You Leave Me With a Dangerous Taste
Twenty
I was snuggled up on the couch with Jack on a stormy evening, my back against his chest as he lay behind me. Although I came home at a reasonable time, it didn’t mean that I hadn’t been tired out. Just an hour after Alex and I had had a busy day together, I was watching a movie with my fiancé as if nothing had ever occurred. It was some classic that was being aired, however I barely paid attention to it. My mind was on way different things than bad acting that was considered exceptional at the time.
I only snapped back to reality when I felt Jack carefully place his hand on my upper leg. While he had done it more often when we were cuddling, especially when it was just the place his hand naturally fell, this felt way different. There was tension in his fingers, making the gesture more cramped up than usual. It only got weirder when he started gingerly rubbing small circles that were barely noticeable. He placed one single kiss on the top of my head and acted as if he was watching the movie, his hand still moving.
My eyes were flickering around, wondering what was going on. I wasn’t sure if I was the only one that felt awkward, or if Jack felt it too. There was no way he could believe what he was doing was normal. Still, he did not stop.
“Hey, Pays?” He finally spoke up after a few more minutes.
I hummed in response as if I had been invested in the movie all this time, like I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. Well, it wasn’t necessarily discomfort I felt, it was just really strange.
“Have you, umm, thought about, umm,” he focused on his hand, putting a little more pressure on his fingertips and lifting the palm of his hand up, “about… us… you know, giving it another shot?”
“Another shot?” I questioned, looking up at him to see him already looking down.
“Yeah… you know… on the whole, umm,” he mumbled another word before raising his voice to a normal level again, “thing.”
“I really can’t hear you.” I shook my head and pushed myself up a little, trying to get a better view of him. “What thing?”
A blush spread across his cheeks as he looked away. “Do you want to try doing… it… again.”
“Oh…” A small smile crept up onto my lips. He was so adorable when he was embarrassed like that, especially when I knew it was because I was having a good effect on him. “Jacky…” I giggled a little as I ran my hand through his hair to show that it was okay. “As much as I would love to, I’m completely beat. I can barely stay awake as it is. Maybe some other day? Someday soon, though.”
There was a flash of disappointment shown on his face, but it was soon replaced with a half smile. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”
I felt bad. Alex and I had been going at it more often ever since Jack and I never actually got down to business. My sexual frustration was being outed on another guy, completely moving Jack out of the picture again. Every morning and evening, I was faced with Jack just to run off to somebody else. I had completely forgotten that Jack was actually still very much in the picture, that he just needed some more time. Now, I had gone and ruined our chance by fucking some guy behind his back and making me too tired out to do anything.
I just quietly thanked him and went back to watching the movie. Maybe I had to give Jack another chance, maybe I had to lay off my addiction to Alex for a while. It was too difficult.
It stayed silent after Jack's words, his hand now just resting on my leg innocently. There was some strange emptiness that surrounded us now. I actually preferred the awkwardness brooding inside of me over whatever was so heavy. It wasn’t tension nor was it anger. Was it distance? Was it finally catching up to us?
“Hey, Jack?” I whispered, addressing him the same way he had done to me before.
“Yeah?” he hummed back, his focus returning to me as his hand slipped up to my arm comfortingly.
“This weekend,” I mumbled, my eyes glued to the moving images in front of me, “Alex asked me to come over.”
“This weekend?” Jack inquired with what sounded like a confused frown.
“Yeah, he’s throwing this party he organizes every year,” I told him to explain why I wouldn’t be around again, only this time with an actual proper reason that was actually true. “He needs some help setting up the small stuff and needs me to look after William while he’s busy with the more important things.”
“But, Pays…” Jack started, ending with a croak that told me he was unsure of what was happening.
“What?” I asked, sitting up and putting my feet on the floor. Did he know something? Was he concerned something more was going on? Was he uncomfortable with me hanging around Alex so much?
“Pays, your brother is coming over this weekend.”
My eyes widened. I had completely forgotten all about his visit. He was coming back home with his family for a while to spend some time with me, Jack, and my parents. Since he had to be here for work as well, he was coming over a few days earlier. It had completely slipped my mind.
Was I now also forgetting about my brother? I had to start getting my act together.
I ran my hands over my face out of frustration. “Ugh, I completely forgot. It’s just-- I promised Alex I’d be able to help already.”
“Well, don’t you want to see him? He’s only coming over on Sunday.” Jack was so surprised with my previous answer. Before Alex had been in the picture, I would have never neglected anything about my brother. I loved him so much. I had been looking forward to this day ever since it had been planned.
“I just wish I could get out of it…”
“You still can,” Jack encouraged, knowing how important he was to me. “It might be a little late, but it most definitely isn’t last minute.”
“I know, I know, but…” I sighed, somehow having known that this would have come back to bite me. “Alex wants me to perform a couple songs at the party. Some of his friends are going to do so as well. His record label colleagues are all going to be there…”
“Pays…” He sat up, and I was expecting him to tell me that I shouldn't go. But I got a different reaction. “You’re going to go to that party no matter what. This could be your big break.”
“I mean…” I shrugged, unsure of his wording. “I feel like it’s cheating.”
“No, I don’t want any of that. You’re going to take this opportunity and use it to your full advantage.”
“But what about Tom?”
“Maybe we can both come and watch you! I’m sure I’ll enjoy it and he hasn’t seen you play in so long!” Jack suggested.
My heart stopped for a second. I nearly wanted to flat out refuse. Jack coming over to Alex’s place? Jack coming over to the house that had been tainted by Alex and me? Jack coming over and looking at all the furniture Alex and I had done it on? No. My brother being there just made it all worse.
But was that really so? There were going to be so many people, they couldn’t suspect a thing. Maybe this would only prove to Jack that nothing was going on despite the fact that he didn’t have any suspicions.
