Trouble

I hadn’t been able to process what Mark had said to me, the words were so angry, he had looked so hurt.
It hurt me that I did that, that I was the cause of his pain.
Part of me thought he was right, that I was a liar, a cheat, that all I care about is myself, because the way I treated him, it was unforgivable, I should have never started dating him, not knowing how I still felt about Nathan then.
My eyes flickered as I searched my phone, looking at old pictures of Mark and I, in most of them, you could see the slight look in my eyes, the pain, the sorrow, but it wasn’t obvious.
I sniffled, bitting back tears, I hated this feeling, I hated that I had broken his heart.
I jumped as the doorbell to my apartment rang, quickly I went to answer it.
“Nate” I breathed as I pulled open the door.
“I know I said I’d call…. Have you been crying?” Nathan asked.
I shook my head.
Nathan raised an eyebrow “Mmmm” he breathed.
I sniffled “I’m fine” I mumbled.
“Are you?” Nathan asked.
Nathan slid into the apartment and I shut the door “Mark hates me” I whispered, closing my eyes.
“He said that?” Nathan asked.
“He called me a cheat, and a liar” I breathed “he said all I care about is myself” I added.
“He’s mad, did you expect him to just accept it had happened?” Nathan questioned.
“No” I sighed “I just, I don’t know” I mumbled.
“Should I go?” Nathan asked.
I shook my head, grabbing his hand and curling my fingers with his “I want you here” I said softly.
“Are you sure that you do?” Nathan asked.
“No. I don’t know how I feel” I breathed out, my voice dripping in sarcasm.
“I missed you” Nathan announced.
“You missed me being sarcastic?” I asked.
“I missed everything about you” Nathan breathed, his eyes focusing on mine.
I moved my hand, reaching up and touching his cheek again “I missed you too” I breathed out.
Nathan leant forward, his lips inches from mine “I missed this most though” he breathed, before pressing his lips to mine.
I smiled into the kiss, resting my hands against his shoulders.
Nathan’s hands trailed, holding onto me, shifting me slightly, I pulled him back, leading him towards the couch, Nathan pressed me against the wall beside it, still kissing me.
He pulled away for a second, pressing his forehead to mine “Too much?” he asked.
“No” I whispered, leaning forward and pressing my lips to his again.
I pushed myself off the wall and moved us, edging towards the bedroom.
Nathan stopped me.
“Don’t you think we should slow down?” he breathed.
I shook my head, trying to kiss him again.
“No” Nathan sighed “I can’t do this” he breathed, turning.
“Nate” I frowned, following him as he walked to the door.
“I don’t want our relationship to be about that” Nathan breathed.
“I..” I attempted.
“We can’t just jump into bed with one another” Nathan cut me off.
“It’s not like this is a new relationship” I mumbled.
Nathan sighed “I know, but it’s a new chapter for us, do you really want to start it the same as it began before?” he asked.
“Are you serious?” I asked “Nate, we weren’t just about the physical, but the physical part of it was damn good” I pointed out.
“Is it a big deal to you?” Nathan questioned.
“No, I…” I began.
“You’ve been with someone else since we ended things, I think that we need to just, establish us again” Nathan announced.
“Ok” I breathed.
“I feel like you’re just agreeing with me for the sake of agreement” Nathan sounded.
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked.
“No, but I want the truth from you though” Nathan shrugged.
“Ok, well a second ago you were all over me and now, now you’re backing away, I want to know why” I breathed.
“I want to make sure this, us, isn’t about, sex” Nathan sighed.
“What do you mean?” I frowned.
“I don’t want to be the rebound from Mark” Nathan said.
I laughed at this “How could you be? Nate, both Ryan and Mark happened after you, they were rebounds, so how could you be my rebound from them?” I asked.
“I just…” Nathan attempted.
“You’re just overanalysing” I cut him off.
“Maybe, but I don’t want either one of us to get hurt again, so I’m clarifying” Nathan breathed.
“OK, well, is it clear now?” I asked.
“Yes” Nathan said slowly.
I rolled my eyes “Where do we go from here?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” Nathan asked.
“Us” I sighed “we can’t just go back to how it was before” I reminded him.
“Ok, well let’s go out then, on a date” Nathan offered.
“When?” I asked.
“I don’t know, when are you free” Nathan said.
“Well I’m going back to work so not for a week” I sighed.
“Not even for dinner?” Nathan asked.
“I’m working late’s” I sighed.
“Ok, next week then, on Saturday” Nathan said.
“Good idea” I shrugged.
“Why not now though?” Nathan asked.
“I need a little while, Mark and I just broke up, I don’t think it looks so good just instantly getting back together with you” I pointed out.
“Right” Nathan said.
“We can text though” I offered.
“Ok, I’ll text you later then” Nathan said, kissing me lightly on the cheek.
“Kay” I said, walking him to the door, I bit my lip lightly as I shut the door.