I Knew You Were Trouble

Oli’s POV

I was sat in my office back at base still raging mad but currently tearing Dan Flint’s laptop apart. I was deleting every single file and stealing anything important I thought would become somewhat useful to me in the future. I had his laptop linked to my computer stealing whatever I could whilst at the same time I was downloading his file.

He wasn’t anything special, just some cocky kid who grew up in the same town as Josh. Nothing suspicious showed up on his profile for me to be concern about. He was just another nobody.

The scum bag thought he could screw me over. Thought he could turn Josh against me. Thought he had one over on me. Ha. Poor kid had no idea who he tried to mess with. For the sake of not losing my temper and lashing out and snapping the kid’s neck before leaving Josh’s flat a couple hours ago, I thought I’d play it low key. I tracked down his flat and raided it, stealing his most expensive and valuable belongings. It was only a slap on the wrist but it was enough to teach him a lesson.

Scanning each file individually, I pause the scan immediately when I come across a file with some unexpected photos inside. Photos which were shocking to find… They were a bunch of nude photos of Josh. Never in a million years did I think Josh was the kind of guy that would take nude photos of himself and send them to somebody else. Even though they were on his ex boyfriend’s laptop, Dan shouldn’t still have these if Josh and he were broken up. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought if he secretly still looked at them to get himself off or to maybe one day blackmail Josh with them. That thought infuriated me, this Dan Flint has turned out to be a nasty piece of work and I wonder if Josh knows that Dan even had these photos on his laptop?

I took it upon myself to inspect the photos in further detail, some were blurry but you could still make out what was going on. Josh was lying down on a bed in all his glory, the kid had a beautiful body even though he didn’t think so himself, but it made me go crazy having his pure innocent naked body underneath me screaming in pleasure and pain which he received from me… Crap, I’m getting distracted!

I go back to studying his impression in the photographs and saw some he was laughing and some with his hands covering his face which indicated that somebody else was taking the photos of him and the next photo confirmed just that. Flint appeared in the next image, and I couldn’t control the anger and jealously which flowed through my veins in that precise moment. My hand had gripped so hard on the computer mouse that my knuckles had turned white.

There were a few photos of the two of them together, in one in particular, Flint was straddling Josh’s waist completely naked, Josh’s face wasn’t in the photo thankfully, but his hand was placed on Dan’s bare thigh while Dan himself was smirking up at the camera which he held above his head to take the photo. And by this point, my insides were raging and it took everything in me not to march straight back over to Josh’s flat and strangle that mother fucker Flint to death.

The thought of seeing Josh with someone else bothered me. I don’t why but it did, like a lot. He wasn’t mine and we weren’t official but knowing about our sex only agreement I wanted Josh to have no other sexual relationship with anyone else but me. Fuck, he shouldn’t even need to go to anyone else after the poundings I give him. The kid is always knackered after our sessions and damn he should be. I don’t just fuck anyone like I fuck Josh. I’m sure these are just old photos… photos that Flint will never see again.

“Yo boss, when did you get back?” Nicholls asks entering my office uninvited and interrupting my deadly thoughts. I simply ignore him as he walks further into the room and clicking off the images on the computer screen so he wouldn’t see what I was looking at.

Ever since I’ve got out of prison I haven’t really seen eye to eye with Nicholls. He ignored my orders and turned my gang into a laughing stock and my own brother into a drug dealing mess, I wasn’t going to let him off so lightly for it and he knew it.

Despite he was my oldest friend I couldn’t forgive him so easily. He knew how hard it is for me to trust people, I don’t trust very many and he betrayed my trust and now he had to be punished for disobeying me.

“What you doing with all this stuff?” he asks curling his finger round his chin as he inspects it all.
“You’re going to burn it all.”
“Hold up, there’s some good stuff here. We could sal-“
“I said burn it god damn it!” I yell, hitting my fist hard on the table as I felt everything inside me suddenly snap.

“Just do as I say before I give you another black eye to match the one you already have!” I threaten, seeing Nicholls staring at me with wide eyes and a look of panic taking over his face. I stood up and stare angrily at him, he knew I wasn’t bluffing and so he should be afraid. I didn’t have the patience to put up with his shit anymore.

My outburst of course attracted attention to the others in the house, who all soon appeared standing in the door way of the room, looking back and forth between me and Nicholls to see what had caused all of the commotion. I just rolled my eyes at their petty concern faces which only irritated me more.

