Breaking the Habit

-Michelle-
While Chester and the guys sat in the living room, catching up, I started cleaning what I could reach, which was only waist high to eye level in my condition.
I was scrubbing the stove when Chester stopped me, “Don’t over exert yourself, think of Bailee. I can clean all of this myself babe. Go sit down, I’ll bring you some water.” he kissed my forehead.
“I know you can, but I can’t sit by and watch while you do it. I already feel useless enough not being able to bend over and pick things up off the ground.” I sighed.
He chuckled, “You’re not useless baby. Go sit down, I’ve got this.”
“But you have company. It’d be rude to ignore them.” I said.
He laughed, “Ignore them? Mike sent me in here to make YOU sit down so that me and them could finish cleaning the house while you relaxed.” he said.
I glanced over my shoulder at the guys who all smiled at me and waved.
I sighed, “You’re all too sweet. Once you get done, I’ll cook, well, I guess dinner for all of you, seeing as how it’s already almost 5 pm.” I said.
“I could eat.” Rob grinned.
“You can always eat, dude.” Mike said rolling his eyes.
“Just accept my hospitality and quit being mean.” I told Mike, putting my fists on my hips.
He looked at Chester, who shrugged, “She’s gone full housewife on you. You have no choice but to surrender and do as she says.”
Mike stood, as did the rest of them, and smiled, “That sounds great Michelle. Now get your pregnant ass in here and plant it on this couch.” he pointed down to the couch.
I looked up at Chester, who shrugged again, “He’s gone full prison warden on you, you have no choice but to surrender and do as he says.”
I rolled my eyes, but waddled into the living room and sat down on the couch.
“Good. Guys, arm yourselves with cleaning supplies and let’s do it.” They filed into the kitchen, and then scattered to different rooms, while Chester brought me some ice water and a pillow to prop my feet on.
“I’m going to finish in the kitchen, so if you need me, just shout.” he kissed me and disappeared into the kitchen again.
I picked up a book he had laying on the table behind the couch and started reading while I sipped the cool water, and eventually, I nodded off into sleep.

When I woke, it was dusk, and the lamp behind me was on, providing dim light through the living room.
“Babe, what time is it?” I called, struggling to sit upright.
“It’s seven thirty, take it easy.” he rushed to my side.
“I was out for two and a half hours and you let me sleep?” I groaned.
“You’re pregnant and tired. Besides, sleep is going to be in short supply once this baby girl gets here. You need all the sleep you can get.” He kissed me.
“The guys still here?” I asked.
He nodded, “In the kitchen. We finished cleaning and you’d crashed out, so we’ve been sitting around the table drinking beer and reminiscing on the fun times we had on tour.” he said.
“I was going to make dinner.” I groaned.
“Shhh, it’s okay babe. We ordered a pizza. Like I said, I know you’re exhausted from the trip.” he said.
“We didn’t do any wedding planning today.” I sighed.
“Well, part of today’s agenda was getting the house clean and organized again, and thanks to me living like a trash-hoarding hermit for two months, that took the whole day, plus having sex and sleeping.” he shrugged.
I gave him a dirty look, “We plan the wedding tomorrow, and get married Thursday.” I said.
He nodded in agreement, “You got a deal, baby.”

