Breaking the Habit

-Michelle-
The kiss escalated more, and before I knew it, we were full on making out on the couch, his hands under my shirt, until I pulled away, “Stop.”
He withdrew from me, “Michelle, oh my God, I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
“You didn’t do all of it, I kissed you back.” I stood up, my head spinning.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say for myself, I feel terrible.”
“You should go home, Mike. I’ll be fine.” I said.
“Michelle, I am sorry.” He stood and turned toward the door.
“I’m sorry too. I never should’ve kissed you back. I’m happily married to Chester. God, what is wrong with me?” I started to cry again.
“I did it. If I’d never kissed you in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Mike, I didn’t stop you. I kissed you back. I’m just as much to blame as you are.” I sniffled.
He sat next to me, “I care about you a lot. Because of Chester. I won’t deny that you are gorgeous and sweet, and funny and strong, all of which are atributes I look for in a woman. But not you, you’re his, and I’m so sorry that I crossed that line.” He said.
“That never EVER leaves this room, Mike. Ever. And it can never happen again.” I looked up at him.
He nodded, “It won’t. I promise.” his eyes held regret and pain, and I felt bad for him, so of course, being me, and wanting to help, I fucking kissed him again.
“Last time.” I breathed, pulling him closer.
“Last time.” He agreed, putting his hands on my hips.
It was only supposed to be a kiss, but it went much farther, and it wasn’t until I was lying naked on top of him on the couch that my conscience kicked in, and I felt like dirt.
His hands were on my back, my head on his chest, both of us breathing heavily.
“That was amazing.” he whispered, playing with my hair.
I closed my eyes, fighting the voice in my head to shut up, “Yes, it was.” I whispered back.
He kissed the top of my head, “I can see why he loves you so much.”
I sniffled, feeling tears in my eyes, “He does. But he shouldn’t.”
“Michelle,” he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me, “I’m sorry.”
I didn’t say anything, I laid there, crying my heart out on his chest.
“I can’t believe I’d do this to him. We’ve been married one day and I cheated on him. What is wrong with me?” I sobbed.
“You’re alone and you’re scared, you’re looking for comfort anywhere you can find it, and you found me. I’ve wanted to kiss you since that day in the bedroom at my house, but I knew better, because you’re his, and he loves you so much.” he replied.
“I love him, I really, really do. But you’re right. I’m scared without him here, and you make me feel so safe. But that’s still no excuse for what we just did.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“You have Kayla, and I have Chester. But why did it feel so right? Why did that feel so perfect?” I asked, looking up at him.
“I don’t know, love. But you’re right. We both have someone we love and care about deeply, but that did feel right, it was perfect, it was beautiful. But I don’t understand it either.” he kissed my forehead.
“We can never do this again, we can never kiss again, and we can never have sex again.” I sat up and put my clothes back on, fighting back tears.
“I know. That’s why I’ll treasure this forever.” he said.
I walked over and kissed him one more time, “Go home to Kayla, and don’t speak of this to anyone. Ever.”
He nodded, “I won’t tell a soul, Michelle.”
I hugged him, pecked him on the lips and he left.

I melted onto the couch, bawling my eyes out again, feeling even worse than before.
I took my phone out of my purse and saw that I had unread text messages from Chester, and my heart dropped to my stomach.
I unlocked my screen and opened the messages.

From: Chester (Hubby)
I know I only left a few minutes ago, but I miss you so much already, Michelle.
I’m counting the minutes until I can see you and hold you again. I love you so much.

From: Chester (Hubby)
Babe, I made it to the facility and am going through the check-in process.
I’ll call you when I get in my room and get settled.
I love you and I miss you.

From: Chester (Hubby)
I called you, but you didn’t answer. I figured you were probably too upset to talk, or you fell asleep again. Just call me when you can, I don’t see myself getting much sleep, so hearing your voice will ease my mind a little bit.
I love you and I miss you so much.

From: Chester (Hubby)
Babe, you’re worrying me. It’s been three hours since I left and I haven’t heard a word from you. Are you okay? Is Bailee okay? I’m worried sick about you both. Please call me as soon as possible, I love you both so much.

