Cigarette Daydreams

“11:11 make a wish,” I whispered to myself as I watch the clock change to 11:12 before I could make my wish, basically my luck at this point and time. I hadn’t been able to fall asleep since last night. I’ve watched my phone ring at least a dozen times since 8 this morning from Alex and I knew he would be over soon. I didn’t want to tell him what had happened, he didn’t need the extra stress. I needed to figure out my escape plan and get my life back together. I sat up ignoring the excruciating pain and made my way towards the bathroom. I turned on the shower to the hottest possible I could get it and hopped in, letting the burning water erase the evidence of what happened last night.

After about ten minutes of just standing in the hot water I figured it was a good time to leave the shower before it got too cold. My phone began to ring again and I picked up and answered without looking, knowing it would be Alex.

“Hey babe,” I cooed smoothly trying to not let on to how broken I felt on the inside.

“Jesus Erin! I have been freaking out!” He sounded really worried and my heart ached for him.

“I’m sorry Alex,” I sighed. In more ways than one because I knew the outcome of today would rip us both apart.

“I’m sorry too. I didn’t want you to leave last night Erin, I was just angry and hurt by what you said.”

“I know Alex but—“

“No let me finish,” He sounded desperate. I could feel my eyes watering up. “I told you I would never leave you no matter how hard it got and last night I fucked up. I made you leave and I didn’t chase you hard enough. I should have gotten into my car and followed you.” I felt a few tears escape, if he had would Kyle still have attacked me? “I can see myself having a very long future with you and sometimes that scares me but more so it excites me. I want to spend as much time as I can with you, Erin.”

I was close to losing my composure, “Alex it might me too late.”

“Please don’t say that Erin,” I heard his voice crack.

“Alex I have got to go,” I made a move to my bedroom knowing that Kyle could be back any moment now for round two.

“Erin! I will come over! We can talk about this!” I looked around my room and there was evidence everywhere.

“No! I will meet you somewhere!”

“Okay, how about the park where we had our third date?” I smiled to myself because that park was one of my favorite spots.

“Sounds good, I’ll see you in an hour?”

“Yes. I love you Erin.” I could practically hear the smile in his voice while he hung up not waiting for me to say I love you back. I looked around my room with such regret. I pulled my large suitcase out from underneath my bed and began to pack up my belongings. I had only an hour to get the hell out of town.



“Just slow down right here,” I told the taxi driver. I knew I owed Alex at least a goodbye. I could completely skip town without telling him how much I loved him and how much he needed to get over me. I looked out my window and he was the first person I spotted, sitting on our bench with his acoustic. My heart was going to beat out of my chest. I was going to leave the only man I had ever loved because of some asshole, because I couldn’t get my life together, and because I was too damaged. This was entirely too painful.

“Miss?” The cap driver looked at my confused.

“One second,” I could feel my panic attack coming on. I looked back at Alex and saw him check his watch and look around, frowning when he couldn’t spot me. I knew I should have gotten out of the car but I couldn’t move. I was frozen in time. He pulled a small box out of his pocket and I squinted my eyes to get a better look. I could feel my heart breaking into two when I realized what that small box was. A ring. His grandmother’s ring. He wanted to propose.

“Can you take me to the airport please?” I half yelled at the taxi driver.

“Are you sure?”

I broke my gaze from Alex, “Yes drive!” I turned back around to get one good glimpse of him before I walked out of his life for good. I let two tears fall as we pulled out of the park parking lot and headed for LAX.

“You okay miss?”

I smiled, “I will be.” I rolled down my window and threw out my phone, the last piece that connected me to my old life. I knew I should have left Alex some type of message explaining why I left but I figured he could get over me better if he thought I was some cold-hearted bitch. I knew what I was doing would be better for the both of us in the long run, or at least that is what I was going to tell myself.