Don't Forget to Be the Way You Are
Eleven
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Stefan was taken aback as he opened the door to such a question, and after such a busy weekend.
“Brian, it’s 9 in the morning.” He closed the door and followed to where Brian had stalked off to, finding himself facing the smaller man in his living room. He was thankful that Marc was still sleeping, though wasn’t sure how much longer that would be if Brian had come all this way for an argument.
“I couldn’t sleep…” he mumbled, looking away. “I haven’t been sleeping well lately at all.”
“You look exhausted.” And Brian knew it was true. There were circles under his eyes that no makeup in his cabinet had been able to erase and his entire complexion had become somewhat grey. He needed a decent night’s sleep but each night upon lying his head on his pillow, his thoughts would stray to one person. He could never sleep after that.
“Did you think I couldn’t handle knowing the truth about her? That she’s married?”
“Brian, you talk as if there was this big conspiracy against you. I didn’t tell you about her relationship for the same reason I wouldn’t go telling her about any of yours. It’s a personal matter. She confided in me. I was hoping she would eventually tell you before… well I guess it’s too late…”
“What, you think I’m in love with her?” Brian laughed, having deluded himself a while ago now about the truth of it all. “We’re friends, Stefan. I care about her… I care about her a lot… but it’s not love.”
“If you’re so sure…”
“If it were do you think I’d be standing here with you at this horrible hour? I’d be…” Brian stopped mid-sentence, realising how confident he sounded with a situation he wasn’t at all confident about.
“You’d be what? Writing her poetry and buying her flowers?” Stefan smiled at his friend, his soft heart one to cherish.
“Exactly.” Brian’s reply came small. He knew that wouldn’t be the case. If he were in love with her, this is where he would be, denying it to all he knew… himself included. But he shook the very idea. He had realised over the course of the weekend with much thinking that Amelie really did need a friend just like the one he used to be to her, and he was determined to be there for her as she was for him all that time ago. After all, he could use a friend, too.
“Well I’m glad she let you in, and I’m glad you care about her. I had hoped she might confide in you a little more, and in me a little less…” Brian was slightly taken aback by this information. Since when did Stefan not care to help others?
“That doesn’t sound like you at all.”
“No, no I mean, I’m quite happy to help her, but there’s only so much I can do. I can listen, but I can’t always understand. I think you could understand. You’ve been in similar places, feeling very strongly and falling very hard. I haven’t. I’ve been quite lucky in love, all things considered.” Brian nodded, being able to respect that, though it terrified him a little to think that she might want to confide in him. He was no one to confide in, especially about this matter. He was always too brash in making his decisions; Stefan forgot that.
Brian ended up staying at Stefan’s for brunch after Marc finally got up, confused by all the laughter coming from the living room after hearing that Stefan and Brian had fought only a few days ago. He was still trying to understand what their relationship was and equated it to them being almost brothers, though not quite – the height difference always threw off his analogy.
After they’d finished their pancakes, Stefan left Brian alone on the couch for a while as he cleaned up. He returned once he was finished to find that his plan had worked wonderfully as he found Brian with a full stomach napping on the couch – it didn’t look to be a comfortable position with his head lolled to the side like that, but he was sleeping, and that was all that mattered. He gently shut the door behind him and snuck away to find Marc for a cuddle and a coffee.
“Brian, it’s 9 in the morning.” He closed the door and followed to where Brian had stalked off to, finding himself facing the smaller man in his living room. He was thankful that Marc was still sleeping, though wasn’t sure how much longer that would be if Brian had come all this way for an argument.
“I couldn’t sleep…” he mumbled, looking away. “I haven’t been sleeping well lately at all.”
“You look exhausted.” And Brian knew it was true. There were circles under his eyes that no makeup in his cabinet had been able to erase and his entire complexion had become somewhat grey. He needed a decent night’s sleep but each night upon lying his head on his pillow, his thoughts would stray to one person. He could never sleep after that.
“Did you think I couldn’t handle knowing the truth about her? That she’s married?”
“Brian, you talk as if there was this big conspiracy against you. I didn’t tell you about her relationship for the same reason I wouldn’t go telling her about any of yours. It’s a personal matter. She confided in me. I was hoping she would eventually tell you before… well I guess it’s too late…”
“What, you think I’m in love with her?” Brian laughed, having deluded himself a while ago now about the truth of it all. “We’re friends, Stefan. I care about her… I care about her a lot… but it’s not love.”
“If you’re so sure…”
“If it were do you think I’d be standing here with you at this horrible hour? I’d be…” Brian stopped mid-sentence, realising how confident he sounded with a situation he wasn’t at all confident about.
“You’d be what? Writing her poetry and buying her flowers?” Stefan smiled at his friend, his soft heart one to cherish.
“Exactly.” Brian’s reply came small. He knew that wouldn’t be the case. If he were in love with her, this is where he would be, denying it to all he knew… himself included. But he shook the very idea. He had realised over the course of the weekend with much thinking that Amelie really did need a friend just like the one he used to be to her, and he was determined to be there for her as she was for him all that time ago. After all, he could use a friend, too.
“Well I’m glad she let you in, and I’m glad you care about her. I had hoped she might confide in you a little more, and in me a little less…” Brian was slightly taken aback by this information. Since when did Stefan not care to help others?
“That doesn’t sound like you at all.”
“No, no I mean, I’m quite happy to help her, but there’s only so much I can do. I can listen, but I can’t always understand. I think you could understand. You’ve been in similar places, feeling very strongly and falling very hard. I haven’t. I’ve been quite lucky in love, all things considered.” Brian nodded, being able to respect that, though it terrified him a little to think that she might want to confide in him. He was no one to confide in, especially about this matter. He was always too brash in making his decisions; Stefan forgot that.
Brian ended up staying at Stefan’s for brunch after Marc finally got up, confused by all the laughter coming from the living room after hearing that Stefan and Brian had fought only a few days ago. He was still trying to understand what their relationship was and equated it to them being almost brothers, though not quite – the height difference always threw off his analogy.
After they’d finished their pancakes, Stefan left Brian alone on the couch for a while as he cleaned up. He returned once he was finished to find that his plan had worked wonderfully as he found Brian with a full stomach napping on the couch – it didn’t look to be a comfortable position with his head lolled to the side like that, but he was sleeping, and that was all that mattered. He gently shut the door behind him and snuck away to find Marc for a cuddle and a coffee.