But Have You Seen This Girl?
Ronnie Winter
"Alex..I'm pregnant." she mumbled to herself outside of the all time low bus. "Kaitlyn you can't just blurt it on out." she slurred to herself as she steadied herself by leaning against the bus.
The alcohol had clearly gone to her head, out weighing her better judgement. She was phsyching herself up to confront Alex about the current situation. I know what most of you are thinking, drinking when pregnant? Not a good choice, but she didn't want anyone to realize what was going on with her. And almost all of tour knew she could never pass up a good party with drinks. Which brings us to the current situation. Kaitlyn outside of ATL's tour bus.
"Kaitlyn just walk up to that door, walk up those stairs and say it." she said in a hushed tone.
She sighed and stumbled towards the door grasping the handle and pulling it open. Cautiously Kait managed her way up the stairs, seeing no one. She just about turned around to leave the bus when she heard noise from the bunk area. Jack, Rian and Zack were still at the party when she left, meaning it must have been Alex in the bunk area.
She stumbled forward a bit, gaining her balance quickly and walking forward into the bunk area, "Alex I'm-"
But that was all she had managed to get out when she came face to face with Alex and the tour slut doing the nasty in his bunk, where she had just laid with him hours before.
"Kaitlyn! Let me explain!" he said quickly trying to get out of the bunk, he stumbled out of the bunk taking the sheet and wrapping it around his waist.
Kaitlyn's eyes swelled with tears, as she backed away from him as he reached out to touch her, "No, don't explain because I know what you'll say, recycled phrases and mixed-up words. All trying to cover up the taste of other girls all over your lips."
"But I love you Kait."
"You asshole."
The next morning Shaant was driving her to the airport, she was on the next flight out. Going home, to Buffalo, trying to forget all she knew of this so called Warped Tour. And the heartbreaker Alexander William Gaskarth.
"So Jimmy isn't your boyfriend back home, he's your kid?" Jack said more like asking himself rather than Kaitlyn.
"Right.." she answered not looking Jack in the eyes.
"Do you know who the dad is?" Jack managed to spit out.
"Well,...yeah." she said still avoiding making eye contact with Jack.
"Who?"
"Alex."
Jack was shocked, "Alex? Are you sure? I mean how can you know for sure?"
"Jack, you make it seem like I was a slut who was sleeping with every guy on tour."
"Well I don't know, just are you sure?"
"Jack, Alex was my first. And the only one at that. It couldn't have been anyone else." Kait whispered softly.
Jack couldn't manage to say anything, he had a ton to say but it wouldn't come out. He just wore the same face of shock.
"Nevermind, this was a huge mistake telling you." Kaitlyn stated before walking off quickly leaving Jack to still ponder what had gone on right then.
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Alex had spent the morning in the merch tent with Nano, he called her cellphone about every other hour, just to hear her voice even for just five seconds. That's all he needed. ATL's set was in an hour and Alex hadn't seen Jack all day, and Rian and Zack didn't seem to know where he was either. Not that it was something to really worry about, but right now Alex could use the comfort of his best friend.
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It's been one week exactly since Kaitlyn told Jack about Jimmy. And Jack had said nothing to her. Not a 'hey' 'hi' or anything of that sort. He kept his distance, Kait noticed however that he was talking with the boys of cute more often. But when he would see Kait walk out of the bus he would quickly walk away.
Just great Kaitlyn, you were starting to have something great with a guy who could've been the best thing that ever happened to you, and you had to spill your guts about being a mom. she thought to herself as she looked out to the grounds from underneath the shade of the Cute tent.
Thankfully Kaitlyn was fully protected from the Dallas sun from beaming down onto her skin. The last thing she wanted to deal with was a major sunburn on warped tour, it would be the worse. Currently Kaitlyn was resting in her lawn chair IMing Tom who was bragging about being in the air conditioned bus sipping on a nice cold monster. Stupid fag.
"And who is this?" a male voice that came from the front of the merch table.
Kaitlyn looked up to see a boy, maybe eighteen or nineteen. He had long brown hair that hung just a little below his shoulders. Thin and lanky was a way to describe him in Kaitlyn's eyes. It kinda reminded her of Jack and how small he was. But she quickly shook Jack from her mind. She stood up and walked over to him setting her sidekick down on the table.
"Can I help you?"
She knew he didn't want to buy anything laid out on the table.
"Yeah, you can. See it's my job to know all the names of the pretty girls working on this tour." he replied lifting his sunglasses to rest on top of his head, revealing his eyes traveling up and down her body.
"Well aren't you the charmer." with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
"I try my best."
"What's your name?" she asked verting her eyes out towards the people walking by.
"Ronnie, Ronnie Winter. Lead vocals from the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus."
