Photographs

“Oh it is you.” Jimmy said through his tears he looked at his daughter in front of him and couldn’t believe how much she looked like Maggie. I stared at him unable to find my voice the tears just kept building in my eyes. They wouldn’t spill over but they built up. He was still kneeled before me just staring at me. Even kneeled he was taller than I was.

I inhaled deeply and let a sob out as I started to cry. “Hi.” I said through my tears. I stared at him with tears falling down my face. “You don’t know how far I’ve traveled to find you.” I said crying hard my voice cracking with the sobs as I tried to force out my voice.

I couldn’t stop the tears as he grabbed my face and made me look at him. I’d waited for this moment for my whole life to meet him and be there with him. All I could do was cry and croak a few small words to him.

Jimmy looked at me and had his own tears coming down his eyes as he held my face in his hands. “You look just like her.” He whispered to me then pulled me into his arms and hugged me so tight I felt as if I’d be squished.

I wrapped my arms around him as tight as I possibly could. He was a petite man very lanky in build tall but small around. I now knew where I got my boyish figure from. It felt like an eternity standing there in his arms. I let out most of the pent up emotions I’ve held in for 18 years.

“I prayed to god every day that you’d come find me Sarah.” Jimmy said into my hair as I kept my face tucked against his shirt which was now fairly damp from my tears. I pulled back and looked up at him my blue eyes were now a darker color from just that small outburst of emotion.

“I’m sorry about your shirt.” I whispered quietly looking at him. I didn’t know what to say to him at all I was at a complete loss for words.

I had completely forgotten that we were at a party. I suddenly glanced around at the whole party frozen watching our display of emotions. I looked back at him and sighed. “I wish I knew what to say to you.” I said to him looking down as I used my arm to wipe my tears away.

“Alright everyone lets move this party inside!” I heard a semi raspy voice say moving the horde of partiers into the house. I looked at my father once we were the only ones outside. I hugged him again and sighed loudly letting another pent up sob out.

“Did you get my letter?” He asked looking down at me; I nodded against his chest hugging him tightly. I felt complete for some reason. Being there in my father’s arms made me feel complete.

“If only I could’ve gotten here sooner. I would’ve been able to meet her.” I said softly and looked up at him.

“I still have that baby cap you wore in the hospital. It fell off your head when the case worker took you from me, it’s in my bed side drawer I look at it daily and hold it close to my heart.” Jimmy said looking at me; I looked at him with my watery eyes. I scanned over all of his features.

I did share more of my features with my mother but I did get a few things from him. I shared eyes, hair color, nose and chin structure with him. I slowly let go of the death grip I had on him and straightened myself out. “Grandpa err… Mom’s father has been helping me since I got into town last night.” I told him.

“You’re staying with Edgar?” Jimmy asked me; I guessed that’s what my grandpa’s real name was. I gave him a slight nod rubbing at my now puffy and raw eyes.

“Do you know how long I’ve waited for you?” Jimmy asked looking at me; I turned my head up to look in his eyes.

“No, do you know how long I have waited for you?” I looked at him seriously. “I spent 18 years praying you and mom would come back for me. When I realized you weren’t coming back I started acting out. I scared off every family that came to see me because I wanted my mom and dad.” I started to cry again just telling him that.

“Sarah I-“ I held my hand up to shut him up.

“Let me finish.” I said and inhaled deeply seeing him nod. “When I turned 18 I couldn’t wait for the papers to be finalized that I was legally able to leave the orphanage and go find you. I kept that letter so close, the pictures. I saved up money from the time I was 10 until 18 just so I could get a bus ticket here to find you. I didn’t get to meet mom and the way people were acting…” I paused and looked down.

“I thought I’d never see you either.” I said honestly my voice cracking as I covered my face to sob into my hands. I felt his arms wrap around me and I just let the pain out all the times I wanted them when I was sick, hurt, sad, and lonely.

“I’m so happy you got the letter and came to find me. We didn’t want to give you up Sarah but we were minors, your mom listened to her mom and just decided to give you a better life. I didn’t know you’d rebel and be just like me.” He said to me and kissed my head rubbing my back. “I’m so happy you came and found me, I’ve wanted this since I last saw you in the case workers arms getting onto that elevator.”

“You could be 105 and you’ll still be my baby. You’ll still be that little girl I saw being born. You’ll always be my baby Sarah.” Jimmy said as he held me tightly; I felt like my chest was caving in I looked at him and frantically reached for my bag.

“Sarah?!” He gasped looking so freaked out as I tore the bag open searching through it. I found the small red inhaler I put it to my lips and took two puffs of the medication and inhaled deeply.

“You have asthma?” He asked me; I nodded as I was still catching my breath.

“It only is triggered when I cry hard or when I do physical activities.” I told him once I had caught enough air in my lungs to speak properly.

“Just like your mom...” he mumbled again.

“Everyone says that.” I said quietly and looked at him then at the inhaler in my hand. I looked over towards the house and saw Johnny standing in the door looking concerned.

“How do you know him?” Jimmy asked me when he noticed where I was looking to. I shrugged my shoulders and looked at my feet playing with the inhaler absent mindedly.

“I met him on the bus ride into California.” I said looking at him I leaned into his side and almost started to cry once more. It just felt so amazing to see him in person and have him hug me back.

He was a real person. He was alive and breathing. He wanted me. Why didn’t they come get me?