The First Cut is the Deepest

"Jason?" I called out from behind the person. The person turned around and sadly, it was Jason. I couldn't believe it. It was Jason! What the fuck was he doing here in England?

"Nicole!" he exclaimed, his arms open for a hug. He took a few steps forward and I took a step back. "I missed you!" he said. I scrunched my nose up in disgust.

"Go away, Jason," I hissed at him as I walked closer to get to my room. He ignored that and continued speaking.

"Aren't you glad I came? Didn't you miss me too?" he pouted. Oh, don't be fooled. That was a fake pout.

"No, I'm not glad you’re here. And I didn't miss you, so fuck off!" I hissed again.

"Ah, don't be like that. You know you missed me." He stepped closer to me.

"No. I'm pretty sure I didn't miss you," I said as I took a step back. Before I knew it, he took two long strides to me. I couldn't even step back. "Jason, go awa-" I was cut short. By his lips. The second his lips touched mine, I felt disgust rush through me and I pushed him back harshly. "Get the fuck away from me!" I yelled as I smacked him hard across his face. His head whipped to the side from the impact.

"That was harsh, don't you think?" he muttered, not facing me.

"Yeah, so was when you lied to me for two whole months," I spat at him. I turned away from him and walked to my room door. I was stopped short though when I was pulled back by my arm. "What the fu-" I started as Jason leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"Watch it," he said harshly. "You shouldn't cuss so much. And be nice to me or else you want your dirty little secret leaked out," he threatened. I felt his hand trail down my arm to my wrist. I winced as his fingers glided over my wristband.

"You wouldn't dare," I replied, removing my wrist from his light grasp.

"You know what I'm capable of." I sent him a death glare and he just smirked at me.

"Fuck you, Jason. Fuck you!" I told him off before I stormed off into my room.

As I shut the door behind me, I couldn't help myself as I slid down the door and cried. I was definitely not expecting that. Not at all.

After about five minutes of crying to myself, I slowly stood up and made my way to the bathroom. I had to clean up my face before Will came back from rugby tryouts. I looked in the mirror and I honestly looked like shit. My mascara was smeared and my eyeliner was everywhere. I laughed in pity at the way I looked right now. I scrubbed furiously as I washed my face of makeup and my lips of the horrid taste that Jason left behind.

Just as I finished washing my face, I heard the door open. I wiped my face on my towel and walked out of the bathroom. And guess who was in my room? That asshole Jason was standing right next to Will.

"He said he knew you," Will said as he entered the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle.

"That doesn't mean you can just let him in here!" I yelled angrily to Will. I turned to Jason. "Get the fuck out of my room, or so help me, I will kill you myself!" I said with so much hatred in my voice that it almost scared me. Almost.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Will said as he set his water bottle down on the counter, coming closer to the both of us, both of his hands raised up in defense. "What just happened? I thought he was your friend."

"He's far from my friend," I said. I didn't care if Jason just threatened me. He could tell the whole damn world about my cutting and I still wouldn't be nice to him.

"I'm her boyfriend," Jason said with a grin. I gritted my teeth as soon as those words left his mouth.

"Ex-boyfriend, you asshole," I spat as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Ohh..." Will said in understanding. "I should probably leave then..." he said as he started to back up to the door.

"No, you don't have to leave. This is your room too. You can stay. But he has to go," I said, pointing to Jason. "He isn't welcome."

"Oh, come on. Let's talk about this," Jason pleaded.

"There's nothing to talk about. Now, leave," I said sternly.

"Can't you talk to her?" Jason asked Will. I scoffed at his question.

"Sorry, mate, but I can't help you there. If she says you're not welcome, you're not welcome. It's just the way it goes," Will said with a shrug. I looked at him in shock. Was he actually on my side?

"Dude, you can't possibly be on her side, can you?" Jason asked incredulously.

Yeah, right. Can you?

I thought to myself.

