Shuffle

“Oh my gosh! You guys are Dir en Grey!” I beamed, eagerly joining the mass that was accumulating in the hall. I’d quickly forgotten about my food heating in the microwave.

“This is Rhu.” Saya smiled, gesturing toward me. Toshiya stepped forward without removing his arm from Saya’s shoulder. He nodded slightly.

“Oh? You’ve heard of us?” He grinned. “Nice to finally meet you! I’ve heard about you as well... I’m Toshiya by the way.” He added with a chuckle.

“I figured.” I winked, my attention turning toward the red head. His dark eyes connected with my own.

“Rhu?” He mused, “Interesting name. Call me Die.” He grinned perfectly.

“Die huh? I could say the same about your name.” I laughed playfully, my heart thrumming gently.

“It’s my stage name.” He smirked.

“Oh? Well I suppose you could say the same about mine.” I mirrored his expression. Was I flirting? He looked surprised as he moved closer to me. I felt as though there was something thick in the air between us. It wasn’t tense. It was as if it was drawing the two of us together.

“What’s the story behind Rhu?” He was mesmerizing.

“A story for another time.” Saya interrupted, stepping between the two of us. “The four of us are going out. I’m hungry.” She stated, already donning her coat. “Toshiya said he’d treat us.” She added with a grin. Judging by the look on his face, this was news to him.



The four of us sat crowded around a small table at a restaurant called Hafuu Honten. Apparently,they specialized in steaks-Saya’s favorite dish. I struggled to hide my disappointment. Truthfully, I preferred fish. This was one of my first times eating out in Japan, and I was faced with piles of steaming red meat before me.

Saya eagerly piled her plate high, both she and Toshiya shoveling food into their faces. I stuck a few pieces on my own plate, setting my chopsticks down while I waited for the meat to cool.

“Help yourself to more.” Die instructed, “I ate before coming over, so I’m not very hungry.”

“You ate already?!” Saya was wide eyed, glaring at Toshiya. He stared with a guilty face.

“B-but it was only pizza…” He uttered as Saya removed items from his plate, transferring them to her own. I’d never seen someone so zealous about beef. I fought to contain my laughter.

“So, where are you from Rhu?” Die questioned, plopping a piece of steak into his mouth before taking a swig of beer.

“Massachusetts.” I answered, “I live with my dad in Boston currently, but my sister and I grew up with my aunt in Gloucester.”

“I’ve been to Boston…never Gloucester.” He uttered.

“It’s just a small fishing town.” I chuckled, “There’s a pretty cool beach there though.” I quickly added.

“Oh yeah? I like the beach.” He smirked, “How did you and Saya meet anyway? You seem pretty close.” I glanced toward her, smiling as she bickered with Toshiya over food.

“We’ve been pen pals for years…since elementary school. I think it was a requirement for English class, but we stayed in touch all this time.” I chuckled. Die looked surprised, but nodded in understanding. “We had always wanted to meet, so when I was awarded a scholarship to come student teach here, I was ecstatic. I’ve always wanted to visit Saya. And I always wanted to see the countryside where my grandparents grew up.” I sighed thoughtfully.

“Has anyone given you a tour yet? Of Kyoto I mean.” Die interrupted, eyeing me intently. It caught me off guard.

“Uh…no.” I blushed, noticing how close his face was. He pulled away, nodding to himself as he took another swig.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” The man was full of questions.

“Tomorrow…well it’s Saturday. I have some papers to finish grading, and lesson plans…”

“Oh. Okay.” He seemed to frown. Saya picked up on it.

“It shouldn’t take you all day, right? You got a lot done before the guys came over.” She murmured, chopsticks in hand.

“Probably not.” I answered honestly, shaking my head. I noticed Die perk up at that.

“Well that’s good news.” He grinned before ordering his second beer.

“Sounds like someone is planning to take a certain someone sightseeing.” Saya smirked, nudging Toshiya.

“Quite the gentleman.” Toshiya directed a wink my way. I couldn’t help but blush, peeking over at Die. He had a grin plastered to his face.