I went into the laundry room and tried to switch laundry, but ended up dropping half the clothes on the floor, and nearly falling over when I bent down to pick them up.
“Michelle, would you sit down and stop cleaning?! I got this.” Chester picked the clothes up and ushered me to the couch to sit down.
“Make sure she doesn’t get up again.” He told Mike before disappearing back to the laundry room.
I looked at Mike, opening my mouth to object when he cut me off, “Nope. Not a word. You stay right there and relax.” he said.
I gave him a look and sighed, “I didn’t know I was going to prison.” I said.
“Oh hush, you’re just being overdramatic now.” Mike rolled his eyes.
I struggled to stand up, but fell back on the couch.
“Don’t do that, you’re going to hurt yourself.” Joe said.
“I have to go to the bathroom.” I sighed.
“Chester!” Mike called over his shoulder.
“Hold on, I’m starting the washer.” he called back.
“I don’t have time to wait on you!” I yelled.
He ran into the living room, “What’s wrong?!” he asked, frantically.
“Bailee is sitting on my bladder and I’m about to burst.” I struggled to my feet again.
He helped me to my feet and down the hall to the bathroom.
“Is she moving?” he asked, while I washed my hands.
“Yeah, you can feel if you want. Maybe you can get her to calm down.” I chuckled.
He stood behind me, with both hands on my stomach and rested his chin on my shoulder, “I love you guys.” he whispered.
“We love you too.” I said, drying my hands.
“I can’t wait for our family to be all here together.” he said.
“Well it’s getting closer every day. She’s growing all the time.” I said.
“I don’t want to leave you.” he said.
“We’ve been through this before, you have to go, to get help so that we can raise our daughter together. BOTH sober.” I put my hand on his face.
He looked down at my stomach and sighed, “I’ve already made you go through so much of this pregnancy alone. I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want you to have to give birth to her alone, too.” he said.
“You’ll be there. And if you can’t, someone will be, but I won’t be alone.” I kissed his cheek.
He kissed my lips, “I love you both.” he whispered.
“We love you. You’re going to be a great dad, I just know it.” I said.
“I hope so, I just want to be the best father and husband I can be.” he said.
I opened the bathroom door, “I have no doubt in my mind that you will be.”

I went into the kitchen where the pizza boxes were stacked on the stove and got a few pieces, returning to the couch.
“So, how many kids do you want, Michelle?” Mike asked.
“A few at least. I mean, I grew up with five older siblings, and there was never a dull moment.” I said.
“Six kids? Wow, that’s a lot.” Brad said.
“There was always someone to play with, or look after me.” I shrugged.
“That’s true, free babysitter.” Mike laughed.
“Well, someone had to look after me, my dad was always working and my mom had better things to do.” I said.
“Well, you’ll always have us to look after you, and anyone else who comes along. We’re family now.” Mike said.
I heard Chester rummaging around in the kitchen, “What are you doing?” I called.
“Washing the dishes, is that okay with you?” He replied.
“What if it isn’t okay with me?” I asked.
“Too damn bad, stay your ass on the couch and eat your dinner.” He shouted back.
I sighed, shaking my head and looked at Mike, “I love him, but he’s going to drive me crazy.”
He smiled, “He cares. A lot. He’s been beside himself with guilt since you left. He’s happy to have you home.” He said.
“I’m glad to be home, really. But I can’t really sit around and nothing for the next few months.” I replied.
“Most women would love being waited on hand and foot.” Mike said.
“I am not your average woman, Mike. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY waited on me hand and food at any point in my life, and I’m not okay with someone doing it now. I’m very independent. I grew up that way because I had to, and I’ve come to enjoy my indepencence.” I said.
“Relax the reins a little bit, captain control freak. He’s helping you. No ulterior motive, no shady intentions, just love.”
I sighed, looking at my stomach.
“I don’t do well with letting go.” I dragged my fingers through my hair.
“Well, maybe it’s time you started.” He said.
“Dishes are done, laundry is started and the trash has been taken to the curb, there is nothing left for you to do, so now you have to relax.” Chester sits next to me.
I smiled, “What would I do without you?”
“Fall over and lay there like a turtle on it’s back.” He joked.
“Hey!” I smacked his arm.
“Sorry, you’re just...front heavy.” He shrugged.
“Thanks to you.” I gave him a dirty look.
“Now don’t act like you didn’t want it.” He glared back.
“Of course I wanted it, but don’t pretend like you didn’t have a hand in making me a whale.” I argued.
“It definitely wasn’t a hand, but I had something in it.” He laughed.
“Get serious.” I elbowed him.
“Sorry babe, just trying to lighten the mood.” He shrugged.
“I know. I’m miserable and it’s really not your fault, but I’ve got to blame it on someone I guess.” I sighed.
“Well, blame it all on me if it makes you feel better.” He said.
I shook my head, “No, I’m not doing that. I just need sleep, and I’ll feel better in the morning.” I sighed.
“That’s our cue. We’ll get out of your hair and catch up with you guys later. Michelle, take it easy and take care of yourself, okay?” Mike hugged me.
“I will, Mike. Thanks.” I smiled, hugging him back.

