Take Me Home, Country Roads

I awoke with a groan…and a pounding headache. The sun was streaming through the window, and for a moment I forgot where I was. Then I saw the wooden walls and floor and sunk back to reality. I was disappointed though, just accepted it.

I was feeling rough, though, and it took me a moment to realize that I probably had not made the best decisions the night before…especially since I was having trouble remembering the end of it. Glancing over, I saw that none of the girls were in bed.

“Shit,” I muttered, forcing myself to get up. I was in trouble.

By the time I got downstairs, most of the family was out, except to Cap, Johnse and Lavicy, who were in the main room. I stopped on the stairs to listen to them, suddenly anxious. Anse did not sound happy.

“It’s disgraceful, that’s what it is,” he said, his voice sharp. “You know how that kind of behavior reflects on me? And I thought you two might have some brains between you.”

“We’re sorry, Pa,” Cap muttered. “It’s our fault and - ”

“Your damn sure it’s your fault,” Anse grumbled.

“We lost her in the crowd,” Johnse tried explaining. “She ain’t never had ‘shine before, didn’t know what was goin’ on.” My stomach sank. As much as I didn’t want to face Anse, I couldn’t let Johnse and Cap take all the heat. I could imagine it wasn’t a good thing for a young, single girl to get drunk with a random guy at a public dance.

Wincing slightly, I went down the last few steps.

The group turned to look at me. Anse had his pipe in his mouth, hands on his hips. Lavicy was leaning against the mantle, looking utterly disappointed me. Johnse and Cap gave me sympathetic looks.

“Good morning,” I said awkwardly, knowing I was about to get an earful. But the look on Lavicy’s face had me worried that Anse might just do more…that he might ask me to leave.

Anse looked at his sons. “I want you two to get your horses ready. You’re going to your Uncle Ellison’s to help out for the day. Don’t leave until I tell you.”

The brothers left sullenly, disappointed at the loss of their Saturday, but happy that they were no longer on the receiving end of Anse’s anger. I stood before him, wringing my hands nervously.

“Vicey,” Anse said, not taking his eyes off me. “I’d like a word alone with Miss Anderson.”

I gulped and gave a pleading look to Lavicy, but she didn’t meet my eye as she left the room. I suddenly felt a wave of guilt. She had done nothing but help me the past week, and I had just undone all of our hard work with one reckless night.

Soon it was jut Anse and I and I had trouble meeting his gaze. He stood there for a long moment, not saying anything, just puffing on his pipe. Finally, he sighed.

“We haven’t really had a chance to talk.” His voice wasn’t as angry as I had expected, but I didn’t allow myself to relax just yet. “I understand that your parents are no longer with us,” he continued, not unkindly. “And that your time recently hasn’t been the easiest. This must be…quite an adjustment.” I looked up at him. It was obviously difficult for him to make such an admission, but I wasn’t going to say anything, even to agree with him. It was be the world’s biggest understatement. “But I need you to understand something, Miss Anderson. Life here ain’t like the north, like the city. I ain’t never been to New York but I’m damn sure your Poppy wouldn’t like to see his daughter in the state you were in last night.”

I looked away. He was right, most likely, and I flushed with embarrassment at the idea that I had run into Anse last night as drunk as I was.

“It ain’t becomin’ of a young lady,” Anse added sternly.

“I’m sorry, sir,” I finally said. “I promise you it won’t happen again.”

“Best not,” he agreed. “I won’t have that disrespect under my roof, ya hear? I don’t know what it’s like up there in New York but here in West Virginia, our girls act proper. Sooner you understand that the sooner you’ll find to have an easier time ‘round here.”

“Yes, sir.”

Anse sighed again. “How are you doin’, Miss Anderson?”

“I’m…I’m sorry?” I looked at him, confused.

“I imagine you miss your family.”

I was not expecting this. I was expecting to be yelled at and grounded or something. But Anse surprised me.

“I do,” I admitted. “Very much.”

“And did…did you have yourself…a…a suitor back in New York, Miss Anderson?” If I hadn’t been in the conversation, I would have laughed. Here Anse was, looking like any dad about to have an uncomfortable talk with his daughter. I held my tongue, though.

“I…no. No, sir.”

“I’m surprised by that, if I’m honest,” he said, looking back at me. “That pretty girl like you don’t have a whole hoard of men begging for her hand.” I blushed and looked away, unsure of what to say. “I don’t have a daughter your age,” he continued. “But if I did, I’d tell her that she should watch herself out in public. The attention of young men can go to girl’s head. Make her make some wrong decisions.” I got the sense that he wasn’t just speaking to my drinking problem, but also to the blonde McCoy living under his roof.

