These Four Words

It wasn’t thirty minutes later before I arrived back at my apartment with sore feet and a heavy heart. All I wanted to do was spend the last few hours of Valentines Day in bed with a bowl of Phish Food. I quickly unlocked my door and was startled to find sunflowers and daises everywhere. My favorite. I smiled to myself and stepped farther into my apartment. It was only then did I notice that my entire apartment was covered in tiny candles. I looked around trying to find the person who was responsible for this. There was no way that Alex beat me back here and did this, or could he?

My thoughts were cut short by a familiar guitar strumming. Curiosity got the best of me and I followed the noise from my foyer into my grand living room. There was John, sitting on the side of my leather couch, in a white button up and dark wash jeans. The last few buttons were open, giving me a nice view of his tattoo.



I was familiar with the song but the way John was able to slow it down and make it so personal, was unlike anything I have ever heard. John quickly glanced up and shot me a small smile. It was then I noticed just how much emotion he was pouring into this song when a salty tear made its way down his cheek.



“John—I don’t know what to say.” I whispered hesitate to move closer to him.

“Erin, I just wan—“ I cut him off by lifting my hand. I couldn’t take this right now. “If you wont listen to me, just hear me play for you then. Please,” He begged. I stayed silent just watching him. He seemed desperate. He started strumming my favorite tune and I melted to my knees, not being able to support my weight anymore.



He stopped playing his guitar and move next to me on the floor. John took both my hands and kissed my knuckles. “Please, please, baby come back.”

“John,” I mumbled wrapping my arms around his body. I missed his familiarity. I missed his deep cologne.

“I missed you,” He mumbled into my hair.

“I’m so mad at you,” I told him close to sobbing.

John chuckled. “I know but in my defense I didn’t know the photographer was going to post the picture everywhere.”

“What did you think he was going to do with it?”

“I don’t want to fight anymore.” John told me pulling back. “I am sorry that it ended the way it did. I just want you. I know that now. I will give up everything for you. I would move to New York for you. You have my heart, mind, body, and soul. It all belongs to you.” He kissed my head.

“John I don’t know what I want.” I told me trying to unwind my limbs from his. “I want to be able to sit here and say that it’s only been you, but I cant. I cant because I still love Alex and I am afraid I will always love Alex.”

“I know,” John looked sad while searching my eyes. “I am okay with you still loving Alex as long as you love me more and you want to be with me more. I will wait for you. As long as it takes, I will wait for you."

“John I don’t want you to waste your time waiting on me to pick one of you. Its not fair and its not right!”

John placed his forehead against mine, nothing could be heard expect our deep breathing. “I couldn’t move on even if I have tried. There is only you. I wake up thinking about you; I write my songs thinking about you, I do little things throughout the day that just reminds me of you. I can’t get you out of my head or my heart.” John stood up and helped me up with him. My legs were still a bit shaky. “I’ll let you finish the night off with ice cream, I left your favorite in the freezer.” He kissed me on the cheek and began walking out.

“You treat me too nicely.” I yelled after him with a small smile. He paused momentary at the door and shot me a lopsided grin.

“You deserve the world baby girl.”