Falling Stars

“Okay, we’re here. Raz, it’s gonna be tough getting you in and out of the venue without being seen, so what we’re going to do is wait until 5 minutes after the doors open for you to leave. We’ll already be in, so you’re going to be bought in by Vinny. If anyone asks who you are we can just say you’re the new merch girl, but don’t worry because nobody’s going to ask.” Rian said, slightly panicking. We were all looking at him as though he’d grown two heads.

“Calm down. I’ll be fine.” I assured him.

“Are you sure?” He asked. I nodded my head.

“Positive. Now go. You’ve missed enough time on tour. I don’t want you to miss any more.” I told him. He nodded his head.

They all left the bus. Fans were screaming their heads off. It honestly sounded like a horror movie or a porno. Or both mixed into one. I’ve never seen The Walking Dead as an x-rated movie, but now I can only imagine. About half an hour later, once the screaming had died down and most people were inside, Vinny came up to me and told me we had to leave. I got up, carried as many boxes as I could without it being too heavy for my scar, and went into the building with him. Nobody really paid attention to me. They did however, pay attention to Vinny, making holding the boxes for so long agonising. Once Vinny gave them their autographs, I picked up the boxes and we went inside.

“You okay, kiddo?” Vinny asked. I nodded my head. He could obviously see I wasn’t really enjoying myself. But I couldn’t complain. Otherwise they’d send me back home with Cass and Lisa, and as much as I love them, I would rather be here. If I was there, I’d have to go to support group which I really wasn’t in the mood for.

“Thank god you made it in okay.” Rian said, giving me a hug. I rolled my eyes.

“Seriously, it’s okay. Nobody knows about me. Nobody ever will.” I said.

“Well, we can tell the public if you want to.” He said. I shook my head.

“Not right now.” I said. I didn’t want anyone to know about me just yet. Not until I’ve got my life established a bit. Hell, I don’t even know what I want to do with it.

“Well if you want, you can help sell the merch today with Vinny?” He suggested.

“I can?” I asked. It could keep me occupied enough so that I don’t think about everything that’s happened today.

“Sure. It’d be fun. Plus, our table is near the front of the stage so the boys can keep a close eye on you in case anything goes wrong.” Vinny said.

“Are you expecting anything to go wrong?” I asked. He shook his head.

“No. There can just be some crazy jealous fans who think if they belittle any of the women in our lives they’ll get closer to us.” Jack said. I nodded my head. A little bullying? I was used to it. Might as well do it while helping out my big brother and his friends, right?

“No. Of course. I’ll do it.” I said.

“Awesome. Listen, nobody’s gonna be mean to you. If they do they’re gonna have to face Rian’s wrath and that’s something nobody wants.” Alex said.

“Or worse, Zack will punch them in the face.” Jack joked, but Zack still looked like what Jack was saying was semi-serious.

“Well in that case, Raz and I better get started. Follow me, kiddo.” Vinny said. I waved goodbye to everyone and followed Vinny. He said all I had to do was look through the boxes under the table to find the right thing. Once the line started, it became a pretty easy task. Then as soon as the band started, everyone was applauding and not many people came up to buy stuff. We pretty much just had to sit down and watch the show.

“Welcome to the show, guys.” Alex greeted the fans after they played a couple of songs. The whole crowd were screaming in ecstasy. It was weird. These guys I’ve only known for about a week were idolised in most people’s eyes, and to me they were just my friends. What’s even weirder is that I idolised them about a month ago too.

“And welcome back Rian!” Jack said in his microphone. The screaming was even louder than before, and Rian made a few beats on his drum.

“Yeah, Rian’s been busy sucking a whole bunch of dude’s wieners.” Alex said in his microphone, which made a lot of people laugh. It made me feel a bit guilty though. I knew the real reason why he wasn’t there, and it was all because of me.

“I have never not been one of those guys.” Jack said, making a lot of people laugh too. Jack was a pretty funny guy. Even that made me chuckle slightly.

