Shuffle

My head still swarmed dreamily with fragments of the night Die and I had shared. My whole body continued to tingle, even throughout sleep. Unfortunately, I woke with the overwhelming urge to vomit. Vaulting from bed, I made a beeline for the bathroom. I barely made out Die’s figure in my doorway before crashing into the bathroom, emptying my stomach’s contents into the toilet.

“Rhu?” Die’s hesitant voice questioned. I groaned, acknowledging the man. I could hear his footsteps approach and felt his fingers comb through my hair, pulling it out of my face. “Are you okay?” He frowned.

“Just a bit queasy.” I gagged, clenching the porcelain walls. I felt his palm contact my back, massaging small circles over my thin cotton top.

“How long have you been sick now?” He questioned.

“Two or three weeks?” I shrugged. I’d lost count. I could sense his frustration. “I promise I’ll see a doctor soon.” I grumbled, sitting up slowly. I think I was finally done with the toilet. Moving to my feet, I scuffled over and brushed my teeth.

“I have some bad news.” Die murmured, his reflection moving behind mine. I met the man’s stare, furrowing my brows. I bent over, rinsing my mouth and toothbrush.

“What about?” I questioned, drying my mouth as I turned to face him. His face turned in disappointment.

“I…I need to leave today.” His lips formed the words I struggled to hear.

“I-I thought you said you weren’t leaving for at least a week?” I stuttered. Die’s gaze left mine.

“Something came up.” He groaned. I knew what was coming next. Was I going to go with him? I knew I would face the question again someday. I thought I would have at least a few more days to consider it. “So…uh…” He trailed off, the words hanging on his tongue.

“What time do you leave?” I uttered.

“Noon.” He whispered.

“Noon?!” I repeated, wide eyed. I glanced at the clock-it was 8:34am right now!

“I know. I know. I had to make the reservations last night-It was the only open flight.” He explained.

“H-how can you expect me to make that decision right now?!” I squeaked. “I’m not packed. I haven’t said goodbye to Opal or Emma. And my dad…” I stuttered, running my hands through my hair. My dad was still inpatient. I wanted to speak with him once he’d sobered up.

“Rhu, if you’re not ready I understand.” He murmured, his hands moving to my face. He cupped my cheeks, thumbs skimming below my eyes. The way he stared at me, it was as if he was already saying goodbye. It broke my heart. I felt myself brimming over with tears.

“I don’t want you to leave me…” I choked, eyes falling shut. I felt Die’s forehead meeting with mine, his nose brushing my own. What should I do?

“I love you.” He whispered. “But you need to do what’s best for you.” I felt myself choking back tears.

“I just got you back.” I whimpered, eyes flowing over. Die remained silent, his strong arms pulling me close; holding me together.



Die was loading his belongings into the taxi, each bag taking a heavier toll on the man. I watched from the front porch, Opal and Emma at my side. I’d called them moments after Die broke the news to me. Tears stained my cheeks as his luggage grew scarce. Soon, he would be the one to enter the vehicle.

I didn’t know what I was doing, but I knew Opal and Emma needed to be here for me. I couldn’t bring myself to start any conversation. Words collided in my mind, gumming up my mouth.

“Are you leaving?” Emma finally broke the silence. I gazed up at her, understanding in her eyes.

“I-I don’t know.” I sniffled, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave you two alone. But…I don’t want to see him leave.” I cried. Opal reached for me, her clumsy fingers entwining with mine.

“Don’t cry.” She demanded, narrowing her eyes. “We don’t need you here.” She huffed, quickly looking away. I knew she was getting emotional. Emma smiled serenely to herself.

“I’ve spent all these years watching the two of you grow into the fine, beautiful women you are. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.” Emma mused. “I’ve seen the way you look at him. I’ve never seen a smile like that on your face before, Rhuby.” She grinned. My face was hot with tears. “That man travelled all the way out here just to tell you how he feels. You’d be a fool not to go with him.” She laughed.

“You can visit.” Opal beamed, “With presents.” She quickly added with a wink.

“Are…are you sure?” I squeaked, covering my face with my hands.

“Go.” Emma chuckled. “You don’t want to miss your flight. I’ll have your things mailed to you.” She added with a smirk. I bowed deeply before wrapping the two in my arms, allowing myself a moment. I didn’t hold back.

“I love you both.” I wept, brushing my eyes as I backed away.

“We love you more.” Emma winked, waving as I turned to face Die. His sorrowful gaze dissipated, lips turning into a smile with each step closer I took. He held the car door open for me, taking the opportunity to gather me in his arms.

“Let’s go home.” I whispered, nuzzling my face into his neck. His own body shook for a moment before he managed to collect himself. Soon, we were Kyoto bound.



