Shuffle

It had been two days since Die appeared. My face was already noticeably less swollen-now it was merely black and blue. Today, we were at the beach in Gloucester. Die and I climbed over rocks, finding the best spot to sit and enjoy lunch. I wore my bikini with a pair of high waist shorts thrown over top. I caught Die’s gaze time and time again as we jumped from boulder to boulder. His lack of attention had caused him to slip on the slimy surfaces and fall into the spongey seaweed multiple times. I struggled to contain my laughter as the sea monster emerged.

“You smell like fish.” I laughed, settling down on a large, flat rock. Flecks glimmered inside it, reflecting the sunshine. Waves crashed beside us, droplets of water falling on my exposed legs. Die grumbled, wiping debris from his clothing.

“What did you bring?” He questioned, pulling off his top to reveal his sun kissed, well-toned torso.

“PB&J.” I shrugged, pulling out the sandwiches from my bag. I laid out several fruits too, as well as chilled sticky rice. I felt the urge to mix my sandwich condiments with the rice. Mixing the two together with chopsticks, I sampled the concoction. It was well worth the risk. I was unable to contain my moan of satisfaction.

“Interesting combo.” Die commented, taking a bite of his meal.

“It sounded good in my head.” I grinned, eyeing my banana. I wonder how that would be… Breaking off a few chunks, I mixed it into the rice.

“You didn’t happen to bring anything to drink did you?” Die questioned, breaking me of my concentration. I nodded, mouth full, as I pointed to the bag. I had two bottled waters in there.

“Jesus, what else do you have in here?” He commented, “Oh wait…there it is, on the bottom-the kitchen sink!” He teased. I rolled my eyes, reaching for my own bottle of water.

“Ha. Ha. Original.” I remarked sarcastically after taking a swig. “So, how do you like this place?” I questioned, gesturing to our surroundings. We were in the harbor, waves crashing against a rocky cliff side. In the distance was the local fishery, and a lighthouse even further. Boats came and went as we admired the scenery.

“It’s very peaceful.” He let his eyes close, falling back against the rock. His arms were crossed behind his head, every muscle of his upper body flexed. I couldn’t help blushing at the sight. Setting my empty container down, I crawled over to his side. He hadn’t noticed my reconfiguration. Glancing around, I ensured we were alone before straddling his waist. His face looked surprised momentarily, but soon a smug look replaced it. His eyes remained closed.

“I like it a lot more now.” He mused as I leaned into his chest, my lips falling across his pectorals. He hummed lowly beneath me as I covered him with kisses. “Careful. I can’t be held accountable for what I do to you.” He warned as my affection moved lower, falling over his upper abdominals. I smirked up at the man, moving to his neck. He groaned with pleasure as I moved to his ear. I felt his arms snake around me, holding my body close to his own.

“I can’t wait to get you home alone.” He whispered, flipping the two of us over. He cradled my head as my body met with the rock’s surface.

“Remember what Emma said.” I frowned, letting my fingers trail over his cheek. His face fell, recalling her words. “No boys in bed.” I mimicked, rolling my eyes.

“I’m hardly a boy…” Die cooed, his lips hovering at my ear. “I’m a man, Rhu.” He smirked. “Your man.” He kissed the appendage at the last part, sending shivers down my spine. The smallest exchange of affection could ignite a wildfire in my body-it was something I was afraid neither of us could contain. I’m sure he could see it in my eyes. We hadn’t been alone since he returned. I longed to be with him again. We both had needs.

“Sneak into my room tonight.” I practically demanded, wrapping my arms around his neck before capturing his lips. I could feel his smirk as his tongue danced with mine.

“Can you control yourself?” He teased, referring to my gasps and moans of pleasure. I grimaced at the thought. Me? Control myself?

“Maybe I can slip a sleeping aide into Emma’s drink.” I mused. Die chuckled before falling back into me, his fingers running circles along my body.

“Come home with me. Back to Japan.” He pled, pulling away momentarily. “I can’t go back without you…” He frowned. It was the first time he’d really asked. The thought had crossed my mind, multiple times now. I knew it would come up eventually.

“When do you need to go back?” I questioned.