They left, and Chester helped me to my feet, “Let’s get some shut-eye.”
“But you’re leaving in the morning.” I replied.
“I know love, but we both know I have to do it. It’s for our family, for our baby girl.” He kissed me.
I sighed, “I know, But I just got home, I just got you back, and now you have to leave again.” I said.
“Well, after I finish treatment, and we have this baby, I have to leave again, we’re going on an international tour for almost a year.” He helped me lie down and covered me up.
“What am I going to do with a baby by myself for a year?” I asked.
“You are both going to be fine, Michelle. I haven’t been able to work in a while because of this addiction, and once it’s dealt with, I want to get back to doing what I love. I’ll call every day, I promise.” he cuddled up to me.
“I’m sorry again for how I reacted to finding out about your addiction.” I whispered.
“I told you that I had a history for it, I just left out the fact that I still had it. It’s more my fault than anything.” He kissed my hair.
I drifted into sleep.

He woke me up in the morning, in the bathroom brushing his teeth.
I opened my eyes and looked right at him.
He smiled, “Good morning.”
I smiled back, and tried to ignore the dark bruise in the crease of his arm as I sat up in bed.
“How long have you been up?” I asked.
“About an hour.” he spit in the sink and wiped his mouth with a towel.
“What time is it?” I asked, stretching.
“7:14.” He replied, pulling his shirt on.
“I thought you were going to get me up at six.” I slowly stood up, waddling to the bathroom.
“I said I was getting up at six and you were getting up with me, if I had gotten up at six, I would’ve gotten you up, but I overslept, and you looked comfortable and at peace for once, so I opted to leave you be and let you sleep.” he wet a washcloth and wiped the dried blood off his arm.
I used the bathroom and stood up, grabbing my tooth brush.
“How many times have you used since you’ve been up?” I spurted toothpaste onto it and started brushing my teeth.
“Twice. Did it the last time right before you woke up.” He replied.
“Are you sure you can do this sobriety thing?” I asked, spitting in the sink.
“Of course I can. I have two really good reasons to. It’s getting sober that’s going to be hell.” he left the bathroom.
“It’s going to be worth it though.” I wiped my mouth and washed my face.
“I know. My girls are worth every second of pain.” He smiled and hoisted his suitcase onto the bed.
I brushed my hair and came out of the bathroom.
“I’ll keep in contact in any way I can. Phone, postcards, pony express, carrier pigeon whatever.” I leaned against the doorway.
He smiled, “Phone will do just fine, babe.”
I looked down at my stomach, “What time are you leaving?” I asked.
“My check-in time is set for six this evening, so that I’d have another day to spend with you before I go.” He zipped the suitcase and put it next to the bedroom door.
“Let’s take a quick trip to the courthouse then. I’m not going through all of this until I’m your wife for real.” I said.
He smiled, “If that’s really what you want, Michelle.”
“Of course it is.” I replied.
He slipped his arms around me and kissed me, “Let’s do it then.”

He helped me change clothes and went to make the phone calls while I styled my hair and put on make up.
“Okay, the guys are going to meet us there, and your sister is coming too. Your brother and dad said they’d stop in to visit you and congratulate you when they could.” He stared at me.
“What? Do I look fat or something?” I asked.
“No, not at all. You look absolutely gorgeous, that’s all. I’m so lucky to have both of you.” He smiled.