I dialed his number and it rang three times.
“Babe?” He asked.
“Yes my love, it’s me. I’m sorry, I cried myself to sleep on the couch. I just woke up a few minutes ago and saw your messages.” I lied.
“Oh I was so worried about you baby. I’m glad you’re okay.” he said.
“I know. I didn’t mean to worry you. I was just so upset, and I tired myself out.” I said.
“I miss you babe. More than I’ve ever missed anyone.” He said.
My stomach was in knots, and I felt tears in my eyes, sobs fighting their way out of my chest.
“I miss you, Chester.” I replied shakily.
“Babe, I didn’t mean to make you cry again.” He said.
“It’s okay, I just don’t know how I’m going to do this without you.” I sniffled.
“Well, you’ve got Chauntelle and Derek, and Mike and the guys. You’re not all alone.” He said.
At the mention of Mike’s name, my heart dropped and my stomach churned.
“I know. I just miss you holding me.” I sighed.
“I know it, angel. But I have to do this.” He said.
“I know. I’ll be okay. I just have to remember why you’re doing this.” I saw headlights in the driveway and I struggled to my feet to peer out of the curtains.
I saw Mike walking up the sidewalk.
“I gotta go babe. Chauntelle is here to check on me. I’ll call you in the morning.”
“Okay, I love you baby.” He said.
“I love you too baby, bye.” I hung up and opened the door.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I wanted to check in on you again.” He closed the door behind him.
“I’m fine, Mike. Just got off the phone with Chester.”
His smile vanished, “Does he know?”
I shook my head, “No, he doesn’t know anything.”
I turned and walked down the hall to the bedroom, and he followed.
“I’m worried about you being here alone.”
“Well you can’t stay here. Kayla will find that really strange and suspicious.” I said.
“She left an hour ago for Las Vegas for work. She’s going to be gone for three days.” He said.
I wanted to say no, but I really didn’t want to be by myself, so I sighed and looked at him, “You’re sleeping on the couch. No funny business.” I said.
He smiled, “I promise, Michelle.”
“Kayla will lose her shit if she finds out, so this is between us.” I said.
“Okay.”
He went and got his duffel bag out of his car and dropped it next to the couch.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
I nodded, “I am starving.” I said.
“Go get comfortable, I’ll make us something to eat.” He said.
“I think I’m going to go soak in a warm bath to ease my nerves and calm Bailee down. Just call for me when it’s ready, okay?” I asked.
He nodded, “Sure. Go relax.”

I went into the bathroom and got into a warm bath, relaxing.
Bailee got still and I was able to rest comfortably, rubbing my belly.
About twenty minutes later, he knocked on the door, “Dinner is ready. I made spaghetti.”
“Okay, I’m getting out now.” I called.
I pulled the stopper out of the tub and got out, wrapping myself in a towel that barely covered my stomach.
The door opened, and I jumped, dropping the towel.
“Oh, sorry!” He picked the towel up and handed it to me.
“You scared the daylights out of me.” I said, attempting to re-wrap the towel around myself.
He watched, a smile on his face, “I didn’t mean to. Just wanted to make sure you didn’t need help getting out of the bathtub.” he said.
“No, I’ve got it, thank you.” I smiled.
I got dressed in a tank top and shorts and went to the kitchen.
“Food’s still hot. I’m going to make my bed on the couch, eat.” he smiled and went into the living room.
I made a plate and sat at the table, occasionally glancing into the living room.
He made up his bed and then grabbed some clothes, “I’m going to take a shower, you’ll be okay right?” he asked.
I nodded, “I’m fine, Mike. Go ahead.”

I finished eating and washed my dishes, realizing as I rinsed my plate that I had to pee really badly.
I rushed down the hall and opened the bathroom door, “I’m sorry, I gotta go and I can’t hold it.” I apologized, pulling my shorts down and sitting on the toilet.
“It’s okay, you’re pregnant. I hear that having a baby on your bladder makes bathroom trips more frequent.” he chuckled, peering arond the curtain.
I smiled, “The bigger she gets, the more often I go.”
He turned off the water and wrapped a towel around his waist, “Well, she’s going to be worth it and you know it.” he smiled.
I looked him up and down, biting my lip.
He smiled, “Don’t look at me like that. We said never again.” He moved past me.
I nodded, “I know.” I said.
I left the bathroom and went into the bedroom.
Chester left a pile of laundry in the floor, and I picked up one of his shirts and put it on, laying on the bed.