“Soon.” He frowned. “We don’t have anything big planned until August, but I obviously haven’t been going to band practice. There’s photoshoots and interviews too…” He trailed off. My lips formed a line-obviously upset. I opened my mouth, but he quickly interrupted me. “But I don’t care about those things right now. I care about you. I don’t want to leave here without you.”

I was speechless. He wanted to be with me that badly? I let my eyes fall shut in thought. I felt his weight shift, his head now resting on my chest between my breasts. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him closely in this new position. I couldn’t imagine losing him after I’d just got him back. If I let him go, I know this would mean the end. Long distance wasn’t something that would work for us. And what did I have keeping me tied down here? My father was committed to an inpatient rehab clinic. My sister was happy living in her group home. And Emma had no one left to care for. Sure, she may be lonely, but I could always visit…was it wrong of me to think this way?

Die was silent as I pondered, his fingers tracing patterns along my bikini top. It was difficult to concentrate as his touch skimmed over my nipple.

“Daisuke…” I groaned. It was meant to sound agitated, but I think the wildfire inside me gave it a different context.

“They seem bigger.” He murmured. Before I could stop him, he had one mound resting in his palm, his fingers tenderly pinching the pink nub that was just barely contained beneath my swim top. It took everything I had to move his hand away. I craved his touch so badly.

“Save it for tonight.” I panted, noticing the devilish gleam in his features.

“I can’t wait.” He whispered, quickly pecking me on the cheek before rising to his feet. He extended his hand toward me, helping me up.

“Thanks.” I grinned, holding him tightly as I regained balance. Soon, we were on our way back to Emma’s. The drive back was difficult, as Die refused to keep his hands off of me. Tonight couldn’t come soon enough.

I was slightly disappointed to find Emma home. She was already fidgeting with dinner. Die offered to help her, but she insisted he sit back and relax. I wish she was as lenient on me.

“Did you two have a good day?” She questioned as I cleaned off and set the table.

“Yes.” Die grinned, “I can’t remember the last time I was at the beach.”

“Really? Opal and Rhu practically grew up on the beach.” Emma grinned. Suddenly, Die got a devilish gleam in his eye.

“Aunt Emma,” He flashed his pearly whites, “I’ve been wondering since I met Rhu…” Oh lord. Where was this going? “She goes by Rhu, but her name is really Rhuby. I can’t help but think she and her sister aren’t named after gemstones purely coincidentally. Is there some story behind that?” Well fuck.

“Oh! That’s a little tradition our family has passed down! We name our daughters after their birthstones!” Emma grinned.

“Really? Now why wouldn’t Rhu tell me that?” He tutted, his gaze sauntering to meet mine. I glared daggers at the man.

“You know, I’m not sure! She’s never liked going by Rhuby!” She laughed. “I can say the same. My name is really Emerald…Emma is a bit easier to pronounce.” She winked. “Rhu’s mother’s name is Pearl.” Emma mused. “I always thought she had the prettiest name.”

“Wait. So if Rhu’s birthstone is Ruby, that means she was born in…July, right?” Die finally made the realization. “That’s next month!” He exclaimed.

“Yes. It’s the first! Rhu was a week late! I still remember Pearl refused to get induced until 11:59pm on June 30th. She wanted to be able to carry on the naming tradition, but didn’t want to name her daughter after herself!” Emma laughed. I couldn’t help but smile to myself. Hearing that story never surprised me. My mother always had to have things her way, or no way.

“Oh! Looks like dinner is ready!” Emma exclaimed. “Help yourselves!” Die eagerly dug in. I waited for my food to cool as usual, but the fish filet staring up at me had made my stomach grow queasy. Its scent filled my nostrils, making my throat feel swollen.

“Do you want my fish?” I whispered, nudging Die as I noticed he’d already finished his plate. He met my gaze with a look of concern.

“You love fish…Are you feeling okay?” He questioned. I nodded, holding my abdomen.

“My eyes are hungrier than my stomach.” I chuckled, stabbing the filet with a fork and passing it off to Die. He smiled thankfully, eagerly slicing the piece apart. Even watching him made me want to gag. I focused on the vegetables on my plate, relieved to find that they had cooled enough. Emma made the most delicious meals. I hoped that whatever was ailing me would pass quickly-it was about to pass the one week mark. I didn’t want to see a doctor. I hated wasting the money.

