Trouble

The drive to the Hunter Valley was a short one as we took a plane to the closest airport and drove from there, Ryan seemed quite happy that I had agreed to come, he kept chatting about how great the cabin was, it was fun to listen to him talk to happily.
When we arrived he pulled my bag along and pushed open the door.
The cabin was amazing.
It wasn’t too big, but it wasn’t too small, it was perfect.
“This place is beautiful” I commented.
Ryan was silent, so I turned, noticing him looking at me “What are you staring at?” I asked.
“Nothing” Ryan shrugged, walking forward “Well not nothing, you” He shrugged.
“Why?” I asked.
“You’re just so beautiful” Ryan shrugged.
“And you Doctor are a charmer” I said, rolling my eyes.
Ryan pulled me towards his chest “I know” he said, kissing me lightly on the side of my lips before letting me go.
I bit my lip “So when’s the cleaner getting here?” I asked.
“Later” Ryan shrugged.
“Mmm” I breathed, turning to grab my bag, Ryan stopped me “I got it” he said, pulling it along.
I followed him up to the bedroom where he placed it in the corner “So this is ok right? This cabin, us being here?” Ryan asked.
I nodded, sitting against the bed “Why wouldn’t it be?” I asked.
Ryan looked at me, I was leaning back slightly “Like you said, we’ve only been dating two months” He breathed, diverting his eyes.
“I get the feeling you’re deflecting” I breathed.
“From?” Ryan asked.
“From this, from the fact that I’m lying on the bed like this and you’re not even acknowledging it” I breathed.
“Excuse me?” Ryan breathed.
I sighed frustrated “I feel like you’re never going to make the move to take this to the next level” I breathed.
Ryan’s eyes met mine “Do you want to take it to the next level?” he asked.
“Not the question here Ry” I breathed.
“I’ve been stepping back for your benefit, I didn’t want to push it” Ryan breathed.
I stood up, placing my hands on his shoulders and leaning up before pressing my lips to his, I shifted, moving us to the bed, Ryan pulled away “Are you sure?” he asked.
I nodded, smiling as he pressed his lips back to mine.

I sighed as my phone rang, quickly pulling myself from Ryan’s grasp to answer it.
“Hello?” I sighed, not checking the caller, I never did.
“Sim” his voice broke me, I began shaking as it registered in my mind who was speaking to me, who was on the other line, instead of responding, I dropped my phone to the ground and ran for the bathroom, the shaking getting worse.
Hearing his voice sent me into a spin, it hurt me, like a knife piercing skin, like nothing I’d ever experienced before, I didn’t like this feeling.
I hadn’t heard his voice in months, I hadn’t thought about him since I started dating Ryan, so why once again have I been brought back to thinking about Nathan?
“Simona” Ryan’s voice sounded from beyond the closed bathroom door.
I didn’t respond.
I couldn’t.
“Please open the door, talk to me” Ryan sighed.
I clutched the handle of the door, reaching up and pulling it open, staying on the ground, Ryan dropped to my level “Are you ok?” He asked.
I shook my head.
“I saw who it was” Ryan sighed.
“Why is he calling me? Why now?” I demanded.
“I don’t know” Ryan breathed.
“I feel so stupid” I whispered shakily “Because as soon as I heard his voice a wave of guilt washed over me, like I was doing the wrong thing” I mumbled.
“With me?” Ryan asked.
I nodded.
“Why?” Ryan sighed.
“I don’t know, because I shouldn’t feel guilty, he and I broke up, I haven’t spoken to him in months” I mumbled.
“I get it though, you and Nathan never had a real break up, so you have that sense of guilt for moving on, but it has been eight months” Ryan reminded me.
“I hate that hearing his voice did that to me” I breathed, shaking my head.
“Maybe you need to talk to him” Ryan announced “Clear the air” He added.
I shook my head “No” I breathed “I made the decision to never call him again a long time ago” I added.
“If he calls you” Ryan said “Look, I know you don’t want to, but if you want to move on properly, you probably need to” he breathed.
I placed a hand on his “I am moving on fine” I said.
“I don’t doubt that you are in this relationship, I just think that you need to clear the air with him, I think you need to talk” Ryan shrugged.
“If he calls again, I will try” I breathed.
“The phone rang more than once, I think it’s safe to say he will” Ryan sighed, getting up and pulling me up by the hand.
We walked out to the kitchen and sure enough, the phone was ringing, Ryan picked it up and handed it to me “Answer it” he said, turning for the outdoor area.
I bit my lip, clicking answer.
“You picked up” His voice sounded.
“Why are you calling me?” I asked, my voice coming out as a whisper.
“I needed to hear your voice” Nathan breathed.
“That’s not a good reason, not after what you did” I breathed back.
“I know I was stupid, I am stupid, I just, I had to go” Nathan mumbled.
“We were engaged, you don’t just leave someone like that, you don’t just walk away from a situation because you’re scared” I hissed.
“I know” Nathan sighed.
“I hated you for leaving” I whispered “I still hate you” I added.
He was silent.
“You need to know that, you need to know that how I feel about you now, I just, Nathan I lost it when I heard your voice on the phone” I breathed.
“You are entitled to hate me, I know what I did was wrong” Nathan sighed “But I did it because I knew in the long run it was the best thing for you, it would have hurt you more if I had stayed” he breathed.
“How do you figure that one out?” I demanded.
“Because I had no intention of even trying the medical option” Nathan sighed “I didn’t want to go there again, not if I could avoid it” he breathed.
“And now?” I demanded.
“About a four months ago I went for a check up to find out that it had gotten worse” Nathan breathed, I didn’t respond.
“I had to have the surgery” he breathed.
“So why didn’t you call me then, why didn’t you come back?” I demanded.
“Because I felt stupid” Nathan sighed “I didn’t want to admit that I was wrong, so I kept my distance, I, I knew you’d be mad too” He breathed.
“So basically you’re telling me you’re a coward” I snapped.
Nathan was silent.
“I have to go” I breathed.
“I want to meet in person” Nathan sounded.
“Why?” I demanded.
“I miss you, please” Nathan breathed.
“I’m actually not in town at the moment, I’m in the Hunter Valley” I sighed.
“Alone?” Nathan asked.
“No” I said.
“With Ryan?” Nathan breathed.
I almost dropped the phone again “How did you…” I attempted.
“I spoke to Ashley” Nathan sighed.
“Why did you speak to Ashley?” I demanded.
“I couldn’t get through to your mobile earlier today, it wouldn’t ring” Nathan mumbled.
“And she told you I’m dating Ryan?” I breathed.
“She didn’t tell me, she, yelled it at me” Nathan sighed.
“If you want me to feel sorry for you because my best friend had my back…” I attempted.
“That isn’t what I want, I just want to see you” Nathan mumbled.
“Well I don’t want to see you” I breathed.
“I know I hurt you…” Nathan attempted.
“You more than hurt me Nathan, you broke me” I whispered.
Nathan let out a breath “I…” he attempted.
“We’re never going to be able to talk again Nathan” I announced.
“You’re being irrational, I was scared, I was hurting and I didn’t want to put any of the stuff I was going through on you, that’s why I left” Nathan breathed.
“No” I frowned “No, you left because you knew I didn’t like the option you’d chose, but you know what, I would have supported you, because that’s what you do in a relationship” I announced.
“We both know you’d never have supported that decision, no matter how many times you say you would have” Nathan sighed.
“Think what you like” I said, shaking my head “This conversation is done” I breathed, shaking my head and pressing the end button.