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Everynight it seemed Alex was going to the partes being held by friends only to see if Kaitlyn would be there. But he knew she wouldn't be. Ten minutes after arriving at the party he'd be walking out of the party and headed towards the Cute bus, knowing Kaitlyn would be inside probably watching A Walk to Remember, for about the thousandth time. Alex could remember the days when Alex and Kait would be in the ATL bus watching that movie over and over again, he didn't really care for the movie, but she loved it. And if Kaitlyn loved something, Alex loved it too.
But tonight was going to be different. Before walking over to the Cute bus, he walked back to his bus and grabbed his acoustic guitar. Walking towards the Cute bus was an awkward walk, he passed other parties being held to recieve old looks from the party goers. He just kept his stride and walked past them adjusting the guitar on his shoulders. To get to the cute bus Alex would have to pass the party he had just walked out on. Hoping that no one would see him he tried to sneak past without being seen.
"Alex!"
Alex sighed, and turned to see Martin walking towards him with beer in hand.
"Dude why are you wearing your guitar? Are you that drunk? Dude tour's over for the day." Martin stated simply.
Alex could smell the alcohol coming out of his mouth, he reeked.
"I just gotta do something." Alex said before walking away from Martin and trying to get to his destination, Kaitlyn.
Alex stood in front of the Cute bus door, the lights were out, but through the shaded windows he could see the faint glow of the tv. She was either awake watching tv, or asleep on the couch, either way it would work. He adjusted his guitar once more, and started to strum away at his guitar.
I said I'd never forget your face
vaulted away inside my head
and memories never seem to fade
you were the best part of my life: my last regret
Now I've walked this line a thousand times before
it hurts too much to bear for you
I'd tear out my own heart
and write our names together
Your love is the barrel of a gun
so tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
And in the end we're turning on and off again
there's a look in your eye
And it's screaming goodbye
I'd hate to watch you cry
Your love is the barrel of a gun
so tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
there's a look in your eye and its screaming goodbye
now it tears me apart just to look at the sky
And id hate to watch you cry
I'd hate to watch you cry
Your love is the barrel of a gun
so tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
Alex had hoped that by doing this, she would come bounding off the bus and into his arms, and they could pick up where they had left off. But he knew his hopes of that were crushed as the bus stayed the same, door locked, the constant glow of the tv, nothing changed. And it seemed as if nothing ever would. Maybe it was really time to.. how he hated to even think about it..but maybe it was time to let go.
"Kaitlyn if you can hear me, just know I love you." Alex stated almost yelling, before walking away with his heart crushed, just as it had been for the past year. If he only knew that Kaitlyn had been listening the entire time, sitting at the bottom of the stairs leading out of the bus, her legs pulled up to her chest, her head laying on her knees as the silent tears fell from her eyes.
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Kaitlyn woke up the next morning in Jeff's bed where she had fell asleep with him after telling him about what had happened with Alex outside the bus. She hated to admitt it, and she wouldn't admitt it to anyone but her best friends, she missed Alex. And a part of her even wanted him back, but then all Kaitlyn would have to do is think about why he hadn't made it into her future, making her dismiss the thought.
Kaitlyn felt around the bunk, searching for Jeff's body, it was empty. He was probably up having breakfast or up with Shaant playing guitar hero. She turned to lay on her side as the bed shifted, cracking open her eyes she saw Jeff sitting there with a bowl of cereal in hand.
"Goodmorning sleeping beauty." Jeff said before stuffing a full spoon in his mouth.
"Mmmmmm. I want some." she said still half asleep.
"You won't like this kind." he said moving the bowl out of her reach.
"You better not be eating my cereal hoe." she said snapping wide awake.
"Oh I'm not.." he said getting off the bed and running into the living area.
"Jeff you are so dead. You know that's my cereal, you have your own!" she yelled as she chased after him.
"But yours tastes better!" he said running to hide behind a chair.
"Jeff it's the same damn cereal, but you have your box!"
"But mine's all gone." he said in a sad tone.
"And who's fault is that?"
"Yours." he replied and took off running into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.
"Dammit Jeff! Just remember I know where you live!" Kaitlyn yelled through the door as she banged on it.
"What the hell are you doing Kait?" Shaant asked as he poked his head out of his bunk.
"Jeff is eating my cereal." she pouted.
"Both of you need to grow the fuck up." he replied before returning to sleep.
Three hours later Kait was heading out of the Cute bus out to walk around the grounds before the gates opened and it would be total chaos for the rest of the day. Walking around she stopped at the Glamour Kills booth, Alex loved this stuff. I guess you could say that's why she never took an interest in buying any of it. She looked for awhile and decided that the clothes weren't that bad, but none the less she wouldn't be buying any of it any time soon.
She looked at her sidekick for the time, it read 10:54. She had six minutes to get to the Cute booth and have everything set up before the kids came rushing over. She considered it a miracle that she actually got everything set up before they opened the gates. Now she was already burned out. This heat filled days were slowly taking it's toll on her.