‘You’ll be pleased to know, WE are on OUR way home : ) We should be back around 6:00pm ’ Die’s message read. I beamed. It was just the news I wanted to hear. I sat in the lobby of the SMEJ recording studio, waiting to interview with the supervisor. I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. This was such an intense change for me. I worried I didn’t have the right kind of experience. Regardless, I figured I’d give it a try.

“Saya? Long time no see!” Nobuo, the recording supervisor, exclaimed. He was probably my father’s age, but he was covered in tattoos and dressed like a complete hipster. “I love the new look!” He beamed as I rose to meet him.

“Thanks Nobuo!” I grinned, bowing slightly. He brushed me off, wrapping an arm around my shoulders to squeeze me familiarly. I’d known the man for years-as long as I’d known all of Dir en Grey. He worked exclusively with them.

“I’m so excited you want to come work with us! I know the guys from Dir en Grey taught you well.” He winked, ushering me away into his office.

“I know a bit.” I admitted, “I’d love to do some more behind the scenes work though.” I nodded.

“Oh definitely. I’ll set you up to work 1:1 with one of my best guys.” He grinned, “When you think you’ve got a handle on things, we’ll have you start working with some of our newest acts. We can’t have a newbie assisting in track production for Dir en Grey. No offense.” He chuckled.

“That sounds perfect.” I smiled. “I’d rather not work with the guys-they’re enough of a pain.” I winked. Nobuo laughed heartily as we discussed the position more in depth. The more I spoke with him, the more excited I grew. I owed Kyo-big time.

He took me on a tour of the rest of the building, pointing out the particular studio I would be working in. I met my trainer-a flamboyant male named Toki. He was short-shorter than even Kyo. He had soft features and shoulder length blonde hair. He wore a leopard print jacket and hot pink skinny jeans. He reminded me of a pocket sized version of Maya from Lm.C. Despite his appearance, he was certainly a master at his trade. After working with him for only one day, I could see why Nobuo valued him.

Before I knew it, my eight hour shift had concluded. Toki took it easy on me-he didn’t cram my brain with too much information. I appreciated it. We left the studio together, parting with a friendly wave. It was definitely rush hour, and catching a cab proved to be difficult. I decided to walk throughout the city a bit-stopping at one of my favorite cafes for a coffee. As I waited, a familiar messy mop of black hair caught my attention. He stooped lowly over his black coffee as I approached.

“Are you following me?” I narrowed my eyes, his almond ones surprised to meet mine. His expression quickly turned smug as he rested his elbow on the table.

“Who’s the celebrity here? I believe YOU are following ME.” He smirked, gesturing for me to join him. I laughed to myself, getting comfortable across from Kyo.

“Were you at the studio today? You’re a bit far from home.” I chuckled. Kyo took a sip of his coffee, eyes never leaving me.

“Actually, I was in the process of getting a tattoo.” He uttered, surprising me. “I guess you inspired me.” He shrugged.

“Really? Can I see it?” I beamed. I loved looking at his new work. His lips turned mischievously.

“We’ll have to go somewhere a bit more private.” He winked. “It’s on my penis.” He wriggled his brows. I rolled my eyes.

“I know you. That is the last thing you’d tattoo.” I laughed. He frowned in disappointment.

“Damn.” He grunted, wriggling out of the booth to stand and face me. He began unbuttoning the bottom of his shirt. I resisted the blush that threatened to creep onto my features as his familiar torso was exposed to me. He revealed a tiger clawing up his pelvis. His skin was still swollen and red surrounding the black ink. It was difficult to make out beneath the slightly bloody plastic wrap.

“I’m getting color added in two weeks.” He added.

“I like it.” I grinned.

“I knew you would.” He chuckled. “You like all my tattoos.”

“Yeah, well they’re all good!” I blushed, glancing away. “So is Diru still on hiatus?” I questioned as he fixed his shirt and returned to his seat.

“Yeah. Until Die returns and Toshiya graduates from rehab.” He frowned.

“He and Rhu are on their way back now. They landed in Osaka around 4:00pm. Now they’re on a train back to Kyoto.” I smiled. Kyo looked surprised. This was obviously news to him.

“Does Kaoru know? It would probably ease his mind.”

“I’m not sure.” I admitted, quickly pulling out my phone to send him a text to inform him. “Now he does.” I smirked.

“So they should be back within the hour.” Kyo noted, checking his watch. I nodded, smiling wide.

“We should throw them a welcome back party!” I suggested. Kyo narrowed his eyes.

“You find any excuse to party.” He teased. “Well, if you want I could have a bonfire at my place.” He shrugged. “But you have to help me set up!” He quickly added.

“Let’s invite Kao and Shinny!” I grinned, quickly informing everyone before Kyo could say no.

‘Bonfire tonight at Kyo’s! Dinner’s on him! ; )’ I sent to Die, Rhu, Kaoru, and Shinya.

