The First Cut is the Deepest

After thinking all those thoughts last night, I couldn't help but think those thoughts today as well. All during first period, I couldn't help but stare at Will. Yeah, I know, it was starting to become a habit. Like I could help it though! Every time I'd look away to focus on something else, my eyes would just magically drift back over to Will. It wasn't my fault!

By the time lunch came around, I was practically pulling my own hair out thinking about everything. There was no way in hell I could like Will like that. Nope. No, siree. It was not possible. First off, he had a gorgeous girlfriend. Secondly, I was pretty content by myself right now. And thirdly, he hated me! So, of course, it wasn't possible. Plus, it would never happen and even if it did, it wouldn't work out. It just wouldn't. Our personalities would just clash on every level. We didn't match up. If anything, his personality fit perfectly with Annabella and mine fit perfectly with... Chris.

I widened my eyes at my own realization. I still had to worry about Chris! I ruffled my hair and as I repeatedly hit my forehead against the lunch table in front of me. I stopped after a few hits when I felt a hand come between my forehead and the hard surface of the table. I looked up and saw Will there with Chris and Annabella on either side of him. I looked up at Will and trailed my eyes all the way down to his hand that stopped me.

"Why'd you stop me?" I questioned.

"I may hate you, but I'm hungry. And I don't want your blood all over the table while I'm eating," Will explained as he wiped the back of his hand on his school pants. I cracked a sarcastic smile at him.

"Sorry," I muttered as I rolled my eyes.

"Why are you so down, Nicole?" Chris asked me. I shrugged.

"Just pondering the many wonders of the world. You know, the usual," I said as I shrugged again. He laughed as he sat next to me while Will and Annabella sat across from us. "Where's James and Sara?" I asked.

"Don't even bother asking," Annabella said. "They're probably off by themselves in one of their rooms or something."

"I think that's my doing," I said shyly.

"You set them up?!" Annabella said in shock. I jumped at the suddenness of the question.

"Uh, yeah..."

"How'd you know they were even interested in each other?" she asked.

"Um, it was pretty easy actually. They kept giving each other the googly eyes and crap. It was completely obvious. Didn't you guys notice?" I asked. They all shook their heads. "Huh... I guess I was the only one who noticed then..." I muttered.

Jeez... Oblivious much?

I thought as I started to eat my lunch that was currently just sitting there ever since I started hitting my head against the table. "Did you take your pills?" Will asked right as I stuffed a bunch of food in my mouth. Without even bothering to try to have manners, I answered him with my mouth full of food.

"You make me sound crazy..."

"You are," Will said. "And you look even more ugly than usual right now with all that food in your mouth." I watched as Annabella smacked him on the arm. "Well, she does..." he said as if that was going to help defend him.

"If you really want to know, then yes. I took them this morning," I replied. Will nodded as he ate some of his food. I thought it was kind of sweet he worried about that. Yeah, sure, he insulted me right after asking, but I think that was just so it seemed he didn't care about me. When it was plainly obvious he did care about me, even if it was a little bit.

"So why do you have to take pills again? Will didn't quite explain everything to me," Annabella asked.

"I have iron-deficiency anemia, which means I'm anemic due to a low count of iron in my body," I explained. She nodded.

"Oh, I see. That must be terrible," she said as she ate her food. I shrugged.

"It's alright, I guess," I replied before I stuffed more food into my mouth.





As I watched the yankee crammed more food into her mouth, I couldn't help but look at her in disgust.

How could she stuff her face so much and still expect to have friends after that?

I shook my head as I ate my own food. You know what was the absurd thing though? I couldn't help looking at her eat. It was like watching Chris eat a worm when we were kids. It was gross, but extremely fascinating to watch. While I was staring at the yankee, she caught me looking at her.

"Sir, it's a bit creepy when you stare," she said. And, of course, food was flying everywhere from her mouth.

"Well, sir, you should have more manners when you eat around other people," I replied. She scoffed.

"Psh! You're all my friends. It's about time you saw how I really ate," she replied.

"I don't think anyone should see how you really eat," I retorted. "And you consider me your friend? How degrading..." I muttered. She glared at me as Ann smacked me in the arm again.

"Be nice," Ann whispered to me.

"What? I'm saying what I think. I can't be honest now? What do you expect from me?" I said as she rolled her eyes. As I continued to stare at the yankee, Ann leaned towards me to whisper again.