We went out to the car and he helped me get in.
Bailee was having a fit, kicking and somersaulting.
“Bailee, calm down.” I rubbed my stomach.
“She freaking out?” Chester asked.
“I guess.” I sighed.
“How much longer again?” he asked.
“Five months to my due date.” I said.
“I won’t be here.” He sighed.
“You knew that babe. It’ll be fine.” I squeezed his hand.
“I just want to be here to see my baby come into the world, to hold her and love her.” He sighed.
“She’ll be here for you to love when you get home. I’m going to take good care of her.” I said.
We pulled up to the courthouse, and he kissed me, “I love you both, now let’s get this done.”
He helped me out of the car, across the courthouse lawn, I saw Chauntelle running towards us, waving her arms.
“Brace for impact.” I told him.
“What?” at the same time he said it, she tackled him in a hug, screaming and jumping up and down.
“Really Chauntelle?” he asked.
“I’m sorry, I’m just so happy my baby sister is getting married!” She clapped excitedly.
“We all are, but you don’t have tackle people.” I leaned against the car.
“You okay sis?” She asked.
I groaned softly, “I’m fine. Bailee is just stretching in there, moving a lot.” I replied.
Chester put his hand on my stomach, “Whoa that’s crazy.”
“What? What’s wrong?” Chauntelle asked.
“I can feel her shifting, like she’s turning in there.”
“And she’s kicking my stomach, making me feel sick.” I turned around and bent over to vomit stomach acid on the ground.
“Here, sit down for a minute.” He guided me to a bench, where I continued to vomit for a couple of more minutes before the baby finally got still.
I wiped my mouth, and sighed deeply, “She’s still again.”
Chester pressed his hand to my stomach, then moved it, “Huh, her head is down here now, a few minutes ago it was right there.” he poked me.
“If you make her start moving again, I’m going to kick your ass.” I struggled to my feet as his friends pulled up.
“Hey, we ready to do this?” Brad asked, getting out of the car.
“Well, now that my daughter has made me expel all of the bile from my stomach, I’m ready.” I said.
“Then let’s go get you two married.” Joe smiled.
“Wait for me!” We turned around to see Kayla jogging behind us.
“KK! You made it!” I hugged her.
“Uh, yeah, I told you I wanted to be here, and I AM one of your bridesmaids. You must be her sister, I’m Kayla Molina.” She hugged Chauntelle, and they squealed and jumped together.
“Guys, we’re on a time limit here, let’s move it.” Mike told them.

“Are you two my one o’clock?” The older balding man asked.
“Yes, I called this morning.” Chester said.
“Great, these your witnesses?” He asked.
“Yes sir.” I smiled.
“Well, you’re a lovely young thing. When’s your due date?” He asked.
“December 20th.” I replied.
“Well congratulations, shall we?” He motioned for us to follow him into his office.

We filed in, Chester and I standing in front of his desk, and everyone else standing behind us.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony,” He started.
I smiled at Chester, squeezing his hand.
“Rings?” He asked.
Chester took our rings out of his pocket and set them on the desk.
“Take each other’s respective rings and repeat after me, “With this ring, I thee wed. Chester, you first.”
He took the diamond ring out of it’s box and slipped it on my finger, “With this ring, I thee wed.”
“Michelle.”
I took his ring out of it’s box and slipped it on his finger, “With this ring, I thee wed.”
“With the power vested in my by God and the state of California, I pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride.”
Chester swooped me into a heated kiss, holding me close.
“Ladies and gentleman, I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Chester Charles Bennington. God bless you both, and your baby.” he smiled.
I looked up at Chester, “We did it, we’re married babe.” I sniffled.
He smiled back, “My beautiful, amazing wife.” he kissed me again.
“We did it baby.” I sighed.
“We sure did, Michelle.”
“Going on a honeymoon?” the justice of the peace asked.
“Not right away. My hushand is leaving tonight to go to treatment for his drug addiction, and I’m obviously very pregnant, so we’re going to hold off on the honeymoon until later on. He just wanted us to be married before he left me for six months.” I explained.
“Well, I applaud you sir, and wish you good luck on your road to sobriety, and I wish you good luck in your pregnancy, a fast and easy delivery, and a healthy baby.” he smiled.
“Thank you sir.” Chester shook his hand.
“Congratulations.” He nodded as we left.
“Wanna go get a bite to eat to celebrate?” Chester asked.
“God, please. I’m starving.” I said.
I gazed down at the ring on my finger and smiled to myself, I was so happy it had finally happened, we were finally married.
Chester put his hand over mine on my stomach, “So, after we eat, would you like to go home and make it officially official?” he kissed me hard.
I smiled against his lips, “Well, considering it’s going to be the last time I have sex for awhile, I am all for the idea.”
He chuckled, “Now don’t go climbing in bed with anyone else while I’m gone, you hear?”
I laughed, “I would never dream of it, Chester. We JUST got married ten minutes ago, after months of planning to, and numerous setbacks. There is no way I’d ruin that.” I said.
“Where are we eating?” Chauntelle asked.
“I was thinking we go to Mick’s favorite place, In-N-Out.” Chester put his arm around me and squeezed gently.
I smiled up at him, “If everyone else is okay with it, then sure.”
“We’re good with that.” Mike shrugged.
Everyone else agreed, and we made a caravan for the nearest In-N-Out.