“I never agreed to dinner!” Kyo huffed. I chuckled, sipping my coffee now that it finally arrived.

“I’m so excited!” I squeaked. Kyo fumed silently, shaking his head.



“Kyo is having a bonfire tonight. Do you want to go?” Die questioned as I leaned on his shoulder, train swaying gently. I was queasy the entire flight, and this rocking wasn’t helping.

“I’ll let you know once we’re settled on solid land.” I gagged, shutting my eyes. He wrapped his arm around me supportively, his other hand moving to caress my stomach. The pressure helped slightly. “Thank you.” I sighed, exhausted from the flight.

“Rhu?” His soft voice questioned. I nodded, acknowledging the man. His gentle fingers skimmed through my hair. “…Are you pregnant?” Die’s soft voice questioned, catching me off guard.

“W-what?!” I squeaked, wide eyed and mouth agape.

“You have morning sickness.” He frowned. I glared sideways at the crazy man.

“I’m just sick.” I huffed.

“I also noticed your cravings and queasiness. Plus your boobs are bigger.” He quickly added.

“I’m sick!” I denied, hissing. He shrugged away, his fingers leaving my queasy stomach. I pulled his hands back to me, entwining our fingers as I suddenly felt guilty. “Sorry.” I frowned, “It’s lasting a little longer than most illnesses, but it’ll go away soon.” I assured. He nodded, although not entirely convinced.

“I was just concerned-I want you to feel better.” He frowned.

“I’ll go see a doctor.” I groaned. I hated wasting the money to see a doctor.

“Thank you.” He whispered. “I can ask my sister to recommend one? I’m sure you don’t want to see mine.” He chuckled.

“You have a sister?” I was genuinely surprised.

“Yeah.” He laughed. “I guess I don’t talk about them much. Her name is Akane. She’s older. She lives next to our parents with her husband, Hikaru, and kids.”

“How many kids do they have?” I questioned.

“19.” He shrugged.

“W-WHAT?!” I went wide eyed. Die laughed, fluffing my hair.

“They have a boy and girl.” He smiled. “Hikaru, my nephew, is three. We call him Hika. And Chie, my niece, is five. They’re always teasing me about when I’m having kids.” He chuckled.

“I’d love to meet them.” I grinned. “…Do you want kids?” I muttered, blushing.

“Hm…yeah I do.” He nodded, “I love playing with Hika and Chie. I’ve wanted a kid of my own.” He continued absentmindedly massaging me. I couldn’t help imagining him running around chasing his small family members. The thought brought a smile to my face.

“Oh! We’re here!” Die interrupted, slowly standing to gather our things. Soon, the doors opened and we were meeting with our cab. I couldn’t wait to be out of a vehicle and on something that wasn’t moving.

“Welcome home.” Die nudged as his house came into view. Home. I shivered with delight at the concept. “Should I carry you through the doorway?” He teased.

“That’s what newlyweds do.” I huffed, helping him gather baggage. He fished his wallet out, paying the driver before shuffling toward the front door. It was crazy to think I was back already, and I had no plans to return to Massachusetts. But I couldn’t help thinking about the friends who waited for me here. And Daisuke…he travelled all the way to Gloucester to confess his feelings. He wouldn’t leave without me. He wanted me to live with him. Maybe someday we’d be married with kids… My cheeks flushed madly.

“You can come in you know?” His taunting voice broke my thoughts. I hadn’t realized I’d spaced out in front of the door. I hadn’t even moved into the house yet.

“Y-yes!” I squeaked, quickly ushering myself in. I took his bags to his room, smiling as I viewed his messy bed. His strong arms lifted me into his chest, catching me off guard as he cradled me tenderly. I opened my mouth to say something, but his passionate kiss kept my words sealed inside. He laid me on his bed, hovering over me as he continued to feather his lips across my body.

“You’re here…” He whispered, resting his head on my chest, the rest of his body following suit. His arms fit snuggly about my torso, squeezing me to him.

“I’m here.” I whispered, smiling as I ran my fingers through his wispy hair. “And I’m not going anywhere.” I added. “Well…except for Kyo’s bonfire.” I grinned crookedly. His dark eyes met mine, shining brightly.

“So you’re feeling better?” He grinned.

“Much!” I nodded. “I want to see everyone!” I pled.

“I don’t know…I’m a bit tired.” He feigned a yawn, attempting to hide his smug look.

“Guess I’ll go without you.” I shrugged.

“Awe you’re no fun.” He complained, sticking out his lower lip in a pout.

“Let’s get a shower.” I suggested, a smirk on my lips. Die’s expression quickly lit up as he practically dragged the two of us to the bathroom. I knew he couldn’t keep his hands off for long. The room filled with steam as the hot water covered our bodies, and soon he had me pinned against the shower wall. I think that was the longest shower I’d ever taken.