“Anyway, speaking of sucking wieners, this next song goes out to our merch crew. It’s called Backseat Serenade.” Alex introduced to the crowd. I smiled. I knew that was for me. I told them when I first met them that that was one of my favourite songs. Once they finished Jack looked at me and I smiled at him. Maybe he was the mastermind behind the dedication? Either way I appreciated it. All too soon, the concert was over. Vinny and I had sold everything we could, so we were cleaning up our table and going backstage. Someone came over to me.

“Did you see that? Jack Barakat was totally looking at you after Backseat Serenade!” She squealed. I smiled at her politely and shook my head.

“I doubt it.” I lied.

“Are you kidding? He was totally checking you out! Do you know him at all?” She asked.

“Yeah. We’re friends.” I answered. It wasn’t a lie. We were friends. I just didn’t want to mention my brother was one of his best friends either. They looked so jealous.

“Aw. You’re so lucky! What’s your name? I’ve never seen you before.” She asked. It was getting slightly too intrusive, luckily Vinny saved me.

“That’s cause she’s new. Her name’s...” He started.

“My name’s Mckenzie.” I said, using my middle name. I didn’t want them to know my proper name. That’d be too soon for me. “Mckenzie Conner.”

“Well it was nice to meet you Mckenzie. And as always, it’s been a pleasure to see you, Vinny.” She said. I’m assuming she’s one of those crazy but nice stalker fans who knows everything about everyone. Good thing I didn’t give her my name. We made our way backstage and they were all so sweaty.

“Hey. How was it?” Rian asked coming up to hug me. I didn’t really want the sweat all over me so I kind of dodged him. When he realised why he didn’t look too offended.

“It was good. Some girls asked me who I was so I told them my name was Mckenzie.” I said.

“Why Mckenzie?” Zack piped up.

“It’s my middle name.” I answered.

“Why didn’t you use your first name? Y’know? Raz is just full of pizzazz.” Jack said, making me giggle.

“Well, to tell you the truth I don’t want stalker fans finding out about me and my history just yet. So I told them my name, just not what people usually call me.” I answered.

“Fair enough.” Alex said.

“Well we’re gonna sign things for the fans, so Matt and Vinny can take you to the bus.” Rian said. I nodded my head. We made our way to the bus. Vinny immediately went to hit the booze, whereas Matt was clearly avoiding it. It was kind of awkward. I’m sure he was a drinker, so he obviously wasn’t drinking because of me. It was also awkward because of the silence between us. It was almost as if we were waiting solely for the band to have any kind of conversation.

“Do you wanna talk? I mean, Vinny won’t listen to a word we say.” He offered.

“About what?” I asked. I knew exactly what he wanted to talk about though. I just didn’t want to hear what he had to say, and I didn’t want him judging me more than he probably already did.

“You know what. About what was talked about earlier. Do you not remember anything from that night?” He asked. I shook my head.

“No. I was drugged. Amnesia for that night was bound to happen in my state anyway.” I snapped. I didn’t mean to be so mean about it. I just really don’t want to talk about it. I sighed. “Sorry.” I said.

“No. I am. I shouldn’t have pushed you.” He said. Then my eyes widened. Shit!

“I’ll be right back!” I said. I ran upstairs, grabbed the used bandage, ran outside and threw it away. I sighed in relief.

“What are you doing?” Jack asked from behind me. I turned around in shock.

“Needed some fresh air so I came outside.” I answered. He creased his eyebrows.

“So you came near a trash can?” He asked.

“It reminds me of being back in England.” I lied. Obviously it didn’t work.

“Come on. It’s fine. I won’t look if you don’t want me to.” He said. The relief clearly showed on my whole body.

“Thank you.” I said.

“No problem. Just go back on the bus, okay?” He requested. I nodded my head.

“Aren’t you supposed to be signing stuff?” I asked. He nodded his head.