“Oliver?” I see my brother push his way past Matt and Lee through the door and walk further into the room.
“What’s going on?” he asks, glancing between me and Matt before eyeing up the stolen goods in the corner of the room.
“Nothing. Nicholls was just going to follow an order.” I say, taking my seat back at the table and continuing with what I was doing before.
“Wait, where have you been? We’ve been trying to get hold of you. You’ve been gone for hours without saying a word to anyone.”
“I’ve been busy.” I say bluntly.
“Well, I’ve been worried! After what happened yesterday its clear that you need to watch your back, anything could happen to you.”

“You know full well not to worry about me Tom. Now, go and help Nicholls burn the unwanted stash.” I wave him off with my hand not bothering to take my eyes off the computer screen in front of me.

“I have every right to worry Oliver, especially after yesterday! Where do you keep disappearing to? Where do you go at these random hours? What could possibly be so important that you can’t stay in your own home and spend some time with your family?” Tom complains and I had heard more than enough. He was asking too many questions and he knew how much I hated questions.
“That’s none of your business, now shut it.” I warned not wanting to hear another word out of him.

He frowns and opened his mouth to argue back but Nicholls pulled back his arm and stopped him. I see Nicholls nod his head to the stolen goods to encourage my brother to help him carry the stuff out to the garden. Tom lets out a loud huff and gradually gives in, picking up something from the corner and marching out of the room with it in a childish strop.

“Vegan, I need you to hack into every account on this laptop and delete every single detail there is. I don’t want to see a single trace to who this laptop once belonged to. Once you’re done, hand it over to Nicholls to burn in the bonfire.” I demand and Vegan nods and goes straight to it. That’s the one good thing about vegan; he never asks questions he follows out an order without hesitation. If only they were all like that then they wouldn’t piss me off so much.

~~

My back was resting against the brick wall of my back garden watching Nicholls, Tom, Lee and the burning bonfire at the very end of the grounds. I searched my pockets for the spliff I rolled up earlier, wanting to have a little buzz as I watched the fiery show. But my hands soon frantically search my jeans and hoodie pockets when the only item found was a box of cigarettes in my back pocket.

“Fuck.” I muttered as I hit my hand against my forehead in frustration when I realised where I have misplaced my stash.

I left the spliff and the rest of the weed on Josh’s window seal earlier before we started arguing. I was so mad at the time I completely forgot to pick it up. I just wanted to get out of there.

I just wanted the drug to relax me and take away the horrid frustration but for now, I had to make do with a lousy cigarette.
I lit up the cigarette and brought it to my lips, not feeling satisfied with the tobacco stick in the slightest. I needed something stronger to erase the angry frustration feeling and I did have the necessary drug upstairs stored away in my personal stash in my room waiting for me. When I’d finish smoking this cigarette I shall do just that.

“Hey.” Vegan says, stepping out from the back door and causing me to look up at him. I nod to let him know I’ve heard him and brought the cigarette back up to my lips and inhaled, turning away from him.

“Boss, what’s been up with you lately?”
“I’m fine.” I frown.
“Tom’s been really worried about you… You disappear for hours in the day or at night without saying a word or you’re constantly in a situation where your life is on the line.”

He was indicating at the incident me and Nicholls got ourselves into yesterday which explain our lovely colourful bruises on our faces. It was only the two of us at our local bar when a bunch of hooligans tried to gang up on us. We were out numbered which gave them the upper hand at first but that didn’t last long before Nicholls and I set the record straight. Let’s just say the word was quick to spread that the mighty Syko is back on the streets and Horizon is still unstoppable and as ruthless as ever before.

“Nothings changed then.” I snort finding humour in what he said but Vegan remains quiet giving me a concerned look.

“I’m not interested what you get up to in your own time Oli, that’s your own business. Just spend a little more time with your brother now you’re out of prison. He needs some reassuring that you’re not going to leave him again.” My jaw clenched as I glared at Vegan, feeling the anger bubbling up inside of me.

I hated anyone giving me advice or their opinion on how I should treat my brother. All the guys knew to keep their mouths shut when it came to my parental guidance and brother relationship when it came to Tom. He was my little brother, I didn’t need anyone sticking their nose in telling me how I should raise him. I have for the last fifteen years and I know I haven’t been perfect but I bloody damn well didn’t need anyone else to tell me that either.

But then again, for a guy who doesn’t say much, Vegan was clearly saying this because he knew it was really affecting Tom.

“He thinks you hate him.”
“Well I don’t!” I say rather too harshly seeing Vegan step back away from me slightly.
“I don’t hate him. If everyone just follows my orders without giving me attitude then I wouldn’t have to keep my distance from you all incase I end up snapping someone’s neck.” I hiss seeing Matt’s eyes grow wide.