Devil Anse Hatfield cleared his throat and came to stand before me. I forced myself to meet his gaze. “I never knew your father,” he said, “but if he were alive I’m sure he’d be saying the same thing. You keep your wits about you and you find a man who will respect you and treat you right.”

Needless to say, I was surprised to hear this type of talk from him. He didn’t seem like the type to dish out loving, fatherly advice. At least advice that didn’t involve shooting and riding. But here he was, acting like I might mean something to him. Suddenly, the bold 21st century New Yorker burst out of me before I could stop her.

“As long as his name’s not McCoy, right?”

I regretted it as soon as it was out of my mouth. Anse’s look turned hard for a moment, but to my surprise he then let out an amused ‘hmph’. My audacity seemed to impress him.

“To be completely honest, Miss Anderson, I ain’t too worried ‘bout you. Feel like you can hold your own. We haven’t known each other long but the fact that you don’t swoon every time my Johnse’s bats his damn eyes at you is a sure sign that your head is screwed on tight and well.” I fought back a smile as he made fun of his eldest. “You’re also smart, smart enough to know that the McCoy’s bring trouble. And I don’t think you want anymore trouble in your life.” He gave me a pointed look.

I let out a light scoff. “Ain’t that the truth?”

“Pa?” Johnse poked his head into the room nervously, probably worried that I might be splattered across the wall in a million pieces. He seemed genuinely relieved that I was still standing there in one piece. “The horses are ready.”

“Alright, best get goin’,” he said, putting his pipe back in his mouth and looking back to me. “And take Miss Anderson with you.”

“Woo-ee, Miss Yankee,” Johnse clapped when we were without of earshot from the house, walking down to the barn where Cap was mounted on his horse, holding the other by the reigns. “I do believe you tamed Devil Anse Hatfield! I thought for sure he’d give you a good tongue lashin’.”

“So did I,” I admitted, still reeling from the conversation I had with his father.

Cap gave me a comforting smile as I approached him, petting his brown mare on the head. “How you feelin’ this mornin’, Emma?”

“A bit worse for wear, if I’m honest…though that conversation sobered me up quite a bit.”

“Well, I won’t ask what was said,” Johnse said, mounting his horse. “But I sure am glad you didn’t get yourself kicked out. You’re mighty entertainin’. Hey, who you gonna ride with?”

“You comin’?” Cap asked. I told myself he looked pleased.

“Um, yeah, your Dad said I should.” I looked at the two horses. I wanted to ride with Cap and considering I was already standing at his… “Do you mind if I ride with you?”

Cap gave me a smile and reached out his hand, pulling me up behind him. We set off down the hill, and I couldn’t help but take advantage of my position, wrapping my arms around his waist, his toned muscles rippling beneath me. A bit of sweat rolled down the back of his neck from under his hat. He smelled like summer and the mountain and man.

“So are you two going to tell me what happened after we left the dance, or are you just going to let me imagine the worst?”

Cap and Johnse looked at each other as we descended down the hill. They were in no rush it seemed to get to their Uncle’s. I doubted Ellison would mind, besides it was such a gorgeous days, riding leisurely along the trail was just so enjoyable.

“How much you ‘member?”

“Just that I might have made a tiny bit of a mistake by agreeing to take moonshine from a McCoy.”

Johnse chuckled. “Aw, Calvin ain’t that bad. Better than Tolbert, that’s for sure. And Pharmer. And Jefferson, come to mention it. But yeah, Emma, you ain’t that good with your whiskey.”

“You kept trying to stand up in the wagon on the way home,” Cap continued, his voice laced with amusement. “Had to practically hold you down.”

“And then you started singin’ some song I ain’t never heard of. But you could only remember the chorus, so you just sang it over and over and over again.”

I buried my face into Cap’s back, completely embarrassed, praying that it wasn’t Black Eyed Peas or some other completely inappropriate artist for 19th century ears. Cap whistled a little bit to himself and my head shot up.

“You’re kidding.”

“Rock me mama like a wagon wheel,” Johnse sang casually and I nearly lost it. “Rock me Mama any way ya feel. Hey, Mama, rock me.”

I was smiling wildly, unable to believe I was hearing Johnse Hatfield singing Darius Rucker.

“Rock me Mama like the wind and the rain,” Cap joined in, “rock me Mama like a south bound train.” They weren’t too bad.

“Oh my God,” I laughed.

“Come on, Miss Yankee, let’s hear ya!” Johnse hollered, laughing. I shook my head and obliged, the boys singing along with me.