“Yeah but Rian noticed you over here and asked me to check on you.” He answered. I nodded my head. He walked me back to the bus then ran back to meet the fans. For what he just did, I was eternally grateful.

“Thank god. What was that?” Matt asked gently as I got back on the bus.

“Had to throw something away.” I answered. He got the message and nodded his head.

“So, apart from All Time Low, who’s your favourite band?” He asked. I was relieved I could actually have a proper conversation with him.

“I’m not sure. I mean, I know they’re broken up now, but I loved My Chemical Romance. Fall Out Boy are pretty good. I like some of Paramore’s songs. Green day are good too, and so are Blink. I don’t know. I just think All Time Low is my all time favourite.” I answered. He nodded his head approvingly.

“You ever been to a concert before?” He asked. I nodded my head.

“Mindless Self Indulgence was my first. Then I went to All Time Low recently. Before I knew about Rian. That’s been it so far.” I answered. The conversation went on like that until the boys came back in the bus. There were loads of screaming fans outside, but before I knew it, we were moving. Clearly the fans wouldn’t mind if they were run over as they were still there as we were driving off. I then looked over at Rian. He looked really tense. The kind of tense where you know that if you talked to him you’d be fine, but if you ask him what’s wrong he would aggressively say he was fine. I decided to ask him anyway.

“Hey Raz. You okay?” He asked, squeezing the bridge of his nose. I sighed.

“Yeah. But you’re not.” I mentioned. He shook his head.

“I’m fine.” He snapped. Knew it. He then sighed. “Sorry.” He said.

“It’s fine. Just tell me what’s wrong.” I insisted. He groaned.

“You’re not gonna let it go, are you?” He asked. I shook my head.

“Nope.” I popped.

“Okay. Mum and Dennis want to know why I was off tour, and I don’t know what to tell them.” He said. I nodded my head and felt unbearably awkward.

“Oh.” I noted.

“Listen, I can make up some lie. I just need to think of something.” He said. I shook my head.

“No. Look, you shouldn’t have to lie to your parents over me. You can tell them the truth. I’d just like to be there too.” I mentioned.

“You do?” He asked. I nodded my head.

“I know it sounds weird, but I wanna see the way they react to me. Maybe it’ll be a nice reunion, or maybe I can get some closure. Either way, I’ll be fine.” I said. Rian nodded his head.

“So, do you wanna talk to them now?” He asked. My eyes widened. I didn’t expect it to be this immediate.

“They’re here?” I worried. He smiled at me lightly and shook his head.

“No, but they asked me to talk to them on Skype as soon as we got on the bus.” He answered. I took a deep breath in and nodded my head.

“Sure.” I breathed out. I sat next to him as he got out his laptop. I was getting really nervous. It seemed almost too quickly that the call was going through. When they answered they looked confused, but they didn’t question me being there.

“Hey mum, hey Dennis.” Rian greeted. Clearly Dennis was the man Kathi got married to.

“Hi Rian. Who’s this?” Kathi asked, smiling at the camera.

“Mum, Dennis, this is Raz.” Rian introduced for me. The second he said my name, however, their faces fell.

“Robert Rian Dawson, I’d like to talk to you. Alone.” Kathi barked. I gulped. Rian looked at me apologetically and left to go up to his bunk. I don’t know why I bother to cry anymore. It’s not like the bad things are at all surprising. Jack came downstairs. When he saw me crying he instantly gave me a hug.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” He asked. It was in a very caring way which made me far more comfortable. I buried myself in his side and sobbed.

“They hate me.” I sobbed.

“What? Who?” He asked.

“My biological parents. Hell, every single one of my parents. They all hate me.” I answered, gasping for air. He tried shushing me and calming me down but it didn’t work. The whole band, plus Vinny and Matt were trying to make me feel better. I heard yelling upstairs from both Rian and the laptop. It was just a whole mess. I just clung to Jack in an attempt to make me feel better. Who knows? Maybe he could.