"Could you do me a favor?" she whispered.

"Sure. What, babe?" I asked as I turned my attention onto her now.

"Could you quit staring at her? It's making me uncomfortable..." she muttered. I looked at her in confusion. Why would me staring at the yankee make her uncomfortable? I glanced back at the yankee and back at Ann. Then I realized why it made her so uncomfortable. The look I was giving the yankee probably made it look like I fancied her or something. Oh, gosh no. That was absolutely absurd!

"Ann, it's really not what you think," I started while I leaned close to her. "You know how much I hate her. I would never, ever like her that way. I was just staring, because... just look at her! The way she eats is disgusting! I couldn't help, but stare. Okay?" I asked as I tried to reassure her. She slowly nodded at me. "Okay then," I grabbed the top of her head and kissed her forehead.

"I love you," Ann said when I pulled away. I smiled at her.

"I love you too," I replied.





Up until lunch that day, I never knew Will was actually capable of love. I never expected that. He was so cold to me, so I just figured he was cold to everyone. Apparently, that wasn't true though since I heard him say I love you to Annabella earlier today. I mean, I knew that they've been together for years now and of course eventually he'd say he'd love her, but it just never really occurred to me before. By now, I was in my dorm room for about ten minutes after school and I was still thinking about what I heard at lunch time. It was just so weird to hear those words come out of his mouth.

I instantly stopped thinking about it though as I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. "Ahh!" I gasped out as I clutched my stomach. I remembered this pain. I struggled to get to the bathroom. I'd rather pass out from the pain in the comfort of the bathroom where Will couldn't see me than sprawled out on the floor in the middle of the room.

I got into the bathroom and tried to shut the door behind me. I didn't even bother to check if I really closed the door as I felt another sharp stab in my stomach. I gasped again and fell to my knees. I leaned my back against the sink cabinet and pulled my knees up to my chest, hoping that would help the pain pass quicker. Sharper pains kept hitting me and eventually, I ended up going into fetal position on the floor.

I faintly heard the room door open and then close shortly after. I figured it was Will, but I didn't really care at the moment. All I really cared for right now was for the pain to stop. I let out a groan of pain. I heard a knock on the bathroom door before it was gently pushed open.

"Are you okay in there?" Will's familiar voice said before he saw me. His eyes widened in shock.

"I-i'm... fine..." I struggled to say.

"You're obviously not fine! I'll go get some help!" he said as he turned away.

"Please don't!" I exclaimed. I winced at the pain. "Please... don't tell anyone this..." I muttered as he turned around and walked back into my view.

"Are you sure? You look like you're dying..." he trailed off. I smiled weakly at him.

"Really, I'm fine. But... a water would be," I stopped as I inhaled deeply while another wave of pain came. "nice..." I finally finished when I could speak again. Before I knew it, Will was back with a bottled water in his hand. He bent down next to me as he opened the bottle and offered it to me. I didn't have enough strength to grab it from him though. Before I could ask him for help, Will leaned against the sink cabinet and helped me sit up. He leaned my back against his chest and held the water bottle to my lips and helped me drink. When I pulled my head away to signal I was done drinking, he pulled the bottle away from me and set it down next to us.

"What's wrong with you?" Will asked me. He didn't seem angry. It sounded like he was genuinely concerned and wanted to know. I took a deep breath before I answered.

"It's called epigastric abdominal discomfort," I said.

"And you have it because...?"

"It's a side effect of the iron supplements."

"Is it always this bad?" he asked as I shifted myself into a better position in his arms.

"Not usually," I said as I inhaled again when I got another stab in my side. "It's only really bad right now, because I've started retaking the iron supplements. But even normally though, it hurts still. On any other person, I bet it wouldn't hurt this much. I'm such weak sauce..." I muttered. I felt Will's chest rumble with a chuckle. Right as I was about to tell him I was fine, a huge wave of pain overcame me. I groaned loudly and writhed in his arms. He held me tight against him as I tried to crawl into a ball in his arms.

"Shh..." he murmured in my ear as he wiped sweat and matted hair away from my forehead with his hand. His other hand was around my waist to keep me in place. "Shh... shh..." he continued to murmur. "You're fine... You're gonna be okay... It'll pass... Shh... It's okay, it’s okay..." he chanted in my ear. I could feel his lips on the outer shell of my ear. And I couldn't help but shiver at the slight touch. To be honest, I kind of liked it. The words he spoke, the way his lips touched my ear, the way his warm arms and hands wrapped around my body felt, I liked it all. It helped calm me and distracted me from the pain.

