Trouble

I bit my lip as I sat across from Nathan at dinner, I couldn’t keep my mind focused on discussions, I kept thinking about Ryan.
He had hung around for a little while after filling out the papers and we had chatted, it felt like we were back to where we use to be, and I didn’t like the feeling, especially when things were back on track with Nathan.
“Is something bothering you?” Nathan asked me, I was moving the food around my plate absent mindedly.
“What, um, no” I mumbled.
“Ok” Nathan said, raising an eyebrow.
I grabbed my glass, having a sip of wine and bitting my lip.
“Are you sure?” Nathan asked.
“I, well…” I sighed “There’s a new doctor at work” I said.
“Oh, ok, and that’s got you distracted? Is he not nice or something?” Nathan questioned.
“Not exactly, he and I use to work with one another, before I moved to this hospital” I said.
“Ok” Nathan said.
“We were, friends” I breathed.
“Friends?” Nathan asked.
“We use to flirt with one another, all innocent” I said.
“So why are you so, jumpy about it?” Nathan questioned.
“I don’t know, it’s weird, I didn’t even know if I should tell you or not” I said.
“Did he try something today?” Nathan asked.
“No” I frowned “But Ryan is naturally flirty, he always has been” I said.
“You don’t need to tell me every time he flirts with you, If that’s what you’re trying to ask” Nathan said.
“I’m just worried about being around him” I sighed.
“So stay away from him” Nathan shrugged.
“Ryan isn’t the type of guy you can stay away from, he actually came and found me today, we had a chat for a while” I said.
“You had a chat?” Nathan asked, I could sense a slight hint of jealously in his voice.
“Mmm, to catch up” I shrugged.
“Babe, I’m not going to be the raging jealous boyfriend who questions everything you do” Nathan announced.
“Ok” I said.
“So can you relax now?” Nathan asked, placing a hand over mine.
I smiled a small smile and nodded.
“My mum called me before” I breathed.
“Did she?” Nathan asked.
I nodded “She wants to have lunch” I said.
“That’ll be good, you haven’t seen her since you told her about us” Nathan mused.
“Mmm, she wants you to come” I mumbled.
Nathan looked at me carefully, his eyes on mine “She wants me there?” he asked.
I nodded.
“I don’t know how to react to that” Nathan shrugged.
“You don’t have to come, I can make up some excuse” I announced.
“Do you not want me to come?” Nathan asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I want you to come Nate, I just know how weird it’ll be, and I know how much my mother will judge and criticise you” I breathed.
“I think I can handle it” Nathan shrugged.
“Ok, I’ll call her later” I said, fiddling with the bracelet I had on.
“Are you sure you’re ok?” Nathan asked.
It was funny how he picked up the little things, how he somehow knew that something was bothering me, that I wasn’t myself, of course he was right, but I couldn’t tell him the truth, I couldn’t tell him that seeing Ryan again brought up old feelings.
That whilst I was having that chat with him, the realisation that I actually had missed him over the years sunk in.
Just because I’m in a committed relationship with Nathan, doesn’t mean these feelings magically go away, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, not really.
“I’m positive, just got some things on my mind, nothing to worry about” I shrugged.
Was I reassuring him or myself of that?
“Well since we were on the topic of mothers, my mum wants us to go over for dinner, do you think you’d be interested?” Nathan asked.
“When?” I asked.
“She said whenever we want” Nathan said.
“Ok, well I’m working night shift the next few nights, so maybe on the weekend” I shrugged.
“You’re working nights?” Nathan asked.
I nodded “They shifted the roster around to have some more experienced staff working when the new staff are on” I said.
“That sucks” Nathan frowned.
I rolled my eyes “totally sucks” I said.
“I’m working mornings” Nathan sighed “So it’ll be another week not seeing each other” He said.
“So you’re working early tomorrow?” I asked.
Nathan nodded.
“I’ll see you before you go” I shrugged.
“Mmm, but we still won’t get to hang out” Nathan pointed out.
I smiled “I’m glad you said that and not something else” I said.
We finished eating and then made out way back home, catching the train.
I enjoyed this type of time with Nathan, simple and innocent, it reminded me of what we use to have as teenagers, as kids, just the friendship side of the relationship, it proved to me that we were a real relationship, that we could have both sides evenly, perfectly.
When we got into the apartment Nathan sighed, placing his phone on the bench.
“I’d better get to bed” he said, looking at the time.
“Already?” I asked.
“Mmm, when I said early I meant early early, I have to leave by four” He sighed “I’m going to sleep in my room” he commented.
“Do you want me to join you later or will I disturb you?” I asked.
“If you want to you can, I don’t mind” Nathan shrugged.
“Mkay” I shrugged.
Nathan kissed me lightly on the side of my lips “Night” he said.
I nodded “Night” I breathed.
I was placing my phone away, when it beeped, indicating a message.

*I just found out I’m working with you tomorrow, just made me even happier to start my first day, see you tomorrow sunshine xox Ry*

I bit my lip, as I read the message, it was funny that in that hour Ryan and I spoke, I didn’t once mention Nathan, I hadn’t told him I had a boyfriend, and it scared me, because I didn’t want to tell him at all.