“I suppose he is.” I smiled before testing the food on my plate. Perfect temperature. I had to admit, it was some of the best beef I’d ever eaten. But I couldn’t help but wonder if it was the food, or the company. Before long, we had finished the piles of food in front of us. Saya and Die chattered drunkenly while Toshiya paid the bill. Soon, we parted ways to travel to Die’s home.

“I’ll drive.” I offered, noting the number of beers Die had consumed.

“It’s okay. I’m fine to drive. I’ve got a high tolerance.” He gloated. I frowned, crossing my arms.

“I’d feel more comfortable if you just gave me directions.” I insisted. He exhaled sharply before fishing out his keys.

“Can you drive a manual?” He cocked a brow.

“Driving on the opposite side may take some getting used to, but I can handle a stick.” I nodded taking the keys. I noticed how he smirked, resisting the urge to snigger. I blushed as I realized what I’d just insinuated. “Shut up!” I huffed, quickly hopping into the car.



“That was delicious.” I grinned, rubbing my stomach before hopping into the car. My head buzzed happily. Toshiya quickly joined me, flashing his most attractive smile before placing a kiss on my lips. I leaned into the kiss, noticing how he wrapped his arms around my waist. The only thing keeping the two of us apart was the center console.

“I can’t wait to get you home alone.” Toshiya purred into my ear. My stomach turned with butterflies as his fingers weaved through my hair.

“We’re not going home tonight.” I reminded him. His lips frowned against mine, but he still didn’t pull away. We’d planned to celebrate his return at Die’s. He’d stocked the refrigerator with an array of alcohol.

“Well then…perhaps we should take the scenic route?” Toshiya smirked as his fingers crawled up my thigh, toying with the edge of my skirt.

“Toshiya…Not here.” I whispered, closing my eyes. It was dark outside, but we were still in a residential area.

“Here is as good a place as any.” He countered before I pulled away.

“We’ll be home tomorrow. You can wait one day.” I frowned. He didn’t look very happy.

“I haven’t seen you in months…”

“I know. You should have been over earlier then.” I huffed.

“I had things to do with the guys!” He growled, making me roll my eyes.

“Well, like you just said-you haven’t seen me in months. I wanted to see you too.” I narrowed my eyes, crossing my arms in front of me.

“Are you serious?!” He exclaimed, eyes wide. I turned my attention away. I had every right to be angry. “Fine! Sorry I wanted to spend a few hours with the guys after an exhausting four hour flight!”

“Sorry I don’t want to fuck you in a parking lot!” I yelled. He shook his head, pursing his lips tightly as he turned the keys in the ignition. He peeled out of the parking lot before the vehicle even had time to warm up.

The trip was relatively silent, apart from our angry sighs. My head was no longer buzzing happily. It boiled with rage, but I knew better than to push it. He was a man who needed silence when enraged. I was the same. I stared out the window, watching the passing nighttime scenery. Trees flew by quickly, but lost speed as he became lost in thought. Suddenly, he pulled off to the side of the road, rocks crunching beneath the tires. I turned my attention to him, his dark eyes meeting mine.

“I’m sorry…” He muttered, taking my hand gently. I sighed, squeezing gently. “I really did miss you.” He frowned.

“I missed you too.” I whispered. “I just wanted to spend today with you…it’s been so long.”

“I know…I should have been over earlier.” He sighed.

“…Well, at least you’re here now.” I smiled before tenderly pressing my lips to his. He quickly returned the gesture, holding my face close. “You know…this road looks pretty deserted.” I smirked, noting the glimmer in his eyes.



Somehow Die and I found ourselves alone at his place. Saya and Toshiya suggested we meet up here after our meals, but it’s been over an hour and they had yet to show up.

“Are you sure you don’t want a drink? I have wine if you’d prefer that.” Die offered from behind the mini bar he had off the kitchen.

“Thank you, but I don’t drink.” I declined yet again, “I’ll take water if you have that.” I suggested.

“I think I can manage that.” He chuckled, pouring me a glass from the refrigerator.

“Thank you Die.” I smiled taking it from his hand. Our fingers brushed over each other momentarily and I could help but notice the look in his eye.