Shaant and Fred came walking over around one in the afternoon, they claimed she looked dreadful. She felt weak more like it, they sent her off to go eat and get hydrated. Kait ended up grabbing a cheeseburger and two water bottles before retreating to find somewhere in the shade to eat. Luckily she found an empty table under some shade that was calling her name. Within five minutes the only thing remaining from her food was the wrapper it came in, and one empty bottle of water. She twisted the cap off the bottle and started to chug it all when she realized someone was sitting next to her. It was Ronnie. He watched her drink the last of her water.
"Are you stalking me Mr. Winter?"
"Only if you want me to."
She laughed, "What can I help you with?"
"Well my bus is having a party tonight and I thought I'd invite a pretty girl like yourself." he said turning so that he was now looking at the side of her face.
"Um, I don't know. I'm trying to stay-"
"-away from the party scene. Yeah I know, but I thought you could make this an exception, just for me." he interrupted.
She turned to look at him, searching his face. She barely knew the guy, but she had barely known Alex, and the rest of her friends on tour last year too. She had made up her mind.
"For you."
"That's what I wanted to hear," he said as he stood up and pecked her on the cheek before walking off, dissappearing into the mob of people.
That night Kaitlyn dressed in a pair of dark wash skinny jean pants with twloha shirt, curled her hair which she never did, and put on a bit of make up, which she also refrained from doing. Because as Shaant had said since she was about eleven that she was was a natural beauty, and she didn't need to put on make up.
Before walking out into the bathroom she check her refelection in the mirror, she looked tired, she couldn't recognize the girl that was staring back at her. She had grown up so much since last year when she was doing this routine every night. She felt like she was the young Kaitlyn she used to know.
She tugged on her shirt and slid open the door and past the bunk area where Tom was laying, and out into the front of the bus where the rest of cute was sitting in their pajamas already. They had been talking when they saw Kait emerge from the bunk area with Tom walking behind her. They stopped mid sentence, well all of them except Shaant who had his back towards her.
"..and then he was like..what are you guys looking at?" he asked the last part as he turned to look at her.
"Woah.."
"What? Do I really look that bad?" she asked looking down at her outfit.
"No, it's just that you never get all dolled up anymore..you look good." Tom said from behind her whose eyes were currently glued to her bottom.
"Aye!" she stated as she pushed Tom.
He blushed, "Sorry."
"Well...I'll be back later." she said as she headed to the door grabbing her set of keys.
"Hey wait, where are you going? We all stayed in tonight to have our movie night with you, and now you're ditching us?" Jeff asked rising from his seat.
"Yeah, pretty much." she said as she hoped down the stairs.
"Well atleast tell us where you're going." Fred said.
"To a party."
"No shit sherlock, who's party?" Shaant added.
"A friend."
"Kaitlyn..." Shaant warned.
"Fine fine fine. This guy I met, Ronnie Winter. He's playing on warped, but I can't remember what band he said he was in though." she said shrugging her shoulders.
The boys all looked at eachother, and said at the exact same time, "You're not going."
"Before all of you go all Dadish on me, I'll be fine. He's a really nice guy. He's just a friend anyways."
"Kaitlyn do you realize those are the exact same words you used about Alex." Fed asked.
"Whatever, I'm going now."
"If you're not back by 11:45 I'm calling security." Shaant yelled after her.
Kaitlyn had been at the party for about two hours, and she was having a blast. She couldn't even remember how much going to parties was, she missed it, a lot. Three red cups later and Kaitlyn was passed having a slight buzz, she was beyond thrashed, it seemed that the whole not drinking thing had turned her quite into the light weight. Ronnie had been by her side all night.
"Glad you came?" he asked, he seemed sober still.
"Definitely, I miss being able to party." she said before taking a drink from her cup.
"How about we get out of here?" he asked taking her hand in his.
She nodded and he led her back to his bus. They ended up lying down in Ronnie's bunk, cuddling while making small talk, but that soon turned into something more. His lips briefly left her own trailing down her neck as he slipped her underwear down to her knees.
"Ronnie, I-I..We shouldn't be doing this." she slurred.
"Relax, no one needs to know." he assured her as he pulled his own boxers down.
"No, Ronnie please st-" she tried to say but all that ended coming out was a low moan that managed to escape from her lips.
The next morning Kaitlyn made sure to wake up before Ronnie did, and the rest of his band. She grabbed her clothes, quickly dressed and exited the bus hoping she didn't wake anyone. She wrapped her arms around her fragile body as she set out to her own bus, it was still dark outside, the night cool was still lingering. She walked past buses where parties had been held, beer cans all over. She soaked it all in, this was the part of partying she loathed, the morning after.