“You know what?” I smiled with a nod. “That sounds amazing. I’ll ask Alex if he’s cool with it. I don’t know if he needs to order things per guest. But I’d love to have you there.”
I only snapped back to reality when I felt Jack carefully place his hand on my upper leg. While he had done it more often when we were cuddling, especially when it was just the place his hand naturally fell, this felt way different. There was tension in his fingers, making the gesture more cramped up than usual. It only got weirder when he started gingerly rubbing small circles that were barely noticeable. He placed one single kiss on the top of my head and acted as if he was watching the movie, his hand still moving.
My eyes were flickering around, wondering what was going on. I wasn’t sure if I was the only one that felt awkward, or if Jack felt it too. There was no way he could believe what he was doing was normal. Still, he did not stop.
“Hey, Pays?” He finally spoke up after a few more minutes.
I hummed in response as if I had been invested in the movie all this time, like I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. Well, it wasn’t necessarily discomfort I felt, it was just really strange.
“Have you, umm, thought about, umm,” he focused on his hand, putting a little more pressure on his fingertips and lifting the palm of his hand up, “about… us… you know, giving it another shot?”
“Another shot?” I questioned, looking up at him to see him already looking down.
“Yeah… you know… on the whole, umm,” he mumbled another word before raising his voice to a normal level again, “thing.”
“I really can’t hear you.” I shook my head and pushed myself up a little, trying to get a better view of him. “What thing?”
A blush spread across his cheeks as he looked away. “Do you want to try doing… it… again.”
“Oh…” A small smile crept up onto my lips. He was so adorable when he was embarrassed like that, especially when I knew it was because I was having a good effect on him. “Jacky…” I giggled a little as I ran my hand through his hair to show that it was okay. “As much as I would love to, I’m completely beat. I can barely stay awake as it is. Maybe some other day? Someday soon, though.”
There was a flash of disappointment shown on his face, but it was soon replaced with a half smile. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”
I felt bad. Alex and I had been going at it more often ever since Jack and I never actually got down to business. My sexual frustration was being outed on another guy, completely moving Jack out of the picture again. Every morning and evening, I was faced with Jack just to run off to somebody else. I had completely forgotten that Jack was actually still very much in the picture, that he just needed some more time. Now, I had gone and ruined our chance by fucking some guy behind his back and making me too tired out to do anything.
I just quietly thanked him and went back to watching the movie. Maybe I had to give Jack another chance, maybe I had to lay off my addiction to Alex for a while. It was too difficult.
It stayed silent after Jack's words, his hand now just resting on my leg innocently. There was some strange emptiness that surrounded us now. I actually preferred the awkwardness brooding inside of me over whatever was so heavy. It wasn’t tension nor was it anger. Was it distance? Was it finally catching up to us?
“Hey, Jack?” I whispered, addressing him the same way he had done to me before.
“Yeah?” he hummed back, his focus returning to me as his hand slipped up to my arm comfortingly.
“This weekend,” I mumbled, my eyes glued to the moving images in front of me, “Alex asked me to come over.”
“This weekend?” Jack inquired with what sounded like a confused frown.
“Yeah, he’s throwing this party he organizes every year,” I told him to explain why I wouldn’t be around again, only this time with an actual proper reason that was actually true. “He needs some help setting up the small stuff and needs me to look after William while he’s busy with the more important things.”
“But, Pays…” Jack started, ending with a croak that told me he was unsure of what was happening.
“What?” I asked, sitting up and putting my feet on the floor. Did he know something? Was he concerned something more was going on? Was he uncomfortable with me hanging around Alex so much?
“Pays, your brother is coming over this weekend.”
My eyes widened. I had completely forgotten all about his visit. He was coming back home with his family for a while to spend some time with me, Jack, and my parents. Since he had to be here for work as well, he was coming over a few days earlier. It had completely slipped my mind.
Was I now also forgetting about my brother? I had to start getting my act together.
I ran my hands over my face out of frustration. “Ugh, I completely forgot. It’s just-- I promised Alex I’d be able to help already.”
“Well, don’t you want to see him? He’s only coming over on Sunday.” Jack was so surprised with my previous answer. Before Alex had been in the picture, I would have never neglected anything about my brother. I loved him so much. I had been looking forward to this day ever since it had been planned.
“I just wish I could get out of it…”
“You still can,” Jack encouraged, knowing how important he was to me. “It might be a little late, but it most definitely isn’t last minute.”
“I know, I know, but…” I sighed, somehow having known that this would have come back to bite me. “Alex wants me to perform a couple songs at the party. Some of his friends are going to do so as well. His record label colleagues are all going to be there…”
“Pays…” He sat up, and I was expecting him to tell me that I shouldn't go. But I got a different reaction. “You’re going to go to that party no matter what. This could be your big break.”
“I mean…” I shrugged, unsure of his wording. “I feel like it’s cheating.”
“No, I don’t want any of that. You’re going to take this opportunity and use it to your full advantage.”
“But what about Tom?”
“Maybe we can both come and watch you! I’m sure I’ll enjoy it and he hasn’t seen you play in so long!” Jack suggested.
My heart stopped for a second. I nearly wanted to flat out refuse. Jack coming over to Alex’s place? Jack coming over to the house that had been tainted by Alex and me? Jack coming over and looking at all the furniture Alex and I had done it on? No. My brother being there just made it all worse.
But was that really so? There were going to be so many people, they couldn’t suspect a thing. Maybe this would only prove to Jack that nothing was going on despite the fact that he didn’t have any suspicions.
“You know what?” I smiled with a nod. “That sounds amazing. I’ll ask Alex if he’s cool with it. I don’t know if he needs to order things per guest. But I’d love to have you there.”