Finding Home
What Happend?
My head is pounding. I feel like I have a hangover from hell. I don’t want to open my eyes but I can hear Bam’s annoying voice and what feels like a fan blowing on my face. I slowly open my eyes to see Bam sitting at the edge of my bed with one of those toy fans.
He hasn’t noticed my eyes are opened. His voice sounds concerned while he talks on the phone. I don’t bother grabbing his attention. Instead I look down at what I’m wearing. I’m now in a tank top and shorts. Where the hell did my pants and sweater go? I don’t remember taking off my sweater which means someone else has changed my outfit.
The room is dingy and dark but I can see that the marks on my arms are clearly visible. My fear that someone has saw the scars and cuts down my wrists. Was it my mother who clothed me?
Bam peeks over at me. “Nah she’s awake now.” He paused. “I’ll keep you posted, later.” He rolled his eyes and ran his fingers down. “How are you feeling?”
I shrug my shoulders and glance around the room looking for my sweater or something to cover up with. “I’m ok. What happened?” I sit up and instantly regret it. My stomach violently twists. My hands fling to my mouth hoping I can stop it from happening.
“You fainted in the damn kitchen. Smacked your head on the counter and Johnny barely caught your ass.” He brushed his hair out of his face. “You really shouldn’t be wearing winter clothes in the summer.”
“I’m still in Finland weather.” I lie. I cover my eyes and lay back down on the soft bed. I grab the toy fan from his hand and throw it across the room. The sound of it breaking in the corner brings a small smile to my face. The sound was driving me completely insane. “Where’s my phone?”
He dug in his pocket and tossed it too me. “Ville called. I told him what happened. He seemed pretty worried. You might want to give him a call back.” He tilts his head. “You know you’re lucky you have so many people who love and care about you. Especially Ville given he doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes at Bam. He had no idea what happened between Ville and I to make me come back home in the first place. “I’ll call him later.”
“You’re such an asshole sometimes.” He teases.
I give him a look that tells him to shut up. “Can you blame me for being such a dick? You’re my brother.”
The laughter dies down and I feel incredibly uncomfortable when Bam starts staring at my wrists. “Where did those come from?”
He knows where they came from. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that your sister tried to end her life and is now addicted to self-harming.
“Life happens.” Is all I can mutter out. “Dumb choices happen.” I pause not making eye contact with him. “I’m fine.” I stand to my feet and give a small smile before putting my sweater on and leaving the room.
Each step I take down stairs makes me feel like I am going to puke. I’m tired and I honestly would have stayed and slept if it wasn’t for Bam staring me down. What could I expect though? He might have been tough but he still worried about his little sister and I couldn’t be mad about that.
“Hey sunshine! You’re awake…with a sweatshirt on in eighty degree weather…” Johnny trails off. “I thought we got you out of these clothes once?”
I smirk ignoring the last bit of his question I respond with, “And you are wearing aviators inside!”
“Touché you smart ass!” He grabbed a beer from the kitchen and handed me one, “How long are you here for?”
Beaming at my brother’s friend I follow him out to the backyard; sitting at the small table I say, “I’m not sure yet..” My mind trails back to Ville. I’ll never go back but damn I want to. “I’ll be here for a while probably now that I think about it.” He doesn’t buy my laughter for one second. He’s got something else on his mind.
He doesn’t buy it for a single second, “When I stuck you on Bam’s bed your Mom took off your sweater; we saw all the scars.” He grabs my hand in his. “What’s going on with you kitten?” Johnny stands to his feet and reaches out to hold me but I don’t want him to…I know he’ll see it all. “Did something happen with Ville?”
I see Bam running to the back door, I’m thankful for his stupidity. “Come on Knox, I wanna see you eat shit on this janky ramp that Dunn rigged up!” Without an answer he’s already running back inside.
Johnny is in a tough spot and I know that, he’s more than likely going to run to Bam and tell him his theories on why this happened, I don’t blame him Bam is where his loyalty lies. I feel like a guilty teenager getting scolded by her father.
“This conversation isn’t over, Willow. You’re going to explain everything to me when Bam is at his photo shoot tomorrow. I’m only doing this because I love you.”
