Trouble

I hadn’t been able to relax, or keep calm through the remainder of our trip, my mind kept wondering to Nathan, and to the thing that felt like a tiny, insignificant comment, but was in fact something that made me realise, maybe the chapter wasn’t complete.
*You were my forever, and now that I’ve lost you, what’s the damn point?*
From the moment I had ended things with him, I had had the same thought, he was the person I thought I’d end up with, he was my everything, and now he was nothing, and that hurt me more than it should.
I felt guilty, feeling like this, especially when Mark and I were going so well.
Mark is so sweet, and charming, and he always makes me feel special, but he has never made me feel like Nathan use to, and it was clear he never would.
As we departed the hotel, Mark nudged me “You ok?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Sad to be leaving?” he asked.
I nodded again, though that was no were near the truth, I was happy we were leaving, I needed to see Nathan, I needed to talk to him in person, we needed to sort this out and I couldn’t do it from Fiji.
“You’re so quiet, you have been almost the whole trip, are you sure there is nothing else on your mind? Are you worried about seeing Ashley?” Mark asked.
I sighed “No, I’ll talk to her, I overreacted slightly” I sighed.
“Slightly?” Mark questioned, raising an eyebrow.
“OK, a lot” I breathed.
“I’m sure she’ll be ok with it, you were mad” Mark shrugged.
I nodded.
“Yeah” I said slowly.

The plane trip felt like hours and hours, when we finally arrived home I was exhausted, we left the airport, Mark helped me with my bags.
“Do you want to go grab something to eat now?” he asked as we entered the apartment.
“I’m not that hungry” I shrugged.
“Ok” Mark said slowly.
“I might just go to sleep, I’m actually pretty exhausted” I sighed.
“Oh, ok, well I’ll get going then” Mark frowned.
“We can grab breakfast tomorrow, I don’t go back to work for a few day’s” I commented.
“Sure” Mark shrugged, he kissed me on the cheek before turning.
“Mark” I sighed.
“Mmm”
“The trip was perfect, thank you for taking me” I said.
Mark just smiled before taking off.
As soon as he was gone I grabbed my phone.
I bit my lip lightly as I clicked on Nathan’s number and waited for him to answer.
When he did, I was silent, I didn’t know what to say.
“Hello?” he sounded.
He repeated it three times before I finally breathed out “Hi” I whispered.
“Twice in one week, I really scared you didn’t I?” Nathan breathed.
“Can you come over? I need to see you in person” I said.
“Ok? Now?” Nathan asked.
“Yeah” I breathed.
“I’ll be there soon” Nathan said.
I ended the call and sat down, I felt restless, my legs were shaking and I had to walk, I walked around the room, my head spinning slightly, I was oddly nervous about seeing him.
When there was a knock at the door I jumped up, instantly going to answer it.
As soon as I saw him I let out a breath “You’re ok” I said softly.
“I told you I was” Nathan said slowly, I let him into the apartment and sighed “I guess I just needed to see you, to prove it” I breathed.
“Well I’m fine” Nathan shrugged.
“Nate” I breathed “I…” I began.
“I don’t get it” Nathan said, frowning “Why do you care so much that I’m ok? You don’t want me in your life, yet you call me up to get me to come over” he sounded, cutting me off.
“I told you, it’s impossible for me to stop caring about you” I breathed.
“Right” Nathan sighed.
“I wish I could stop caring, worrying about you ruined my holiday” I mumbled.
“You couldn’t take my word for it?” Nathan asked.
“You’re not the guy you were Nate, you’re drinking, having those thoughts, I just, I can’t help but worry” I mumbled.
“So now you’ve seen me, you know I’m ok, so…” Nathan attempted.
“Are you?” I asked.
“Physically, yeah” Nathan shrugged.
“But mentally? Emotionally…” I breathed.
“I should go” Nathan said slowly.
I shook my head, grabbing his arm “I need to know that you won’t ever really do what I thought you’d do” I whispered.
Nathan sighed “I might be feeling down, but I wouldn’t do that” He breathed “I told you that” he said.
“Promise me” I whispered.
Nathan let out a sigh, looking at my hand holding onto his “I promise” he breathed.
I let his hand go and breathed out, reaching up and touching his cheek, feeling the stubble.
Nathan closed his eyes slightly as I touched his face, he let out a breath and flickered them open again “I should go” he said.
I nodded, “You should” I said, but I didn’t stop touching him, my other hand sat on the other side of his face, feeling every memory it held.
There were scars I remembered, and scars I didn’t, but mostly everything in the way his face felt, was etched in my mind.
I lost myself in his green eyes, feeling his breath hit me.
Our faces moved closer and closer.
“You have to let go” Nathan whispered.
I nodded, but didn’t.
“Now” he said, but he didn’t move away, and neither did I.
Seconds later his lips were on mine.
My hands cupped his face, holding onto him as I kissed him back.
Nathan’s hands slid to my waist, holding onto me too, everything in this kiss was passionate, full of desire.
I stepped backwards, pulling him with me. My hands falling to his shoulders.
Nathan lifted me, pulling me up, I lost myself in the kiss, in the moment, everything that had happened, everything I had said, or he had said, faded away, and in this moment, we were back to where it all began.
I slid my hands to the hem of his shirt, sliding them under, feeling every muscle and curve in his chest, this was when he pulled away.
His forehead stayed pressed to mine “We can’t do this” he whispered.
“Huh?” I was dazed.
“You are with Mark, I no matter how much I want this, no matter how much I love you, we can’t” Nathan breathed.
TBC