Kiss

When I wake up I wanna be numb but I'm not. That just sucks. It’s weird how I welcome the physical pain but can’t stand the mental pain. I hate to be upset about something. But at this time it’s really hard not to be. I know we weren’t long time together with Sean but I still feel betrayed. Our relationship didn’t base on truth. I lied to him and he obviously lied to me. Ques that makes us somehow even. I understand much more why Sean did what he did but Beggy. She was supposed to be my friend, my best friend. We went to places and did stuff. I was over at her house almost every week. It hurts much more what she did. In the middle of my thoughts I notice that Sebastian has brought me back to his room. I'm lying in the drunk bunk. I try to get better position but it's impossible. Everything hurts. I have no power to check myself right now. I turn and see Sebastian sitting on the floor next to me and sleeping. He looks unconformable. I touch his face with one finger. He stirs a little.
''Bass, go sleep in the bed'', I whisper and wipe hairs from his eyes with my fingertips. He blinks at me.
''Please call me Sebastian. I like it more'', he says and climes next to me. Before I can say anything he is already sleeping. I watch him a long time. He has seen a lot of me. He knows stuff nobody has ever know. Should I be scared? He could use it against me. Somehow he doesn’t seem like that kind of person. I trust him. Maybe even too much. I sigh and close my eyes. Maybe I can still sleep. Before I know I'm already sleeping.

''Hummingbird, wake up'', I hear Sebastian say. He gently touches my shoulder. I open my eyes. He has a tray of food with him. Slowly I make room him to sit. He puts the tray on the bed.
''You should eat something'', he says and looks at me. I don't really feel like eating but I can't really say it. I reach out and take a few pieces off fruit. He gives me some painkillers too. I take them with water.
''Thank you'', I say and eat the fruits in my hand.
''How are you feeling?'', he asks. I chew the apple way longer than I should've because I don't really want to answer his question.
''Fine'', I say like I would tell to anybody. He looks at me pointedly. And it just makes me feel bad. He deserves to know.
''I'm sorry. I'm not used to people really asking me how I am'', I say and pick my nails. I don’t look at him when I tell him, ''I.. It hurts. Almost everywhere. But I'm not nauseous or anything. So I guess I'm alright. Right?'' I lift my gaze to him, and he slowly turns to me.
''So, I have to ask. Does your dad ever check on you?'', he asks and kind of looks livid. I cringe at his reaction. I should've foreseen this. Yeah, I don’t think his gonna be my dads number one fan.
''Well.. He.. not usually. He needed to take care of Beth. It's really been full day job for him'', I tell him, ''It's really okay. I'm.. used to it.'' Sebastian looks away.
''How long?'', he asks tightly. I take a deep breath. Time for the ultimate truth.
''My mother died four years ago. Dad has been off since then. Too needy for the most women. Got dumped a lot. Little over year ago he met her. At first, it was okay. She had a medication that helped her. One day she just quit. It was the first time she beat me. And it's really been on and off. Some weeks are better than the others. I'm so used to bruises that I'm not even sure how I look without them. I have tons of clothes I haven't had a chance to wear'', I tell him the story I never told anyone. We are silent long time. Both lost in our own minds. I hate those clothes. From time to time I try them. They fit on me but I can't wear them. They make me feel bitter about my situation.
''What did you tell to your brothers?'', I ask and startle both of us. Sebastian turns to look at me.
''Just that you are staying in my room awhile and not to bother us'', he says and stares out of the window. I have no idea what he is thinking.
''Okay'', I answer. I need to pee, bad. I just don't want to get up. First I don't have my shirt on and second I don't want to go outside of this room. I don't feel like explaining.
''Thank you for the food'', I say to him, and he turns me,''Where is the bathroom?'' He lifts his brows at me.
''So good that you need to puke?'', he asks warily. I laugh a little. It hurts and I have to stop.
''Aw, sorry to disappoint you but I’m not that kind of girl. I just need to pee if you must know'', I say. Sebastian points a door far corner of the room grinning a little. Slowly I get up. Every move hurts. He is looking at me and it makes me nervous. I tighten the sheet around me.
''Need help?'', he asks.
''Thanks but no thanks. I think I can manage'', I say and finally disappear to the bathroom. When I lock the door I let the mask slip. I hold on to the wall and try not to fall on the floor. Trying to exhale silently. Everything hurts. It's harder to try to convince someone you're okay even when you're not. I limp to the toilet and do my things. I wash my hands and face. Then I take a deep breath and open the door. Sebastian is still sitting on the bed. I pause for a moment. It feels so weird. I don't know anything about him except what I heard from someone. He knows my deepest secrets.
''I don't know anything about you. Not like really'', I say, and he flinches from his thoughts. He smiles to me. He has really beautiful smile. I’m surprised my the warm feeling I’m getting from it. I just broke up I remind myself.
''I guess you don't'', he says and looks like he is holding himself not to help me when I limp to the bed.
''This doesn't really feel fair'', I tell him and lie down. I close my eyes. I'm still tired. I have no idea what clock is and I don't even care. He starts laughing. I peek through my eyelashes.
''It's not really that funny'', I say and close my eyes again. I feel him lay next to me. It makes me feel safe somehow. Lying next to someone that doesn’t demand anything.
''What do you want know?'', he asks.
''I don't know yet. I'm just stating that we have a problem'', I tell him.
''Well, it's really easy one to solve'', he says.
''Yeah'', I say and yarn, ''But not now.'' He grunts. In no time I'm off to la-la-land.

