Shuffle

“Do you want to do something today?” Toshiya questioned after breakfast. I was pulling my scrub top over my head as I eyed him coyly.

“I’m going to work…” I lied. I’d already made plans today, not that I could tell Toshiya that.

“Oh…I thought you took some time off.” He shrugged. “When will you be home?” His dark, inquisitive eyes lingered on me.

“I picked up a double shift today, so maybe around 1:00 am.” I responded, matter-of-factly. Toshiya frowned, but nodded in understanding. I grabbed my work bag, stuffed full of extra clothes. He moved aside as I headed out the bedroom door, keys in hand.

“Well. Have a good night at work. Maybe the guys will want to jam…” He muttered to himself, fishing his phone out of his pocket. I ignored him, rushing down the stairwell.

“Have a good day!” I waved, disappearing out the front door as I threw my bag over my shoulder. I felt guilty with the lies I kept spreading, but I would resolve everything eventually. My heart pounded with excitement as I fished my phone out.

‘On my way : )’ I sent the message to Kyo, mood livening as I settled myself into the car. My phone buzzed quickly. He must have been sitting on his phone.

‘Took you long enough! I can’t wait to see you-drive safe.’ His teasing text responded. I smiled to myself as I drove away. It had only been two days since I last saw him, but it was two days too long. I wanted to spend days with him, years.

And today I was determined. I was going to ask if he wanted the same thing. My stomach churned nervously the entire drive, like a swarm of bees in my gut. Their aggression swelled as I drew nearer. I felt like a beehive as I stood at the gate to his condo, letting myself in.

“Hey beautiful.” His honey soft voice greeted me at the front door, easing the turmoil that had been building up.

“Hey.” I breathed, already lost in his warm glow. He coy smile touched his tender, almond eyes. My jell-o legs failed me, but he quickly snatched me into his arms. His soft lips caressed my own as he kicked the door shut behind us, my body melting into his embrace. My mind dissolved, focusing only on this man’s touch. He carried me away into his bedroom, our bodies falling into mounds of blankets.

The television in the room hummed softly, casting blue light over the walls. Kyo chattered about the show that was playing, however, I couldn’t distract myself from his touch. His fingers roamed my body, skimming my curves and caressing my thighs. He moved along my hips, causing my mind to sputter out of commission. The only thing I could concentrate on, was the desire building in my core.

“Kyo?” I whispered, my fingers resting on his chest as he turned his gaze to me. I captured his lips as his dark, inviting eyes met my own. I rolled overtop of him, straddling his waist. My long blonde hair fell around his face, curtaining our exhchange of affection. His hands grasped my hips firmly, pulling me closer to him. I let a moan escape my mouth as I felt the friction in his pants rubbing against my own.

Within moments, we were both topless, lips exploring the other’s torso. I ran my tongue down along Kyo’s rippling abdomen, fumbling with the buttons on his jeans. His hands moved between my legs, toying with the thin fabric hidden beneath my skirt. He slid the elastic aside, pushing me down and below him as he slid a finger into me.

“You’re so wet.” He purred, sliding the fabric down along my ankles. His lips connected with mine again, hands grasping me firmly as he slid inside of me. I lost control as he moved in me, his gaze holding my own.

“Kyo…” I panted, grabbing a fistful of blankets as he slammed into me harder. My mind was a fog. He quickly pulled out, throwing a condom on before increasing his pace, losing ourselves to pleasure.



“Oh, good morning Toshi! I swear I never see you!” I laughed. He cocked a smile back at me from the kitchen table as he sat hunched over a steaming mug.

“Good morning to you too. Is Die still here?” He questioned. I nodded, blushing slightly.

“He’s in the shower.” He’d been here for the past two days. “We’re going to his place tonight, so we’ll be out of your hair.” I quickly added.

“It’s not a problem.” He chuckled, “We live together on a tour bus at least four months out of the year. At least there are walls separating us here.” He chuckled.

“How was your date night with Saya?” I asked, setting a mug full of water in the microwave. He gave me a perplexed look.

“Date night?”

“She said she was going out with you the other night…Wednesday night I think. Maybe I was mistaken?” I frowned.

“Wednesday…” He thought to himself, “No…she was with Kyo.” He furrowed his brows, taking a sip of coffee. I narrowed my own eyes. I could’ve sworn she said she was with Toshiya.