We sat down at two tables we pushed together, and Chester went and ordered food for us while we sat at the table.
“So, how does it feel being a married woman?” Mike asked.
I looked down at my ring, and smiled, “Amazing. Better than I thought. We have wanted this for such a long time now, and it feels good to finally do it, and be married.” I said.
“Well, I mean what I said about never seeing him happier. He’s finally in love with life again, all because he fell in love with you. I just wish his mother had been around to see it, she wanted so badly for him to be happy and meet someone who loved him.” He said.
“I wish she were here too, I’d loved to have met her. He speaks so highly of her, and tells me of all the things she taught him, and she seemed like an amazing mother. Seemed like the kind of mother I only wish I’d had.” I said.
“Well, she’d have loved you, that I know for sure, and she’d have been absolutely thrilled to meet her grand daughter.”
Chester returned and sat down, “I’ll need a hand picking all that up when it’s ready.” He told Mike, putting his arm around me.
“I’ll help you.” Mike said.
He kissed me, “You okay?”
I nodded, “Never been better. Happier than I’ve ever been.” I smiled.
“How’s my girl?” he put his hand on my stomach.
“She’s squirming around in there, but I think it’s because I’m hungry. She’ll get still after I eat.” I said.
“I can’t wait to meet our sweet girl.” he rested his head against mine.
“Me either. She’s going to be an angel.” I said.
“NUMBER 14 ORDER UP!”
Chester kissed me, “Be right back, baby girl.”
He and Mike got up and went to get the food.
“He adores you, it’s so sweet.” Kayla grinned.
“I know, and I’m the luckiest girl in the whole world.” I smiled.
Chester and Mike came back, “Alright gang, dig in.” Chester said.

We finished eating and everyone went their separate ways, Chester and I went home.
He helped me into the house and as soon as the door was shut behind us, he kissed me, unzipping my dress, helping me wiggle out of it.
He laid me on the couch, unhooking my bra in one swift movement, and kissed me again, “I love you both, so much.” he pulled my panties off, and I lay there before him, naked, cradling my belly.
He unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants, pulling his shirt over his head, he stood over me, gazing down with a smile on his face, “God you are so beautiful.”
I reached out and pulled his boxers down, freeing his hard throbbing cock, “I know, now come here and fuck me.” I smiled, pulling him down.
He thrust himself inside and I moaned loudly.
“Fuck baby.” I whined.
He fucked me as hard as he could while being careful of my stomach.
My legs shivered and I kissed him, “I’m coming.”
He didn’t reply, he kept going, kissing me passionately, until I felt his body tensing up.
“Come on baby.” I whispered, squeezing his shoulders.
He moaned, and I did too, as we came together.
When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was my wedding ring, and I smiled at the thought that now he wasn’t just my boyfriend anymore, now he was my husband.
“I love you baby.” he whispered, running his fingers through my hair.
“I love you too.” I smiled.