I wake up and notice that Sebastian is gone. Well, now I have time to take all in. I check my bruises. Still there. Whew, almost got worried. My head feels clearer. I check my phone. There is still few calls from Sean. Don’t know what he wants. I have nothing to say to him. Then there are texts from Beggy. Nothing from my dad. I have been few days away. I look the texts from Beggy.
Beggy: Girrrl, heard you hooked up with Novak. Details, TY.
Beggy: Answer you slut.. You owe me details..
Beggy: Come on Girrrl, I’m dying here. And on and on they go. So annoying. I don’t answer any of them. I need to deal with her but not now. Now I need to convince Sebastian to get me home. I know Sebastian would let me stay here but I need to see what's going on at home. Right on time Sebastian walks in.
''You're awake'', he says.
''So it seems'', I tell him. He grins at me. He gives me painkiller and a glass of orange juice. I smile to him.
''Nice to hear that you haven't lost your sense of humor'', he says.
''Well, that's something you can't beat out of me, I ques'', I say and his smile slips away, ''Sorry, too soon, I see''.
''You know it's not really funny'', he tells me.
''Yeah, well'', I don't know what to say to that.
‘’But your hair is’’, he says and walk to his closet.
‘’My hair is what?’’, I ask.
‘’Funny’’, he tells matter of factually. Frantically I start to comb my hair with my fingers. He turns to look at me and laughs a little. He walks back to me.
‘’Stop that’’, he says and takes my hand away from my hair, ‘’It’s fine’’ I let my hand fall to my lap.
‘’But you said..’’
‘’You’re way too cute’’, he says smiling and walks back to his closet. Sebastian takes a new shirt and throws it to me. He also takes one for him and changes it right in front of me. I just don’t seem to get my eyes off his gorgeous back. Then peeks over his shoulder and smirks to me. I go red in instant. He turns away and I slip in to the shirt. It big for me but it’s clean. I take the sheet off me. Only thing I hate about the shirt is that it is a t-shirt. My bruised arms are showing. It’s awful that you can see fingermarks on them. Like some demon would’ve attacked me. Not that it’s so far-fetched. I have to find my hoodie.
''Okay, so I need to go home today'', I tell Sebastian slowly.
''No'', is all he says. I take a deep breath and it hurts. Start working your magic you little painkiller.
''I'm serious Sebastian'', I say. He hasn't looked at me sense he changed his shirt.
''I am not..'', he says each word like someone is pulling his teeth and turns to me. He looks furious. I get up and walk to him as gracefully as I can. I don’t dare to touch him. There is so much emotion in his eyes. Why does he care?
''I'm okay'', I say to him and look straight to his eyes, ''I don't know why you care about me. But I really appropriate it. It's nice to know that even somebody cares. I know my father isn't the greatest but I need to know what's going on in there. I'm sure you understand''. He lowers his forehead to mine and takes a deep breathe. He closes his eyes. Sebastian is quiet for a while. We are breathing the same air again. He invades my senses. I want to close my eyes and forget there is whole world around us.
''I don't know. I just don't know'', he says and rubs my arms gently. Then he opens his eyes, ''I don't want anything bad to happen to you''. It's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. I feel a tear fall down. I don't know what this means.
''I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry'', Sebastian says and wipes the tear away with his thump.
''No. I just.. I don't think anybody has said anything that nice in a long, long time'', I say quietly and lower my head. Sebastian lifts it up again.
''Then every man in your life is a moron'', he tells me.
''Well, at least there aren't many of them'', I say and smile. He smiles a little too.
''Few too many for my liking'', he says and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes.
''Come on before I change my mind’’, he says to my forehead. Damn I feel messed up. He moves away and I feel cold instantly. My poor emotions. We drive in silence. He leaves me on the street and I watch as he drives away.