“Sorry.” I muttered, averting my gaze.

“You have beautiful skin.” He whispered, peering down at me, his fingers still on mine. I felt my cheeks flare red.

“T-thank you! I don’t hear that very often.” I giggled.

“I don’t see freckles very often.” He winked.

“They’re the only trait I inherited from my mother.” I chuckled. “She was a red head, and covered in them!” I added.

“I didn’t think you were full Japanese.”

“No. Just my father’s side.” I shrugged, taking a sip of water. There was an awkward silence to follow before Die took a step closer, his hands sliding up my bare arms.

“They’ll probably be here soon…” I stuttered. My heart thrummed nervously as he leaned in closer, heavy eyelids falling shut. I could smell the alcohol on his breath as he closed the gap between us. His lips claimed mine, warm and inviting. My eyes went wide, surprised by his sudden gesture. I quickly pushed him away, covering my mouth in shock.

“…You’re drunk!” I squeaked, moving away from him. His expression mirrored my own. I could still feel his kiss on my lips. They tingled. He opened his mouth, but was interrupted by a fumbling at the door. A frazzled looking Saya and Toshiya were soon to follow.

“Sorry! We got help up in traffic!” Saya huffed, her face flushed. I took the opportunity to leave the group, making a beeline for the bathroom. I noticed Die’s attention on me as I pulled the door shut. He had a guilty expression on his face.

I leaned against the wall, closing my eyes as I struggled to catch my breath. Did he seriously just kiss me? The guitarist for Dir en Grey just kissed me…ME?!! I’m sure he just had too much to drink. That had to be it. Why else would he have done that?

I splashed my face with cool water, hoping to lessen the red of my cheeks. I fixed my hair, pulling it up into a long pony tail so that it was off of my neck. Already, I felt much cooler. Unfortunately, my heart still thrummed nervously. It felt like a hummingbird was trapped in my chest. I pushed past the thought, taking a deep breath before returning to everyone.

“I ought to be headed back to Saya’s. It’s getting late.” I frowned, avoiding Die’s gaze.

“But, it’s Friday night.” Saya frowned. “We just got here.”

“I’m not quite used to the change in time zones.” I lied, “You stay and have a good time. I can take the train.” I shrugged nervously. I was used to taking the train in Boston. I’m sure Kyoto’s was similar. Saya shook her hair sternly.

“We haven’t even partied since you got to Japan. Stay.” She demanded, narrowing her eyes. I sighed, glancing toward the door. I hated peer pressure.

“Just have one drink with us. Saya will probably pass out within the hour.” Toshiya teased.

“She doesn’t want to drink.” Die’s voice interrupted. I felt him at my side, standing tall. Toshiya sighed, body heaving. Saya furrowed her brows, clamping her mouth shut before storming into the kitchen. I moved to say something, but Die’s hand was suddenly on mine, drawing my attention toward him.

“I know you’re tired, so stay.” He insisted, “It’s late, and dangerous out there. I don’t want anything happening to you.” He frowned. His expression filled my gut with guilt, but also kept the hummingbird buzzing in my chest. I felt my body give in, head nodding in defeat.

“Take my bed.” He smiled tenderly, his fingers still tangled with mine. I didn’t have a chance to argue before he lead me away, ushering me into his bedroom. Moonlight filled the room, basking everything in soft blue light. It took my eyes a moment to adjust. He had an oversized bed, still messy from the last time he slept.

“Pardon the mess.” He chuckled, noticing the piles of clothes tossed in bins in the corner. “I haven’t cleaned since we left for tour.” He shrugged, pulling the blankets aside for me. I smiled tenderly, about to crawl in to the satin sheets. “Oh…you probably need something to sleep in.” He muttered, moving to his dresser and sifting through the drawers. He pulled out a tank and sweats, plopping them down beside me.

“Thank you.” I grinned, looking into his eyes. He nodded, motioning toward the bathroom attached to the bedroom.

“That’s there if you need it.” He added, “I’m about to use it though.” He chuckled disappearing into the room. I took the opportunity to slip out of my clothes, stepping into the pants and tugging on the tank. Before I knew it, Die was behind me, his fingers skimming over a healing scar on my shoulder.

