Trouble

I paced back and forth through the apartment, closing my eyes tightly as I reached the bench, I felt a little on edge today for some reason, my mind was foggy and I felt funny, I had felt like this all morning and it was due to a conversation I had had with Nathan.
The conversation was about our engagement, about our wedding.
Nathan had been pushing the idea again, he wanted us to get married, though I was still hesitant, after everything with the baby, I just wanted us to take things as they came.
“You are going to ware a hole in the floor” Nathan’s voice sounded, stopping me from walking around any more.
“Oh, hey, I didn’t realise you were back” I breathed.
“I’ve been back an hour, you didn’t even notice me go into my room” Nathan commented.
“I’ve been distracted” I sighed.
“Clearly” Nathan said “Are you ok? Is this still about this morning?” He sighed.
“Mmm” I breathed.
“I’m sorry I brought it up” Nathan said shaking his head “be honest with me though, will you ever want to talk about it at least?” he asked.
“I will, but right now, we just need to enjoy one another” I pointed out.
“Why can’t we get married and enjoy one another?” Nathan asked.
“Because Nate, that plan, that idea, it was when I was pregnant, it was because of that baby, I can’t marry you with that idea in my mind” I breathed.
“I feel like this is the continuation of the conversation we had earlier” Nathan sighed.
“So don’t bring it up again then” I mumbled.
Nathan shook his head at me, not saying anything else, he turned and went into the kitchen, causing me to sigh and follow him “I’m sorry” I sighed “I just…” I attempted.
“Need time?” Nathan demanded “Yeah, maybe time is our enemy here” he muttered.
“What does that mean?” I frowned.
“Nothing” Nathan breathed “I’ve got to head out again” he sighed.
“Where?” I asked.
“Just, out” Nathan breathed.
My face fell, this is what it had come to now, me avoiding wedding plans had broken our relationship to a point where he was keeping things from me, something that I thought we’d never do in our relationship.
“Ok” I sighed.
Nathan looked at me for a second “Don’t make a big thing out of this, I just don’t think that it’s completely necessary for me to tell you right now” he said.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
Nathan shook his head “I’ll see you later” he said, kissing me lightly on the cheek.
I frowned as he left the apartment and attempted to focus on other things.

At around lunch time I got a phone call from the hospital. It was James.
“Hey, is Nathan around?” James asked.
“No, Why?” I asked.
“He missed an appointment, we can’t contact him” James said.
I frowned “What appointment?” I questioned.
“You know I can’t talk to you about it, you’ll have to ask him, when you see him let him know I called” James said.
“OK” I breathed.
As soon as the call ended the apartment door opened.
“Hey” Nathan said, he smiled.
“James called” I breathed.
Nathan’s face instantly fell “I can explain…” He began.
“Why were you going in?” I asked.
“I..” Nathan attempted.
“And why did you miss the appointment?” I asked.
“Let me…” Nathan began again.
“You are keeping important things from me…” I began.
“The mass is back” Nathan breathed, cutting me off.
I was speechless, unsure what to say, how to react.
“I have to have a biopsy, but the doctor thinks it’s got cancerous cells” Nathan breathed, his voice wavering.
“Is that what you were thinking about this morning, when you said time Is against us?” I asked.
Nathan sighed and nodded.
“You have no idea how bad, or how good it is Nate, you need to get to the hospital, get checked up…” I attempted.
“I don’t want to go through it again” Nathan breathed.
“I know” I sighed “But you might not have to, it might not be an issue” I pointed out.
“I’ll still need surgery, I know that much, and it’s risky” Nathan said.
“We have to think along the positive lines Nate” I sighed.
“Can you come to the hospital with me?” Nathan asked “It was stupid of me not to tell you sooner, I only just found out yesterday though and I, I’ve been processing it” He sighed.
“I’ll come” I said.
“Do you think James will see me now?” Nathan asked.
“I could call him and find out” I offered.
“I don’t know if I want to go today” Nathan mumbled.
“I know you’re scared….” I attempted.
“What if it’s bad?” Nathan asked.
“Then we’ll deal with it, together” I breathed.
“How can you be so calm?” Nathan frowned.
“I need to be” I shrugged “Now, we should go” I said.
“Babe” Nathan sighed.
“mmmm” I mumbled.
“I love you” Nathan breathed, his eyes on mine.
“Don’t do that” I breathed, shaking my head.
“Do what?” Nathan frowned.
“Say that like that” I frowned right back at him “You use it as parting words and I don’t like it” I added.
“I’m not” Nathan mumbled.
“Yes, you are, you’re being negative about this and I need you to not be like that” I breathed.
“Everything else has been against us, why not this too?” Nathan demanded.
I sighed “Ok, if you’re going to be that way then I’m not coming with you” I hissed.
“Fine, I’ll stop” Nathan sighed, shaking his head.
“Ok, good” I breathed, shaking my head and following him out of the apartment.