Your Inaccessible Light

That lunchtime, I sit with Amber and her friends as usual. There are five of us altogether and from what I’ve seen so far, they’re really nice. Amber’s happy all the time and she’s so sweet and easy to talk to. Harlee-Indigo Parker is probably one of the coolest girls I’ve ever met. Her fiery red hair hangs in perfect waves and there isn’t a single flaw on her perfect porcelain skin. She can sing apparently and she loves Blink as much as I do. She’s confident and assertive, but I can tell if she and I ever disagree on something, all hell would break lose. I never lose a fight, and I can tell she doesn’t either. Then there’s Harlee’s boyfriend Keegan Tyler. I can’t deny he’s good looking, although I wouldn’t have paired him and Harlee together; they’re complete opposites. He’s funny and dorky and weird, but a total sweetheart. He’s a pushover though. It doesn’t take a genius to see who wears the trousers in that relationship. Finally there’s Tristan Wild. He’s good looking too. He’s really kind and funny; perfect best friend material. He hits on girls a lot, but I wouldn’t exactly call him a womanizer the way Ronnie is. He’s good at advice and he’s lovable; I can imagine him being the ideal boyfriend for a lot of girls.

“Hey sugar,” Harlee greets me.

“Hi,” I smile, sitting down next to her.

“Don’t get too close,” she smirks, “I don’t want you passing Ronnie’s diseases onto me.” I laugh and roll my eyes.

“You heard that?” I ask, referring to my run in with those three girls earlier.

“Yeah,” she laughs, “I was gonna step in but it looked like you handled Coral pretty well yourself.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah,” she exclaims, “You’re a sassy little thing, aren’t you?”

“Looks like you’re no longer top dog then Harlee,” Tristan laughs.

“Oh please, I will always be the queen of sass,” she declares, flashing her signature smirk, “So did you actually sleep with Ronnie?”

“No!” I gasp.

“Good, I’d kill you if you got to him first.”

“Babe, I’m literally sitting right here,” Keegan frowns, rolling his eyes. Everyone at the table laughs. Harlee winks at her boyfriend before turning her attention back to the rest of us.

“Come on, this is thee Ronnie Radke though. You can’t deny he’s the most attractive person to walk this planet…besides me of course.”

“Still here,” Keegan reminds her, shaking his head.

“Sorry. You know I love you baby,” she giggles, leaning in to kiss him.

“Get a room,” Tristan jokes, pretending to be sick. Harlee deepens the kiss, sticking her middle finger up at Tristan.

“Admit it; you ship ‘Keelee’ more than anyone else on this planet. You’re just jealous because you can’t get anyone,” Harlee retorts when she finally pulls away from Keegan.

“Shut up can I not get anyone,” he frowns, “I could get any girl I wanted.”

“Then why don’t you?” I counter.

“Because I don’t want to make this one over here jealous,” he teases, wrapping his arm around Amber’s shoulders.

“Tristan you wish,” Amber laughs, shoving him away from her. They continue to bicker throughout lunch. I don’t speak much, not for any reason other than that I enjoy watching how they interact with one another. Their constant squabbling and insults are funny and a few months ago, I would have seen myself forming close friendships with people like them. Things have changed though. I can’t see myself forming a close friendship with someone ever again, not really close anyway. Sharing intimate thoughts, having someone know everything about you, having to rely on someone; no thank you.

“Noelle, can I talk to you a minute?” I glance over my shoulder to see Ronnie sauntering over to our table in the cafeteria.

“Sure,” I nod, getting out of my seat. Harlee gives me a knowing smirk and I shake my head at her as Ronnie leads me out of the cafeteria.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing,” he shrugs, “You fancy hanging out with us this weekend?”

“I…I don’t…” I stumble over my words, “I don’t feel comfortable…with the whole drug thing.”

“Come on. It’s called living a little.”

“Oh the irony.”

“What do you mean?”

“Living a little? I think you’ll find it’s more like dying a little?”

“You scared?”

“No,” I lie, suddenly tensing up. I hate lying. I hate how as soon as drugs are brought up, I have no choice. I cannot let him know I’m weak.

“I heard you had a run in with Coral and the clones.”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” I mutter, furrowing my eyebrows.

“I don’t doubt that. What did she say?”

“Something about how you have a load of diseases,” I say nonchalantly.

“Caught most of ‘em from her,” he smirks, “Dumb slag.” A blunt laugh escapes my lips. He seems so unfazed by everything.

“For the record, I don’t have any diseases,” he adds.

“Are you sure about that? Judging by your reputation, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Never judge a person by their reputation sweetie,” he winks before stalking off, “I’ll pick you up Saturday evening.” I sigh, still struggling to understand how a person can be so self-assured and cocky. He’s so infuriating and intoxicating, leaving me hypnotised by his charm and his good looks and I’m afraid every time I see him that I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing him. For a few moments I stand alone in the corridor, allowing my heart beat to return to normal, and then I go back into the cafeteria, wondering why the hell this boy has such an effect on me.