Kaitlyn felt used. She felt violated. She wasn't herself last night. She was beyond drunk, she had said no. Atleast she think she did, my god how could she let this happen. Kaitlyn reached Cute's bus, she fumbled with her keys as she opened the door, she quietly shut it to step up the stairs to see Shaant asleep at the table with the phone right in front of him, Fred asleep on the other booth seat of the table, Tom asleep on the floor, and Jeff barely hanging off the couch. She walked past them and into her bunk, she changed clothes, and made a mental note to burn those clothes. Kait then climbed into bed and fell asleep into a dreamless slumber.
Kaitlyn ignored the questions Tom, Fred, Jeff and Shaant had been throwing at her all through the morning, she didn't want to talk about Ronnie, last night or anything with anyone. She was wearing a white wife beater, and a pair of Cute's booty shorts and her comfy rainbow flipp flops. She grabbed a water bottle, set a blue trucker hat on her head and stalked off the bus with her aviator glasses shielding her eyes from the sun.
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Alex, Zack and Rian were out walking the grounds aimlessly when Alex heard his name being called. He turned around to see Ronnie Winter and some of his band standing around talking. ATL and TRJA weren't necessarily friends but they weren't enemies either. Alex and the two walked over to where Ronnie and the others were standing.
"Hey Ronnie." Alex greeted, and nodded towards the others.
"So why didn't you drop by the party last night?" Ronnie asked in Alex's direction.
"I don't know. I guess I was tired." he replied.
"Too bad there was a lot game there last night." Ronnie replied as he watched a girl go by.
"Really now?" Rian asked in a sarcastic tone, Alex smirked slightly.
"Yeah, but Ronnie was only interested in one girl now weren't you Ronnie?" Duke asked.
"Who was she?" Zack asked joining the conversation.
"Some merch girl." Ronnie replied nonchalantly.
"Ronnie got some!" Joey said in a taunting way.
"Look there she goes!" Elias yelled pointing towards a girl wearing a white wife beater, a pair of Cute's booty shorts, and a trucker hat with her hair up in a messy bun, aviator glasses adorning her face. She kind of looked familiar, but he didn't think much of it, there were ton of merch people on this tour, he could've easily seen her in passing.
"Excuse me boys, I've got business to take care of." Ronnie stated before excusing himself from the group and walking up to the girl who was now paying for her vitamin water.
"Watch, I bet you he'll get burned." Jon said as Ronnie tapped on the girls shoulder.
She turned around and her face dropped. She tried to walk away from him, but he stood in her way. They started talking, it seemed like they were kind of yelling at eachother. The guys started laughing at how things were going, but Alex didn't. It looked like Ronnie was getting really physical with her, he had grabbed her wrists pulling her close to him just as he kissed her. She was fighting him, the guys thought it was hilarious, but Alex didn't find it funny. She pushed away and yanked her wrists out of his hands. Pulling off her glasses as she wiped her mouth, revealing her entire face. Ronnie just grabbed her again.
"No way." came out of Alex's mouth.
"Oh shit." Rian and Zack both said.
Alex had already started walking over to Ronnie was, his fists clenched.
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"Let her go." someone said from behind Ronnie.
Ronnie loosened up his grip as he looked over his shoulder, "Not now Alex."
Alex?
"Ronnie I said let her go. You're hurting her." Alex's voice said, Kait couldn't see Alex from where she was standing.
"Alex just stay out of this, I can handle it." Kaitlyn managed to say.
"Yeah Alex, listen to her. I'll take care of her."
It was silent for awhile, Kaitlyn had thought Alex had walked away, but knew better because Ronnie was still facing his direction, next thing she knew Ronnie was face down on the floor.
"Next time you might listen to me." Alex said as he walked over to Kait, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine Alex." she said, but even she didn't believe herself.
"What the fuck Alex. She's just some girl." Ronnie said as he wiped at his lip which was now bleeding.
"She's not just some girl." Alex spat at him as he now stood in front of Kaitlyn.
"You two had a thing didn't you?" Ronnie spat.
Kaitlyn stayed silent, same with Alex.
"Let's go Kait." Alex said as he put his hand at the small of her back and started to guide her away from Ronnie.
"Then you'd know how good a fuck she is. Even if she's drunk as hell." Ronnie added.
Alex stopped walking, "Alex don't."
Alex walked a few steps as if he was going to let it go, but she guessed he couldn't help it as he went charging back at Ronnie tackling him to the floor.
"Oh my god!" Kaitlyn screamed as she watched them start to throw punches at eachother, she quickly ran towards them trying to pry Alex off Ronnie. Alex only pushed her away, hard at that, making her fall back onto her butt. Thankfully Rian, Zack and the rest of TRJA came running over pulling them away from eachother. The others were pulling Alex and Ronnie in different directions, but Ronnie had to open his mouth again.
"She moans like a slut, it didn't take much alcohol to get her trashed." he yelled at Alex but he was staring at Kaitlyn.
"You fucking stay away from her!" Alex yelled trying to get out of Rian and Zack's grasp.