“What’s this?” He questioned, concern in his voice.

“Oh…it’s nothing.” I lied, biting my lip. I could see the concern in his eyes.

“Who did this to you?” He growled possessively. I sighed, shoulders falling.

“My father…” I murmured. I could sense him fuming. His body burned hot, and he suddenly held me in a close embrace.

“How could he…?” He trailed off, resting his chin on the top of my head. I felt so warm and safe in his strong arms.

“He’s been stressed.” I muttered. “And he had a bit too much to drink that night.”

“…Is that why you don’t drink?” He questioned. I nodded silently in response.

“I don’t want to be like him…” I frowned. He held me closer, and I found myself squeezing him tightly as well. Suddenly, he lifted my feet from the floor. He gently laid me in bed, tucking the sheets around my body.

“Good night princess.” He whispered, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Good night Die.” I smiled tenderly.

“…Daisuke.” He corrected, his fingers whisking hair out of my face. I felt my heart flutter gently.

“…Rhuby.” I whispered, “…but don’t tell anyone I told you!” I added sternly.

“Princess Rhuby.” He teased. I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t make me regret this.” I growled playfully before closing my eyes. I felt his weight leave the bed, followed by the click of the door. His scent engulfed me. My body felt full of butterflies as I drifted off into slumber.



“Stop.” I hissed as Toshiya’s hands explored the skin beneath the thin fabric of my top. We were tangled together on the floor in a mound of blankets. The taste of liquor still lingered on our breaths and made my head buzz with confusion. My eyelids were heavy with exhaustion. His body pressed close to mine, hot breath tickling my ear as he nibbled the appendage.

“Die’s right there.” I whispered, reminding him of the man sleeping on the couch. His eyes went to the red head momentarily before returning to me.

“He’s out cold.” He retorted, flipping over on top of me, claiming my lips. I struggled to push him away, sliding out from beneath him.

“I said no.” I growled, narrowing my eyes. He pursed his lips, letting out an exasperated sigh.

“Fine.” He grumbled, turning his back to me as he fell into the pillows. I took the opportunity to fix my shirt before copying his move. I let my heavy eyes fall shut, but a burning tugging at my gut heart me from falling to sleep. My least favorite part about drinking.

I could hear Toshiya’s soft snoring beside me already. Apparently he wasn’t suffering from heartburn. Grumbling, I patted around the area to find my phone. Maybe some late night web browsing would lull me to sleep? The screen lit up, 3:05AM. I noticed I had a message. It was from Kyo.

‘Thanks again. I feel better.’ It read. I assumed he was referring to his wound. It was sent at 2:50AM.

‘Good :) ’ I responded, absentmindedly smiling to myself.

‘Can’t get to sleep either?’ He asked. I fought the urge not to chuckle.

‘Heartburn…too much tequila :/ ‘

‘Haha take some tums’

‘None on me-at Dies :( ‘ I frowned.

‘Check the skinny cabinet beside the oven’ He instructed. Silently, I did as he suggested. There it was-the holy grail of antacids. Hallelujah.

‘You must be a god.’ I quickly sent, sniggering to myself as I popped three in my mouth.

‘It seems you’re finally listening to reason ;p ‘

‘Don’t push it.’ I chuckled. ‘Now get to sleep.’ I quickly added.

‘Good night Saya.’

‘Night Kyo. Thanks again :) ‘ I smiled before returning to Toshiya’s side, tucking the phone beneath my pillow.

I let my eyes fall shut again, relieved that I no longer felt like vomiting. I let out a heavy sigh as my body relaxed. Just as I was about to fall into a deep sleep, I heard a shuffling near Die’s couch.I glanced up to find that it was empty. I smirked to myself as I heard a door click open and closed. It seems Rhu was about to get some company.



Sometime in the middle of the night, the bed shifted as another body joined me. I could hardly make out his familiar silhouette with my heavy eyes, but soon his strong arms engulfed me. I found my head resting on his bare torso, my legs wrapped around his own. I fell fast asleep listening to his gentle heartbeat, his tender breath bouncing off my hair.