The bathroom door opened, and I heard him go back to the kitchen.
I heard the footsteps coming back.
“You okay?” He asked from the doorway.
“I will be. I just miss him, that’s all.” I sighed.
He sat on the foot of the bed, and rubbed my back, “He’s getting sober. For you and Bailee.”
I sniffled, “I know.”
He pushed my hair out of my face and kissed my forehead, “Get some sleep. I’ll be down the hall if you need me, goodnight.” He got up and closed the door behind him.

In the morning, I woke up to the smell of breakfast drifting into my nose.
I sat up and got out of bed, looking over at Chester’s empty place on the other side, and sighed.
I got out of bed and went to the bathroom, washing my face and brushing my teeth.
“I hear movement, are you awake?” Mike peered around the bathroom doorway.
“Yeah. Just woke up. Are you cooking?” I asked.
He smiled, “Yeah. I’m making breakfast.”
I turned around and hugged him, “Thank you for being here and taking care of me. I just don’t think I could do this alone.” I said.
He hugged me back, “Of course Michelle. Like I said, we’re family now. It’s what we do.”
I looked up at him, “Well I appreciate it.”
He smiled, “I’m here for whatever you need.”
I let go, and turned to go to the kitchen, when he grabbed my arm and pulled me back, enveloping me in a hug, he pressed his lips to mine and kissed me.
I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck.
He pulled me close, “I know we said never again, but I am addicted to you. I can’t be near you without wanting to kiss your perfect lips and touch your body.” He breathed.
I pulled him into the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind us, “Three days Mike, and then we never do this or speak of this again.” I pulled his shirt over his head.
He nodded, “That’s a deal.”
I laid down on the bed, and smiled up at him, “Come here.” I whispered.
My heart raced and my body ached for him, I pulled him down on top of me.
“Michelle,” he breathed, looking into my eyes.
“Yes?” I asked.
“I...I love you.” He replied, cupping my face in his hands.
My heart leapt and I felt the emotions swell, “I..” He kissed me, “Shhh, don’t.” He parted my legs with his hand, slipping slowly inside.
I moaned, and he kissed me, “Hush baby.”
I heard my phone ringing in my purse, and I knew it was Chester.
“Mike,” I moaned, locking my ankles around him.
“You can call him back.” He whispered, nibbling on my neck.
I bit my lip, my toes curling and stifled a moan.
I knew this was wrong, and I knew I shouldn’t have wanted it, but I told myself that when our three days was done, it was done, and this would never happen again.
But was I really going to tell him I loved him back?
These thoughts were interrupted by my climax shaking my body.
I grabbed a handful of the sheets with one hand and a handful of his hair with the other and cried out loudly.
My legs shook and my breath caught in my throat, as my mind reeled.
He kissed me again, “You’re perfect.”
I smiled, “Far from it, but thank you for making me feel like I am even for a little while.”
He laid down next to me, breathing heavily.
“He is a lucky man.”
“No he’s not. I’m no catch.” I pushed my hair out of my face.
“Sure you are, you’re just lonely, fragile and afraid.” He said.
“Is that why I keep having sex with you after saying I won’t anymore?” I smiled.
“I think so.” He rolled over into his side, putting his arm around me and kissing my face.
“I have to call him back or he’s going to freak out.” I sat up and raked my hair into a ponytail, fetching my phone out of my purse.
Mike went to finish breakfast, and I closed the bedroom door, dialing the phone.
“Michelle?” His voice was weak and shaky.
“It’s me babe. I just got up, that’s why I didn’t answer the phone.” I lied.
“It’s okay. I’m miserable and I just really wanted to hear your voice.”
“I’m sorry love. It’s all for a good reason, remember that.” I told him.
“I know. I miss you like crazy. I stole one of your shirts and put it on my pillow last night so that maybe I could sleep and feel close to you, because it smells like you.”
“I slept on your side of the bed and I’m wearing one of your shirts.” I smiled.
“We’re going to get through this. Are you at the house alone?” He asked.
“No, Mike stopped by. He woke me up. I think he’s in there making coffee.” I stood slowly and got dressed.
“Good. I’m glad someone is keeping an eye on you.” He said.
“Oh you have no idea.” I thought.
“Yeah, he knows I’m a mess and that you don’t really want me left alone. I thought I’d hang out with him and the guys today, get me out of the house and keep my mind busy.”
“That’ll be good for you, babe.” Chester answered.
“Yeah. Still wish you were here though.” I sighed.