Rock me Mama, like a wagon wheel
Rock me Mama, any way you feel
Hey, Mama rock me

Rock me Mama, like the wind and the rain
Rock me Mama, like a southbound train
Hey, Mama, rock me!

“Anyway,” Johnse continued. “When we got back to the house, we had Nancy go in and try to distract Ma and Pa, while we snuck you in the back door. Didn’t really work, though.”

“You just kept singin’.”

“I’m so embarrassed,” I muttered, still smiling despite myself.

“It’s alright. Pa told us all to go to bed and then just dealt with us this mornin’. No harm done though. You gotta mighty fine voice,” Johnse complimented as I laughed again, thinking of the ridiculousness of the situation. But, it was a country song and these were country boys, it made sense they would like it, and that an intoxicated me would think it was appropriate. “You should sing for us all sometime.”

“Yeah, I could do that,” I replied. “I play guitar and piano too.”

“Really?” Cap asked, sounding impressed.

“My Dad taught me. He played loads of instruments and my Mom was a singer. There was always music in our house.” I paused, suddenly sad. This happened whenever I talked about them, when I was flooded with memories. Being here, in such a completely new and difference world, I had almost forgotten they were gone. Or hadn’t even been born yet…it was hard to keep track.

The boys must have sensed my shift in mood, because they kicked the horses up a pace, hurrying our arrival to Ellison’s farm.

It was nice to see a different part of Mate Creek, though Ellison’s place wasn’t all that dissimilar to Lavicy and Anse’s place. It was smaller, for sure, as it was just him and Cotton Top, but it still had a barn and some farm animals, looking like something out of a picture book against the blue sky and green fields. Ellison, Cap told me, was a saddler, and sometimes he and Johnse came up to help do some other chores when their uncle was particularly busy with orders. There was a horse sale coming to Mate Creek in two months time, and Ellison wanted to get some new saddles finished to sell in town, meaning that the other chores were getting neglected.

“Hey there boys,” Ellison greeted from the barn as we rode up. “And Miss Anderson, pleasure to see you, as always.”

“I hope you don’t mind that I tagged along,” I said, sliding off the horse. Cap had reached up and caught me around the waist, helping me down.

“Not at all,” Ellison smiled. “Cotton will be happy to see you. He’s ‘round back near the rabbit hutch if you want to see him.”

Leaving the men to their manual labor, I headed up the hill, finding Cotton Top crouched next to a chicken-wire enclosure, a few brown rabbits hopping around inside.

“Hola, Senor Cotton,” I greeted, pleased to see his wide smile. Cotton may have been special, but you knew his reactions were honest and true. If he was happy to see you, he meant it wholly.

“Hey there, Miss Emma,” he grinned, standing up and dusting off his brown pants. “I didn’t know you were comin’ today. Is Cap and Johnse here?”

“They’re down with your dad,” I replied. “Are these your rabbits?”

Cotton immediately filled me on everything I needed to know about the little creatures – what they liked to eat, how best to catch one, and even how to make rabbit stew.

“But these aren’t for eatin’,” he said resolutely. “These are mine own.”

“Have you named them?”

“That one there is Hoppy. The girl one is Sarah – that was my Mama’s name – and the big one over there is Devil Anse.”

“Why’d you name it Devil Anse?”

“Cause it’s a mean old coot.”

I snorted and Cotton smiled, unsure of why I thought it was funny, but proud of himself for getting me to laugh.

I spent the rest of the afternoon with Cotton, doing some laundry, getting some food from the garden. I followed him down to a creek in the late afternoon where he tried to catch some fish, but after an hour, when we were still empty handed, I convinced him to come back up to the house with promises of telling him a story.

We sat on the front porch as the sun started to set. I had made some sandwiches for Ellison, Cap and Johnse for when they finished, and was waiting patiently with Cotton for them to get back up to the house. Since Cotton so loved his rabbits, I told him the story of Peter Cottontail…making up a few bits I couldn’t remember. He didn’t mind so much, and I enjoyed reliving a story my mom told me when I was little.

Soon enough, the men came back up to the house, Johnse and Cap sweaty from their exertions. Ellison’s hands were stained from working with the leather saddles all day.

“Food’s in the kitchen, boys,” I said, pouring them all some lemonade.

“Emma tells the best stories, Pa,” Cotton announced, and I blushed slightly when Ellison turned to me.

“Does she now?”

“Sings pretty too,” Johnse added, his mouth full of sandwich. Cotton looked like he had his the lottery with me.