After we were done, we managed to take a shower with only some heavy making out, and a quickie on the bathroom counter, before we curled up in bed together to watch a movie.
“I’m leaving the keys to my car on the dresser for you. She’ll be all yours while I’m gone.” He opened a bottle of water.
“I’ll take good care of it for you.” I replied, kissing his cheek.
“I have no doubt in my mind, Michelle.”
“Tomorrow I’ll probably call Mike and the guys and see if they want to help me get a crib set up and re-arrange some furniture.” I said.
“Just don’t be doing anything that could be dangerous to Bailee.” he said.
“I won’t. That’s what they’re for.” I smiled.
“I’m going to call you every day, baby. To make sure that you and Bailee are okay.”
“We’re going to be fine, Chester. I promise. I’m going to take care of myself and have us a healthy baby girl.” I said.
He smiled, “I’m sorry I can’t be there when you have her, but as soon as this is over, I’m going to come home and spend as much time with you as I possibly can.” He kissed me long and passionately.
“I know. Everything is going to be okay.” I said.

The movie ended, and he called a cab.
“I’m only going to be about sixty miles away, so you can come visit me, but I want someone to ride with you, I don’t want you making that drive by yourself.” he kissed my forehead.
“I’ll call someone when I decide to come and visit.” I said.
The taxi honked out front and he kissed me, “I love you both, and I’m going to miss you so much.”
“We love you too, and you can’t even begin to understand how much we’re going to miss you.” I replied.
I walked with him outside and kissed him one more time, “Remember, this is for our baby girl. She’s going to be worth it.” I smiled.
He nodded, “I know, baby. I love you,” he leaned down and kissed my stomach, “And I love you baby girl. I can’t wait to meet you. Be good for mama.” he smiled and got in the car.
When it pulled away from the curb and disappeared down the street, I went into the house and broke down on the couch, sobbing.

I was pulled out of my self-pity party when someone knocked on the door.
“Hold on.” I called, blowing my nose and cleaning my face.
I opened the door and it was Mike.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked.
I sniffled, “I’m fine, just an emotional trainwreck whose husband just left for six months.”
“Did he already leave?” he asked.
I nodded, “About twenty minutes ago.”
He closed the door, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I pulled it together, “I’m okay, thank you. I just have to be a dramatic tit-bag first.” I laughed.
He laughed too, “I wasn’t sure if he’d already left, and I wanted to check on you.”
“Well, as soon as all of this is over with, I’m sure I’ll be fine. Don’t want to be home alone though, probably going to get a dog.” I laughed.
“I hear Labradors are great companions.” he said.
“I just need someone to cuddle with and talk to.” I said.
“Well, I can’t cuddle you, but I’m always here to talk if you need me.” he sat on the couch.
“Thank you, I really appreciate that. Still going to get a dog though.” I smiled.
He smiled too, “What’s on your mind?”
“It’s just that I lived without him for three months, thinking that he hated me, only to find out he never did, so I came home, and I get him for two days before he’s gone again for six months. I’m hormonal, upset, and terrified right now. Not a good combonation and then being all alone on top of that isn’t helping.” I sniffled.
“Well, he’s doing this for you and for Bailee. I know it’s hard, and I know you miss him, but it’s going to be worth it when he comes home sober.” He said.
“I want him sober. I love him so much, I just don’t know if I can live without him for that long and stay sane.” I said.
He put an arm around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder, “You know you always have me and the guys to call on if you need anything. You have your brother and sister too, and Kayla. You’re not at all alone Michelle. We’re all here for you.
I smiled up at him, “Thanks, Mike.”
He looked down at me, smiled and quickly looked back up.
“We’re your family now and forever. We’re here for you.” He said.
I sniffled and sat up, “I’m thankful for that.”
He wiped a stray tear away, “So cheer up, don’t cry. You’re far too beautiful for that.”
I smiled, “Thank you.” I said.
He hugged me, “You’re welcome.”
I looked up at him and smiled, and he smiled back.
He leaned down and I didn’t stop him.
Our lips brushed softly, and my breath caught in my throat.
His breath quivered and our lips met again in a soft kiss, his hands on my face and my back.
The kiss escalated, and I let it.
In my head, my brain was going crazy.
What am I doing?
Why am I letting him kiss me?
Why am I kissing him back?
I love my husband, we’re happy together.
Why the hell am I kissing someone else??
Why did I like it??
What does this mean??