“I know. I wish I were too. This is absolute hell. I remember now why I never tried to kick this shit.” He said.
“Yeah, it’s a bitch.” I agreed.
“How’d you ever do it?” He asked.
“I wanted to die. At that point in my life I was only doing it to get my dad off my back, I personally didn’t care one way or another if I lived or died and after twelve hours I would’ve rather overdosed and died than go through another second of it. They had to strap me to the bed because I kept trying to hang myself with the sheets on my bed. I was restrained to the bed for almost a week before they could trust me not to harm myself.” I said.
“Whoa. I hope that doesn’t happen.” He replied.
“Well, to be fair, I was coming down from a lot of shit. Heroin, meth, coke, pills, alcohol, it was really a mixed bag. That’s why it was so bad for me.” I replied.
“You did all of that at once?” He asked.
“I was doing all of it. One day I’d do speedballs, the next I was smoking meth or crack, then I snorted cocaine, popped pills and washed it down with vodka. When I said I was fucked up, I meant it. Waking up every day was a surprise, because I was gambling with my life.” I said.
“And you beat all of that.” He said.
“I sure did. Haven’t touched anything but booze in over a year.” I said.
“I’ll bet you thought you were dying.” He chuckled.
“Oh honey you have no idea.” I said.
“That actually makes me feel a lot better.” He said.
“Good. Just be glad it’s just heroin you’re coming off of.” I said.
The bedroom door opened and Mike peered in, “Food’s ready.” he mouthed.
I smiled and nodded, mouthing thank you.
“I miss you so much, Michelle.” he said.
“I miss you too, baby.” I said.
“I love you.”
Tears stung my eyes, and my heart broke for him.
“I love you too, Chester.”
“I have to go, but call me later, okay?” he asked.
“Of course baby.” I replied.
“Take care of yourself, Michelle.” the line clicked and I dropped the phone on the bed, choking back sobs, covering my mouth with my hand.
Mike came back to check on me, and found me silently crying.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, sitting beside me.
“He loves and misses me so much, and it kills me because he has no idea. I feel guilty, I feel like shit. But what’s worse, is that it’s not enough to make me want to stop doing it. I want you again, I want you more. What is wrong with me?” I asked.
“We’re both low-down horrible people for doing this to him, but I still want you. Truthfully, I want to kiss you right now, but I’m holding back.” he said.
“It doesn’t matter if we never tell him, this guilt is going to eat us both alive until one of us says something.” I said.
“Are we going to say something?” he asked.
I felt Bailee moving about and the urge to cry only became stronger, “I’m not planning on it any time soon.” I said.
He put his arm around me, kissing my hair, “Let’s just try to enjoy this while it lasts. Because once it’s over, it’s over.” He said.
“What did you cook in there?” I wiped my eyes.
“Bacon, eggs toast and coffee.” he grabbed a tissue and handed it to me.
“I’m starving.” I snifffled.
“Let’s go eat then.” he stood up and helped me to my feet.
I followed him to the kitchen where I made a plate and sat at the table.
Mike sat next to me, squeezing my hand, “I feel bad for wanting you so bad for so long, only to take you at the worst possible moment. He’s been my best friend for years, and I’ve done the lowest thing a friend could do.”
“Let’s just not talk about it anymore.” I swapped coffee for orange juice, taking a big sip.
“We’re both thinking about it.” He sipped his coffee, peering over the edge of the cup at me.
“Of course we are, and God knows we’re going to do it again, but I want to at least pretend I’m not destroying my marriage, just for a little while.” I replied.
His eyes darted to my left hand resting on the table, and mine followed.
We stared at the ring, neither of us speaking for a moment.
“He’d be devastated, you know. If he ever knew what we’ve been doing.” I finally broke the silence.
“I know. It would destroy him.” Mike replied, pushing his food around with his fork.
“I feel like he’d do something stupid and irreversable.” I replied.
“Chester? You’re probably right.” He dropped his fork onto his plate.
“And we would be to blame for it. Bailee would lose her dad, and all for what? For some three day fling that we don’t have to have? Something we should’ve just kept resisting instead of giving in.” I dropped my fork too, and shoved my chair away from the table, I went to the bedroom and slammed the door shut behind me, sliding the latch, I turned around to throw myself on the bed, and then when I thought about what we’d done on the bed, I decided not to, settling for sitting in the floor, bawling my eyes out.