Dinner passed, as did afternoon television. I lounged on the couch, content in Die’s arms. His fingers skimmed my body beneath the thick blanket I’d thrown over ourselves. I was on fire under it, but for a different reason. Emma was sporting her telltale yawn, her eyes growing glassy as she’d begun to nod off.

“Good night Aunt Emma.” I teased as she struggled to stay awake. She frowned.

“I suppose it’s that time.” She muttered. “I’m off to bed. You two sleep well. And remember…”

“No boys in bed.” I rolled my eyes. “I know I know. You don’t need to worry about us. Sweet dreams.” I grinned, waving as she disappeared.

“I thought she’d never leave.” Die’s voice teased my ear.

“She’s probably lingering at the top of the stairs.” I whispered, resting my head on his chest.

“Seriously?” He hissed.

“Yeah.” I groaned. “She treats us like horny teenagers.”

“I’m 31 years old…” Die trailed off, “I haven’t been a teenager for quite some time.”

“You’re that old?!” I teased, wide eyed.

“How old did you think I was?!”

“I don’t know…like 26?” I uttered. He rolled his eyes. I smiled, inching closer as I batted my lashes. Die ruffled my hair, lips twisted in a smirk. I ducked away from his frantic fingers, shifting slightly to glance toward the stairs. I didn’t see her shadow lingering. She must have left. I shuffled a bit more, now straddling Die’s waist. His hands held my hips firmly, eyes boring into mine.

“Are you going to ride me tonight?” He smirked. My face was instantly red with embarrassment.

“Andou Daisuke!” I squeaked, resisting the urge to beat the man. He sat up, laughing as he claimed my lips. He held my body to his tenderly before shooing me away to bed, noting my exhausted features. I fell into my pillows, closing my eyes as I recalled the day. We had done so much, my body was weary. I let myself relax, head buzzing happily as I fell into a heavy slumber.

I was woken by tender kisses feathering the length of my thighs. Light and delicate, but enough to cause millions of goosebumps to erupt across my skin. Die’s familiar touch held my waist, his hungry kisses moving closer to my core that was filled with heated desire. Although the night filling my room was blinding, I knew Die’s lustful gaze was holding my own. It only made me crave him more.

His fingernails scraped along my skin, my panties following. Every inch further they were away from me, I felt my satisfaction growing. Suddenly, his touch had left me. I could feel his weight hovering above me, but I had no idea where I would be touched next. The suspense was torture. I reached for him, my seeking fingers finding his warm, bare body. I slid along his arms, shoulders, down his chest and abs, pausing to move tenderly across his pelvis. His low, sensual groan filled my ears as I took him in my hand.

“Rhuby…” His hungry voice hummed. Surprisingly, he moved away, springs heaving beneath his shifting weight. Again, I was blind to his whereabouts. And then, I felt it-a hot breath falling on my newly exposed skin. His fingers contacted my inner thighs, coaxing them apart as his tongue dipped into my folds. I let my head fall back into my pillows, my own hand covering my mouth as I finally felt awake and alive.

“Daisuke.” I mewled, muffled by my own force. His groan vibrated against me, sending shivers up my spine to reverb in my mind. His tongue unknotted all the tangled tension that had built up from our time apart. I twisted my free hand into his hair, pulling him closer as my pleasure grew. His hands forcefully threw my thighs around his shoulders, bringing him closer as he locked his arms about my waist. I couldn’t contain myself anymore as he flicked across my most sensitive area. I exploded in sensual delight, my extremities tingling and going numb as he tasted me sweetly.

I let my eyes open, soft moonlight now basking our bare bodies. His lustful eyes looked up at me, dark and inviting as I struggled to catch my breath. He released his hold on me, crawling over me. His gaze covered my body, relishing in the moment.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, longing in his eyes. “I’m so lucky to have you.” His entire face lit with affection. I sat up, bringing myself closer. He fell back, the two of us kneeling before each other. I took the opportunity to study his features. His stunning eyes, sharp jawline, supple lips, dark hair falling to his shoulders in a messy heap. His fingers skimmed my arms, every freckle shuddering beneath him. I let myself move closer, pressing my forehead to his and closing my eyes as our bodies melded together.