Right as I was calming down from the huge wave, I felt his arms loosen around me. I stopped him by gripping his forearm and wrapping it around me again. I placed his large hand over my stomach. "Your warm hand feels good on my stomach. It's making me feel better. So don't go..." I drifted off as I moaned. I felt him gulp as he settled down and stayed.

As I thought about what I just said, I couldn't help but mentally slap myself in the face. Did I just say that to him? To William effing Harper?

At the moment though, I really couldn’t give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, I know. I was probably going to regret it so much tomorrow or maybe even sooner, but I didn't care right now. Nor did I care that I was between Will's straddled legs. Or that his arms were wrapped around me tightly. Or that I was clutching onto to him like it was the end of the world. Or that his warm chest that was pressed closely to my back and his warm hand on my stomach felt amazing. Or that his lips were constantly on me, whispering things into my ear to calm me down. Or the fact that while all of this was happening, I didn't want any of it end. Yeah, I wanted the pain to end, but not this moment that Will and I were having. This moment, I didn't want it to go away. Not now, not ever. And you know what's scarier than both our reactions when this was going to be over? The fact that I was starting to get those stupid butterflies and goose bumps with the way he was touching me.

After what seemed like forever, I felt the pain in my stomach slowly start to subside. I didn't bother to move Will's hand off my stomach though or move away from him. Instead, I moved my body closer to his. And to my surprise, he didn't pull away. After a few seconds, he held me closer to his body. I felt my eyelids start to droop. I figured I was tired from that whole ordeal. As I drifted off to sleep, I had Will's scent and the warmth of his body to send me off into my dreams.





What the fuck am I doing right now?!

I thought as I looked down at my arms. It's been about ten minutes since the yankee fell asleep in my arms. And you know what I still haven't done yet? I haven't let her go. I haven't even loosened my grip on her. I don't know what came over me in the first place. I just felt like I needed to help her. She looked like she was in so much pain. I couldn't just ignore her. Damn me for being such a nice person.

I sighed as another minute passed and I still hadn't moved. As I held the yankee in my arms, I realized this was the first time I had held another girl in my arms like this for a long time since I've gotten together with Ann. It felt weird, to be honest. Another girl was in my arms instead of my own girlfriend. She would be so pissed if she found out about this. She was already worried earlier today at lunch. This would just make her worry some more. There was nothing to worry about though. Never in my life would I even like this yankee. I was only still here because she was hurting, so I was here to comfort her. I sighed again as the yankee shifted in my arms. And then she did something that nearly threw me overboard.

She moaned. Not like a creepy moan or ugly moan. It was, to be fairly honest, it sounded like a sensual moan, if I could say so myself. And damn, it was pretty hot to hear it. As I thought back to the previous moans she was making while she was in pain, I realized they all sounded like sensual moans or something along those lines. And the more I kept thinking about it, the more my face flushed and the more it felt like I was gonna bust.

"Oh God, no..." I muttered in horror. "I'm like a fucking sadist or something!" I whispered to myself angrily.

I can not get a stiffy now!

I gulped as I tried to shift myself away from the yankee. As soon as I moved even a little bit though, she pressed herself closer to me.

"Gah!" I exclaimed as I threw my head back into the sink cabinet. "Oww..." I muttered while I rubbed my head with my free hand that wasn't currently on the yankee's stomach. "I must be going mental..." I thought I was going to start to regret this tomorrow, but I was starting to regret this now. I shouldn't have been a nice guy. I should have just left as soon as I heard her moan. Then I wouldn't be in this awkward situation right now. After a good minute or two, I finally decided to move her. I loosened my grip on her and gently laid her down the floor. I stretched my arms before I looked at her and then down at my crotch. "Calm down, buddy. She isn't what you want. She isn't even hot," I said as I tried to make my barely there stiffy go away. After a few minutes, I finally calmed myself down.

I glanced at the yankee again. I couldn't just leave her there on the floor though. I heaved myself up from the floor and then picked up the yankee bridal style and set her in her bed. After I did that, I sighed to myself. I glanced back down at the yankee and gulped. Her skirt was even shorter when she was laying down in it. I took a deep breath and turned away from her. I quickly grabbed my key card and left the room.