Dropping my head into my hands, the guilt took over, and I let out the gut wrenching cries I’d been holding inside.
I rocked back and forth, sobbing until I felt sick at my stomach.
When I thought I couldn’t cry anymore, the tears would start again, and I ended up curled into a ball in the floor.
In that moment, what I wanted more than anything, was an eightball and several shots of vodka to make the pain go away, like I used to do.
But that wasn’t me anymore, I was a better person, or I was trying to be, not to mention failing miserably at it.
I pulled myself back into a sitting position against the wall, and wiped my face.
I thought about Bailee and how all of this would affect her, if it did ever get out, and the tears started again.
I put both hands on my stomach, “I’m so sorry, princess. Mommy and daddy love you so much. I’m just so fucking stupid.” I sobbed.
I heard footsteps in the hallway, and looked at the door.
“Michelle?” his voice was quiet.
“Yeah?” I asked shakily.
“You okay?”
I wiped my face and got up off the floor, unlocking the door and letting him in, “No, not really.” I sniffled.
He hugged me tight, and I sobbed into his chest, “How could I do this to him? Just yesterday I promised him til death, and today I’m-”
“Shh, don’t do that to yourself. This never would’ve happened if I’d never kissed you last night. This is my fault.” He whispered, petting my hair.
“But I didn’t have to kiss back, I didn’t have to let this happen. I didn’t have to kiss you. I didn’t have to sleep with you, but I did kiss you, and I have slept with you, twice, all while pretending the guilt isn’t eating me alive, and that I don’t want to and won’t do it again. We both know I will, and then have a nervous break down afterwards.” I said.
“You and I both know, you don’t have to do it again if you don’t really want to. We can still stop all of this before it goes too far.” he pressed his lips to my hair.
“It’s already gone too far, Mike. I do want to do it again, which means I will.” I sighed.
“We made a mistake here, and we can’t undo what’s already done. But we can prevent anything else from happening to further complicate the situation.” He said.
“Mike, it’s already complicated.” I sighed.
“How do you mean?” he asked, rubbing my back gently with his hand.
“Because I think I’m in love with you.” I whispered.
His breath caught in his throat, and he squeezed me a little tighter, “You don’t mean that. Look how miserable you are over all of this. If that were really true, you wouldn’t be as torn up about it as you are. You’re just confused and scared and worried. No reason to go jumping off the deep end.” he said.
“I’ve already gone off the deep end, Mike. With cinder block shoes.” I looked up at him.
“Michelle, that’s a big thing to proclaim to someone. And let’s face it, you’re basing that off of us having sex twice. You’ve been with Chester for awhile now, and through trials and tribulations, that obviously haven’t stopped happening, you two got married and are having a baby. You don’t really want to do this to him. You’re in love with him. You wouldn’t have come back from Chicago if you weren’t.” he pushed my hair out of my face and kissed me, “I do believe that I am in love with you though, because from the moment I met you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and every second you’re in my arms is another second I’m happy for the first time in years. But we both know that this could never be, and when this fantasy is over, we’ll go back to our lives and forget it ever happened.” He said.
“I don’t know if I can do that. This has already gone way further than it should’ve, and sweeping it under the rug is going to come back and bite us in the ass eventually.” I stepped away from him.
“Then enjoy the blissful ignorance until it does, Michelle. Don’t quit on him, because that would kill him.” he said.
I kissed him, “I’m sorry.”
“Why?” he asked.
“For you falling in love with me and not being able to do anything about it. I’m sorry that you’re going to have to pretend that this never happened.”
He smiled against my lips, “I can still remember it fondly, and treasure this time we’ve had together.”
“But Kayla,”
“Will never know a thing, if I can help it.” he cut me off, putting his hand on my face.
“We will.” I said.
“I promise, I’ll never forget this moment, holding you close and looking into your eyes, thinking how beautiful and perfect you are, and how much I really do love you. But all good things must end, baby. And we have to end too.” He whispered.
“I know.” I looked down.
“He’s never going to know, Michelle.” He squeezed my hand.
Bailee kicked and I felt new tears on my face, “She’s his entire world.” I whispered.
He tucked my hair behind my ear, “You both are.” he said.