His arms held me close as he fell onto his back. His lips collided with mine, tasting each other’s passion. My legs held me up on either side of him as I allowed him to slide into me perfectly. His lips twisted, eyes closed relishing the moment. I moved my hips, the friction between us building within me. I wasn’t sure I could contain myself. Soon, our grunts and moans filled the room. My bed squeaked crazily beneath us, threatening to wake up the entire neighborhood. But at this moment, I didn’t care.

I wanted to scream his name with every minute movement. My breath wouldn’t stay in my body as he pushed into me deeper and deeper. My heart threatened to jump out of my chest as we moved faster. And my legs threatened to give way as our love grew harder. My inner cup was brimming over, pleasure bursting from our bodies to fill the room. Die’s face twisted in delightful desire as he filled my core, our bare bodies falling together in a tangled mass. Our heavy breathing was oddly synchronized.

“I love you.” His voice echoed through the room. That was the first he’d said that after we made love. I smiled to myself, letting my eyes fall shut.

“I love you more.” I whispered, resting on his chest. Soon, we had both returned to dreamland.



My feet slapped off the concrete, the fading painted lines zipping past me. It was past 2:00pm when I received the call. My messy blue mop was thrown up into a pony tail, bouncing frantically behind me. My heartbeat echoed in my ears, breath trapped in my throat. My eyes were set on the beige building in front of me, the glass doors growing closer.

“Saya? Is that you?” Kaoru’s familiar voice questioned. I almost missed him as I shoved open the doors. I paused midstep, glancing over.

“Kaoru?” I breathed, clutching my chest. A cigarette hung from his lips, his tired eyes meeting my own. I thought he quit months ago. His mouth turned into a frown, hands in his pockets. “How are they?” The words fell off my tongue. He looked away, his hand moving to his messy mop.

“Kyo is okay. He’s a bit bashed up.” He responded hesitantly. I felt my body release all it’s built up tension.

“That’s a relief.” I sighed, moving to his side.

“Toshiya though…Kyo really let him have it…I thought he’d been acting differently…” He trailed off, taking a deep drag of his cigarette before shaking his head. His very name sent shivers of fear through my spine. Kaoru frowned, dark eyes on my own. “I don’t know what he did to you Saya...” He started, but I quickly interrupted him.

“Nothing happened!” I narrowed my eyes in denial. Kaoru caught it.

“He wasn’t in the right frame of mind. It doesn’t excuse anything…but it explains it.” He continued.

“What are you talking about?” I questioned.

“He was completely messed up when Kyo found him.”

“He was high? He’s always high.” I rolled my eyes.

“It was more than that.” Kaoru frowned. “He was strung out…”

“Heroin?!” I interrupted, wide eyed and stiff. “How the hell did he get tangled up with that?!!!”

“We all missed the signs.” The exhausted man frowned. I was still in shock. How long had he been using it? “Kyo found him in the bedroom. He still had his arm bound with a tourniquet.” Kaoru shook his head, tossing the butt to the floor before smashing it under his foot. “He was barely coherent. They have him detoxing now, and then he’ll be facing weeks’ worth of rehab at the very least. He could go to prison...everything’s completely fucked.” He groaned. I remained silent. How do you respond to this kind of thing?

“With Die’s disappearing act, their squabble, and now this…SMEJ is threatening to drop us.” Kaoru continued, furrowing his brows. I grimaced. This wasn’t good news. They were such a new act for SMEJ…of course they’d want to drop them. “Die needs to get back here. Like yesterday. He’s screening my calls-they all go straight to voicemail. Do you think you’d have any better luck?” I considered his question.

“I’ll give him a ring.” I nodded, “After I check on Kyo.” I quickly and sternly added.

“Thank you, Saya.” He exhaled, closing his eyes in relief. I turned on my heel, the doorway in sight. Forcing my way in, ignoring the looks from my ex-coworkers, I found my way to Kyo’s room in no time. I could hear his booming voice practically from the lobby. He was pissed about being stuck in this place again. I turned into his room, noting the fuming man who kicked his bed across the floor.

“Glad to see you’re in good spirits.” I teased, noticing his swollen eye and bleeding nose. He glanced over, wiping his nostril with his sleeve.