"There are a lot of things we disagree on, but I'm on her side with this one, mate. No changing that fact. I have to live with her. If you stay any longer, I'm probably gonna have to sleep with one eye open. So I suggest you leave now, before I have to force you out myself," Will finished. My jaw dropped at that. Go Will! I looked at Jason and he had a look of defeat on his face.

"Nicole, this isn't over. We will talk about this," he said as he left the room.

"Over my dead body," I muttered to myself. I turned to Will. "That was really surprising. I never would have thought that you would be on my side."

"Don't get your hopes up. He seemed like a prick, so I didn't want him in here. I don't want a prick in my room," he defended himself.

Right. You don't want a prick in your room. Have you looked in the mirror recently, William?

I thought sarcastically as he walked away into the restroom. As soon as the bathroom door closed, I had my phone out and was already calling Erin.

"Hello?" I heard her say from the other side.

"What the fuck just happened?!" I asked into the phone as I flopped onto my bed.

"What? Wait, what happened?" she asked.

"Jason is here! In England! Right now!" I clarified.

"Wait, what?!" she screeched into the phone.

"Yeah!" I exclaimed. "Did you know?"

"I had no idea. Except..." she trailed off.

"Except what?"

"I heard he left the school so he could stay and study with some family out of the country," she explained.

"That asshole," I muttered.

"There's more." I could hear the hesitance in her voice.

"What can get worse than this?" I asked to no particular person as I sat up in my bed.

"It does get worse," she said. I waited as she paused before telling me. "Tracy went with him."

I had to replay what she said three times over before I finally realized what she really said. "Ah, fuck..." I muttered as I held my head in my hands. I was quiet for a few seconds, thinking things over. "You're absolutely positive that Tracy went with Jason?" I asked once I could speak again. I stood up from my bed and started to pace the room.

"I'm pretty sure she did. She made a whole fuss about it at school. She was telling off all the teachers at school and everyone else she didn't like, telling them that she didn't need to take their shit anymore, because she was leaving them all behind to go out of the country and live a better life. Blah, blah, blah..."

"Oh gosh..." I flopped onto my bed again. "But I thought that they broke up?"

"I don't know. Maybe they got back together then."

"Ugh. What was the point of ever leaving California if all my problems were just going to follow me here all the way to England?!" I yelled out.

"Shh!" I heard Will say from the bathroom door. I glared at him and flicked him off.

"Fuck you, asshole!" I said.

"Someone is on their menstrual cycle..." Will muttered to himself as he walked to his dresser.

"Who are you talking to?" Erin asked.

"Will. He's being an asshole, as always." I glanced at him and this time, he flicked me off. "Anyways, what am I supposed to do? I can't just pick up all my things and leave."

"Please do," Will muttered. I glared at him again before continuing.

"I've already done that once. I can't do it again," I said before I sighed into the phone. "Well, I guess I'll talk to you later. I'll figure out what to do."

"You sure?" Erin asked me.

"I'm sure," I replied.

"Good luck."

"Thanks. I'm gonna need it. Alright, bye."

"Bye," she replied as we both hung up. I sighed as I dropped my phone onto my bed next to me.

"So are you leaving or not?" I heard Will ask me. I sat up and looked at him as he sat on his bed.

"Ha-ha," I laughed dryly. "Very funny. Screw you." I got up and walked to the kitchen. I reached for the ice cream in the freezer.

"Are you seriously going to eat all that?" Will asked me incredulously. I looked down at the big container of ice cream in my hand. I shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe. If I have to," I said as I grabbed a spoon and made my way to my bed.

"You're a fat arse."

"And you're a jackass. It evens out," I replied. I opened the ice cream container and started eating straight out of it. I know it didn't sound good, but other than cutting, food was my comfort.

"What's the deal with him anyways?" Will asked me.

"Who?" I asked him, my mouth full of ice cream. He looked at me in disgust.

"That Jason guy."

"Oh." I swallowed the ice cream before I replied. "Just a bad break-up. You know, the usual."

"The usual?"

"Uh, yeah," I replied awkwardly. I couldn't possibly tell him that most of my relationships ended badly. He would make fun of me until the end of time.