“You all fucked me over and you know that wasn’t going to sit nicely with me.”
“We did it to protect Tom.” He says in defences.
“Bullshit! You did it to protect yourselves! You didn’t care about Tom or me. We’re supposed to be family and you all betrayed me!” I seethed through gritted teeth and Vegan drops his head keeping quiet.

Silence over took us and the only sounds heard were from the others in the far distance. Vegan lets out a sigh and chooses to speak again.

“I’m sorry you see it that way Oli, but you know I’ve always got your back no matter what.” He says softly but I didn’t believe him.
“Oh yeah, well where were you when Nicholls was making my brother into a drug dealing crack head, huh?!”
“It wasn’t like that. He isn’t a child anymore Oli, maybe if you spent more ti-“
“Don’t.” I scolded, silently warning him not to say anymore or they’ll be consequences.

Vegan sighs.
“Guess I should go burn this now then… just think about what I said, he really needs you.” he whispers before walking off down to the bonfire with Flint’s laptop tucked under his arm.

I watch as Vegan reaches the end of the garden to where the rest of the guys were. I watched closely as exchanged a few words as he approached them and then throwing Dan’s laptop into the bonfire and watching it burn along with the rest of his stuff.

I definitely needed the strong fix now. I was beyond angry and frustrated. I stubbed out my cigarette and went back into the house, going up the stairs and going straight to my room and got out the clear bag of cocaine I hid in my draw.

~~

I poured a decent amount of white powder on my desk and got out my credit card to gather up the powder into a long line. I sat down in my chair, rolled up a £20 note and leant down as I begun to sniff up the powder through the note.

Vegan’s words got to me more than I thought they did and I found myself pouring more of the contents onto my desk and repeating the persuader.

Since I’ve got out of prison Nicholls isn’t the only one I’ve been giving a hard time to. I’ve also been doing the same with Tom and he’s been acting out a lot about it recently. I’ve been keeping my distance from him and with good reason.

The night I came back home and discovered what was in Tom’s bag I was furious and appalled how I’ve allowed it to get this far. I blame myself because I’m his older brother and he looks up to me but I’m the worse influence ever. I don’t want him to end up like me but he isn’t far behind and it terrifies me what would happen if he ends up becoming worse than me.

So I’ve been strict, barely allowing him to leave the house or go out on any visits or jobs when the whole gang is involved and I’ve even cut down on the intake of drugs he takes which he absolutely hated and had a major hissy fit over it.
He probably believes I’m punishing him for no reason but it is for a reason, I just hope one day he sees why I’ve done all this. He has more of a chance of cleaning himself up than I do. I wasn’t worth saving.

I scrapped up the powder into another perfect line and sniffed again.

I know I should keep a constant close eye on Tom and I do most of the time when I’m home but since I’ve got out, I’ve felt that things haven’t really been the same. I don’t know if that’s because I was away for so long or if it’s feeling betrayed by my own brothers or what but I’ve found myself wanting an escape. And lately, that escape has been a pretty blue eyed boy named Josh.

I sit back in my chair running my hands through my hair and closing my eyes shut. Feeling the drug making its way to my head as it started to gradually take over and I slowly drift off to think about Josh.

I’ve been spending a lot of my free time with him which none of the guys know about and I plan to keep it that way. Josh was my little secret but they’ve obviously picked up on my absences.

I just needed some space away from them, I was still holding a grudge and on the other hand I needed my little fix from Josh. I don’t know what it is about the kid but I just can’t keep away from him. He was a great distraction and a great way to release all my frustrations out on.

But now it looks like I have to find another distraction because after tonight’s fallout I think that was the end of what we had. Maybe it wasn’t smart to let slip that I knew about Sean Smith but the little shit annoyed me when he said I knew nothing about him, when I knew very much indeed. And the fact that he was going to let that bastard Flint ruin our agreement just pissed me off on a whole other level. What did he think was going to happen when he decided to let his fuck boy of an ex get involved?

When I downloaded Josh’s file a couple of months ago, I did look up his past ex boyfriends just out of curiosity and Sean Smith was a big eye opener. I wondered if Josh knew who Sean Smith really was…
It was roughly three years ago, Smith was new in the business and joined a gang I was familiar with back in the day and over time we became associates you could say. But Smith was too cocky for his own good and his actions became poor and unprofessional and stupidly enough he thought he could stab me in the back and get away with it. That was one mistake I made sure he wouldn’t live to regret.

