you.” I laughed at her full on laughed at her

“Yea I'll just worry about everything else thanks for the great chat mum.” I was half way to my room when I figured no screw it I had to get the rest of it off my chest too

“And what about Emily mum don't you think we should be looking at therapy for her?”

“What for?” was she that fucking oblivious?

“What for she hasn't spoken a single word in three weeks.” I yell

“She'll talk when she's ready.” Her voice monotone

“Had you even noticed or are you that self absorbed...” I hated being this rude to her, I knew she was hurting, but so was I.

“She's fine”

“Sure and what about you?” And with that one off my chest I went to my room slammed the door and cried. Because pretending everything was fine was really hard work!

Friday I think I finally looked as bad as I felt. I hadn't slept at all the previous night after my one sided fight with mum, so getting up a little earlier I showered and then got Emily ready as per usual stopped to get coffee and tried to go about my day as normal.

I honestly had no idea what was happening in most of my classes and if I didn't start paying attention I was going to start failing. But it just seemed like the least of my worries and just such a low priority to everything else, that I couldn't seem to force myself to really concentrate.

I sat and faked a smile through lunch pretending to be interested in the mindless chatter of my friends who didn't seem to notice that I was feeling and looking more like shit then usual. I think they were starting to get sick of me but I didn't care. And that was the problem right there I didn't care about anything or anyone, friends I'd had most of my life seemed meaningless my boyfriend of almost a year seemed like a waste of time. And I couldn't explain why but it all just felt pointless I couldn't talk to any of them they wouldn't understand.

I just wanted to sleep good and proper, I wanted my dad more then anything else and I wanted Emily to be okay and I didn't know how to make that happen. I found myself holding my breath at the lunch table in the middle of the cafeteria, holding my breath so my tears wouldn't escape.

“I'm going to go to the bathroom before class see you guys around.” I announced unexpectedly and got up to leave I just didn't want to be sitting there any longer. Heading out into the hallway I sat up against a row of lockers and just focused on my breathing I needed to snap out of this shit.

“Livy…” I heard his voice right in front of me, where had he come from?

“What do you want Braydon?” I asked harshly

“You okay?” He mumbled crouching down so he was level with me

“Peachy thanks for asking.” I couldn't look at him.

“Seriously?” He said lifting my chin to look at him and I must have really looked a mess cause I noticed his harsh intake of air like it surprised him I looked that bad.

“Seriously Braydon?” I said snapping my head back away from his roughly calloused fingers. “Seriously you don't get to ask those kind of questions, what cause you got me high Saturday night I was drunk and a mess.” I was standing by now my words coming out harder then I even expected it was always easy for me to take my anger out on him.
“Seriously Braydon just leave me the fuck alone!” And with that I stormed off leaving him in the hallway.