"Hmm," he hummed.

"Hey, quick question," I said.

"What?" he asked as he laid down on his bed, his hands behind his head.

"How long have you and Annabella been together?" I asked. Thinking about my past relationships made me think about his relationship with Annabella. I mean, they seemed like a pretty solid couple.

"Um," he started. His eyes were closed, but I could tell he was thinking about it, because his eyebrows were furrowed. "Since year nine," he finally replied. I was right. They did seem like a solid couple and it made me a little jealous of them. How could someone as arrogant and douchey as Will have one of the most perfect relationships I have ever seen while I always ended up with the worst relationships in the history of ever? After thinking about Will and Annabella's relationship, it made me even more depressed, so I continued to shove ice cream into my mouth.

"Oh wow. That's a long time considering we're in year twelve now," I said with a mouthful of ice cream.

"Yeah," he said. I didn't reply to him and instead just looked at him. I didn't remember the last time I could really just look at him instead of glaring at him. And like I've said a bunch of times before, he was really attractive. I pursed my lips before looking away from him. Good thing his eyes were still closed or that would have been really awkward.

I thought about Jason and that same scene kept playing over and over in my head when I found out he was cheating on me. The way his lips were on Tracy's when they were supposed to be on mine. How he was supposed to be mine, not Tracy's. And the more I thought about it, the angrier and more pissed off I got. I even got a little sad about it. It was pathetic really. I really shouldn't have been thinking about it. There was no need to. This was a long time ago. This happened over a month ago. I should have been completely over it. Then again, I was also hoping I would never see him again.

I sighed as I got up and put the ice cream back. I realized that I almost ate half of it. That was a lot of ice cream.

"Gosh, I'm gonna regret this," I said to myself about the ice cream.

"One day, all that ice cream and junk food you eat is gonna bite you in the arse. Or should I say, it's going straight to your arse?" Will asked and I glared at him.

"Looks aren't everything," I said. "I mean, come on. Have you looked in the mirror? You somehow made it this far in life. And you're ugly. So if you, the ugly one of us two, can made it this far in life, I'm pretty sure I can manage," I said with dignity as I walked back to my bed. I just sprouted so much bullshit right there, it even surprised me. Seriously, out of the two of us, Will was totally the prettier one, hands down. He scoffed.

"Yeah, o-kay..." he said sarcastically. I had a feeling he knew what my real thoughts about that were.


The following Monday after breakfast, both Will and I made our way to the school building.

"So, uh, Will," I started awkwardly as we walked into the elevator. He pressed the down button and the door closed. "About Jason," I started.

"Yeah, what about him?" he asked me. I played with the straps on my bag.

"Are you gonna help me get rid of him?" I asked him hopefully.

"What are you talking about? That's your problem," he said as the elevator stopped at the floor above ours, the sixth floor. "We're picking up Ann and Sara. Hold the lift open," he simply said as he walked out and knocked on both Sara's and Annabella's door. I stared at him, my mouth agape.

"You little asshole..." I muttered to myself. "And to think, I thought you were on my side..." Will turned back to face the elevator as he waited for their doors to open. I stared him straight in the eyes as I reached out my arm and pressed the close button. I saw his eyes widen as the metal doors slowly began to close. From all the way down the hall, he ran towards me. I smiled at him sweetly right at the moment when he reached the doors and I watched as the elevator doors closed on him. "Hah!" I yelled once the doors were closed. I crossed my arms over my chest in annoyance.

The elevator finally stopped at the ground level and my annoyance just increased as the first person I saw was Jason.

What. The. Fuck?

I thought to myself.

"Just the person I wanted to see," he said as he opened his arms wide open for a hug. I didn't have time for this. I walked out of the elevator and instead of giving him a damn hug, I kneed him square in the balls. He let out an 'oomfph' sound as he fell to the ground in agony. Doing that made me feel slightly better.

"Everyone's a fucking asshole..." I muttered as I walked away. "Jeez. Is everyone out to piss me off?" I kept muttering to myself as I walked to my first period class in annoyance.