I heard someone knocking on the door, and both of us looked down the hall.
“I’ll get it.” I said, pulling myself together.
I opened the door and it was my sister.
“Hey Mick, how are you holding up?” She hugged me.
“Losing my damn mind. It hasn’t been too bad. Mike’s here to keep me company and it’s helping me stay sane.” I said closing the door.
“Well I’m glad he’s here. I was going to come by last night, but I got caught up at work.” She said.
“Hi Mike, you taking good care of my sister?” She asked, hugging him.
“Of course. I promised Chester I’d look after her while he was gone, and I knew that she didn’t need to be alone in the house, so I crashed on the couch.” he told her.
“You’re a sweetheart. Where’s Kayla?”
The mention of her name made my stomach turn and Mike played it cool, “She’s out of town for work. I figure when she gets back we’ll both crash here to keep an eye on Michelle.” he was lying and we both knew it, but I really didn’t feel comfortable telling my sister that I was cheating on my husband after she’d watched us get married and partially fought my dad on our behalf.
“Have you heard from Chester?” She asked.
I nodded, handing her a cup of coffee, “Talked to him this morning. He’s not doing good. Coming down from that stuff is really kicking his ass. But he’s determined, and I told him it could be worse, he could’ve been me two years ago.” I said.
“Yeah. That was bad.” Chauntelle agreed.
“I wasn’t sure I was going to survive it.” I said.
“But you did, and now you’re happily married and having a baby girl.” She smiled.
My heart dropped again and I bit back sobs, “Yeah. I guess I did good.” I looked at Mike.
“You did. Chester loves you, and he’s going through literal hell for you.” She said.
“Yeah, he’s an amazing person.” I looked down at my stomach.
“I’m sorry, I’m sure that’s not helping you miss him less.” She hugged me.
“No, I-” I stopped, covering my mouth with my hand.
Mike looked at me, fear in his eyes, “I just don’t feel worthy of him. Of anyone.” I choked.
“That’s mom’s fault. But you are. You deserve to be happy, Michelle.” She said.
I became overwhelmed, and I rushed down the hall to the bedroom, slamming the door behind me.
I heard Chauntelle down the hall, “What’s wrong with her?”
“Just pregnancy hormones paired with being without Chester.” Mike lied for me.
“Mike, just tell her!” I called.
“Tell me what?” Chauntelle asked.
“Nothing, she’s just upset.” Mike said.
I flung the door open and went back down the hall, “Mike, she’s my sister. I can’t keep secrets from her.” I said.
“What secrets? Michelle what is going on here?” She asked.
“I fucked up, Chaun. I fucked up bad.” I sobbed.
“What did you do?!” She immediately grabs my arms and searches for trackmarks.
“I-I..” I was cut off by more sobs working their way out of my throat.
“Michelle?” She asked.
I looked at Mike, “I cheated.” I sobbed.
She looked at him, “With you?”
He ducked his head in shame, “Yes. with me.”
“Michelle Marie, how could you??” She turned back to me.
“I’m weak, and scared and alone, and he was there. He comforted me, and made me feel safe. It started with a kiss, and just snowballed from there. I feel terrible about it.” I said.
“How many times has this happened, and when did it start?” She asked.
“Twice so far, and it started last night after Chester left.” I sat down at the table.
“Why would you do this to him? You love him. You two took vows. Yesterday, and we were all there. And today, you..” she shakes her head.
“I feel like shit about it, Chauntelle. But I can’t stop. I don’t want to. I want him. After the first time, we swore never again, but then he kissed me again, and-”
“It was my fault. If I’d never kissed her the first time, this never would’ve happened. If I hadn’t kissed her again, it wouldn’t have happened the second time. She’s just confused.” Mike interjected.
“Why would you kiss her? She’s your best friend’s wife. You know how important she is to him.” She said.
I looked up at him, knowingly.
He sighed and dropped his arms to his sides, “Because Chauntelle, I’m in love with her.” he said.
“You’re IN LOVE with her?!?! She’s married, she’s pregnant with his daughter.” She cried.
“From the moment I saw her, I was immediately taken with her, and the more time I was around her, the stronger the feelings became, until I couldn’t hold back anymore. I should’ve, but I couldn’t. And now we’re in this mess.” He wiped his eyes.
