I Only Want To See You

Dear William,

I apologize for being a disappointment to our friendship. Do you realize that I needed you more than you needed me? I thought you and I had love. Not that we were in love, just that we had love. I wish I could've seen you for what you really are before now. I'm sorry, but not only to you. I am sorry to myself, too, because I have failed myself.

Just know that I loved you more than friends. I loved you more than the sun and the moon's light combined. I loved you forever and always.

I scratched at my neck out of frustration. How could such a simple boy destroy my thoughts, my feelings, the twists in my soul that I'd wound so tightly?

Why was I stupid enough to let him?

It has always been this way. My love for him, oozing out of the cracks in my skin, but his love for me never even hinting at its exsistance. Maybe he never had any love for me.

I ripped up my letter and started again, angrier than before. More hurt than before.

Dear William,

Goodbye.

It was all I could say and more in that simple word, consisting of two smaller words that held the weight of the world in their spellings.

I folded the paper in half and sealed it with my nail...

The raised dots, I knew he could read them. I had a special type-writer for writing letters and notes, and he had one too. He could respond just the way that I had written.

Our little lies woven in Braille.

I sighed and shoved the paper into an envelope.

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you give this to Will for me when he comes over?"

I held out the envelope and she took it.

"Sure baby. Sure."