This never happened!

I thought to myself as I tried to burn that memory of what had just occured.





I opened my eyes and looked up at the high white ceiling of my dorm room. Last I remembered, I was in the bathroom. With Will.

I instantly shot up in my bed and looked around the room. I was completely alone. I sighed and flopped back onto my bed. I glanced at the clock on my bedside table. It was a little more than three hours since the little incident in the bathroom. I rested my forearm against my forehead as I thought things through.

"What the fuck did I just do?" I murmured to myself as I drifted back to sleep.



It had been two days since I last spoke to Will. We haven't really spoken ever since that incident in the bathroom. And neither one of us has even bothered to try to speak to each other. There was just too much tension between us. It was too awkward. I still couldn't believe I did that. I still couldn't believe he did that. We couldn't even make eye contact with each other for more than two seconds before we both turned away. And to avoid that, I just didn't look him the eyes. To be safe, I didn't look at him at all. It was just too weird to do so.

Then eventually, I realized I had to talk to Will again sometime. So when after school came around and we were both were in our dorm room, I faced him and looked him in the eyes. His eyes widened in shock as well as mine.

Never mind! I can't do it! I can never talk to Will again!

I quickly turned away and rushed into the bathroom without even saying a word.

You're a dumbass, Nicole Greene. A socially awkward dumbass.

I thought as I slapped myself in the forehead. I slowly removed my hand from my face and glanced at the floor. This was exactly where the awkward incident happened. I grunted in annoyance.

Why would I say and do such things to him? Am I fucking brain dead?!

As I continued to stare at the floor, I came to realize that if this had happened with any other guy, I probably wouldn't be as freaked out as much. If anything, I would try to clear the air as soon as possible and just brush it off as nothing. What changed? Why was I so worked up now? Was it because of what I said or did? Or was it because I said or did those things to Will? Why would he be such a big factor in this mess? I took a deep breath as I mentally prepared myself.

"You can do it!" I whispered to myself, my right hand in a fist. I took another deep breath and quickly opened the door. I instantly regretted it though, because Will was standing near his bed, his back facing me and his shirt off. I tried to hide my loud squeal as I shut myself back in the bathroom. I covered my mouth with my hand as I calmed my breathing. "He's fucking toned in his back as well..." I muttered quietly, somewhat in anger and somewhat in awe. I lost my train of thought for a few seconds there. I mentally prepared myself again. "He better have a shirt on this time..." I said to myself as I slowly opened the door. Will was now lying down on his bed with a shirt and pajama pants on with a book in his hands. Oh, thank goodness... "Okay, Will," I started as I finally broke the silence. He seemed startled that I spoke because he jumped slightly.

"W-what...?" he asked. He seemed scared to ask.

"Let's just get this over with. I'm sorry about what happened two days ago. It was the pain that came over me. I didn't mean to make this awkward or anything. It just happened. I really appreciate what you did for me then, but I don't want that incident to make it weird between us. So let's just forget it ever happened? Wipe it from our memories, okay?" I finally finished. I waited a few seconds for him to reply.

"Okay..." he said slowly.

"Okay," I repeated. "It's settled. It's over. It's gone from our minds. It's a clean slate!" I was just blabbering now.

"Should we make it official or something? Like shake on it or something?" Will asked. I thought about it and slowly nodded.

"Yeah, I guess so," I said. Will got up from his bed, setting his book down, and stood before me. I've said this so many times before, but damn. He was tall. I instinctively took a step back from him as he towered over me. He held out his right hand for me to shake. I reached my hand out to his and we shook hands.

And right at that moment, right when I felt his warm hand on my own, I instantly remembered that time in the bathroom. The very memory we were shaking on to forget. I couldn't help it though as those thoughts and feelings flooded through me. Even if we decided to forget that moment, I just couldn't. I couldn't remember the last I was held by a guy like that and it was starting to scare me on how much I liked it.

I wasn't starting to have feelings for Will, right? Right?

I quickly let go of his hand as soon as that thought passed through my head. I must be going crazy to even think that. I quickly brushed past him and headed towards my bed.

"It's over then!" I exclaimed, sitting on my bed.

"Yeah..." Will replied as he laid back down on his bed and continued to read his book.

It was great to have all that tension off our shoulders. As soon as that tension was released though, I realized that another type of tension was put on my shoulders. The burden being, did I like Will or not?