“Yeah you are. Are you going to continue sleeping together?” she asked, crossing her arms.
I looked up at the same time as Mike, our eyes meeting.
“I want to say no, I really do, but I can’t promise that.” I said slowly.
“Why.” her voice was flat.
“Because I crave the safety and the comfort I feel when I’m with him. I crave the touch and the adoration he has for me.”
“And I can’t resist her body.” Mike said.
“You’re playing with fire, Michelle Marie. And someone is going to get burned. More than likely it’ll be you two. Think about your daughter. How is this going to affect her when it comes out?” She asked.
“I’m not planning on letting it come out. Kayla will be coming home from her trip the day after tomorrow, and he’ll go home. This will never happen again, and we wil never speak of it again.” I said.
“But the guilt is already eating you alive. And you plan to go on with your life, let him come home and kiss you, hold you, have sex with you, all while he has no idea what you’ve been doing while he was getting sober for you and your daughter. I know you, Michelle. Your conscience is going to eat at you, making you feel worse and worse until you tell him, and all hell breaks loose.” She said.
“You can’t tell a soul, Chauntelle. This is our secret to tell, if we choose to. Please.” I begged.
“Oh I’m not telling anyone. This is your mess, that YOU two made, and you two will clean it up yourselves. I want no part in any of this.” She picked up her purse and left, slamming the door for the full effect.
Mike walked over to me, and hugged me, “Why did you tell her?” he whispered.
“Because she’s my sister, and she’d have known something was off, not to mention the guilt has been eating away at me to the point where I had to tell SOMEONE, lest I’d explode.” I sniffled.
He lifted my chin with his finger and kissed me softly, “It’s going to be okay.”
I kissed back, “Make me forget. Please.” I pleaded in a whisper.
He pulled me against me, kissing me harder, “I’d do anything to keep you from feeling any pain.”
-Chester-
I rocked back and forth on the bed, sweating profusely and shaking violently.
I kept thinking about Michelle and our daughter, and how I was doing all of this for them, that was the only thing keeping me sane.
“Chester, you ready to eat?” the nurse asked.
“Not right now, Gina.” I whispered.
“You need anything?” she asked kindly.
“Nothing you could give me.” I replied.
“I’m sorry honey.” She said, smiling sympathetically.
“Don’t be. This is my fault. I’m doing this for my family. My wife and my daughter.” I looked at the picture I kept at my bedside.
Her eyes followed to the picture of Michelle, “She’s beautiful.”
“She’s more than that, Gina. She’s amazing. And I miss her so much I can’t stand it.” I sniffled.
“It’ll be worth it when you can go home to her, sober.” She said.
“I know. It’s hard to see the light when the tunnel is so dark, though.” I sighed.
“The light is there, Chester. It’ll become brighter and clearer the closer you get to it.” She said.
“Can I call her again?” I asked.
“If it’ll make you feel better, of course.” She left the room, closing the door behind her.
I picked up the phone on the table and dialed.

-Michelle-
I heard my phone again, and looked over my shoulder at Mike.
“It’s him. I know it.” I said.
“Relax, don’t think about it for awhile.” he smiled, caressing my face with his hand.
I moaned, and buried my face back in the pillow.

When it was over, he laid next to me, “I know this has to end, but I don’t want it to.” he breathed, kissing me.
“I know. But this mess is unneccesary as it is, we can’t risk making it any worse by trying to sneak around behind Kayla’s back, and risk her catching us.” I said.
“In five months, you’re going to be having a baby. His baby.”
“All the more reason not to keep this up. Once she gets here, she’s going to be top priority, the most important thing in my life. I have to focus on taking care of her.”
“What if he does ever find out somehow?” he whispered.
“I don’t know. It won’t be good, I’m sure.” I whispered back.
“I just want you to know, I’m always going to love you, Michelle.”
“I know. And I’m sorry that it’s going to go to waste.” I sighed.