“Sing us a song, Emma? Daddy’s got a guitar in the back, though he don’t play it much.”

“It’s cause it was a gift from your Uncle Lias, and I never learned play well. But you’re more than welcome to use it Emma, if you’d like.”

“Oh, well, it’s really okay,” I said, but Johnse had already disappeared, appearing quickly with the instrument. It was a bit smaller than I was used to, but looked about the same.

“Don’t push her, Johns,” Cap scolded, leaning against the porch railing.

“No, it’s okay,” I said. “I don’t mind.” I thought quickly…I needed a song that was both appropriate for the times and was one I could play from memory. I had memorized plenty of covers over the years, just needed to recall them. I cleared my throat, readjusting myself with the guitar on my lap. “Okay, let’s see…”

I started into the first few chords of ‘Landslide’ by Fleetwood Mac. It was my mom’s favorite song, and was her go to song to play whenever she was handed a guitar. The music and lyrics came back to me easily. As I sang, I realized how oddly appropriate the song was for my situation.

I didn’t really make eye contact with people when I sang – it made me uncomfortable – but I couldn’t help but look up to see their reactions. Ellison looked really impressed, Cotton was thrilled. Johnse smiled, chewing his food happily. My eyes landed on Cap and were instantly drawn to meet his gaze.

His face was emotionless, but he was watching me with such intensity I almost lost my place. It was as if I was the first and only person he had ever seen, and ever wanted to see again. Like he never wanted to look away. But I did. Breaking eye contact, I closed my eyes and finished the song a bit early; my heart feeling like it was about to beat out of my chest. His look had shocked my system. No one had ever looked at me like that, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.

Cotton and Johnse clapped loudly as I finished, smiles wide. Ellison shook his head, clearly surprised. “I’ll say, Miss Anderson you sure do have a talent with music.”

I smiled modestly. I never got tired or used to hearing it. I loved music and I loved sharing my music with others.

“Can we have another, Emma?”

“I think one’s good for tonight,” Ellison replied before I could answer. I appreciated it, since I couldn’t remember any songs off the top my head without some practice first. “Cotton, Johnse, will you help me with the dishes?”

I looked up from where I was sitting, a bit confused as to why he would as those two to help, but suddenly they were gone, leaving just Cap and I on the porch as the first stars made their appearance in the sky. I looked up at him cautiously, but he wasn’t watching me anymore, instead looking out over the hills, arms across his chest. Swallowing and ignoring the butterflies in my stomach, I stood, leaning the guitar against the side of the house and moved next to him, resting my elbows on the railing and joining his gaze.

We stood there silently. The awkward, antsy part of my desperately wanting to say something. But I held my tongue. I realized as the crickets made their presence known that this was the first time that we had been alone together. I wasn’t an idiot when it came to men, at least I didn’t think I was. I thought I knew the signs…but Cap was different from anyone I had met. And this was a different time. I wasn’t going to make a fool of myself if there wasn’t anything there. He was going to make the first move.

The thought of that sent me reeling a bit…did I want him to make a move?

“You’re quite good,” he said, pulling me back to the present. His good eye flickered over to me briefly.

“Thanks,” I replied, unsure of what else to say. “I really enjoy it.”

“It shows.”

More silence. I kicked my shoe awkwardly, wondering how to continue the conversation. In other situations, when the others were around, we didn’t have a problem talking to each other, though it was usually about mundane, meaningless things. But now, I felt awkward and like I was struggling to think of what to say. “Hey,” I finally said, thinking that this would be a safe topic. “How’d you get you nickname?”

He looked at me straight on now. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I heard your Mom call you William the other day,” I replied. She had been cross with him for dragging his muddy boots into the house after we had just scrubbed the floor. Apparently his full name was only used when he was in trouble.

“William’s my Christian name, sure,” he shrugged. “But everyone calls me Cap. Ever since…”

He broke off, but looked me square in the face, his milky eye seeming like it was boring right through my soul.

“Since…” I offered, not breaking his gaze.

“Since I went from two eyes to one,” he replied. I couldn’t tell if he was offended, if I had brought up a touchy subject, or if he was challenging me. If it was a challenge, I decided to meet it head on.

“How’d it happen?”

“Accident,” he replied easily. “Tree came down at the timber yard and shot a splinter right into it.” I winced. “Hurt like nothin’ else I ever experienced. But, it capped over within a few weeks and that’s how I got the name. Cap.”

“I’m really sorry,” I offered, but he shrugged dismissively.

