Trouble

I woke up when the meal cart was brought in for breakfast, yawning and sitting up as the left the room, having left my breakfast for me.
I leant forward, cringing as I grabbed the try.
“Are you in pain?” A voice sounded from the doorway.
I frowned, looking up and noticing Mark “A little. What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I wanted to come see how you were doing” Mark shrugged.
“Oh” I breathed.
“Where’s Nathan?” Mark asked.
“I don’t know” I breathed.
“You don’t know?” Mark questioned.
“Well, I know, I mean, he went home, but I don’t know where he is now, he could be out” I shrugged.
“Is something going on?” Mark asked.
“What makes you ask that?” I sighed.
“Well, he’s not here” Mark pointed out “That’s the biggest point” he added.
“He just, he has some thinking to do” I shrugged.
“Are you serious? He’s left you alone when you need someone…” Mark began.
“I told him to go” I breathed “Nathan and I have issues we have to deal with and we can’t do that in a hospital” I sighed.
“But why does that mean he can’t be here to support you?” Mark demanded.
“You have no idea what we’re going through” I breathed.
“What do you mean?” Mark frowned.
“It doesn’t matter” I said, sighing.
“It does if you’re stressed out” Mark said.
“I am fine” I shrugged.
“Are you?” Mark asked.
I breathed out slowly, closing my eyes for a second “I feel like Nathan and I are destined to fall apart” I mumbled “I’m waiting for him to walk out” I sounded.
“Why?” Mark asked.
“He asked me to marry him” I sighed “I feel like me saying no pushed him away” I breathed.
“You said no?” Mark questioned.
“He asked me the day before yesterday, I felt like I couldn’t say yes in that moment” I sighed.
“And him leaving last night set that thought in your mind” Mark sighed.
“I get that he needs time to himself, I do, but…” I began.
“In that moment you needed him” Mark breathed.
“I told him to go, but he could have stayed” I mumbled.
“He should have” Mark shrugged.
Someone cleared their throat in the doorway, I sighed when I spotted him, standing there, an unreadable look on his face.
“I might take off” Mark breathed.
“Thanks for coming to check on me” I said softly.
“Call me If you need me, I’ll be here” Mark shrugged, turning, I couldn’t see his face, but I knew he was glaring at Nathan as he exited the room.
Nathan hesitated before entering, he approached me, sitting on the edge of a wooden chair.
“You’re waiting for me to walk out?” he whispered.
I bit my lip, sighing “You heard the whole conversation then?” I breathed.
“Why did you ask me to leave if you felt like this?” Nathan demanded, frowning, his eyes then widened slightly “You were testing me” he breathed.
“I wasn’t, not really, but when you did leave I felt like, I felt like maybe you might leave me for good” I mumbled.
Nathan let out a breath “I’ve been thinking about us” he said “About this situation” he added.
“Ok” I frowned.
“Mark was right I should have stayed, and I didn’t, it occurs to me now that maybe, maybe I can’t support you enough, maybe I can’t be there when you need me because my own judgement, and feelings are clouding everything, and it made me really think about where we are going, what we are doing” Nathan breathed.
“Nate…” I began.
“If I don’t continue this, I won’t say what I have to say, and I need to do this” Nathan sighed, cutting me off, the look on his face was broken, hinting to me that something wasn’t ok.
“Ok” I mumbled.
Nathan grabbed my hands lightly, breathing out heavily “I love you” he whispered “I love you more than anything, but I can’t do this anymore” he breathed.
“Do what?” I breathed.
“Pretend” Nathan sighed “from the moment you told me you were pregnant, I’ve been pretending that I’m ok, but I’m not, when we lost the baby last time, it broke me and, the thought of you having this child, with Mark, I’m not ok with it, and I can’t ever accept it” he said.
“I…” I began, feeling tears in my eyes.
“I know I said I could, but I don’t want to be like I was yesterday again, and the thing is, there will be days were I’ll be angry that this is happening, and I don’t want to poison what I remember us to be” Nathan breathed.
“I’ll accept that Nate, I’ll accept the day’ when you’re not happy and…” I began.
Nathan shook his head “I can’t put you through it” he breathed “You need to concentrate on the baby, on your life” he said.
“But you are part of my life” I whispered.
Nathan looked at our hands, closing his eyes for a second before flickering them open again and looking at me “I can’t be any more” he said “I’m sorry” he whispered, attempting to pull his hands away.
“No” I said, shaking “No, you’re not doing this” I said, my voice cracking.
Nathan pulled his hands away “I have to” he breathed, leaning towards me, he pressed a kiss to my forehead, breaking me, tears fell down my cheeks and I reached for him, grabbing on to anything I could “I don’t want this” I whispered.
“If you want any happiness in your life, with your child, I need to go” Nathan breathed.
“I can’t lose you” I breathed back.
“I’m sorry” Nathan whispered, pulling back from me, a broken look crossing his face.
He stood, turning. Not saying anything more as he exited the hospital room.
As soon as he had disappeared, I fell apart, unable to hold back any tears.

The end…

Or is it?