"Go Alex!" Rian yelled as he pushed Alex towards Kaitlyn to keep walking away. Alex took a hold of her hand and dragged her off with him.
The alcohol had clearly gone to her head, out weighing her better judgement. She was phsyching herself up to confront Alex about the current situation. I know what most of you are thinking, drinking when pregnant? Not a good choice, but she didn't want anyone to realize what was going on with her. And almost all of tour knew she could never pass up a good party with drinks. Which brings us to the current situation. Kaitlyn outside of ATL's tour bus.
"Kaitlyn just walk up to that door, walk up those stairs and say it." she said in a hushed tone.
She sighed and stumbled towards the door grasping the handle and pulling it open. Cautiously Kait managed her way up the stairs, seeing no one. She just about turned around to leave the bus when she heard noise from the bunk area. Jack, Rian and Zack were still at the party when she left, meaning it must have been Alex in the bunk area.
She stumbled forward a bit, gaining her balance quickly and walking forward into the bunk area, "Alex I'm-"
But that was all she had managed to get out when she came face to face with Alex and the tour slut doing the nasty in his bunk, where she had just laid with him hours before.
"Kaitlyn! Let me explain!" he said quickly trying to get out of the bunk, he stumbled out of the bunk taking the sheet and wrapping it around his waist.
Kaitlyn's eyes swelled with tears, as she backed away from him as he reached out to touch her, "No, don't explain because I know what you'll say, recycled phrases and mixed-up words. All trying to cover up the taste of other girls all over your lips."
"But I love you Kait."
"You asshole."
The next morning Shaant was driving her to the airport, she was on the next flight out. Going home, to Buffalo, trying to forget all she knew of this so called Warped Tour. And the heartbreaker Alexander William Gaskarth.
"So Jimmy isn't your boyfriend back home, he's your kid?" Jack said more like asking himself rather than Kaitlyn.
"Right.." she answered not looking Jack in the eyes.
"Do you know who the dad is?" Jack managed to spit out.
"Well,...yeah." she said still avoiding making eye contact with Jack.
"Who?"
"Alex."
Jack was shocked, "Alex? Are you sure? I mean how can you know for sure?"
"Jack, you make it seem like I was a slut who was sleeping with every guy on tour."
"Well I don't know, just are you sure?"
"Jack, Alex was my first. And the only one at that. It couldn't have been anyone else." Kait whispered softly.
Jack couldn't manage to say anything, he had a ton to say but it wouldn't come out. He just wore the same face of shock.
"Nevermind, this was a huge mistake telling you." Kaitlyn stated before walking off quickly leaving Jack to still ponder what had gone on right then.
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Alex had spent the morning in the merch tent with Nano, he called her cellphone about every other hour, just to hear her voice even for just five seconds. That's all he needed. ATL's set was in an hour and Alex hadn't seen Jack all day, and Rian and Zack didn't seem to know where he was either. Not that it was something to really worry about, but right now Alex could use the comfort of his best friend.
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It's been one week exactly since Kaitlyn told Jack about Jimmy. And Jack had said nothing to her. Not a 'hey' 'hi' or anything of that sort. He kept his distance, Kait noticed however that he was talking with the boys of cute more often. But when he would see Kait walk out of the bus he would quickly walk away.
Just great Kaitlyn, you were starting to have something great with a guy who could've been the best thing that ever happened to you, and you had to spill your guts about being a mom. she thought to herself as she looked out to the grounds from underneath the shade of the Cute tent.
Thankfully Kaitlyn was fully protected from the Dallas sun from beaming down onto her skin. The last thing she wanted to deal with was a major sunburn on warped tour, it would be the worse. Currently Kaitlyn was resting in her lawn chair IMing Tom who was bragging about being in the air conditioned bus sipping on a nice cold monster. Stupid fag.
"And who is this?" a male voice that came from the front of the merch table.
Kaitlyn looked up to see a boy, maybe eighteen or nineteen. He had long brown hair that hung just a little below his shoulders. Thin and lanky was a way to describe him in Kaitlyn's eyes. It kinda reminded her of Jack and how small he was. But she quickly shook Jack from her mind. She stood up and walked over to him setting her sidekick down on the table.
"Can I help you?"
She knew he didn't want to buy anything laid out on the table.
"Yeah, you can. See it's my job to know all the names of the pretty girls working on this tour." he replied lifting his sunglasses to rest on top of his head, revealing his eyes traveling up and down her body.
"Well aren't you the charmer." with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
"I try my best."
"What's your name?" she asked verting her eyes out towards the people walking by.
"Ronnie, Ronnie Winter. Lead vocals from the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus."
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Everynight it seemed Alex was going to the partes being held by friends only to see if Kaitlyn would be there. But he knew she wouldn't be. Ten minutes after arriving at the party he'd be walking out of the party and headed towards the Cute bus, knowing Kaitlyn would be inside probably watching A Walk to Remember, for about the thousandth time. Alex could remember the days when Alex and Kait would be in the ATL bus watching that movie over and over again, he didn't really care for the movie, but she loved it. And if Kaitlyn loved something, Alex loved it too.