Die’s arms wrapping around my waist broke my concentration. He rested his chin on my head, pulling my back to his chest tightly.

“Mornin’ Toshi.” Die grinned. “Got anything good to eat?” He jeered. I nudged him in the side, glaring at the man.

“I’ll make us something!” I insisted.

“The princess can cook?!” He questioned, looking surprised.

“Yes! I can!” I huffed. We just happened to go out to eat a lot. I busied myself in the kitchen, whipping up something quickly as my stomach growled angrily.

“Do you want to jam today?” I heard Toshiya ask Die.

“Maybe later.” Die responded after a short pause. “I wanted to spend some more time with the little lady before she leaves.” He gestured toward me, causing me to blush.

“Oh you don’t have to if you have work to do.” I frowned, setting out plates. “Toshiya, would you like anything.”

“No thank you. I already ate.” He politely declined.

“Come with us.” Die piped up, referring to band practice.

“I don’t want to get in the way.” I groaned, bringing breakfast to Die before I prepped my tea. I’d almost forgotten about it.

“You won’t!” Die assured.

“Saya used to join us all the time.” Toshiya nodded, “We would mess around in the recording studio.” He added with a smirk. Die eyed me devilishly. I narrowed my eyes.

‘No.’ I mouthed, handing him chopsticks. He just rolled his eyes, knowing I could be easily convinced.

“Well, if it’s no problem, I’d love to see how you guys make new music.” I grinned. It was settled, and soon we were off to band practice. Kyo wouldn’t be joining the guys-apparently he rarely attended practice. He was more of an impromptu singer.

I was surprised and impressed at how quickly they could whip up a song. A GOOD song! I guess they had been a band for quite some time now. They operated on the same wavelength. And everyone was so talented. Especially Die. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I’m sure he noticed, judging by the smirks and winks he continued to throw my way.

I’d brought some papers with me to grade. It was finals week. In fact, two days from now marked my last day as an intern. Soon, I would be leaving everyone. I frowned at the thought, glancing up at Die. He had his usual smile plastered to his brilliant face as he strummed his fingers over the strings of his guitar. How could I even bring myself to say goodbye to him? The idea was painful enough. Yet here I was, getting closer and closer to him-falling in love with him. I frowned to myself, pushing the thought from my mind.



Kyo and I lied tangled in each other’s arms, our bare bodies still twisted together. My head spun in delight, chest heaving. We were covered in a thin layer of perspiration. We hadn’t been this close in years. I forgot what it was like. I forgot the high he made me feel, the way my lips buzzed and skin tingled.

“I love you so much.” I panted, turning to place a kiss on his temple. He rested his head on my chest, between my breasts. I felt his lips on my skin, turned in a smile.

“I love you too.” His chest purred, tickling my stomach.

“I never want this to end.” I panted.

“It doesn’t have to.” He gazed up at me. “You could be with me you know, like this, forever.” He whispered. His fingers danced along my side, tracing the curves of my body.

“You want that?” I questioned, heart thrumming in my chest. Kyo’s stare was intense.

“I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t want it.” He stated, eyes narrowing. “Saya, be with me.” His voice poured with emotion, filling me. I considered what he was saying.

“What would the guys think?” I frowned. They’d know I was cheating on Toshiya if I was suddenly with Kyo. And Toshiya…what would he do when he found out? Would he leave the band?

“Who gives a fuck what they think?” Kyo huffed, his breath feathering over my exposed skin.

“What if Dir en Grey splits?” I questioned.

“Because of a girl?” He gave me a coy look, “We’re not the Beatles.” He rolled his eyes. I couldn’t help but frown. I didn’t want to be the cause for tension between any of the guys.

“Saya, what it comes down to is who are you happiest with?” He narrowed his eyes. The question made me think hard.

Toshiya was a great guy. We’d had so much fun together. He was always willing to work on our relationship. But recently, I wasn’t sure. It was as if the fire had been put out between us. I considered the attraction I had once felt towards the man-it was miniscule compared to how I viewed Kyo. Kyo and I…we had so much history. Sure, things didn’t work out between us in high school, but our hearts still belonged to one another-even after all this time. We managed to find each other again. I would be a fool not to consider that. I hurt my head to think like this.

“I have a lot of thinking to do at home I guess.” I pouted, rolling over top of Kyo. His hands moved to my hips as I leaned into him.