~~

My eyes flickered open and I let out a gasp as I stared up at the white ceiling above me. I sit forward in my chair feeling the coke having it’s affect on my body but I still wasn’t satisfied. I could still think straight, fuzzy in places but it wasn’t enough to cut of the thoughts completely.

So I poured a larger amount of powder out of the bag and began the process again.
But I’m distracted by a knock at the door and I groan in annoyance not wanting to be disturbed right now.

“Oliver?” my brother’s voice comes through the door.
“Go away Tom.”
“Please Oliver, let me in. I just want to talk.”

If Tom saw what I was doing right now all hell would break loose. I’m a fucking wreck and he was craving a fix, it was a disaster waiting to happen. I couldn’t let him see me like this.

I see the door handle being pushed down as he tries to open the door but thankfully I remembered to lock it behind me.
“Come on bro, open the door.” I frown, annoyed that he wouldn’t get the hint and leave me alone. I really wasn’t in the mood for this.

I took off one of my shoes and threw it at my door in anger. Why does he fucking ignore every word I say?!
“Fuck off!” I yell aggressively, hearing a little commotion outside the door.

“I really fucking hate you!” Tom screams through the door and I gasp in shock hearing footsteps fade away. He’s never actually said he hated me before.

We fight and argue all the time but never in his whole life has he said he’s hated me. I took in a shaky breath and I suddenly felt really hot and claustrophobic as if the walls of my room were caving in on me.

I stood up from my chair and stumbled slightly, grabbing hold of my desk to keep my balance. The room was spinning and I felt as if I couldn’t breathe.

Fuck, he hates me. He really does hate me.

My breathing started to become heavy and fast and I just needed to get some air so I stumbled my way towards the balcony doors attached to my bedroom and with shaky hands I slowly opened the glass doors and I practically fell through them. I crash against the railings feeling my body fall to the ground as the cold air hit my numb body.

I grabbed hold of one of the railings to try help lift myself up but my body was too heavy for me to hold up, my vision blurry and that’s when I noticed I was crying. I had tears rolling down my cheeks and that’s when I realise I couldn’t hold on anymore. I cracked.

I lent against the railings and hugged my knees to my chest. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, I just felt completely empty inside, the hole inside my soul kept growing deeper and deeper and I didn’t know how to make it stop. I didn’t want to have this affect, the emotional side where you feel every single fucking emotion which tears your mind apart bit by bit and you can’t do anything but feel the fucking pain until the affect has worn off. And sometimes even then the feeling doesn’t stop…

I’m a useless piece of shit! I don’t know why Tom wants anything to do with me. Well, I don’t think he will anymore now he admitted he actually hates me. I don’t blame him, I would hate me too. Who would want a complete fuck up as an older brother anyway?

But for some bizarre reason, Tom looks up to me and I don’t know why. Over the years the pressure of trying to be somewhat of a “decent” role model to him has become too overwhelming. I can’t cope, I just can’t do it anymore.

Since I’ve got out of prison I see that Tom needs me now more than ever but I can’t. I’ve failed him as an older brother and I hate myself for what I’ve turned him into. It’s my fault that he’s following in my footsteps and that he’s now suffering because I wasn’t man enough to raise him properly… raise him like my father would have.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and took a deep breath to try and control myself but the tears kept falling and the thoughts kept filling up in my head.

I needed to escape. I hated being left alone with these thoughts but I also hated being close to anyone as well. Whenever I usually felt like this I would turn to drugs and I still do but lately Josh has been the one I turn to. Him and the sex have been the perfect distraction but after what happen tonight we were over. So now I had to fall back on an old friend I’ve neglected in quite some time. Cocaine.

Maybe I shouldn’t have taken as much as I did but I needed to forget. I needed to keep these thoughts out of my mind for at least for a few hours or even longer. I didn’t want to think about Tom or my parents or Josh or the others. I wasn’t in the right state of mind to think at all, I just wanted to stop the thinking all together.

I let out a loud sob and cover my face with my hands as more memories of the past flooded my mind which reminded me of how much of a worthless fuck I am.

“Get out, get out! Please, just get out of my head!” I screamed curling my hands into balls of fists and began hitting my head aggressively. I just wanted the numb inside me to leave.

I let them down, I let them all down. My parents especially.
I promised myself when they were murdered I would do whatever I could to give Tom the best I could. And I’ve failed them. I’m a disgrace to the family’s name, they’re probably looking down on me in complete utter disgust, ashamed to call me their son if they were able to. They would hate me, they would hate me just as much as Tom hates me and I don’t blame them. I’m beyond the worst son and brother there is. I don’t deserve to live.