“What are you doing here?” He questioned, obviously surprised by my appearance. I shrugged, shoving his bed back in place. This was the first time in weeks that I’d been this close to him, voluntarily of course.

“Kaoru called and told me you ripped Toshiya a new asshole.” I shrugged, a smile tugging at my lips. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. And I guess I came to apologize.” I sighed, meeting his gaze. His stare gave me butterflies, even now. “It’s my fault you look like this…” I frowned.

“I didn’t do this for you.” He huffed, crossing his arms as he turned away. “He’s had it coming-for years.” He grumbled. “But if you want to make it up to me…I’d appreciate you getting me discharged from this shithole.” I caught his sly smirk as he examined the jars of cotton swabs and alcohol wipes on the counter.

“I would if I could.” I groaned. “I got fired.” I admitted. Kyo’s eyes were wide.

“Seriously? But you’ve worked here for years!” He exclaimed.

“They didn’t appreciate my little impromptu vacation.” I chuckled. His lips were turned in disappointment as he approached me. My heart skipped with each step closer.

“Then that fucker got what he deserved.” He growled, eyes gleaming with fury. I felt the urge to wrap my arms around the man. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I was stronger than that.

“Thank you Kyo.” I whispered. His reach moved toward my face, skimming my cheek before flicking the powder blue ends of my ponytail.

“…I was wondering how you could get away with that hair color here.” He wore that crooked grin I adored. I felt the smile tugging at my own lips. Being in his presence somehow made me feel warm and safe. He was sunlight to me.

“You know what? Fuck this place. We’re getting out of here.” My lips turned devilishly as I took Kyo’s arm. “I know a back way out.”

He followed behind quickly and silently as we made our grand escape. Soon, we were in the parking lot making a beeline toward my borrowed vehicle. I hadn’t realized it, but I’d been laughing the moment we bolted from the doorway. Even Kyo held a smile on his usually grim face.

“Thanks.” He breathed from the passenger’s seat.

“Don’t mention it.” I exhaled, leaning back in my seat. “Let me get you home.”

“So…you’re unemployed?” Kyo uttered, making small talk as we ripped down the highway. I nodded in response. “I could talk to someone at SMEJ’s recording studio. They just lost a few guys so they could use the help. And I suppose you know a thing or two about music.” He murmured the last part, gaze out the window.

“You would do that?” I smiled to myself.

“What are friends for?” He shrugged, a crooked grin teasing the corner of his lips.

Friends. I liked that. My lips curled with delight. Soon, I had Kyo dropped off and was practically home. I recalled the promise I’d made to Kaoru as I fished for Die’s house keys. The kitchen still a mess from my rapid departure. My late lunch had been interrupted. My stomach growled as I sat at the table, picking at the peeled fruit I’d left behind. I dragged my phone out of my purse, popping a slice of pear into my mouth as the receiver hummed.

“Moshi moshi?” Die answered after three rings. He sounded exhausted. I’m sure it was three or four in the morning there.

“Die? Thank god you answered.” I sighed.

“Do you know what time it is?” He groaned.

“I know.” I frowned. “And I’m sorry. But some major shit has gone down. You need to come home.” I instructed. “Kaoru has been trying to contact you. Kyo and Toshiya got into a fist fight. Toshiya is going into rehab. We have no idea when you’re coming home. No one has been attending interviews, photoshoots, or practice…your record label is threatening to drop you.” I tried to make it short and simple.

“W-what?” He stuttered, suddenly alert.

“Listen, I know you’re enjoying yourself. But you need to come home. Your career depends on it.”

“…I’m not going anywhere without Rhu.” He stated. I was worried he’d say that. I groaned, pushing my plate away.

“Die, if you don’t come home tomorrow, you won’t have a home to return to.” I hissed. “Do you understand? Besides, Rhu would never let you be homeless. She’ll come. Just explain things to her…after you buy your plane tickets!” I added.

“I can’t ask her to make such a huge decision. I told her I still had a few days here…”

“Well you don’t!” I corrected. “I know you love her, but you have family here too-Dir en Grey! Your decision is affecting everyone! Not just you!” I shouted. He was silent, for a long time. And then, I finally got a grunt.

“…I’ll book my plane.” He murmured.

“I’m sorry Die.” I exhaled. “I hope she comes with you…”

“Me too.”