But tonight was going to be different. Before walking over to the Cute bus, he walked back to his bus and grabbed his acoustic guitar. Walking towards the Cute bus was an awkward walk, he passed other parties being held to recieve old looks from the party goers. He just kept his stride and walked past them adjusting the guitar on his shoulders. To get to the cute bus Alex would have to pass the party he had just walked out on. Hoping that no one would see him he tried to sneak past without being seen.
"Alex!"
Alex sighed, and turned to see Martin walking towards him with beer in hand.
"Dude why are you wearing your guitar? Are you that drunk? Dude tour's over for the day." Martin stated simply.
Alex could smell the alcohol coming out of his mouth, he reeked.
"I just gotta do something." Alex said before walking away from Martin and trying to get to his destination, Kaitlyn.
Alex stood in front of the Cute bus door, the lights were out, but through the shaded windows he could see the faint glow of the tv. She was either awake watching tv, or asleep on the couch, either way it would work. He adjusted his guitar once more, and started to strum away at his guitar.
I said I'd never forget your face
vaulted away inside my head
and memories never seem to fade
you were the best part of my life: my last regret
Now I've walked this line a thousand times before
it hurts too much to bear for you
I'd tear out my own heart
and write our names together
Your love is the barrel of a gun
so tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
And in the end we're turning on and off again
there's a look in your eye
And it's screaming goodbye
I'd hate to watch you cry
Your love is the barrel of a gun
so tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
there's a look in your eye and its screaming goodbye
now it tears me apart just to look at the sky
And id hate to watch you cry
I'd hate to watch you cry
Your love is the barrel of a gun
so tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
Alex had hoped that by doing this, she would come bounding off the bus and into his arms, and they could pick up where they had left off. But he knew his hopes of that were crushed as the bus stayed the same, door locked, the constant glow of the tv, nothing changed. And it seemed as if nothing ever would. Maybe it was really time to.. how he hated to even think about it..but maybe it was time to let go.
"Kaitlyn if you can hear me, just know I love you." Alex stated almost yelling, before walking away with his heart crushed, just as it had been for the past year. If he only knew that Kaitlyn had been listening the entire time, sitting at the bottom of the stairs leading out of the bus, her legs pulled up to her chest, her head laying on her knees as the silent tears fell from her eyes.
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Kaitlyn woke up the next morning in Jeff's bed where she had fell asleep with him after telling him about what had happened with Alex outside the bus. She hated to admitt it, and she wouldn't admitt it to anyone but her best friends, she missed Alex. And a part of her even wanted him back, but then all Kaitlyn would have to do is think about why he hadn't made it into her future, making her dismiss the thought.
Kaitlyn felt around the bunk, searching for Jeff's body, it was empty. He was probably up having breakfast or up with Shaant playing guitar hero. She turned to lay on her side as the bed shifted, cracking open her eyes she saw Jeff sitting there with a bowl of cereal in hand.
"Goodmorning sleeping beauty." Jeff said before stuffing a full spoon in his mouth.
"Mmmmmm. I want some." she said still half asleep.
"You won't like this kind." he said moving the bowl out of her reach.
"You better not be eating my cereal hoe." she said snapping wide awake.
"Oh I'm not.." he said getting off the bed and running into the living area.
"Jeff you are so dead. You know that's my cereal, you have your own!" she yelled as she chased after him.
"But yours tastes better!" he said running to hide behind a chair.
"Jeff it's the same damn cereal, but you have your box!"
"But mine's all gone." he said in a sad tone.
"And who's fault is that?"
"Yours." he replied and took off running into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.
"Dammit Jeff! Just remember I know where you live!" Kaitlyn yelled through the door as she banged on it.
"What the hell are you doing Kait?" Shaant asked as he poked his head out of his bunk.
"Jeff is eating my cereal." she pouted.
"Both of you need to grow the fuck up." he replied before returning to sleep.
Three hours later Kait was heading out of the Cute bus out to walk around the grounds before the gates opened and it would be total chaos for the rest of the day. Walking around she stopped at the Glamour Kills booth, Alex loved this stuff. I guess you could say that's why she never took an interest in buying any of it. She looked for awhile and decided that the clothes weren't that bad, but none the less she wouldn't be buying any of it any time soon.
She looked at her sidekick for the time, it read 10:54. She had six minutes to get to the Cute booth and have everything set up before the kids came rushing over. She considered it a miracle that she actually got everything set up before they opened the gates. Now she was already burned out. This heat filled days were slowly taking it's toll on her.