I cringe at his words, but I don’t refuse. Just like the pathetic woman I am, I start thinking of any excuse I can.
He hasn’t noticed my eyes are opened. His voice sounds concerned while he talks on the phone. I don’t bother grabbing his attention. Instead I look down at what I’m wearing. I’m now in a tank top and shorts. Where the hell did my pants and sweater go? I don’t remember taking off my sweater which means someone else has changed my outfit.
The room is dingy and dark but I can see that the marks on my arms are clearly visible. My fear that someone has saw the scars and cuts down my wrists. Was it my mother who clothed me?
Bam peeks over at me. “Nah she’s awake now.” He paused. “I’ll keep you posted, later.” He rolled his eyes and ran his fingers down. “How are you feeling?”
I shrug my shoulders and glance around the room looking for my sweater or something to cover up with. “I’m ok. What happened?” I sit up and instantly regret it. My stomach violently twists. My hands fling to my mouth hoping I can stop it from happening.
“You fainted in the damn kitchen. Smacked your head on the counter and Johnny barely caught your ass.” He brushed his hair out of his face. “You really shouldn’t be wearing winter clothes in the summer.”
“I’m still in Finland weather.” I lie. I cover my eyes and lay back down on the soft bed. I grab the toy fan from his hand and throw it across the room. The sound of it breaking in the corner brings a small smile to my face. The sound was driving me completely insane. “Where’s my phone?”
He dug in his pocket and tossed it too me. “Ville called. I told him what happened. He seemed pretty worried. You might want to give him a call back.” He tilts his head. “You know you’re lucky you have so many people who love and care about you. Especially Ville given he doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes at Bam. He had no idea what happened between Ville and I to make me come back home in the first place. “I’ll call him later.”
“You’re such an asshole sometimes.” He teases.
I give him a look that tells him to shut up. “Can you blame me for being such a dick? You’re my brother.”
The laughter dies down and I feel incredibly uncomfortable when Bam starts staring at my wrists. “Where did those come from?”
He knows where they came from. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that your sister tried to end her life and is now addicted to self-harming.
“Life happens.” Is all I can mutter out. “Dumb choices happen.” I pause not making eye contact with him. “I’m fine.” I stand to my feet and give a small smile before putting my sweater on and leaving the room.
Each step I take down stairs makes me feel like I am going to puke. I’m tired and I honestly would have stayed and slept if it wasn’t for Bam staring me down. What could I expect though? He might have been tough but he still worried about his little sister and I couldn’t be mad about that.
“Hey sunshine! You’re awake…with a sweatshirt on in eighty degree weather…” Johnny trails off. “I thought we got you out of these clothes once?”
I smirk ignoring the last bit of his question I respond with, “And you are wearing aviators inside!”
“Touché you smart ass!” He grabbed a beer from the kitchen and handed me one, “How long are you here for?”
Beaming at my brother’s friend I follow him out to the backyard; sitting at the small table I say, “I’m not sure yet..” My mind trails back to Ville. I’ll never go back but damn I want to. “I’ll be here for a while probably now that I think about it.” He doesn’t buy my laughter for one second. He’s got something else on his mind.
He doesn’t buy it for a single second, “When I stuck you on Bam’s bed your Mom took off your sweater; we saw all the scars.” He grabs my hand in his. “What’s going on with you kitten?” Johnny stands to his feet and reaches out to hold me but I don’t want him to…I know he’ll see it all. “Did something happen with Ville?”
I see Bam running to the back door, I’m thankful for his stupidity. “Come on Knox, I wanna see you eat shit on this janky ramp that Dunn rigged up!” Without an answer he’s already running back inside.
Johnny is in a tough spot and I know that, he’s more than likely going to run to Bam and tell him his theories on why this happened, I don’t blame him Bam is where his loyalty lies. I feel like a guilty teenager getting scolded by her father.
“This conversation isn’t over, Willow. You’re going to explain everything to me when Bam is at his photo shoot tomorrow. I’m only doing this because I love you.”
I cringe at his words, but I don’t refuse. Just like the pathetic woman I am, I start thinking of any excuse I can.
♠ ♠ ♠
THoughts?