“I wish you wouldn’t leave.” He frowned. I nodded in agreement, resting my body on his torso.

“I’ll be back soon. I promise.” I smiled, glancing up at him. He smiled crookedly down at me, pushing the hair from my eyes.

“I’m crazy about you.” He whispered.

“I think you’re just crazy.” I teased with a smirk before tasting his lips one last time. I reluctantly left Kyo’s embrace, returning to my car and heading back to my home. The clock read 11:11pm before I hopped in the shower. I smiled to myself, closing my eyes as I made a wish.

“Please, let this be forever.” I whispered under my breath, letting the hot water drip over my skin. Before long, I crawled under the sheets, letting thoughts of Kyo consume my mind.



“Where were you?!” Toshiya boomed, throwing open the bedroom door. He startled me awake. I glanced at the clock-it was a little past midnight. I rubbed my sleepy eyes, glancing at the seething man.

“At work.” I lied, moving over to make room for him.

“I stopped there. You weren’t scheduled.” He growled. I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah-because I just picked up a shift for someone. Why are you keeping tabs on me anyway?” I glared.

“I’m not. I stopped in to bring you a late dinner because you were supposed to be there until 1 AM.” He growled, throwing something into the trashcan. It appeared to be a takeout container.

“Thank you, but I got out early.” I nodded.

“Why didn’t you text me?” His eyes were threatening.

“Because I thought you wanted some quiet, quality time with the guys!” I hissed. “Why are we fighting about this?! I’m home now!”

“You were with Kyo! I know you were! Why else wouldn’t he come to band practice?! I know there’s something going on between you two!” He slammed his fist into the bed, moving closer to me.

“Toshiya, I was at work.” I stared blankly, “And I’m tired. I don’t have time for this.” I frowned. “Just come to bed.”

“No! I know you’re lying to me! I know it has something to do with Kyo!”

“Well then go somewhere else so that I can sleep!” I hollered.

“Why don’t you go somewhere else?! This is MY fucking bed!” He retorted. I stared in awe. Was he serious? He had to be on something.

“Fine!” I yelled, standing and tugging a blanket from the bed. I stormed past Toshiya, stomped down the stairs, and barreled into the couch.

“And don’t worry about wearing your ring again.” His voice bellowed, followed by the slamming of our bedroom door.

My body shook violently, teeth chattering in anger. There’s no way I would be sleeping now. I guess I’d have the whole night free to consider the discussion Kyo and I had held earlier.



The sound of Die’s guitar filled my ears, along with his quiet humming. My eyes fluttered open, taking in my surroundings. I was in a dimly lit recording studio, my body supported by a rust orange colored couch and lumpy pillows. I hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep. My papers sat in a thick pile on the coffee table as Die strummed at my side.

“Did the guys leave?” I questioned, fighting the urge to yawn. He turned his attention to me, nodding in response. “You could have woken me.” I frowned, realizing we were alone.

“You were just too cute.” He teased, setting down his instrument and joining me on the couch. He smiled warmly, trailing his fingers from my cheek, across my neck, over my shoulders, and down my arm until our fingers tangled. My cheeks flared at his touch, heart racing.

“Are you going to come back and visit after you leave?” Die asked, catching me off guard. In all honesty, I hadn’t planned on it-it wasn’t exactly affordable.

“Whenever I can.” I settled with.

“Good.” He grinned, “I’m going to miss you.” He murmured, dropping his head into my chest. I quickly supported his weight with my arms, cradling his face as he angled it toward mine. His eyes were deep and soft. “I was afraid I’d have to forcefully drag you back.” He smirked, brushing my hair with his fingers.

“Will you come visit me?” I blurted out, not thinking. My face was instantly red with embarrassment. I can’t believe I asked that.

“Of course.” He whispered, closing his eyes as he rested into my lap. I ran my thumb along his narrow jaw line, stopping to admire his lips. I leaned down, tenderly pressing mine into his. I loved him so much.

“Let’s go home.” I whispered, eager to curl up with the man in his oversized bed. He smiled warmly, and soon whisked me away.

Sleep took hold before we could reach his home, and so he carried me into his bedroom. I felt his fingers brush over my skin tenderly as he removed my constricting clothing. His lips brushed over mine as his strong arms encircled me. I felt him whisper something against me, but I was unable to make it out. I fell into his comfortable embrace, unsure how I would ever sleep another night without him.