Shaant and Fred came walking over around one in the afternoon, they claimed she looked dreadful. She felt weak more like it, they sent her off to go eat and get hydrated. Kait ended up grabbing a cheeseburger and two water bottles before retreating to find somewhere in the shade to eat. Luckily she found an empty table under some shade that was calling her name. Within five minutes the only thing remaining from her food was the wrapper it came in, and one empty bottle of water. She twisted the cap off the bottle and started to chug it all when she realized someone was sitting next to her. It was Ronnie. He watched her drink the last of her water.
"Are you stalking me Mr. Winter?"
"Only if you want me to."
She laughed, "What can I help you with?"
"Well my bus is having a party tonight and I thought I'd invite a pretty girl like yourself." he said turning so that he was now looking at the side of her face.
"Um, I don't know. I'm trying to stay-"
"-away from the party scene. Yeah I know, but I thought you could make this an exception, just for me." he interrupted.
She turned to look at him, searching his face. She barely knew the guy, but she had barely known Alex, and the rest of her friends on tour last year too. She had made up her mind.
"For you."
"That's what I wanted to hear," he said as he stood up and pecked her on the cheek before walking off, dissappearing into the mob of people.
That night Kaitlyn dressed in a pair of dark wash skinny jean pants with twloha shirt, curled her hair which she never did, and put on a bit of make up, which she also refrained from doing. Because as Shaant had said since she was about eleven that she was was a natural beauty, and she didn't need to put on make up.
Before walking out into the bathroom she check her refelection in the mirror, she looked tired, she couldn't recognize the girl that was staring back at her. She had grown up so much since last year when she was doing this routine every night. She felt like she was the young Kaitlyn she used to know.
She tugged on her shirt and slid open the door and past the bunk area where Tom was laying, and out into the front of the bus where the rest of cute was sitting in their pajamas already. They had been talking when they saw Kait emerge from the bunk area with Tom walking behind her. They stopped mid sentence, well all of them except Shaant who had his back towards her.
"..and then he was like..what are you guys looking at?" he asked the last part as he turned to look at her.
"Woah.."
"What? Do I really look that bad?" she asked looking down at her outfit.
"No, it's just that you never get all dolled up anymore..you look good." Tom said from behind her whose eyes were currently glued to her bottom.
"Aye!" she stated as she pushed Tom.
He blushed, "Sorry."
"Well...I'll be back later." she said as she headed to the door grabbing her set of keys.
"Hey wait, where are you going? We all stayed in tonight to have our movie night with you, and now you're ditching us?" Jeff asked rising from his seat.
"Yeah, pretty much." she said as she hoped down the stairs.
"Well atleast tell us where you're going." Fred said.
"To a party."
"No shit sherlock, who's party?" Shaant added.
"A friend."
"Kaitlyn..." Shaant warned.
"Fine fine fine. This guy I met, Ronnie Winter. He's playing on warped, but I can't remember what band he said he was in though." she said shrugging her shoulders.
The boys all looked at eachother, and said at the exact same time, "You're not going."
"Before all of you go all Dadish on me, I'll be fine. He's a really nice guy. He's just a friend anyways."
"Kaitlyn do you realize those are the exact same words you used about Alex." Fed asked.
"Whatever, I'm going now."
"If you're not back by 11:45 I'm calling security." Shaant yelled after her.
Kaitlyn had been at the party for about two hours, and she was having a blast. She couldn't even remember how much going to parties was, she missed it, a lot. Three red cups later and Kaitlyn was passed having a slight buzz, she was beyond thrashed, it seemed that the whole not drinking thing had turned her quite into the light weight. Ronnie had been by her side all night.
"Glad you came?" he asked, he seemed sober still.
"Definitely, I miss being able to party." she said before taking a drink from her cup.
"How about we get out of here?" he asked taking her hand in his.
She nodded and he led her back to his bus. They ended up lying down in Ronnie's bunk, cuddling while making small talk, but that soon turned into something more. His lips briefly left her own trailing down her neck as he slipped her underwear down to her knees.
"Ronnie, I-I..We shouldn't be doing this." she slurred.
"Relax, no one needs to know." he assured her as he pulled his own boxers down.
"No, Ronnie please st-" she tried to say but all that ended coming out was a low moan that managed to escape from her lips.
The next morning Kaitlyn made sure to wake up before Ronnie did, and the rest of his band. She grabbed her clothes, quickly dressed and exited the bus hoping she didn't wake anyone. She wrapped her arms around her fragile body as she set out to her own bus, it was still dark outside, the night cool was still lingering. She walked past buses where parties had been held, beer cans all over. She soaked it all in, this was the part of partying she loathed, the morning after.
Kaitlyn felt used. She felt violated. She wasn't herself last night. She was beyond drunk, she had said no. Atleast she think she did, my god how could she let this happen. Kaitlyn reached Cute's bus, she fumbled with her keys as she opened the door, she quietly shut it to step up the stairs to see Shaant asleep at the table with the phone right in front of him, Fred asleep on the other booth seat of the table, Tom asleep on the floor, and Jeff barely hanging off the couch. She walked past them and into her bunk, she changed clothes, and made a mental note to burn those clothes. Kait then climbed into bed and fell asleep into a dreamless slumber.
