Trouble

I groaned at the latest message on facebook from Ashley, she was really pushing it and I was getting more and more frustrated at her.
“She just won’t quit” I breathed.
“Who?” Mark asked as he exited the bathroom.
“Don’t worry” I said, shaking my head.
“Ashley?” Mark asked.
I nodded.
“Just don’t check your facebook” Mark shrugged.
I looked at him with a raised eyebrow and he laughed.
“Ready?” he asked.
“I need to change” I said, we had already gone to breakfast and now we were getting ready for the pool.
I went to the bathroom and put on my bikini, when I emerged Mark wolf whistled “You better keep walking to the door or we won’t get out of this room” he commented.
I rolled my eyes, grabbing a towel “Let’s go” I said.
Mark grabbed me from behind, kissing my neck lightly as I pulled opened the door.
He kept his hands round me as we walked.
“I feel like you’re shielding me rather than showing me affection” I commented.
“Bit of both” Mark said.
When we reached the pool I sat against one of the chairs.
“Put the towel over yourself” Mark commented.
I raised an eyebrow “Really?” I asked.
Mark nodded.
“Mark” I frowned.
“I’m kidding” Mark said, shaking his head.
“Ok” I said slowly.
“I’m going in” Mark announced.
“Kay” I shrugged, lying back.
I sighed, finding myself thinking a little to deeply about what had happened the other day, my mind wandered to dangerous territory, Nathan territory.
I began thinking about him, about us, about how much had happened in our relationship, and how I had just walked away from him at Ashley’s. That kiss, though completely inappropriate, held so many damn feelings that they were still flooding to me now, and I didn’t like it.
“Babe” Mark’s voice snapped me from thought.
“You were in another world” he commented, sitting by me.
“That was a quick swim” I said.
“I’ve been swimming for half an hour” Mark said slowly.
“Oh” I frowned.
“You ok?” Mark asked.
I nodded “I am, but I might just go back to the room for a bit, do some reading indoors” I breathed.
“Ok, do you want me to come?” Mark questioned.
“No I’ll be ok by myself” I shrugged.
“Ok” Mark said slowly.
I grabbed my towel and the room key and walked back to the room, shutting the door and sinking to the ground, for a few minutes I just needed to sit there, unmoving.
I finally pushed myself up off the ground after a short while, and moved towards the couch, grabbing my phone along the way.
I sighed, spotting another message, but it wasn’t from Ashley.

*I know how badly I stuffed up, I know that I made way to many mistakes, and I hate myself so much for it, I can’t continue living my life without you, knowing that I don’t have you, it makes me wish that my treatment never worked, that’s the state of mind I’m in right now, I hate so much, feeling like this, and I know it’s all my fault, so I need to write this, I need you to know that no matter what happens to me now, it was never your fault, I will always love you and I will always remember what we had. – Nate*

I blinked, feeling sick, something in this message stung, it alerted me to something, that maybe, just maybe, Nathan was in the state of mind to do something really serious to himself.
The message was sent last night, I felt slightly afraid that I was too late.
I attempted to write a response, but couldn’t seem to think of the right words, so I pulled on a shirt and walked to the hotel lobby, asking which was the best way to call home.
They told me the rate was best to get a phone card, so I did.
I dialled Nathan number, surprised I still knew it by heart.
It rang for a while before there was a sound “Hello?” His voice sounded broken.
“Nate” I whispered, I was shaking.
“Simona?” Nathan asked.
“I’m so glad I got a hold of you” I breathed.
“Why?” Nathan questioned, I could tell he was frowning.
“Your message” I said slowly.
“What message?” Nathan asked.
“Last night” I said.
Nathan was silent for a second, then I heard clicking.
“Oh” he breathed “I guess I was feeling down, I was drinking last night, that’s why I don’t remember” he sighed.
“There is some part of you though that speaks truth in that” I breathed.
“I shouldn’t have sent it to you, I’m not your problem anyway” Nathan sighed.
“Don’t be stupid” I mumbled “I care Nate, I always will, if you did do something stupid like, like end it all, you need to know that it would affect me” I breathed.
“I’m not going to do anything like that, when I drink, for some stupid reason now, I get depressed, if I didn’t do it last night when I was drinking, I won’t do it sober” Nathan sounded.
“Why are you drinking?” I asked.
“Because drinking makes me feel nothing, and right now that’s what I want” Nathan mumbled.
“Why can’t you just lift yourself up and move on Nate?” I whispered.
“Because you were my forever and now that I’ve lost you, what’s the damn point?” Nathan snapped “everything in my life has gone to crap and I don’t want to be with someone else because I saw the bullshit I put you through, I don’t want to put someone else through it too, I don’t want to hurt anyone else like I hurt you because hurting you broke me” he exclaimed.
I closed my eyes, bitting back tears, for once not knowing what to do, or say.