Trouble

After our discussion Mark had taken off home, I guess he thought I needed processing time, I didn’t, all I needed was for him to tell me how he felt, and he was still side stepping.
Sliding from bed I went to the kitchen to check my phone.
I checked my mobile, and then the home phone, which I always put on silent during the night.
There was a message.
I clicked it as I grabbed some banana bread to eat. I never expected to hear on the line, who I heard.
“Hey, I’m hoping you won’t delete this message before you listen to it, I know hearing my voice is the last thing you probably want, I’ve been thinking about you since we last saw each other, but lately it’s been worse, I can’t get you out of my head, I know you don’t want anything to do with me, but I’d like to see you, I’d like to talk, it’s been over a year and I’m hoping that for you, the wounds have healed, call me” Nathan’s voice hit me like a tone of bricks, I was frozen, unable to really process what he had said.
But that sudden shock was soon replaced by anger, I grabbed the phone, dialling his number instinctively.
As soon as he answered I let lose
“How dare you call me” I snapped.
He was about to speak, but I didn’t let him “Do you think it’s ok that you called? Do you think I care what you have to say?” I demanded.
“I know that…” Nathan attempted.
“No” I snapped.
“Sim, give me…” Nathan began again.
I shook my head, feeling my frustration continue to build “Stop” I breathed out, my body shaking “I’m in a good place right now, I’m happy, I don’t need to hear from you, I don’t need to know you” I whispered.
Nathan was silent, for a second I thought he had hung up, but then I heard him let out a breath “We were in an ok place before we, I screwed up, ok, I need to make up for that” Nathan breathed.
“Why?” I demanded “Why now?” I asked.
“Because it occurred to me how badly hurting you messed me up, I haven’t been able to go back to the person I was because I know that I hurt you” Nathan announced.
“So it’s to clear your own conscious?” I demanded.
“I think it’d be good for the both of us, to put the past in the past” Nathan breathed.
“I’ve already put the past in the past” I sounded “Seeing you will only bring it all up again, I can’t do that” I announced.
“I knew you’d say no to this, you’re so close minded” Nathan sighed.
“Insulting me won’t help, goodbye Nathan” I breathed, about to hang up.
“I’m sorry” Nathan sighed “I just, There’s some things we need to talk about, please” He added.
“Ok” I whispered, shocked myself at the words, I was agreeing to meet with Nathan, I was agreeing to put myself through seeing him again, and I had no idea why.
“Ok, how about the café near your place?” Nathan asked.
“When?” I breathed.
“Now?” Nathan questioned.
“OK, I’ll see you soon” I sounded, hanging up the phone.
I was frozen, shocked completely, it wouldn’t have been hard to say no over the phone, so why was I so easy to convince?
I got changed and made my way out, not knowing what to expect from this meeting.

As soon as I saw him I felt myself shake. He still looked every bit the same, except he had a sad look in his eyes that I didn’t recognise.
He jumped up when I approached “Hi” he said, he looked unsure of what to do.
“Hi” I breathed.
He pulled my chair out for me and I sat, my eyes flickering to his as he sat across from me “I’m glad you agreed to meet me, I needed to see you one more time before I left” Nathan sighed.
“You’re going somewhere?” I asked.
Nathan nodded “I’m going to LA for a while, they need a reporter to go over and they picked me” He said.
“Oh” I breathed.
“It could be permanent move” Nathan added.
“Wow, really?” I asked.
Nathan nodded “I know that this doesn’t make any sense, but I wanted to clear the air before I left, I wanted to make sure you were ok” he said.
“I’m fine” I breathed.
“Now you could say that with more of a convincing voice” Nathan said “I could always tell when you were lying” he added.
I frowned “I’m not lying” I breathed.
“Ok” Nathan sighed.
“I’m happy, I’m dating an amazing guy and I haven’t thought about you in a long time” I announced.
“I don’t doubt that you are happy, I doubt that you are fine” Nathan breathed “You reacted in such a negative way to what happened between us the last time we saw one another and I can tell that it still hurts, I need to know why” He sighed.
“It was a mistake Nathan, that’s all I have to say about it, a big big mistake” I breathed.
“That isn’t what I asked” Nathan pointed out.
“What do you want from me?” I demanded.
“Why was it a mistake?” Nathan asked.
I closed my eyes for a second before flickering them open again, stupidly letting my eyes fall to his “I…” I attempted, my voice getting stuck in my throat “With us, it was never about the physical, it was never that type of relationship, despite the way we began, but Nathan, that day, it broke me, because you pushed me and what happened, happened” I said, my voice cracking.
“Do you blame me then?” Nathan frowned.
“Yes, I do” I breathed.
“I hope you realise I didn’t plan that, that I didn’t intentionally set out for anything to happen, all I wanted was to talk, things got out of hand, you can’t blame me” Nathan sighed.
“I was vulnerable Nathan, surly you knew that” I breathed.
“Vulnerable?” Nathan demanded “I was sick, I was sad, if anyone was vulnerable, it was me” He breathed.
“No” I frowned “You don’t get to play that card Nathan” I breathed.
“Why? Because it’s yours?” Nathan asked.
“I…” I attempted.
“Do you know what was a mistake, this” Nathan sighed “I’m sorry for wasting your time” he said, standing up. Before I got the chance to say anything else, he took off.