Kaitlyn ignored the questions Tom, Fred, Jeff and Shaant had been throwing at her all through the morning, she didn't want to talk about Ronnie, last night or anything with anyone. She was wearing a white wife beater, and a pair of Cute's booty shorts and her comfy rainbow flipp flops. She grabbed a water bottle, set a blue trucker hat on her head and stalked off the bus with her aviator glasses shielding her eyes from the sun.
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Alex, Zack and Rian were out walking the grounds aimlessly when Alex heard his name being called. He turned around to see Ronnie Winter and some of his band standing around talking. ATL and TRJA weren't necessarily friends but they weren't enemies either. Alex and the two walked over to where Ronnie and the others were standing.
"Hey Ronnie." Alex greeted, and nodded towards the others.
"So why didn't you drop by the party last night?" Ronnie asked in Alex's direction.
"I don't know. I guess I was tired." he replied.
"Too bad there was a lot game there last night." Ronnie replied as he watched a girl go by.
"Really now?" Rian asked in a sarcastic tone, Alex smirked slightly.
"Yeah, but Ronnie was only interested in one girl now weren't you Ronnie?" Duke asked.
"Who was she?" Zack asked joining the conversation.
"Some merch girl." Ronnie replied nonchalantly.
"Ronnie got some!" Joey said in a taunting way.
"Look there she goes!" Elias yelled pointing towards a girl wearing a white wife beater, a pair of Cute's booty shorts, and a trucker hat with her hair up in a messy bun, aviator glasses adorning her face. She kind of looked familiar, but he didn't think much of it, there were ton of merch people on this tour, he could've easily seen her in passing.
"Excuse me boys, I've got business to take care of." Ronnie stated before excusing himself from the group and walking up to the girl who was now paying for her vitamin water.
"Watch, I bet you he'll get burned." Jon said as Ronnie tapped on the girls shoulder.
She turned around and her face dropped. She tried to walk away from him, but he stood in her way. They started talking, it seemed like they were kind of yelling at eachother. The guys started laughing at how things were going, but Alex didn't. It looked like Ronnie was getting really physical with her, he had grabbed her wrists pulling her close to him just as he kissed her. She was fighting him, the guys thought it was hilarious, but Alex didn't find it funny. She pushed away and yanked her wrists out of his hands. Pulling off her glasses as she wiped her mouth, revealing her entire face. Ronnie just grabbed her again.
"No way." came out of Alex's mouth.
"Oh shit." Rian and Zack both said.
Alex had already started walking over to Ronnie was, his fists clenched.
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"Let her go." someone said from behind Ronnie.
Ronnie loosened up his grip as he looked over his shoulder, "Not now Alex."
Alex?
"Ronnie I said let her go. You're hurting her." Alex's voice said, Kait couldn't see Alex from where she was standing.
"Alex just stay out of this, I can handle it." Kaitlyn managed to say.
"Yeah Alex, listen to her. I'll take care of her."
It was silent for awhile, Kaitlyn had thought Alex had walked away, but knew better because Ronnie was still facing his direction, next thing she knew Ronnie was face down on the floor.
"Next time you might listen to me." Alex said as he walked over to Kait, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine Alex." she said, but even she didn't believe herself.
"What the fuck Alex. She's just some girl." Ronnie said as he wiped at his lip which was now bleeding.
"She's not just some girl." Alex spat at him as he now stood in front of Kaitlyn.
"You two had a thing didn't you?" Ronnie spat.
Kaitlyn stayed silent, same with Alex.
"Let's go Kait." Alex said as he put his hand at the small of her back and started to guide her away from Ronnie.
"Then you'd know how good a fuck she is. Even if she's drunk as hell." Ronnie added.
Alex stopped walking, "Alex don't."
Alex walked a few steps as if he was going to let it go, but she guessed he couldn't help it as he went charging back at Ronnie tackling him to the floor.
"Oh my god!" Kaitlyn screamed as she watched them start to throw punches at eachother, she quickly ran towards them trying to pry Alex off Ronnie. Alex only pushed her away, hard at that, making her fall back onto her butt. Thankfully Rian, Zack and the rest of TRJA came running over pulling them away from eachother. The others were pulling Alex and Ronnie in different directions, but Ronnie had to open his mouth again.
"She moans like a slut, it didn't take much alcohol to get her trashed." he yelled at Alex but he was staring at Kaitlyn.
"You fucking stay away from her!" Alex yelled trying to get out of Rian and Zack's grasp.
"Go Alex!" Rian yelled as he pushed Alex towards Kaitlyn to keep walking away. Alex took a hold of her hand and dragged her off with him.
♠ ♠ ♠
alex owns my soul<3