Trouble

Today was my last day of work before Mark and I left for Fiji, we were going for two weeks and I was super happy about having time off.
I was on the desk for the day and once it was over, I was relieved, it was busy this morning.
I loved how enthusiastic about this trip Mark was, he couldn’t stop talking about it
And about everything we could do to relax there.
I was walking from the desk when I felt my phone buzzing.
Sighing I grabbed it “Hello?”.
“It’s me, we need to talk about something” Ashley’s voice sounded.
“Ash, what’s up?” I asked.
“Come over” Ashley sighed.
“Now?” I frowned.
“Yes, it’s important, I know you need to get ready to leave tomorrow but this is so damn important” Ashley sounded.
“You sound the most serious I have ever heard you sound” I breathed.
“That’s because this is serious” Ashley said.
“OK, ok, I’ll be there soon, I’m just finished work now” I sighed.
“Good” Ashley breathed.
She hung up, causing me to frown, what was so important?
I quickly changed before leaving, making the drive to Ashley’s.
“What is the problem?” I asked as I got inside.
“Nathan” Ashley breathed.
“What?” I frowned, as soon as she had said his name I felt a shiver run through me, it was uncontrollable, the way he made me feel.
“I’ve been speaking to him” Ashley sighed.
“Why?” I frowned.
“I saw him one day, he looked like hell, so I talked to him, Sim, I know what he did was…” Ashley attempted.
“No” I breathed “Don’t even try and convince me that what he did, that any of it was justified, Ashley you hated him at one point” I frowned.
“Yes, but he’s gone through a hell of a lot” Ashley breathed.
“And I’m supposed to feel sorry for him?” I snapped.
“You do” Ashley said “You can’t pretend with me, I know you care about him” She added.
“Of course I do” I frowned “But I’m not going to feel sorry for him because it finally occurred to him that he made a mistake with me” I breathed.
“He is hurting and..” Ashley attempted.
“Ash, I’m with Mark now” I reminded my friend.
“I know, but Nathan was perfect for you, I mean he had his moments but Sim, seriously, when you were with him…” Ashley attempted.
“When I was with him, half the time I was miserable” I whispered “When I found out he was sick the first time, when I found out he lied, it broke me just a little and I hated that, I hated that part of our relationship had been tainted, but I stuck by him, and after everything, he couldn’t sick by me, he couldn’t hold onto me” I breathed.
“How can you think that” his voice sent shockwaves through me, I looked at Ashley, who looked slightly sad and I frowned as I turned, he was behind me.
“What the hell is this?” I demanded.
“We needed to talk, and I knew you wouldn’t listen to me….” Nathan attempted.
“You can’t be serious, after the way you acted at the hospital, you want to talk now?” I frowned.
“I didn’t want to hurt you any more, I didn’t want to put you through anything more, so I thought I needed to push you away, that if I disappeared for good, that you could continue living your life properly, but I, I’m not leaving any more, the job got cancelled, and I couldn’t continue lying to myself” Nathan breathed.
“We’ve been done for a long time Nathan, what makes you think that I’d even think about there being an us again?” I frowned.
Nathan pulled something from his jacket and handed it to me.
It was a photo, but not a regular one, it was an ultrasound.
“It’s the copy, I carry it around with me everywhere” he whispered.
I felt tears in my eyes as I scanned the image, my heart clenched, everything around me froze “Why?” I whispered, shaking.
“Because it reminded me of you, because I never want to forget what we once shared, I know you think me leaving was because I was a coward, and yeah, partly that is true, but there’s another part, and that is also important, it’s that I left to protect you, I thought that I was done, I thought that my life was over, and I didn’t want to take you down with me, I only ever wanted you to be happy” Nathan announced.
I knew all of this, I knew he had done it unselfishly, but the anger was and still would be there.
I jumped as my phone buzzed, quickly, I grabbed it, noticing it was Mark.
“I can’t do this right now” I breathed, looking at Nathan.
“What?” Nathan asked.
“This, us, you and me, Nathan, I’m with someone else” I sighed.
“I know you are” Nathan sighed.
“So why are you doing this? Why are you trying to break me again?” I demanded.
“I’m not trying to break you” Nathan frowned “I just want you to know that I would never, ever hurt you again” he breathed.
“And in doing that, you have hurt me again” I whispered, looking down at the image in my hands “I haven’t thought about this baby in a long time, and that hurts, that I could forget, that I could let it slip my mind” I whispered.
Nathan grabbed my hand “It’s not a bad thing, you’re moving on from it but you’ll never really forget it” he said softly.
I was momentarily frozen, the feel of his hands holding onto me, I had missed it like crazy.
As I snapped back into reality “I need to leave” I whispered, I couldn’t seem to move my hands away, I looked around, conveniently Ashley had left the room.
Nathan’s eyes focused on mine “I miss you” he whispered.
I closed my eyes as his breath hit me, his face was inches from mine and I still couldn’t seem to move, before I even had the chance to react, his lips had found mine.
I felt myself melt to him, my hands trailed to his shoulders and without even thinking, I kissed him back.
It was so familiar, so perfect, we fit, and that’s the thing I hated, how perfect we could be amongst the imperfection.
I hated how much this kiss brought everything out again.
I pulled away, my lip still pressed to his “I can’t do this” I whispered, pulling myself away completely. “I’m not going to make this mistake again” I added.
“Again?” Nathan asked.
“This is how it began Nathan, and I can’t let it ruin my relationship with Mark” I breathed.
“Who is this Mark guy anyway? Does he make you feel the same way I do? You can’t pretend like you don’t still love me” Nathan breathed.
“He’s who I’m with now and that’s that” I breathed I said nothing more, I just turned, and left.