I Thought the Jetset Life Was Gonna Kill Him
Make Believe
‘’Gerard, it does. While you’re sober, I think you should tell me,’’ I replied, frowning.
‘’I… no. I can’t tell you. I’d just make an asshole of myself,’’ He whispered, shaking his head.
‘’No, you won’t. Please, Gerard. I’m begging you. I really want to know,’’ I stated.
‘’Mhm. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, then.’’
I nodded, and waited for him to talk.
‘’Well. I was afraid… I was afraid that I’d stuff things up with you. I didn’t want to say – or do – anything that’d stuff our friendship up. That’d hurt me more. Our friendship is killing me.’’
‘’What? You were afraid you’d stuff things up with me? Our friendship is… huh?’’ I stuttered, confused.
‘’I was afraid to stuff things up because… uh, what I’m trying to say is… Jenna, I really, really like you. Our friendship is killing me because that’s all it’ll ever be. A friendship, not a relationship,’’ He explained, looking at the ground.
‘’Oh.’’
I didn’t really know what to say. I didn’t want to upset him.
I’d never really seen Gerard – or any of the others – in that sort of way. I mean, back when I first met them, I had a small crush on Frank. Notice the key word there being small. But… I just never really even imagined seeing them in that sort of way.
‘’I’m… really flattered…’’ I replied, trying to word what I was thinking.
‘’Yeah, yeah. But I’m an out of control druggo in the jet set life who repulses you. Don’t worry about it, Jenna. I’m going to go get a drink.’’
‘’N-no, Gerard. I wasn’t going to say… anything like that. I l-like you, too…’’ I said.
Fuck.
Why’d I just say that?
I mean, I knew why. So he wouldn’t get any worse, and so maybe he’d try to stop. And maybe he’d be happy for once. Like I have said many a time, I’d do anything to keep him happy and safe.
And I’d looked as though that’s what I had to do now.
Anything, despite I might be going against my emotions.
‘’I… no. I can’t tell you. I’d just make an asshole of myself,’’ He whispered, shaking his head.
‘’No, you won’t. Please, Gerard. I’m begging you. I really want to know,’’ I stated.
‘’Mhm. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, then.’’
I nodded, and waited for him to talk.
‘’Well. I was afraid… I was afraid that I’d stuff things up with you. I didn’t want to say – or do – anything that’d stuff our friendship up. That’d hurt me more. Our friendship is killing me.’’
‘’What? You were afraid you’d stuff things up with me? Our friendship is… huh?’’ I stuttered, confused.
‘’I was afraid to stuff things up because… uh, what I’m trying to say is… Jenna, I really, really like you. Our friendship is killing me because that’s all it’ll ever be. A friendship, not a relationship,’’ He explained, looking at the ground.
‘’Oh.’’
I didn’t really know what to say. I didn’t want to upset him.
I’d never really seen Gerard – or any of the others – in that sort of way. I mean, back when I first met them, I had a small crush on Frank. Notice the key word there being small. But… I just never really even imagined seeing them in that sort of way.
‘’I’m… really flattered…’’ I replied, trying to word what I was thinking.
‘’Yeah, yeah. But I’m an out of control druggo in the jet set life who repulses you. Don’t worry about it, Jenna. I’m going to go get a drink.’’
‘’N-no, Gerard. I wasn’t going to say… anything like that. I l-like you, too…’’ I said.
Fuck.
Why’d I just say that?
I mean, I knew why. So he wouldn’t get any worse, and so maybe he’d try to stop. And maybe he’d be happy for once. Like I have said many a time, I’d do anything to keep him happy and safe.
And I’d looked as though that’s what I had to do now.
Anything, despite I might be going against my emotions.