“Don’t bother me much anymore. I can still do everythin’, still shoot a squirrel at two hundred yards.” He smiled sadly. “Just doesn’t help when I’m first meetin’ people, is all.”

I knew he was referring to our first meeting when I had practically shrieked at the sight of him. I needed to clear the air. “Cap, that day that we met, I want you to know that…well, I wasn’t afraid of you or disgusted or whatever else you might think. I was just surprised to see you.”

“What do you mean?”

I took a breath, trying to be a truthful as I could. “Aunt Flo…Aunt Florence sent me a picture of your family once. And when I saw you on the road, I recognized you and it just caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting to meet you that way.”

He nodded, seeming to accept this response, shifting ever so slightly, that our shoulders now touched as we stood there. The moon was full along the horizon.

“Aunt Florence,” he said after a minute. “I think I met her once or twice. Not entirely sure how she is my aunt, to be honest. Everyone just calls her that.”

I didn’t hold back my laugh. “Same with me.” He looked over and smiled. “My dad always said that she was my grandfather’s uncle’s cousin’s niece or something crazy like that.”

“Well, we’re kin somehow,” he said with an easy shrug. “Your name’s Anderson, her name was Anderson. Pa and I are both William Anderson’s.”

I hadn’t made the connection until now. Somehow, however distantly, Cap was related to my father. But not to me, I reminded myself. I had never been happier I was adopted - no weird abnormalities if we had kids.

Woah, Emma. Pump the breaks. I shook my head slightly. Definitely going crazy. Remember where and when you are.

“How’d your parents die?”

I looked over at him, surprised he would ask such a direct question. That wouldn’t really happen back in my day, but they were much more used to death and dying at this time, I supposed.

“Um, it was a fire, I said.” It was a car accident and a fire, but he wouldn’t understand the first bit. I blinked, that day replaying in my mind. Suddenly, it felt like a wave had crashed over me as I thought of my parents and my old life. It was all gone. All of it, not just my parents, but my friends and my school and everything I had. And I had no idea if I was getting it back. The uncertainty was terrifying.

It suddenly felt like I couldn’t breath. I pushed away from the railing and started walking out into the yard, needing the space. My chest heaved as I tried to control myself. I didn’t need Cap asking any other questions, I didn’t need the attention. I didn’t want to keep lying and making up my past.

“Emma?” he asked cautiously, following me as I rushed away from the house. I took a shaky breath and tried to look at him. But he was just a reminder of whatever the hell was going on. I hated the fact that I was falling for him, when this whole thing could be a dream. That I could wake up tomorrow and it…and he….would be gone.

“I’m fine,” I replied, but my throat tightened.

Cap was at my side in and instant and pulled me into his chest. As soon as I felt his arms wrap around me, the floodgates opened and I sobbed uncontrollably into his shirt. He didn’t say anything, just rubbed my back and I cried. I cried and cried, unable to stop myself and unable to do anything but wish that I had never taken that trip to see Flo, that I had ever told my parents I wanted to go to Charleston for Spring Break.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, when I finally began to calm down. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, no,” I said quickly, pulling back a bit and looking up at him. I was sure I looked like a disgusting mess, but he didn’t seem to care. “It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s just…it’s been a crazy couple of months.”

“Can’t be easy, being shoved into a family like this.”

“Your family has been amazing, Cap…I just…”

“You miss your own.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

He looked down at me and I shivered as a cool breeze flew in.

“Emma,” he started softly. “I know I can’t ever bring you family back…but I hope…” He trailed off, for the first time looking unsure of himself. “I hope that…”

“Cap! Emma! You ready to go?”

Johnse, always a mood killer.

“Comin’, Johns!” Cap yelled back over his shoulder, making his annoyance clear. He dropped his hands from where they had been resting on my waist and gave me a half smile.

“Best be goin’.”

“Yeah,” I repeated, looking away and trying not to show my disappointment. What had he wanted to say?

We headed back to the house in silence – the only sound I could hear was the beating of my own heard in my ears. We said goodbye to Cotton and Ellison – who told me to take the guitar with me and practice a bit more – and mounted the horses. I rode with Johnse this time, needed a bit of space between Cap and I. I didn’t like how attached I felt to him, despite only knowing him for a week. It wasn’t normal…it wasn’t right.

When we got home, I was so tired I went straight up to bed, surprised when Cap grabbed my arm before I could ascend the stairs.

“Good night, Emma,” he said, as I looked down at him. He gave me a small smile. “I hope you have sweet dreams.”

I collapsed onto my pallets moments later, heaving a sigh, and wondering just what the hell I had gotten myself into. And if I even wanted to get out of it.