Trouble

“So he left?” Ashley asked me, her expression full of concern.
I nodded, I had just finished filling her in, I was trying to move on from it, to just continue on with what I had to do, it was Saturday, it had been 3 day’s since Nathan had left on Wednesday and Ash was as supportive as she could be over the phone, today I was glad I was able to talk to her in person.
“But does he know how big of a mistake it was? Does he know that you didn’t mean…” Ashley began.
“I tried to explain it all, but he feels betrayed Ash, I… I don’t blame him for leaving, I made a stupid, stupid mistake” I sighed.
“And he didn’t say when he’ll be back?” Ashley asked.
“No, I don’t even know where he is” I breathed “But I’m giving him the space he needs, when he’s ready, hopefully he comes back, hopefully we get to talk” I added, I twirled around the spoon in my coffee and looked down.
“Do you have feelings for Ryan?” Ashley questioned, she had met Ryan back when we use to work at the other hospital, he was a hit with our friendship group, and she knew exactly why all of this happened.
“No” I said, shaking my head “That’s the thing, I, I don’t have any real feelings for him, it was just, there is an attraction between us, but it’s the old attraction” I breathed.
“If it’s an old attraction you wouldn’t have kissed him” Ashley sighed.
“I, I guess that attraction never really goes away, but there isn’t anything between us, I love Nathan, you know that” I breathed.
“I know” Ashley sighed.
“This is just so screwed up, it’s all a mess” I mumbled.
“Well hopefully Nathan realises that’s all it was, that it was just a mistake” Ashley said.
“He was so angry Ash, I’ve never seen him like that, I, I don’t think that he will consider forgiving me” I sighed.
“Just think positively” Ashley sighed.
I just breathed out, nibbling on the muffin I had ordered, all I could do was think about what Nathan was doing, what he might be thinking, and all the speculation, was negative.
Once we had finished out brunch, Ashley and I walked to the apartment.
I was very glad she was around today, being alone wouldn’t be great from me, I found going to work was more productive for me, I had successfully been avoiding Ryan, so that was a positive.

I spent most of the morning with Ashley, but later on, I got a call from my mother, she wanted to meet for dinner.
I met her at a restaurant.
“I assumed Nathan would be with you” my mother said, and I swear a sad look crossed her face.
“Nathan couldn’t make it” I breathed.
“He’s a nice boy, I hope you’re keeping him happy” My mother said.
I frowned “Why is it your concern anyway?” I demanded.
“I just think that you need to understand when you have a good thing going, Nathan’s polite, he’s friendly, he makes a good impression on people” My mother shrugged.
“Yeah, I know” I breathed.
“Why do you seem so tense, on the phone you were jittery and right now I can see it” my mother frowned.
“I’m fine, not tense at all” I breathed, shaking my head “What are we ordering?” I asked.
“Why are you skipping over this?” My mother demanded “Has something happened?” She asked.
“No” I frowned, shaking my head “I’m just hungry” I breathed, waving over the waiter.
Thankfully my mother let the subject fade, she didn’t push it.
We chatted about other things as we ate, though my mind kept wandering.
I hated that Nathan and I weren’t speaking, I hated that I couldn’t see him every day, but mostly, I hated the stupid mistake I had made, I hated that everything in this, was my fault.
My mother walked me to my car, she promised we’d have lunch again soon, and as I knew she would, asked that Nathan join us.
I just agreed, I didn’t know what would happen, I barely knew where Nathan and I were at right now, telling her would only complicate things further.
“Thanks for lunch” I breathed.
My mother just waved me off, she smiled a small smile before taking off to her own car.

I frowned as I got home, it hit me that I had left some paperwork at the hospital that I needed to organise for my pay next week.
I quickly left the apartment, grabbing my phone, I decided to walk to the hospital, it wasn’t close, but it was a good walk.
The fresh air was good for me, it helped me clear my head a little.
Once I was in the hospital, I went straight to the lockers, I grabbed the papers and turned, almost bumping into someone.
“I’m so sorry” I sighed, shaking my head, when I realised who it was, I frowned to myself, just my luck.
“Hey” his smooth voice sent chills through me, I hated that he still made me feel something, even when I was trying to push all those thoughts away.
“Ryan” I breathed “hi” I sighed.
“How have you been? I haven’t seen much of you these past few days” Ryan said.
“I’ve been fine” I mumbled.
“I can see right through that” Ryan breathed.
“I don’t know what you want me to say” I frowned.
“Tell me the truth” Ryan said.
I bit my lip, shaking my head and frowned at him, feeling myself losing grip “I can’t talk to you about anything” I breathed.
“Why?” Ryan asked.
I hesitated, closing my eyes for a second “Because” I mumbled, shaking slightly “Because It’s so damn clear to me that there is something between us, and I just, I can’t let there be” I breathed.
Ryan’s hand sat on my arm “I feel it too” He said.
I shivered, pushing his arm away “No” I said, shaking my head “This, us, it’s too complicated, we’re friends Ryan, just friends” I breathed.
“Oh come on, since the moment we met we’ve been more than that, there’s so much attraction between us” Ryan pointed out.
“If you had made a proper move back then, who knows where we’d be right now, but right now, even though things are complicated, I have a boyfriend, and I love him, I’ve known Nathan almost my whole life and the attraction between him and me, it’s so much more than anything there is between you and I” I breathed, I slid past him, not saying anything else as I left the room, making my way home.