Trouble

I was glad that when I slid from my room early in the morning, I was met by silence, which meant Nathan was still sleeping.
I went into the kitchen, grabbing something to eat, closing my eyes, as I popped the toast into the toaster, I heard footsteps approach.
“Will you let me say sorry, or is that too much to ask?” Nathan’s voice sounded, causing me to spin and face him.
“That depends, what are you sorry for?” I asked.
“For researching” Nathan mumbled.
I frowned “No” I said, snapping slightly.
“No?” Nathan frowned.
“No” I repeated.
“Ok, why not?” Nathan sighed.
“Because you have no damn idea why I got upset” I breathed.
“So tell me then” Nathan said, shaking his head as he attempted to near me, I backed away.
“You should not have researched anything” I said.
“That’s what I…” Nathan began.
“Because you should have talked to me first, we could have worked it out together” I frowned.
“Ok” Nathan sighed “Ok, I promise that next time we will do it together, I was just, I am just concerned, ok, this baby seems to be messing with your head and I don’t like it” he breathed.
“I guess baby brain is setting itself in early with me” I frowned.
“Babe” Nathan sighed “You can’t be so, so, negative about this” He pointed out.
“Why?” I frowned.
“Because in seven months we’re going to have a child to think about” Nathan breathed.
“You told me that we had this time to get use to it, so why are you putting that on me right now?” I asked.
“Because what you said yesterday actually sunk in” Nathan sighed.
“What?” I frowned.
“That you won’t ever love the baby, that you won’t stop hating it, it makes me wonder if, no” Nathan sighed.
“If what?” I demanded.
Nathan sighed “it makes me wonder If you’d do something stupid” He breathed.
“Like what? You think I’d kill the baby?” I demanded.
Nathan was silent, which instantly answered the question for me.
“I can’t believe you’d think I’d do that” I breathed.
“Can you blame me? After the way you’ve been acting, the things you have said, what’s stopping you?” Nathan demanded.
“If when this baby is born, I still haven’t changed my mind, if I still can’t imagine myself looking after the child, I plan to give it up for adoption, I would never hurt an unborn child” I hissed.
“Adoption? Where is this coming from?” Nathan frowned.
“If I don’t want the child, a family who can’t have their own will love them, at least I know they’ll be happy” I breathed.
“You haven’t mentioned this” Nathan breathed.
“I just decided” I shrugged.
“And you didn’t think that you should, I don’t know, talk to me about it?” Nathan frowned.
“Why?” I frowned.
“Why?” Nathan demanded “In case you forgot, this is my baby too” he said.
“I was going to tell you” I shrugged.
“When? The day the baby was born?” Nathan demanded “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but the fact that you didn’t think that it’d be important to tell me that you wanted to give this baby up, I don’t know, it makes me wonder what the hell this is any more” Nathan snapped.
“Is this really about honesty here, telling each other things?” I demanded.
Nathan sighed “Fine, I lied to you, but this is an entirely different situation” he breathed.
“Why? Because it’s the other way around?” I snapped “Nathan, I really can’t talk to you right now if you’re going to continue being like this” I sighed, grabbing my toast.
“We have to talk about this” Nathan breathed.
“I’m not up for talking right now” I shrugged.
“I don’t care” Nathan snapped, I could see the frustration flicking through his eyes “You can’t just say something like that and walk away” he pointed out.
“I can do what I want” I hissed, shaking my head.
“Acting irrational is a sign of baby blues, if you’re not going to accept this…” Nathan began.
“Stop!” I snapped “You don’t damn well know what I feel so stop trying to make things up” I hissed.
“I don’t know because you won’t tell me” Nathan sighed “I just want to help, I want us to go back to normal” He breathed.
“Then stop trying to diagnose me with a mental disorder” I hissed.
“Ok, fair enough, I’ll stop” Nathan sighed.
“We can talk later, I just have some stuff to do now” I sighed.
“Ok” Nathan breathed.

I sighed as I arrived back home after going shopping, I didn’t really need to go, but I found an excuse and brought a few things before making my way home.
Nathan was at the bench typing.
“Hey” I sighed.
“You get what you needed to get done?” Nathan asked.
“I have to admit, it was an excuse” I said, shaking my head “Nate” I breathed “I think your right, I, I think something’s wrong” I mumbled.
“Something’s wrong?” Nathan questioned.
“With me” I mumbled “I’m moody, I’m split minded, I’m borderline crazy” I breathed.
“Ok, but that’s not necessarily because…” Nathan began.
“Nate” I sighed.
“Ok, so what can we do then?” Nathan asked.
“First of all I need to talk to James, I need to apologise for going insane on him, and then I can ask him about maybe talking to someone” I sighed.
“You think that’s what you need here? Because I think you should talk to me and…” Nathan attempted.
“I mean a professional, I feel like there’s all this pent up frustration, I just need to tell someone about it, someone not connected to me” I breathed.
“And it’ll help?” Nathan asked.
“I don’t know” I mumbled.
“I’ll support you in anything, as long as you feel ok about it” Nathan said, he kissed me on the forehead lightly, keeping his lips there “I love you” he breathed against my skin.